lydia martin feels like screaming đ¸ (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} banshees) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} chances_rpg,@ 2025-05-13 00:55:00 |
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| Entry tags: | teen wolf: lydia martin, teen wolf: stiles stilinski |
Log: Lydia & Stiles
Lydia Martin and Stiles Stilinski
February 9th | Stiles's jeep and The Presidio
They go for a drive and have a necessary talk after Lydia's had a few days to process her new home
â Mentions of canon deaths
February 9th | Stiles's jeep and The Presidio
They go for a drive and have a necessary talk after Lydia's had a few days to process her new home
â Mentions of canon deaths
Without calling her out on it, Stiles had suggested they go for a drive. Just something innocuous, a chance for her to see some more of San Francisco, and some of the places he liked. But the truth was he could tell Lydia was having a bad day. He knew the signs, and though she talked a good game he knew her well enough to know when she was faking it.
Sitting around â or restlessly walking around in her case â the apartment, wasn't going to help. He had a few essays he should have been working on, but they could wait. They weren't due soon enough for that down to the wire pressure to start properly motivating him yet. He was still percolating ideas, it was fine.
So now they were in his jeep, heading away from the apartment building. He didn't have a set destination in mind, but he was thinking the Presidio might be good. It was a nice quiet place that he figured maybe she'd appreciate. She'd commented on the state of the jeep, and he had to admit it looked a lot better than when she'd have last seen it back home. Kaylee was a bit of a miracle worker. It was driving better than it had in years.
There was some soft music coming from the radio, but otherwise it was quiet. The silence between them wasn't awkward though. It rarely was, and he'd always appreciated that about their friendship. They could just be in each other's company and that was enough. So though his fingers tapped a rhythm on the steering wheel, he was otherwise content for her to be the one to speak first.
Stiles didnât say it, but Lydia knew what he was doing. Just like she knew trying to hide her moods from him was virtually pointless. Heâd always had an eerie way of reading her, which if she was in a sour enough mood she could get easily annoyed with his too perceptive glances. Today she was so far grateful for the glances that didnât immediately come with questions, just an invitation to leave the apartment that some days still felt a little suffocating to her while she was adjusting to things here.
It hadnât been any one thing that had happened to really set her off today. Maybe more a combination of little things. Waking up in a bed that wasnât hers, but sheâd been disoriented enough that for a split second her mind had tricked her into thinking it was her bed back home. The continued frustrations of having to start at a new high school, without any of her friends, including Stiles who was here but was also an entire three years older than her. In a way it felt weirdly like getting left behind. Also smaller, more superficial annoyances like trying to figure out what to wear every day in a microclimate where one minute itâs sunny and an hour later itâs inexplicably raining. Not something that would probably get to her usually, but Lydia was admittedly and understandably just a little bit more on edge than usual.
And there was also the dreams. Not even Banshee dreams, just regular ones. She hadnât said anything about them, but theyâd been constant since sheâd gotten here. Lydia woke up regularly haunted by the faces she missed most, and it wasnât doing anything to lessen the pain sheâd felt consistently since Allison died. At least they weren't nightmares, sheâd been bracing herself for one of those since sheâd arrived but it hadnât happened yet.
Maybe the most surreal part of today was being back in Stilesâs jeep, but it wasnât an unwelcome familiarity. Just another thing about this place that felt impossible, and her brain had to take a moment to adjust to it. Which she was able to, because Stiles was mindful enough to give her some space while they existed in the same one. So she sat in the passenger seat of his jeep like she had a million times before, looking out the window as they drove while she half listened to the music from the radio and the rhythm of his fingers tapping into the steering wheel until she finally spoke. âI still canât believe the jeep is here.â
Of all the things she might have opened with, he hadn't been expecting that one, and a smile lifted the corner of his mouth. Having the jeep was almost, almost something he took for granted now, only because it had been so long. "You probably won't believe this, but not all that long after I got here the first time we got a wish. Other-you wished for unlimited funds, because you're the genius of this duo. I wished for my baby," he joked, curling his fingers further around the steering wheel. It had been a little piece of home when this place had still been foreign and uncomfortable in a lot of ways. He felt like maybe it was the same for her now, and that made him even more glad it was here.
