Entry tags:

marvel: loki laufeyson (mcu), marvel: matt murdock (mcu), marvel: phil coulson (mcu)

log: Phil Coulson, Matt Murdock, and Loki! Nightmares ahoy!

It was so vivid. The helicarrier. Loki. The staff going into him. The final thought that maybe this would manage to give the Avengers what they needed. And then, screaming. The pain being excruciating. Mentions of Tahiti. A magical place.

In his bedroom in San Francisco, Phil was yelling, limbs flailing, unable to distinguish the nightmare from reality and forgetting that he was sharing a bed. He felt hands on him and struggled, trying to land a kick or a punch to get away from the torture.

Matt wasn't sure if it was the lightning that woke him up or the sound of distress made by Phil at his side. It didn't really matter. Phil was clearly in the grips of an awful nightmare. The way he swung out nearly caught Matt by surprise, and he only narrowly avoided getting a hand to the face by jerking back. His shin was less lucky. It smarted from a sharp blow from Phil's heel.

At that point, Matt would have been well within his rights of vacating the bed entirely. He wasn't about to do that, however.

He caught the wrist closest to him and tried to push it to the bed as carefully as he could. "Phil. Phil. It's a dream. It's just a dream. You're safe. You're okay."

Phil wasn’t sure if it was the pressure on his wrist or the voice that pulled him out of it. When he opened his eyes, they were still panicked, heart beating fast and trying to pull his wrist free from Matt’s grasp. Matt. Not Tahiti. Not Fury. Or SHIELD. Or any of that.

He sat up, one hand going to his head to make sure there were no probes going into it as his breath was still coming in shallow pants, the terror not leaving him. His hand went to his side next, expecting to come away wet with blood, but there was nothing there. Just sweat from the nightmare.

“Hi. Yeah. It’s fine. It’s nothing.” A big fat lie, but what was he supposed to say. ‘Don’t worry, darling, I was just dreaming of being killed by the god of chaos who lives in this building and then being brought back to life which was much more painful than I let anyone know?’

"Your 'nothing' is going to leave a bruise on my leg." Not the gentlest thing Matt could have said, but it was nicer than 'you're lying'—which he could read in big neon letters from the way Phil's heart tripped over itself. That wasn't the only thing Matt's hyper-senses were picking up on, but it seemed the most prevalent at the moment. He let go of the wrist he was still holding and instead put his hand on his partner's chest. "I'm not going to press for details, but I know that was a helluva thing. If you do want to talk about it, I'm right here."

“You’ll heal,” Phil deadpanned, but he knew Matt didn’t quite have the healing powers of a super soldier. “I’ll fetch you some frozen peas.”

Phil covered Matt’s hand with his own, trying to force himself to calm down, although not very successfully. “Just a nightmare. Nothing new. How much… how much have I told you about what happened?”

Sliding back down, Matt lay against Phil's side. His partner's skin was still clammy and overwarm, and the heart under his palm could have given a hummingbird a run for its money. The jibe was a welcome return to their version of normal, but it was an obvious cover for what was still going on underneath. "Mostly high level stuff. You died, SHIELD brought you back. That's it, really. No details. You don't have to, if you're not up for it."

Phil took a deep breath, grateful for the steady pressure of Matt’s hand and not the press of Loki’s spear that he swore he could still feel. “It was the battle on the helicarrier. We had Loki in containment, but the Avengers, they were tearing each other apart. I went in to the holding cell - knew it was likely to be a suicide mission - and Loki stabbed me through the chest, not exactly a painless way to go.”

Phil’s body twitched at the memory. “The serum - it did what it needed to do, brought me back, but humans aren’t meant to be resurrected. Even with alien serum. And the process…. It was torture. I begged for death. For them to stop.” His voice was quiet, fingers tightening over Matt’s.

