Bastien Queensbury (queensbury) wrote in changedrpg, @ 2011-11-08 19:46:00 |
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Entry tags: | !date: 1997 - october, bastien queensbury, regulus black |
Who: Bastien and Regulus
When: Backdated to.. .the beginning of October? Ugh. Forgot to post.
Where: Regulus’ cottage at Bastien’s B&B
What: Developing feelings? Confusing Bastien.
Rating: NC-17
Warning: D/s
Open/Closed: Closed
You are mine, the note had said. Just words in a journal, but somehow it was what Bastien had wanted to hear even as he’d been thinking he wanted perspective. Wanted a night away to be away and think things over.
He didn’t much feel like thinking now.
Instead of answering the writing, he put down his journal and dressed again - just jeans and a buttoned shirt because he really didn’t anticipate the clothes staying on. He checked on his mother before he went, but the potions that Black had made had her sedated, and that was what he needed. What he thought was probably best for them both.
Five minutes later, he was at the Orchid Cottage door, knocking.
Regulus had to admit that when the knock came, he was not actually expecting it. It didn’t displease him at all, but he imagined that Bastien’s planned outing had been, in part, to get away from Regulus or sort out his feelings over what was going on between the two of them. Bastien had, he had noticed, a tendency to over think things.
He answered the door, arching a brow at Bastien, reaching out to slide a hand to the back of his neck and tug him inside. “Come to argue the point, or accept it?”
“Accept it,” Bastien said, not really aware he’d be so quick to accept it. It didn’t matter, though. He stepped through the door and let it close behind himself, and then on impulse he was stepping in against Regulus, kissing him without being asked or told... without it being offered, either.
“Good boy,” he purred softly. Regulus found he didn’t mind. It was a marked improvement on overthinking things. He slid his hand into Bastien’s hair, tugging his head back as he bent over him and kissed him back, growling faintly in the back of his throat. He was fast becoming addicted to the taste and feel of Bastien against him.
Bastien wasn’t sure what it was that made him do it. The last two times he’d been here.. it had been all about Black’s choices. Which was what he needed. What he still needed, and what he wanted when he came to this. But there was something... he’d wanted to leave. To run to London and give himself time to think. But a part of him for some reason wanted Black to know that he also wanted to stay.
He pulled back from the kiss after a moment, watching Black’s face to see if he’d crossed a line.
Regulus didn’t seem at all perturbed by Bastien taking that small liberty. A slow smile crossed his lips. “This is a pleasant surprise, pet. I didn’t want to presume, but I had hoped you would come see me before you left. With my permission,” he taunted softly, pleased still that Bastien had finally asked.
Bastien’s lips pursed, eyes canting to the floor. “I shouldn’t feel...” he started, but then knew that Black would say he should, and so he stopped. The problem was, before when he’d given himself over, it had never lasted. He’d gone home and reclaimed his life. Gone back when he wanted to forget himself again.
His Mistress had never been in the next blood room, so to speak.
“I tell you what you shouldn’t, pet, so unless I’ve put a sudden order on you not feeling things, then, yes, you should. In fact, I prefer to know what you are feeling, so feel free to share,” Regulus said, making it more of a command then a suggestion, despite the wording.
Bastien looked at Black for a moment, and then sighed, stepping back from him and pulling away, moving to sit in one of the chairs by the small table in the front room of the cottage, instead. “This isn’t something I’m used to.” He said, and then rolled his eyes. “I don’t mean that you’re a man, you already know I wasn’t used to that. That... doesn’t actually bother me as much as your.... “ he thought of how to put it and settled on, “Proximity. I’m not sure what to do with it.”
Yes. He overthought things. He had to.
“Hmmm. I’m not sure you’re meant to do anything about it. It simply is. It will continue to be so, until one or both of us is no longer pleased with the arrangement. It’s not something to be picked apart or analyzed, my pet. It is. You’re mine. You belong to me. You, with expected exceptions due to circumstances, exist to please me, and you do it very well.” He moved to lean against the side of the chair, fingers sliding idly through Bastien’s hair. He liked him nearby, easy to touch. “The entire point of this, lamb, is that I take care of you, so you don’t have to worry. You hand it over to me, and I make it alright. Simplified, perhaps, but essentially true.”