"Didn't get to keep the unlimited funds, but the interest on what was left in the account doesn't do too badly." It wasn't enough to live off or anything, but it meant he hadn't been completely reliant on Kitty while he spent so much of his time studying.
"She took some damage when the earthquake hit. But Kaylee is some kind of miracle worker, I swear."
What he said didnât make any sense to her at first, until she remembered their talks about the strange and unexplainable phenomenons that happened here and made to file that away as just another weird thing this place did. Lydia flashed him a look that very clearly said she wasnât at all surprised that heâd wished for his jeep of all things, before looking back out the window thoughtfully. âIâm guessing if anybody had wished to go home, that just would have mysteriously not worked. But unlimited funds was totally doable.â
A little snarkier than she intended, but she didnât think she needed to explain herself to him at this point. So she concentrated on the trees zipping by outside as they drove, falling into temporary silence again as she pulled her olive green cargo jacket closer to her over the shirt and jeans she was wearing for their outing. She had pretty quickly conceded to going shopping after her first day, like Kitty had suggested. But for her it had been a sort of outer body experience where she just bought what she needed and left in under an hour.
Lydia Martin not enjoying a shopping trip was definitely a first.
âRegular earthquake or some kind of crazy, magical earthquake that opened up another rift in space and time?â She thought that was a fair question, considering everything else sheâd heard about this place so far.
âYouâre not wrong. And yeah, I tried,â he admitted, which was probably no more surprising than the biting remark from her. He got it, this was all still pretty new. Even if this place was his life now, it wasnât hers yet. He kept reminding himself of that. She needed time.
He saw the way she pulled at the jacket and had to resist the urge to ask if she was cold. He doubted she was, and he had to stop doing that. Lydia was perfectly capable of speaking up if something was bothering her, and he couldnât anticipate every move she made forever.
âRegular,â he laughed. âWell. Mostly. Anyway it totally wrecked the building we were in before so we had to move. But that was honestly a blessing in disguise because where we are now is so much nicer. Whoever thought weâd be living in a place with a concierge.â He felt out of place every time he walked in, honestly. Heâd joked about it with Alex but it was true, it was taking some getting used to.
âThe only annoying part is having two separate towers.â Which probably meant nothing to her but heâd already done more than one late night walk next door when heâd decided last minute to spend the night with Alex.
Lydia had barely noticed the presence of a concierge when sheâd first gotten here, but she had to agree it was a little strange. Maybe it was a different kind of strange for her, since it was still just weird not to be living in her own house. That aside, it was pretty odd to have someone always waiting when they entered or exited the building. LIke everything else about living here, she still hadnât gotten used to it. She still wasnât sure how she felt about ever getting used to it, or how to accept the fact that she didnât have a choice.
Her hand idly touched the back of her head where it was neatly tied in a loose braid. Sheâd been trying to do a more complicated set of braids that her mom usually helped her with, and she hadnât been able to get it quite right on her own this morning. Admittedly sheâd overreacted, but it was also just a symptom of the bigger issue which was just that. Missing her mom. It was actually kind of embarrassing, and she felt pretty childish for it.
At his mention of two separate towers, it wasnât hard for Lydia to read between those lines. They hadnât talked much about Alex, besides the obvious facts. And while she hadnât exactly received the shock of her life to learn that Stiles was dating a guy, it had just sort of been filed away with all of the other huge amounts of information to deal with at a later date. Glancing sideways at Stiles while he drove, Lydia finally asked. âSo is it serious?â
The occasional glance over at her as he drove couldn't be helped. He wasn't actively trying to annoy her with it; he just couldn't quite help it. He doubted the feeling of worry would go away in a hurry. Especially until she was a bit more settled, and when she was having a day like today. He didn't blame her for it. God knew he had his share of bad days. And he didn't have being freshly arrived in this place as an excuse.
He looked in the rearview mirror to change lanes as they approached the turn off they needed. Mentioning their living arrangement had been a passing comment, which meant he hadn't really been expecting the question. But that didn't necessarily mean it was surprising. Since she'd been here he'd already spent the night at Alex's a few times. They usually alternated a bit more but there seemed to be this entirely unspoken agreement to give Lydia a chance to get settled before having a regular visitor stopping by.