A quiet sense of horror bloomed in Matt's chest, making it hard to breathe. Fucking Loki. He thought he'd despised the asshole god before for what he'd done for New York, but now Matt had found new depths. His jaw twitched and tightened, his mind building up the experience, not in images but sensations. Distantly, he wondered if that was what it had been like for Elektra, but quickly brushed it aside. He pushed his arm under his partner's back and curled his hand around his his waist. "I'm so sorry, Phil. No one should have to go through anything like that."

Phil shifted, curling into Matt’s embrace as his breathing began to slowly return to normal. “Hey now… it’s all in the past,” Phil said, stealing a kiss to distract both of them from the nightmare. “But when you make the ultimate sacrifice, that means you get brought back to run the show, apparently. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be alive, but…”

"That's my line, isn't it?" Matt chuckled and gladly took the other man into his arms. If this was the most comfort he could give, Matt would do so willingly and happily. Nuzzling at at the top of his head, he took a quiet breath. The wind outside rattled the windows, and thunder rumbled int the distance. "Once you get off the last ride, you're supposed to be able to leave the fun fair."

Phil chuckled at the statement, shifting closer into the other man. He would have expected the storm to have passed by now. “Guess it’s a little different when you sign your life away to a secret organization,” Phil teased, forcing a chuckle. He let himself rest a minute, still recovering from the whole experience. At least Matt had been here to pull him out of the nightmare before - “Are the boys still asleep?”

Tilting his head away slightly, Matt listened hard. The storm made it a little more difficult, but not impossible. He'd fought in the pouring rain, after all. Where there were normally two heartbeats, he heard three. Reggie. They were in Alex's room. Unsurprising, since this was a fairly regular occurrence. Then he began to hear their whispers and realized they'd most definitely heard Phil and were now concocting a plan to call Yelena. He put a hand over Phil's ear and twisted back so he could call through the door. "We're fine, boys. Go back to sleep." He waited a beat before settling again. "I think that answers that."

Phil couldn’t help but chuckle a little before sighing heavily. He didn’t think he’d be able to get back to sleep. “Whiskey, coffee, or tea? What are we thinking is the best option?” He needed to distract himself. And while the best distraction was lying right next to him, now that he knew that the boys were awake, it felt a little awkward to indulge in that. “Should get you some ice or frozen peas. Maybe make some brownies or something.”

The continued whispers from the other bedroom told Matt that the possibility of anymore sleep that evening was negligible. He ignored the slight twist of regret at not being truly alone-alone with Phil and set it aside to give his partner a small squeeze around his middle. "Coffee and brownies. I'll let the boys know about the latter. I have a feeling it's going to be a long night."

Phil made a pleased noise at the squeeze, kissing Matt and letting himself just be in his lover's embrace for a bit. “Or we could have loud raucous sex and hope the boys go to Reggie’s room.” Not that Phil seriously considered that. He was too fond and protective of the three teenagers and was more likely to make them all cookies and cocoa than kick them out so he and Matt could have sex without them overhearing.

"Get outta my head, Phil." Laughing quietly, Matt gently tapped at the top of the other's hip. Tempting as it was, however, he still rolled away and got out of bed to find the closest clean shirt and a pair of boxers. After putting on both, he inclined his head toward the door. "Come on out before I let you tempt me into bad decisions. Well, more bad than coffee and brownies in the wee hours."

“You’re not supposed to be the responsible one,” Phil grumbled as he pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before following Matt out, stealing another kiss. “Especially considering how good you look in my t-shirt.”

Trying not to distract either of them, he put the coffee pot in before pulling out ingredients for brownies. “I suppose pot brownies are out of the question?”

"As an officer of the courts, I'm going to have to categorically say they are, I'm afraid. If it was just the two of us?" Matt chuckled and went over to knock on Alex's door. "Hey, guys, we're making brownies if you're still up in the next half hour or so."

Once that was done, he wandered back over to where Phil was busy doing kitchen things. His heart rate had steadied out, but the heightened nerves were still there. It made Matt drape himself along Phil's back and nuzzled the back of his neck. "This is nice. The reason sucks, but I think I'm the kind of tired that can appreciate the silver linings, so to speak."