Bastien smirked at that, but it was a soft sort of smirk that really said he’d much rather believe that was possible, but didn’t actually. “Two nights, and I’m meant to entrust you to fill in the gaps and shore up the defenses, eh?” he said, but it wans’t biting even if he’d meant it to be. He knew Black would do just that, or would try to. Control in this cottage he could give up. Wanted to give up. Control in the rest of his life wasn’t quite as easy.
Regulus kept petting him slowly, as much for himself as for Bastien’s reassurance. “I said it was simple, not easy. Trust goes both ways, my precious one. You have to trust that I will take care of you, help you, protect you, meet all your needs, and I have to trust that I will do so well enough that you have no reason to fear me or betray me to those who would willingly reward you for my whereabouts. Thus far, it is working out quite beautifully for both of us.” His fingertips slid along the back of Bastien’s neck, looking thoughtful. “Perhaps you need something more solid to remind you of this when you’re not inside my cottage,” he mused.
“My cottage,” Bastien pointed out, and then corrected himself to change that to, “My mother’s cottage, come to that. And that’s precisely the reason...” He stopped and closed his eyes, clenching them tight and then standing up. “This was a bad idea.” But he didn’t sound like he wanted to believe that. “There’s too much to consider....”
“Sit down,” Regulus, said, his voice going from soft and husky to edged steel just like a switch. “Do you think I don’t take it all into consideration? Perhaps I have lived this long only by chance, rather then design. I take everything into consideration. Your mother, your needs, the risk? You think I haven’t already checked and strengthened the wards around this place? You imagine it’s coincidence that I have extra potions to assist in helping your mother? You think, perhaps, I’m not unaware that your trip into London is some attempt for you to get some breathing space. From me. From your burdens. You think I would have allowed it out of a whim?” His voice was whip-sharp, and he stepped in front of Bastien, fingers catching his chin to make Bastien look at him. “You are mine Bastien, and that means I look out for you, whether you’re aware of it or not, whether you’re ready for it or not. It. Simply. Is.”
It was so appealing. So absolutely intoxicating an idea. But it was also so much bigger than everything Bastien had had, dazzlingly so, and he didn’t know how to accept it. Didn’t know if he could. “You don’t...” Understand, he wanted to say, but he stopped because he knew somewhere in his bones that Black did understand. “What do you get out of it, then?” he asked, and his voice was shaking with wanting to give in.
Regulus hesitated. Not because he didn’t want to say, he did, very much so, but because it would leave him open. Vulnerable. Perhaps, however, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. This thing between them, it was about control, yes, but it was more about trust and mutual need. Regulus didn’t have to be confident all the time to own Bastien, he could be himself. That, in fact was a great deal of the appeal, and Bastien deserved to know that.
“I could keep it simple, and say you. Which, whether you realize it or not, is quite the boon. It’s not so simple though, is it, pet?” Regulus moved then, and he lifted Bastien up, enough to slide into the chair beneath him and settle the boy onto his lap. “I get you. I get to own you, and take care of you, and watch the beautiful way you shatter when you give yourself over to me. You are a treasure, pet. But it’s so much more then just that.” He hesitated once more, drawing in a deep breath, his voice lowering as he confided in Bastien in a way he hadn’t done with …. well anyone other then Kreacher, or his brother when he was very young still. “I get to be with someone who knows me. Me. The real me. Not the alias, or the Death Eater, or the Black. Just Regulus. Just Sir. I get you, my precious one. You, who saw the Mark and knows what I am and still gave himself up to me. That is a gift that... I never expected in life, and I would move mountains and destroy entire continents to protect it, Bastien.”
If he had give him some vague answer, or something overly commanding or promising, Bastien wouldn’t have trusted it. He shouldn’t trust, he knew, the veracity and fragility in Black’s voice.
… But he did. Black was opening himself up, saying that, and Bastien could recognize that for what it was. And for how much a risk it was. He knew it, because he knew how much a risk it always was to make yourself vulnerable. How strong you actually had to be to do so and not fall apart.
He didn’t know what to say. For a long minute he sat there, letting Black hold him and reflecting that that should feel awkward, should make him feel like a child, but didn’t.
After a moment he turned enough to press his forehead to Black’s and said, simply, “Yes, sir.”
Regulus let out a little sigh, part relief, part amusement, even as his heart settled back in his chest and out of his throat where it had been for a few moments. He wrapped his arms around Bastien more firmly, settling him against Regulus’ chest. “Good boy,” he murmured, heartfelt.