"With Alex?" The question was purely rhetorical. He knew what she was asking. It was just a habitual need to fill the silence as he considered the best way to answer. Not because he didn't know exactly what that answer was, but because broaching this subject with Lydia was uncharted territory. He didn't really know how to approach it. "Yeah, we â yeah. It's serious."
His occasional glances over at her were starting to become impossible to ignore. She knew it came from a place of concern and not because he actually thought she was some kind of fragile thing seconds away from breaking, but in a more irrational moment, Lydia couldnât help feeling that way. Just like she couldnât help feeling like people were walking on eggshells around her, and she couldnât figure out why. If it was because of how sheâd arrived and the state sheâd been in, or something else. But it was getting a little annoying. She was trying not to take it out on him.
âYes, with Alex.â His question had obviously been rhetorical but she couldnât help initially responding just a little bit impatiently to it with how on edge she still was. She tried to focus on the world outside again and how nice it felt to be back in the jeep, a piece of home that was comforting and familiar and didnât immediately remind her of anything terrible.
The pause in his answer was telling too, although Lydia wasnât sure what it said, but she couldnât shake the feeling that she was out of the loop. She had already spent her sophomore and some of her junior year being deliberately kept in the dark about all things supernatural by her friends, she wasnât interested in any kind of repeat of that. âSerious enough to be wearing a necklace?â Sheâd clocked the chain around his neck and made assumptions, since sheâd never known Stiles to be much of a jewellery person.
Stiles had to bite back a wince at the edge to her words, telling himself she was having a bad day, and it wasn't necessarily about him. Except for the part where maybe he wasn't helping with the bad day at all. Maybe this had been a terrible idea. Maybe she'd have been better off being alone. Though he'd never known Lydia to do anything she didn't want to do for the sake of making someone else feel better, so probably not. God, that was a horrible thought and he hated that he'd even had it. She'd just lost her best friend, he could stand to be a bit more patient.
One hand unconsciously moved from the wheel to touch the pendant at the end of the chain hanging around his neck, but only briefly before he lowered it. He'd kind of half forgotten it was there, only because he never really took it off. He had to resist the instinct to tuck it beneath his shirt. He shouldn't have been concerned about what she thought. "Christmas present," he noted, probably needlessly. She didn't care about trivial details like that. "And I guess it is." As in yeah, it very much was. Even if he hadn't necessarily assigned any level of 'serious' based on wearing the symbol of something that very much screamed Alex. That wasn't the thing that had made them serious, after all.
"He's a really great guy. And a good friend. Was, even before â anything else happened." It wasn't anything she needed to hear, but saying Alex was a good person wasn't some kind of exaggeration based on how he felt about him. He'd known it even before he'd realized his feelings went beyond friendship. The words had sounded a bit more defensive than he'd intended, and that hadn't been intentional either. Just an unconscious reaction to how sheâd asked the question.
For a guy of so many words, sometimes it was more telling in how Stiles was currently feeling by what he wasnât saying. She caught the movement out of the corner of her eye when he went to touch the charm at the end of the necklace, an almost aborted movement like he was considering hiding it. It made sense that he hadnât told her immediately the day sheâd arrived, there had been too much to talk about and sheâd been seriously overwhelmed. But the way it had come out later left her with a funny feeling, one that had nothing to do with the fact that Stiles was dating a guy and everything to do with the bigger feeling Lydia couldnât shake that there was a lot more she still didnât know.
She also knew she was being unnecessarily difficult. Lydia looked out at the first glimpse of water to their right before glancing back at him, eyebrows just slightly raised at the obvious defensive note in his words. Again, curious.
âI know heâs great. Iâve met him, remember.â Theyâd gone for boba and had a nice talk. Alex seemed like a pretty open book and as much as it had temporarily mystified her how someone seemingly this nice survived under Stilesâs particular brand of cutting sarcasm, he was clearly genuine. Which again begged the question why it had been such a secret.
âWhat I donât get is why you waited to say anything. Is it because heâs a guy? Because itâs not even that surprising. And why do you keep looking at me like youâre afraid Iâm going to throw myself out of this jeep?â
At the barrage of questions he felt his fingers tighten a little around the steering wheel, a frustrated expression crossing his face before he schooled it into something more passive. He mentally counted to five, and when that didn't work he did it again. He didn't know why the way she threw that in his face bothered him so much. Maybe it was because of the implication that he was treating her like she was that fragile. He never had, and it rankled that she would imply that now.