Phil covered Matt’s hands with his own, turning his head to steal a kiss. “Midnight brownies? I’m sure we can make it happen more, in case you need a snack when you come back from your evening adventures.”

He raised an eyebrow at Matt. “Speaking of, you’re not going out in this are you?” Not to mention he had no desire to be alone in the apartment tonight.

Leaning a bit to the side, Matt laid his head on Phil's shoulder and stifled a yawn. "I'm not saying crime sleeps, but it usually doesn't care for weather like this any more than the rest of us. Unless you're a storm chaser, maybe. That's just semantics. But, no. I thought about doing a patrol tomorrow night, but we'll see if this lets up at all."

“Good. Because I wasn’t planning on letting you out tonight.” Phil ran his fingers through Matt’s hair. “I suppose I shouldn’t hope for bad weather…”

Matt smiled and kissed the side of his partner's neck. "I probably shouldn't hope for it either."

~*~

The night had not been kind. There weren't enough caffeinated beverages on this gods forsaken planet to wake Loki up this morning, but he'd still trudged out into the miserable day and retrieved the largest and most sugar-filled coffee monstrosity he could find. It seemed to be taking extra long to get back to his apartment, and had involved far too many stairs, but he moved blearily, step after step. His bed was calling his name.

Neither Phil nor Matt had managed to get back to sleep last night, but now that it was supposedly daylight, Phil was planning on braving the rain to do a quick grocery run. And pick up some baked goods for the apartment from the cafe down the street. He could make brownies, but croissants he left to others.

His phone buzzed and he looked down at it, seeing what was being added to the grocery list. Which meant he wasn’t looking when he bumped into someone. “Sorry,” he muttered, shoving the phone into his pocket and looking up, all color draining from his face. “Loki.”

Being jostled wasn't exactly his favorite thing to experience, but it wasn't nearly the annoyance it could have been if it had resulted in him wearing his drink. Since it hadn't, he merely grunted at the apology, and would have merely navigated around except he caught sight of the face that had flashed through his dark dreams just as he woke. Loki staggered a step back. His throat clicked when he swallowed. "Ah. Hello, Agent Coulson."

Instinctively, Phil’s hand went to his side, for a gun that wasn’t there, closing on empty air. It was in the past, as he’d told Matt. But the nightmare had felt so real that he felt his skin get clammy. Oddly, Loki didn’t look as cocky as he normally did. “Sorry, I’ll.. just…” He couldn’t even remember what exactly he’d been doing.

"Why are you here?" Loki narrowed his eyes in confusion. Of course he'd noticed that abortive movement, knew what it meant. Wariness began to creep across his mind.

Somehow the question was normal enough that it snapped Phil partially out of his thoughts. “I… store…. Groceries… and the cafe for croissants.” He still instinctively took a step back, wary about the god.

He'd never known this man to be quite so flustered from the few times they'd interacted on the network. It took Loki too long a moment to place the thing that worked it way across the agent's eyes. Fear. He cast about for its source, but the only thing that caught his attention was the numbers on the door. "The third floor? How in Hela's name did I get here?"

Phil chuckled and ran a hand over his head. “That I can’t help you with. Despite all my powers, controlling gods is not one of them.”

Humor was always a great way to deflect a situation and distract from the fear. He didn’t have a weapon, well, except his prosthetic arm, which flexed at his side, in case he needed to deploy the shield. “Seems we’re both a little out of our element here…”

The snark was more familiar ground, and Loki found himself responding in kind with a smirk that pulled at part of his upper lip. "Pity. It would be quite a feat."

He took a look at his mostly full drink and shook his head. "Clearly. Strange night, full of dark sights, and now I've gone and overshot my apartment by two floors." Loki didn't actually care about this man beyond the basest level, but his curiosity was stronger than his apathy. "What ailed your evening, Agent Coulson?"