Bastien smiled at that, and something in him relaxed - even if the reaction scared him. Even if he knew it would be safer, smarter, to get up and walk out. “You’ll have to be patient,” he said quietly. Somehow, it sounded more like a plea than an order.
Regulus laughed softly, fingers sliding back through Bastien’s hair again. “I am a remarkably patient man, Bastien. Luckily for both of us.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss against the side of Bastien’s jaw. “I imagine you are well worth the wait, in a number of ways.”
Bastien almost laughed, but the start of it turned into a sigh that was almost embarrassing at the way Black’s mouth traced over his jaw. He shouldn’t like this so damn much. Being held, being almost gentled. He shouldn’t.
His body didn’t seem to realize that.
Regulus didn’t stop the petting, or the gentle trailing of kisses across Bastien’s jaw, moving to his ear, nipping the lobe of his ear gently as his fingers tangled in Bastien’s hair and kept him close. “Yes, pet. Infinitely patient. I imagine, in some odd way, I’ve been waiting for something like this a very long time. I’m willing to be patient enough to not screw it up.”
“Something like - “ Bastien almost finished asking the question, then stopped himself. He knew there must be limits to this, even if Black had never set down what those limits were. Asking about the man’s past seemed a logical enough one.
“Ask, pet,” Regulus ordered, although his voice was gentle. “If you ask me something I don’t wish to discuss, I’ll tell you so. You won’t be punished for asking questions- well, unless I’ve told you not to speak, but I imagine you’d be too busy with other things at the time to be asking questions,” Regulus said with a dark chuckle.
Bastien regarded him for a moment when he said that, and then shrugged one slender shoulder and almost made as if he was standing, but then ended up settled against Black’s side more heavily instead. “You’ve had this before. You’re too....” He searched for the word he needed then smirked a little, “You play me too well not to have had this. Many times, more than likely.” Not much waiting involved.
“No. I’ve had facsimiles of this. I’ve had to pretend I was something, someone else then I was. I’ve had to hold back, make excuses. I’ve had to keep myself distant, cut things off abruptly, and stick to, more or less, one night only encounters. There’s been no chance to get to know someone. To allow them to get to know me. There’s been no....” He paused, thinking. “No driving need to possess them. No instinct to protect what I consider mine. They were... pale shadows to what I really wanted, or needed.” He smiled slowly though. “I appreciate the compliment. I admit I spend a lot of my ample amounts of spare time in contemplating how best to... play you.”
“Perhaps you need a hobby,” Bastien said, but there was a sly sort of smirk still tugging at his lips as he did. He’d resigned himself to the fact that his mind wasn’t letting him give this up, maybe his body, his soul, whatever it was that needed what Black had to give him and dragged him to his door.
But Black kept saying that. That he was his. And Bastien looked at him again and the smirk fell away. “You barely know me,” he said, and he knew he was right.
“I have several hobbies. Many of which are not conducive to being in hiding. I take my entertainment where I can get it.” It as his turn to smirk, stroking and tugging Bastien’s hair a little. “Who’s fault is that, I wonder? It isn’t as if I haven’t the time to do so.” He leaned his head back in the chair, watching Bastien through half closed eyes. “I know you have a nearly unshakable sense of loyalty and family duty. You like things to be just a certain way, and you value your peace and quiet, when you can get it. You work very hard at shouldering your burdens, but you long, even ache for the chance to give them up, even for a little while. You need someone to take care of you. Not all the time, you’re independent enough, but you need a safe place, where you can feel like it’s okay to let it go for a while. You don’t want to want it. Which, I suspect, is why you’re fighting this... and me, so stubbornly.”
All in all, even Bastien had to admit that it was a fairly good summary of his life for someone who’d known him only the space of... had it been months? He supposed it had, though those first several weeks hardly counted. He swallowed, then found himself looking away from Black, nodding once to agree. To show Black that he was right, though he was sure Black already knew. “I wasn’t ready to become... what I had to become when my father died. I’d wasted time at school, I’d been caught up and useless, and then things … well, they crashed in. That’s a bit dramatic, though, I suppose. Still, I wasn’t ready. And then I had to be. It leads to one being a bit particular.”