"Which part did you want me to start with? Why I didn't tell you about Alex â a total mystery, by the way, with how pleasant you're making this whole conversation â or the fact that you think I'm looking at you any kind of way. Why do you think, Lydia? Because I've been worried about you, okay? God."
Shaking his head he turned his full attention back out the windshield, rather than turning any more of those apparently unwelcome looks on her. After a minute or so, he made a point of loosening his grip as he took a steadying breath. She didn't need this. Not today.
"I didn't not tell you about Alex because he's a guy even if I don't buy 'it's not surprising Stiles'," he mimicked the words. "I didn't tell you because I wanted you to have time to find your feet before I started throwing my whole life here in your face. A thousand apologies if I got that wrong, Lydia. I wasn't trying to make things worse for you."
It was Lydiaâs turn to wince, and instead of arguing back like she usually would have she fell silent again. Clearly sheâd touched a nerve. And she didnât know what to do with his worry over her. She never had. Every time he showed concern for her all she heard was Jackonâs voice in her head that he didnât want to be responsible for her. Why was Stiles so eager to deal with her problems? She still didnât understand it.
Leaning her head back against the headrest behind her, she took a deep breath in and let it out slowly through her nose. Maybe she couldnât blame him for just being extra cautious with her, considering how she tended to react to any upset lately, minor or otherwise. Today being a prime example. And not that she was still really back in the mindset of school fully yet, but the realization that if she was here long enough the prospect of going to MIT was no longer an option had admittedly hit her pretty hard too. She was still adjusting. Maybe he was right.
âWell if thatâs why you didnât tell me then fine. But I spent like a year back in Beacon Hills with my friends keeping me in the dark about a lot of things,â Lydia finally said, her voice noticeably strained but softer. âI donât know if itâs just because people here already know all of my business from a different version of me or what, but donât think I donât notice.â
She threw a sideways glance at him while still mostly keeping her focus on the road outside, wondering where exactly they were going. âAnd it isnât really a surprise. Youâre the type that falls for people. Gender doesnât necessarily play into that, or at least thatâs how I saw it.â
Lydia not snapping back immediately took some of the wind out of his sails. He took a second to gather his thoughts, using the excuse of not missing the turn off to do it.
"I know it doesn't mean anything now but we hated not being able to tell you. I hated it. But we were trying to keep you safe." That's what had been important to Stiles, anyway. "And I didn't know how much to tell you now because it really felt like you needed time. I'm sorry if that was the wrong call." His apology sounded a lot more sincere this time around; not just said out of frustration in response to being called out for something he didn't see as being a bad thing. He wasn't going to apologize for the part where he'd been worried about her.
By the time he'd even thought about how to continue he was parking, and as he pulled the handbrake on he finally looked over at her. "I don't mind you knowing about Alex. I wasn't deliberately trying to keep it from you. We've been together for almost a year, it's not like it's a secret."
He shook his head then, a sort of rueful smile starting. "Which doesn't mean I get how you figured that out about me when I didn't have a clue."
âYouâre not the only one who pays attention.â The look that Lydia gave him after his last remark may as well have had âDuh, Stilesâ written all over her face. It was Stiles who had first seen her for who she really was, after all. Surely he hadnât been here so long already that heâd forgotten that. Was it so crazy that she might have started paying attention to him too?
âAnd it wasnât the wrong call,â Lydia sighed as she unfastened her seat belt and stretched her legs. She probably wouldnât have taken the news any more gracefully than she had anything else that first day. She understood why he hadnât. Didnât mean it was easy for her to once again feel like she was the elephant in the room everyone else was avoiding. Or she was just being paranoid.
And his reasoning for why sheâd been kept in the dark back in Beacon Hills for so long was sound, but it still hurt when she thought about it. They were trying to keep her safe? Why, just because she couldnât defend herself like Allison could? As always when she thought of her best friend, Lydia immediately felt a sharp pang in the empty space that would never be filled again. She knew that Stiles had always tried to protect her, even when she didnât think she needed it, so she couldnât exactly blame him for worrying now. She definitely needed it.