“It seems it was sleepless for many station residents,” Phil answered with a shrug, the tension not quite leaving him, which he blamed on the sleepless night. He wasn’t normally this shaken by things. “Nightmares, like most of us, I imagine.” What was he supposed to say? Oh, nothing, I just dreamed of you killing me again and then being brought back to life.

Before Loki could comment further with nonchalant agreement, the door they were standing in front of flew open, and he was faced with a very obviously irate blind lawyer. Those red glasses of his could have contained flames as he snarled, "Get the hell away from him."

Phil had not expected Matt to come out all knight in shining armor, but he was certainly grateful to have the other man at his side. Pesky super hearing thing meant Matt had probably sensed the changes in Phil’s heart rate in addition to the conversation itself. Reclaiming some of his composure, Phil gave Loki a look, which was perhaps a bit too reminiscent of the look he’d worn during thief fateful encounter on the helicarrier.

“Loki was just leaving.”

"Was I?" His brows shot toward his hairline, but a moment later they evened out again. As much as he hated to back down from an open challenge—which this one was, make no mistake, Loki could admit to himself that he was far too tired for any of this. And whoever or whatever Matt Murdock was, he didn't seem in that moment like someone to be trifled with in his moment. "Ah, yes, so I was. Good day, gentlemen."

Matt's hand had found and wrapped around Phil's arm in a gentle pressure. He didn't let go until he heard Loki leave by way of the stairwell, at which point he turned to his partner and gave him a sheepish, "Uh, sorry."

Phil turned to Matt, hands wrapping around the other man’s waist as he let out a sigh of relief, resting his forehead against the other man’s. “No… no sorry.. Thank you, I…” Another sigh. “I’d been close to curling up in the fetal position. I … it’s usually fine, just… “ He still couldn’t seem to make words happen the way he wanted to.

Rather than his arm, Matt put his hand to the back of Phil's neck and brought their foreheads together. "You don't have to explain, and you don't have to go to the store. It's still gross out. We can get delivery and tip extremely well. I'm good with waiting. Come back inside, okay? We should all be together anyway."

Phil nodded. “Yeah…” he said quietly, not sure how well the nod would translate to Matt’s senses. “I probably would have shot him if I’d had a weapon on me,” Phil confessed in a whisper, not something he wanted the boys to know.

The situation was nowhere near funny, but Matt couldn't help the small laugh he huffed. "Glad you didn't. Then I'd have to have taken Yelena's recent advice, and then she'd've been insufferable. So thanks for saving me from that."

“I’m probably out of it enough that I would have missed his heart and I don’t even know if he’s killable,” Phil commented, wrapping his arms around Matt and pulling him closer, not caring who saw them in the hallway.

Hope springs, Matt thought bitterly, but didn't say aloud. He had his own reasons for hating the haughty Asgardian, but right now, after the kind of night his partner had been through, he well and truly despised the so-called god. "Not possible, from what I've heard from Daisy." His arms wrapped around Phil, hands making soothing motions. "I say that as your lover, not your lawyer—which wouldn't happen anyway. C'mon, Phil, let's get back inside."

“Unfortunate,” Phil muttered, a little too bitterly before pulling Matt into a hard kiss, needing something good to be the cause of his heart racing and adrenaline spiking. (And to soothe him, in an odd way.) Even though the boys knew now, he still wasn’t about to pin Matt against the wall and kiss him hard in front of them. No need to flaunt their sex life. “Alright,” he breathed out reluctantly, after finally breaking the kiss.

It was possible that Phil had misinterpreted his comment, but it didn't matter since Matt was being kissed quite handily. He let out a soft, helpless sound and swayed a little on his feet. "I've got to talk to Yelena and Clint about that music space," he muttered mostly to himself, knowing full well Phil could hear every word, then took his partner's hand and gave him one last kiss to his cheek. "I'll make tea and ask the boys to play something for us."

Phil chuckled, squeezing Matt’s hand in grateful reassurance. “Deal. But we’re spiking the tea. Because I’m going to need something stronger to soothe my nerves after that.”