After sending a text to Quentin canceling their dinner plans Eliot felt bad, but he needed some time away from everything. He'd apologized and asked if he'd like to have coffee after Hope's birthday party the following day. He'd expected him to say no. There were a million reasons why he could, but he'd said yes.
At present the two of them entered a coffee shop and walked up to the counter. After asking Quentin what he wanted, Eliot placed their order and paid. "The party was nice. Hope was so adorable. I think everyone had a good time." He picked up his coffee then handed Quentin his as the two made their way back out and began walking.
Quentin had been looking forward to spending more time with Eliot, he would even try to deny or hide that. The man was one of his best friends, of course, he'd want to spend time with him. So when the man suggested coffee after the birthday party he accepted.
Once they arrived, he asked for an iced chai and smiled when Eliot ordered and paid. "Thanks, El." he took the drink and followed him out of the shop. At least they would get their walk around the area in, even if they didn't get the dinner. "It really was. I still can't believe Penny let her name the baby after me, even just her middle name."
"You're welcome." It was no problem. Q was new and only had the bit of money everyone was given when they arrived to last until he found a job. It was the least he could do.
"I don't think Penny had much say in it," he smiled gently. "Julia wanted to honor you and your friendship with her. I think it was sweet. A nice thing to do." He took a small sip of his coffee. "I didn't see any rain in the forecast. Fuck, that makes me sound like an old man." It was something to talk about though.
Quentin chuckled and nodded. "I think you might be right about that. Once she makes up her mind about something, nothing can stop her." At least that had been his experience with Julia. Even when they tried to take magic away from her, she never gave up and finally got it.
He took a sip from his cup and glanced up at the man. "Well you are an old man. You're older than I am at least." He grinned to show he was only teasing, though it was still an accurate statement. Eliot was older, but not by much.
"Just like other people I know." That wasn't a put down by any means. All his friends were that way for the most part. Strong, independent and they didn't take any shit. That thought made him think of Margo. How he missed her. He'd give anything to hear her be all sassy and drink cocktails with her.
"That's true. I can't argue with that." Eliot saw a bench just ahead and when they approached it he sat down.
He could think of half a dozen people they both knew who were like that, and he missed all of them. Some more than others if he was honest. He sat beside Eliot and sighed softly.
The air was cool, but not uncomfortably so. He took a sip and looked over at Eliot. "So, old man. you want to tell me why you canceled dinner last night?" He had honestly been looking forward to having the time to just hang with Eliot and he had been very disappointed when he got the text canceling it. At least they were out now having coffee, so that was something.
There was a tingle of tension that ran along Eliot's shoulders when asked why dinner had been canceled the previous night. He'd felt terrible doing it so last minute. That wasn't him. So many things felt that way lately.
He drank some more coffee trying to sort through what to say. "I'm sorry for canceling so last minute. Q and I kind of argued." He kept his eyes on the ground. "I just needed to get away, have some me time." Eliot didn't think he should say more. He didn't want to dump everything on Quentin. "I'm just trying to get through the days like everyone else, ya know?" He glanced at Quentin. "Feels like I'm failing on every level."
Eliot cleared his throat and drank down more coffee. "I'll be okay though." He said, offering a somewhat forced smile.
Quentin couldn't help but feel, yet again, like this was all his fault. Maybe he should just not talk to his friends anymore, at least not to Eliot until the other Quentin got over whatever issue he had with him. But he doubted Eliot would go for that idea, nor did he really want to stop. It was good to have the man back in his life.
He wondered what me time meant in Eliot's world now, and he was almost afraid to ask. But it broke his heart to see him so upset by things. He resisted the urge to reach out and hold his hand, he just felt that it would be crossing a line. "I know you will eventually be okay. You always are."
He shifted so he was facing him even more and this time he did reach out to take his hand. "But, Eliot, please don't pretend that you are if you're not. Especially not with me. I always know."
"Of course I will eventually, I'm Eliot Waugh." The words felt forced even a little disingenuous to his own ears. He looked down when Quentin took his hand, then back up to his eyes. Such a simple yet intimate gesture.
"I am the great pretender," he said with a small mix of a grin and a smile. "Don't you know no one really cares? We're crazy fucked up beings. I'm right in there in the equation. Probably the poster boy for it." He tilted his head to the side. "You always knew, Q. That doesn't mean it matters. Life is a game that none of us get out of alive. Maybe the thing is to just enjoy the fleeting good moments and stay numb to the rest of it because it's a game that everyone and no one wins. There's only those moments here and there that make it any fucking good."
He hadn't meant to get a bit philosophical or dark, really, but it was what it was. It was truth.
"Of course it matters, El. It's always mattered to me." He didn't know how to be more clear than that, but he got the impression that somehow, none of it was sticking. He was trying to help, gods knew he was trying. He just didn't know how anymore.
It broke his heart to see Eliot like this. He honestly wanted nothing more than to see Eliot be truly happy again. He knew it was possible, he'd seen it happen before. But that was another lifetime and in another world. "There will be more than just moments. Things are just in flux right now, and..." Quentin just trailed off and shook his head before continuing. "Things will calm down again, and you will be happy."
He knew it was his fault and it made him wish he was anywhere but where he was. If he hadn't shown up then the other Q wouldn't be treating Eliot this way. Maybe he really did need to just disappear.
"I know it has. You've always been there, been one of my biggest cheerleaders even when I didn't deserve it."
He took a long sip of coffee, listening to Quentin giving him the equivalent of a pep talk that things would get better. "I love that you've always had that kind of faith and belief. It's refreshing and beautiful. Don't ever let anyone or anything take it from you." There were times he wondered if happiness was just something he wasn't meant to have for more than a few moments. "And Q, tell yourself those same things when you look in the mirror everyday. This is your chance to have happy wonderful life. I hope you have that and more."
Eliot stood. "Well, we should get back to walking. I don't want bench butt," he joked then started walking again.
"You always deserve it, Eliot. I don't know why you think you don't." Yes, he knew that Eliot was a flawed human being. Everyone was a flawed human, but that didn't mean they deserved bad things. Not many people really did deserve them in Quentin's mind. But that was just how he looked at the world. He really couldn't help it, nor did he want to try.
Quentin just shrugged. Telling himself those things never seemed to help, but he knew why that was. "I do, just doesn't stick." He took a drink from his cup and nodded when Eliot stood up. "It would be a crime against nature to do anything to damage that ass." He laughed and followed him, just like he probably always would given the chance.