âItâs just hard being here. So many people seem to know me from a me that was here before but I donât know anyone. Or anything. And I donât know what Iâm doing.â She said that last part a little more quietly, to herself more than to him. There was no getting around it. Stiles had an entire life here, and she was still half-hoping this was all temporary for her. Lydia had no clue how to rectify those two things. And a year relationship as a part of that new life? That was definitely serious. It had almost been more of a surprise to her that he was in a serious relationship at all, guy or not, for reasons that felt awkward to bring up now. â... Youâre not making things worse.â
"Difference being you knew how smart you were. You didn't need me telling you that to see it," he countered. Not quite the same thing. Or at least, he didn't think so. Though he'd done enough of his own self reflection over the weeks and months. It wasn't hard to see how much his sole focus being Lydia for so long had left him blind to much else as far as relationships or even attraction went. Not that he could say that part to her without making things way too awkward.
He followed suit, undoing his seatbelt though not immediately opening the door. The jeep felt like a safe space for this conversation â at least, for Lydia. It was something familiar he could offer her right now, when he knew how out of place she must have been feeling. Which was basically confirmed by what she told him next.
"I know. It probably doesn't seem like it now but it took me a long time to feel like I could deal with this place. And you turning up had a lot to do with that. I hope â that's something that I can do for you, too." He gave her a grateful smile when she said he wasn't making things worse. It really did help to hear that right then, because he was pretty confident he was screwing this up, even discounting his frustration at her earlier words. He liked to think Lydia knew him well enough to know he hadn't meant anything by it. Not really.
"You remember I said you were from the same time as me, before?" He didn't wait for an acknowledgement; he knew she did. "WellâŚthe things we went through, back home. The time we spent together. We got really close, Lydia. We were really good friends." Even more than she knew them to be, when things had still been relatively new, by comparison. "I've really missed that. I missed you."
He only hesitated for a second before continuing, dismissing the worry that it might upset her, in favor of being honest. "I know this might not be where you want to be right now. But I'm glad you're here."
Lydia didnât think it was all that different. It had still taken Stiles saying something to her to make her realize it was time to stop hiding parts of herself away from the rest of the world. He might not have been all that conscious of it, but there were always signs. She was also half-convinced if heâd been a little more self-aware he might have actually gone for Danny like most people at Beacon Hills High with a pulse and an interest in men. But the argument was a moot point now, since Stiles had managed to figure it out on his own without her.
It took her a minute to realize he was talking about them back home. That sometime between the last thing she remembered and the additional year of memories he had, that theyâd become even better friends then they were when sheâd left. It was⌠honestly a little strange to be told something that significant about your own life that you didnât remember. But it wasnât unwelcome either. How could it be? Stiles was already a good friend to her. Becoming even better friends was hardly terrible news. A part of her wanted to ask about the things they went through back home, but something stopped her. Maybe that sense of self-preservation that told her she wasnât ready for another information overload yet.
And she knew he was only trying to help. As hard as it was for her to accept that help, Lydia didnât want him to think she didnât notice or appreciate it. Even if she was apparently already pretty terrible at showing it. If anyone was making things worse it was her, not him.
She looked over at Stiles almost in surprise, although maybe she shouldnât have been. It was nice. That he wanted her here. Even if she still wasnât sure how she felt about this place, she didnât exactly hate being here with him either. It felt complicated. Glancing away with a small smile and out past where theyâd parked, she took in the sight of a boardwalk and beyond that a stretch of beach, the Golden Gate Bridge just in view at a distance. Even if she had conflicting feelings about being here, the place was beautiful. And she did already feel a little better just being in the safety of his jeep where things were comforting and familiar. It meant something to her, that he felt that way about them.
Lydia visibly relaxed in her seat a little before turning back to him, looking pleased and a little sheepish. âOkay, well. In the spirit of that, if thereâs anything else I should know right now, just tell me? I wonât overreact. Iâm just tired of being in the dark about things.â
Those words immediately brought with them the weight of what he knew he needed to tell her. Because even though he hadn't told her that first day â and with good reason â the longer he put it off, the bigger the chance she'd stumble over something herself. It wasn't like old messages on the network they shared were secret or hidden.
He pulled the keys from the ignition, not with any intention of getting out of the jeep right away, but simply for the sake of doing something with his hands. "There is something I want to tell you," he admitted, then pulled a face at his own words. "That isn't meant to sound so ominous, I swear."
