Who: Jimmy Peakes & Alexander William When: Saturday early evening? Where: The Lake What: Alex being a dick, Jimmy wants a word Rating: R? Alex has a foul mouth, also anti-girl and anti-pureblood sentiments.
He didn't think he'd been too badly lately; he'd avoided any girls, kept his mouth mostly shut when he couldn't, and he'd left any Purebloods alone. Sure he left the room when one came in if he had to, but it was better than getting into a full out fight, right? Jimmy wasn't able to spend as much time with him anymore and he didn't want the only time they did spend together to be full of angry words and arguing, and Jimmy almost pleading with him to make things easier on him. It wasn't Jimmy's fault that he was too kind, too naive to see the world for what it truly was, and women for what they truly were, or to see that having the school divided into Houses didn't mean that you could trust the purebloods just because they were part of the same. He didn't want his friend to be hurt, he didn't want to be hurt, but he didn't want to hurt his friend either, so he'd tried to sit on his opinions and keep them to himself.
The Billywig had been genius for him, an amazing source of distraction. Alex had been treated like less than a pet at his aunt's house so he'd never been able to have them, and he was punished if he ever went near the ones they'd had. Then he was living on his own on what little allowance he had from his inheritence and it would have been cruel to drag a dog or puffskein or cat around with him when he couldn't be sure where he'd be staying from week to week, plus having a pet made finding a place to stay more difficult in the first place. He'd never had to care about anyone but himself and no one else was going to do it so he had just become more insular and selfish just to get through the days; he'd been given this Billywig and he was finding that he liked caring for the thing. He thought he could see when it was really happy, when he got it some special red cabbage leaves and when he tried to get one of the older Halfblood Ravenclaws to help him appropriate the leaves that they usually ate. He might have been a little more preoccupied with losing some of Jimmy's attention (he was fourteen years old and he was jealous) had he not had the Billywig to distract him; he liked to sit and watch it bumble around to itself inside the jar and had even taught himself a spell to make the jar larger to give the insect more room to hover around in. Having something that depended on him, relied on him, something that he was making a difference to that had no ulterior motive, that was something that he'd never had before and it made him feel like he had a purpose. Something needed him and it made him feel like he was doing something worthwhile when he saw the Billywig grow bigger, it's colour deepening.
And then it died.
Alex had watched the thing for an hour and a half, fooling himself into thinking he saw it's legs twitch now and again, it's wings folded untidily, sticking out from under wing cases that had turned a dull grey. The first thing he'd had to look after, to care for, and Alex had killed it; the guilt was crushing him.
As always, any pain he felt he covered with anger. It wasn't that hard to do, especially when most of it was aimed at himself. It was easy then to lash out at Hagrid, not only beause the man had given him the bug in the first place, so of course Alex could rationalise that if it hadn't been for him he would never feel this way, but also because he felt betrayed by the professor. Had he been thinking clearly he would have seen the truth of things, but as he was blinded by anger it was easier for him to line things up with past experiences and believe that the man hadn't told them that the bugs might do this because he gained some sort of entertainment from watching their distress. People he'd known in the past had done more to him for less. He'd been utterly fooled by Hagrid and that made him feel stupid which again made him angry.
The fact that the purebloods and the girls decided to put their two cents in just provoked his already raw temper; there was no chance that he'd hide the snarling now that his blood was already up and, well, the consequences were as expected.
He was still sickened by what he saw as their patronising attitude towards him, just because they were pureblooded, just because they were female they thought they were entitled to special treatment, like they weren't the same pathetic scrabbling parasites that the rest of the world was.
It had been Jimmy's journal entry that had sent him to the lake though. He was hurt, again, because he'd hurt Jimmy and he hated that the only person he could trust to have his back had been fucked over because of his ations, again. With no more outlets that anger turned in on himself; he was afraid, terrified really, that this was the last time that Jimmy would have anything to do with him, that this was the last straw now that he'd come between his friend and his boyfriend. He'd always expected Jimmy to get sick of his anger problems and ditch him, although that worry had grown smaller the longer they'd been frineds and that eventuality never occurred. Now that Jimmy had more important priorities, Alexander wasn't prepared to say that the other boy would hang around with this chickenwire doll of a friendship.
He sat by the side of the lake, the Billywig still listless and grey in it's jar beside him, and dug gouges into the ground beside him with his heel until Jimmy arrived to end their friendship once and for all.