Regulus was quiet for a long moment. “I didn’t know either. What I was getting into, I mean. I was... just a bit younger then you and I desperately wanted to have my parent’s approval. I wanted to outshine my brother. I wanted to bring glory and honor to the Black family name.” He snorted a bit, clearly exasperated with his younger self. “So I tripped blithely off to join the Dark Lord, never once considering what parts of myself I’d lose in the process. When I left... I had to be so careful, never sure if anyone was after me, or if it was all in my head. So i understand particular. I live in particular,” Regulus acknowledged wryly. “Which is why you, Bastien are such a very pleasant surprise. You fit my brand of particular with an uncanny amount of perfection. I rather revel in it, to be honest.”
“Your brand of particular needs someone who folds the towels at right angles and can see dust at a kilometre distance?” Bastien snorted again, thinking too much now about his own history... things he tired not to think of, usually. They were done, and couldn’t be undone, and so he forced them aside and focused on what was needed from him. Which meant that yes, damn it, he wanted someplace where he could lay those things down. What he didn’t understand was why he needed it as badly as he did. Why it was more about the control than it was the sex.
Or why Black had recognized it so easily in him. He might have been wearing a sodding sign.
“Actually, yes,” Regulus said, huffing a bit of a laugh and hugging Bastien closer to his side. “Things need to be in their place, and that place needs to be orderly and precise, or I tend to get more then a little irritated. You’re the first person I’ve ever met who knows how to properly make bed corners, you know.”
Bastien’s smirk returned at that, and he nodded. “They’re important,” he said, then looked back to Regulus. “I don’t know how well I’ll take to being a possession,” He said, and it was honest though he hadn’t thought he’d say it. “My miss... The woman... when I discovered this thing about myself, it was a club in London. It never crossed the doors...”
Regulus made a face, and leaned in, pressing a quick, hard kiss to Bastien’s lips, nipping, before pulling back. “You aren’t my favorite cloak, or my wand, Bastien. Being mine is... more then that, it’s... a mutual degree of trust. It means you’ve submitted to me, to my will, and in turn, I protect you, care for you, make sure your needs are met, as best as I am able.” He shrugged. “Like I said. Infinite patience. Not to mention, imagination. Although, I’ll admit to being tempted by the idea of putting some leather around your neck,” he said, only half teasing. Regulus wouldn’t do permanent markings. He’d learned his lesson with his own Mark. Collars though... He liked those.
Bastien had to think for a moment to figure what that meant, and he didn’t try to hide the tiny shiver it sent through him, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he thought about the offer, about what it was Black wanted, and after a moment he looked back to him and said, “There have to be limits. This home, the cottages, I have to feel like I can handle my own business. I can’t lay things like that down... “ No matter how nice it might be to think about it, he could give himself up inside confines. Inside these walls, maybe. The rest of his life, too much depended on him.
Regulus arched a brow. “I don’t expect you to, Bastien. I’ve very carefully not intruded on that part of your life. I wait for you to come to me. If you want assistance, well I’m certainly not doing anything else, but I don’t expect you to cling and fawn all over me twenty four/seven.” He grinned slightly. “Every once in a while would be nice, though.” He slid his hand slowly over Bastien’s back, tracing slow circles. “I will admit that at some point, taking you away for a short break every once in a while would also be nice.”
“It’s not possible,” Bastien said, sighing, but he thought Black probably understood that that didn’t mean he didn’t want it, either. He closed his eyes as Black’s hand slid slow circles across his back. “This arrangement, then. What does it mean outside of this room.” Inside the room, he understood.
“Oh, its possible, I just don’t know how or when just yet. I am very good at planning though.” He was quiet for a moment, thinking. “What do you need it to mean? Or more importantly, what do you NOT want it to mean?”
The question was important enough that Bastien opened his eyes again, having to nearly force them. He’d prefer not to talk, honestly. Decisions like this, he didn’t want to be the one making them. Even though he knew that he had to be.
Still, he didn’t have the slightest idea how to, and he admitted that. “I don’t know,” he said quietly, shaking his head. “I’ve not let myself think about it.”
Regulus was quiet for a few moments, clearly thinking it over. “Outside of this room, there are things we keep out of polite company. There are.... things neither of us want others to know, secrets we’re both keeping.” He cursed a little under his breath, for once frustrated by his need to hide. “Your family and friends, would they be shocked by your being with a man in a relationship?”
“Quite,” Bastien smirked a little at that, then shrugged a tight shoulder just a fraction. “If you’ve not noticed, I’m nothing if not exceptionally proper.” At least to the public. It was safer, and more comfortable. “Though I’ve very few friends, and fewer family connections that matter any longer.” Most had avoided them since his father’s death. He had the Bobbins, and a handful of friends he kept at a distance.