With an almost reluctant sigh, he pulled his phone from his pocket, opening the photos app and flicking back quite a way now, to get to the one he wanted. Wordlessly, he held the phone out for her to take. On the screen was a photo of the two of them at the park. He had his arms around her from behind, and Lydia was laughing and looking away from the camera.
"We weren't just roommates. We were together. A couple. It started maybe three months after you got here. And then you left, and I â" He shook his head, feeling that god awful feeling of alone claw its way up his throat before he shoved it back down again. "I wish there was any way to tell you without it feeling like I'm springing it on you. But there really isn't. And I'd hate for you to find out from anyone else."
Lydia hadnât known exactly what he was about to tell her, although from the way heâd started, sheâd been inwardly bracing herself. But whatever sheâd been expecting⌠Not that. It wasnât that. And it didnât matter how long she stared at the picture on the phone she held in her hands now, Lydia couldnât get her brain to connect the thing that he was trying to tell her with what she was seeing right in front of her. That was a picture of her and Stiles. In that picture, they were dating. Her and Stiles. Dating. An older version of her and this older version of Stiles had dated? Lydia could feel herself losing her already shaky grip on reality again.
Sheâd told him she wasnât going to overreact, but it felt a little like a rug had been pulled out from under her feet when she hadnât had a very solid footing to begin with, and the one thing she thought sheâd known something about here, her and Stiles, wasnât at all what sheâd actually thought. She didnât know what to say. She didnât know what to think. She heard what Stiles was saying to her but it only minimally registered as she kept staring at the photo.
The Lydia in the photo looked happy. That Lydia looked like the complete opposite of what she felt on a daily basis now.
A painful lump formed in her throat that she did her best to swallow, finally tearing her gaze away from the screen and looking up at him, her expression confused and her normally keen eyes stormy. From anyone else. People here knew. Theyâd known when sheâd gotten here. âI⌠okay.â Lydia handed him the phone back numbly, head still spinning as she tried to gather her thoughts. It wasnât working very well. âCan we walk? I think I need to walk.â Even as she said it, she was already opening the passenger door and climbing out, with the intent of heading for the nearest stretch of sand and water.
Phone in hand, all he could do was watch for a second as she scrambled to get out of the jeep. He was already kicking himself for telling her based on her reaction. She'd seemed like she was handling it okay, and she'd been the one to say she was tired of being in the dark. But maybe this had been too much.
With a resigned sigh he opened the door, getting out and sliding his phone back in his pocket as he closed it again. He was completely floundering now; he had no idea what he was meant to say to her. It wasn't like he could take it back. It was out there now. She knew, whether he liked it or not. Whether she liked it or not.
Walking around the back of the jeep to follow her, he did his best to school his expression into something more neutral as he scrubbed a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry." It was all he could think to say. But it was like he'd said. He'd hate for her to have found this out from someone else. "You don't have to say anything. You can pretend I didn't say anything if you want." All he could hope for at this point is that she didn't now feel completely uncomfortable being here with him, let alone living in the same apartment.
Lydiaâs mind was working overtime the second her feet hit the pavement, unable to stop it. She heard Stiles when he spoke, but she didnât know what to say to any of it. How could she just pretend sheâd never heard that? Pretend sheâd never seen that photo? The Lydia in that photo felt like a stranger to her but it was the sort of hard, undeniable proof that she couldnât deny. Not that Stiles would ever lie to her about something like this. She knew he wouldnât. But heâd also waited to tell her about it. And while the more logical side of Lydiaâs brain understood why he had, there were a lot of other feelings currently competing right now.
She was silent for a minute or two as they walked, her mind caught between this place and back home, attempting to match up what he was telling her and what she thought she knew. Being with Aiden in Stilesâs room, finding that framed photo of her drawing of a tree. For Lydia, the inscription had read. Aiden had been so insistent that it meant more than she thought it did and sheâd brushed it off. But sheâd also kissed him. Did this Stiles realize sheâd literally just kissed him in the locker room? It felt like she was missing the whole middle of a book between that and whatever had happened between them here. When he said theyâd gotten close, is this more what heâd meant? Too many questions and most of them she wasnât actually verbalizing.
Lydia hugged herself around her middle, reaching the sandy part of the beach and stopping suddenly to face him, her expression vaguely accusatory. âThis whole time Iâve been feeling like the elephant in the room and I was. Enough people here knew me from before. Which means my being here again was probably already a topic of some discussion, right? Because people knew about that. About us. Alex knows?â
"It's not like that," he insisted, stopping when she did. "You're not the â what? The elephant in the room? Lydia, no. I swear. Yeah, Alex knows. A lot of people here know. Because they were here when we were together. They saw you leave. Saw me lose my two best friends and fall apart, okay?" He admitted that if only because he needed her to see she wasn't being judged by anyone. "If they're looking at anyone it's me." Waiting to see how he was going to react. Maybe now she could understand why he'd gone back to Alex that first night. Of course he'd been thrown by Lydia showing up.
He told himself to slow down, to not let himself overreact. Luke's words echoed in his head, from before he'd spoken to Alex. That he was good at being the logical one. He could do that. He could worry about his feelings later. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you. But it's not like anyone knows how to deal with this, I don't have a rule book. I'm sorry."
âWhy would they - Iâm seventeen.â She stated it like that was the beginning and end of an argument, which it wasnât, but Lydia thought it was still a point that needed to be made. âIâm seventeen, and my boyfriend just died. And you have a boyfriend here.â
These were things they both already knew, but she was suddenly feeling the need to defend both of them in this situation. Why would anyone be looking at Stiles? Did people really think⌠what, that just by her showing up, that would somehow negate all the other valid points sheâd just made? A smaller and more wounded part of her resented the implication that there was anything to be concerned about when she hadnât had a choice in being here. She hadnât even known about any of this. It all took her a minute to wrap her head around.
But she wasnât mad at Stiles for telling her. How could she be? Itâs not like heâd done this to her on purpose. But he was right. There wasnât a rule book. And she still didnât really know how to respond to the whole âwe datedâ thing when she had no memory of it. But her expression did soften, the knowledge of her leaving having that kind of effect on him taking some of the aimless frustration out of her body language. If there was one thing she understood, it was falling apart. She didnât like that heâd gone through that either.
âNo. You should have told me. Iâm just⌠This isnât something I can just immediately process.â Lydia exhaled, brushing a few strands of hair out of her face that had come loose from the braid. âItâs not every day that youâre told you had a relationship with someone that you canât remember having.â A pause. âWas it serious?â
"I know," he allowed. Now it sounded like people had been weird about it, and no one had. Not even Alex. Especially not Alex, because he understood how his thought process worked and considering how similar it was to his own sometimes he couldn't blame him for a second.
"No one knows about Aiden, though. I never had reason to tell anyone about him, not properly. And now that's for you to choose to talk about." If she even wanted to, which was the point. "It's not like Alex was really worried, he just â he knows how much you meant to me. How much you still mean to me. And this place hasn't always been easy on us. It gets you on edge, that's all." He wasn't going to discuss how anxious his boyfriend could get with Lydia, it wasn't his place to decide who knew about that. So he hoped that explanation was enough.
"I wouldn't expect you to be able to get your head around it, are you kidding? It's a lot. And yeah. It was. âŚSerious, I mean. We talked about the future. Together, you know?" And maybe he hadn't told her about Roey before adopting her, but Lydia had just accepted it. And they'd made plans and even talked about kids, thanks to that time this place had screwed with their dreams. Again.
This place making you feel on edge was something she understood at least. Lydia had felt that steadily since sheâd gotten here, maybe today especially. It was so stupid. Just the mention of Aidenâs name shouldnât still hurt as much as it immediately did. Itâs not like they had been anything approaching serious, it was just the circumstances and how things could have been⌠Not like an older version of her and this Stiles had apparently been serious.
It was more than a lot to wrap her head around. And Lydia might have thought he was talking about someone else entirely, if she didnât already know he was talking about the two of them. It wasnât like she didnât know he used to have a crush on her, heâd told her himself at the dance. And yeah, sheâd kissed him. But that had been to stop his panic attack and she was with Aiden at the time, and then everything had happened with him and Allison and the Nogitsune. It just wasnât like that between them back home. Or was it? Had she just missed it entirely? It was hard to account for the time she was missing. An entire year of memories in Beacon Hills that he had and she didnât, and then however long she had been here.