Regulus didn’t seem pleased by that, frowning sharply and considering it, almost half way to a sulk of his own. Hiding who he was, that he was alive was one thing, but he didn’t much like the idea of hiding his relationship- if that was what this was- with Bastien as well. “Propriety is damned inconvenient sometimes,” he said a trifle petulantly, but it was more in the way of someone who had had his favorite toy snatched away then any true anger behind it. “Discretion is called for, I suppose. Fine. But no one else touches you, Bastien. Not outside of this room, much less in it. Not for pleasure, or for harm.”
It wasn’t so much what was said, as the expression on Black’s face - the new hint of displeasure in his voice. Something woke up in the pit of Bastien’s stomach. And he knew Black was right, and that he belonged to him, because in that moment all he wanted to do was please him, to erase whatever he’d done that had slid the petulant, hurt sound into him. “I didn’t say that I cared,” He pointed out quietly, quickly. “Whether they were shocked or no.” And he had to bite his tongue to keep from adding Sir.
Regulus blinked a little at that, and his expression cleared. “Really? Hmmm. Well, I don’t expect you to shout anything from any rooftops, and I imagine I’ll still have to use that ridiculous alias, but... yes, then. If it won’t cause you undue stress or upset...” Which was the last thing Regulus wanted to do to his pet. His. He leaned in, scraping a biting kiss along Bastien’s jaw. “I admit to a perverse desire to show you off. Foolish of me, I think. My damnable pride, probably.”
Bastien didn’t think that showing him off was any real prize for someone’s pride, but he didn’t say so. He also didn’t point out that there wans’t much showing off to be done when Black couldn’t really leave the cottages - could he? Suddenly, Bastien was worried about Black’s safety, and about keeping him safe, and it was an odd reversal of roles that made him want to only focus on the mouth scraping across his jaw. “No... no more stress than anything else does,” he finally answered, as he let his head fall back.
“Hmmm. I don’t particularly want to be any more stress on you, but I suppose that’s unrealistic, all things considered. He nipped lightly against Bastien’s throat. “Good. I’ll have to see if I can scout out some interesting places to take you next time I’m being foolish and visiting places I shouldn’t,” he mused.
That same protective twist in his stomach drew out at those words and he shivered with it, the feeling so damn new. He protected his family. His home. His business. But... Black? It was so sudden and so strong that Bastien didn’t really know what to do with it. “That’s dangerous...” He said, and he couldn’t hide the protective sort of growl under the words. The warning.
He only knew that it wasn’t his place. His role in this. If he belonged to Black.
Regulus blinked a little and then laughed softly. “Hmmm, my pet has teeth. Very sexy.” He stroked his fingers over Bastien’s stomach slowly, slipping under his shirt to pet over his skin. “It is dangerous, but me sitting cooped up in a cottage for all time is more dangerous. My sanity won’t take it for too much longer, I’m afraid. Even with you as a delightful distraction. Eventually, they’re going to find out I’m alive.”
“Sorry, Sir...” Bastien mumbled in answer, even with Black touching him, even with no censure in his answer, he couldn’t get past the idea that he’d overstepped a boundary somehow. He shouldn’t be the one who felt possessive, should he? It had never happened before, so he didn’t have something to compare it to.
“Nothing to apologize for, pet. If you’re mine, then logic dictates that in some ways, I’m yours as well, in some ways. Like I said, it’s very sexy. I don’t mind it,” he purred in answer, tipping Bastien’s head up and kissing him. It started out gentle, but eventually deepened into something more. More possessive, more passionate, just more.
Bastien was caught off guard by how gentle it was, lost a bit in it, so that by the time it was hungry, was possessive, he was answering that with his own need returned without thinking about it - if it had started out that way, he’d have been submissive to it, wouldn’t have thought to fight for control of it, to kiss Black back as hard as he was being kissed. Black tricked him, somehow, because there was fire underneath Bastien’s kiss - and below that, that same need to please, to take.
That fire was a surprise- a pleasant one, and Regulus growled faintly against Bastien’s mouth, fingers tightening in Bastien’s hair, shifting him closer on Reglus’ lap, his other hand sliding over Bastien’s back. His. The boy was his and Regulus had no plans to let go easily or any time soon. Maybe even never.