But Stiles was saying things like Alex knew how much she means to him and Lydia wasnât even sure she knew what that meant, only that there was a lot about their friendship that she didnât understand yet. Her head was too full and she wasnât really processing any of this. A bay breeze blew over them and she hugged her arms closer to her chest as she turned to start walking again, this time staying instep with him. âHow did it start?â
It took him a second to realize she was asking about the two of them, not he and Alex. It wasn't intentional, it was just that these days that was generally what people meant when they referred to him in that context.
He was also a bit distracted by the way she wrapped her arms around herself when the breeze picked up. Shrugging out of the blue hoodie he was wearing he made a point of putting it around her shoulders only because he knew if he just held it out she'd probably refuse it. "It gets a bit cold down here."
But the weather wasn't what she'd asked him about. "Well," he began with a reluctant tone. "Everyone here could pretty much tell how much we meant to each other." Which otherwise translated to he hadn't been able to stop talking to Lydia, or about Lydia, or doing things for Lydia. "It just took me a while to do anything about how I was feeling. I asked you to go to this party with me. I know, Stiles voluntarily going to a party. Pause for dramatic effect." He shrugged. "And that was it."
Lydia didnât argue with the hoodie, if only because she was pretty sure they both noticed her shiver. So she just glanced at him gratefully while holding his hoodie closed around her at the top. It was sort of awkward to wear over her cargo jacket, but the added warmth was too nice for her to actually deny right then. Nice enough that she eventually relented and put her arms through the sleeves to zip it closed.
She listened while he told her what she wanted to know, and even if it still didnât feel all that real, Lydia still nodded, accepting what he was telling her as truth. And it sounded like, whatever was between them, it had been that way for a while. Or at least, it hadnât been something that came out of thin air when theyâd gotten here.
âSorry, itâs just a little hard to imagine.â Lydia looked over at him quickly with a look of apology. âNot that dating you isnât something I can imagine. âŚThat doesnât sound right either.â She blew out a frustrated breath, attempting to start over despite not really knowing what she was trying to say. Something that in many ways had been a barely formed thought for her back then had completely evolved somewhere else. âBack home. Things between us didnât feel exactly like that. At least not from what I can actually remember.â
She thought about what else heâd said, back in the jeep. âIs this⌠part of what you meant? By how we got closer?â
"It's okay." He didn't quite laugh, just gave her a sympathetic smile, offering the out. "I get what you're trying to say. You're right, things were different back then. We'd, what? Kissed in the locker room to stop my panic attack?" She'd still been with Aiden, and then he'd been with Malia in Eichen, the Nogitsune hadn't stopped, Allison had â
It wasn't the same, and he knew she didn't mean to imply anything by it. Which was, potentially, easier for him to recognize more objectively now. Maybe it came with getting a bit older and maybe a bit more mature. Or more likely it had more to do with the fact he was very happily in a relationship with someone else he happened to be in love with.
"Yeah. Yes. That's what I meant. Kind of." He was not doing this well. "Nothing had happened between us back home. We were just â I don't know. It was all that stuff Deaton said, right? And we were there for each other. That's all." A simple explanation for a not remotely simple situation. But he didn't have the faintest idea how to sum up all of that into a single conversation.
The out was appreciated. Lydia wasnât entirely sure how to navigate this kind of conversation with him, but he was making it pretty easy for her so far. She was a little surprised that he mentioned the kiss, only because they had never talked about it back home. Almost like it had never happened. Having it out in the open like that now was a strange sort of relief, especially given what they were currently talking about. She felt better with things out in the open between them. They were friends. Real friends with some kind of connection neither of them could really explain. But whatever had happened between them, that had come later.
What worried her was what he said next, and what that maybe meant for them now. When she came from, they were just friends who had shared one kiss. This Stiles had lived a year past that in Beacon Hills where theyâd become even better friends, and then lived here in this place with her where that friendship had evolved into something else entirely. Was it even possible for them to go backwards? Her thoughts were too jumbled to make sense of them
Frowning to herself, Lydia glanced at Stiles sideways before stopping abruptly. She seemed to be struggling with something before she finally asked. âAre we still friends?â
"What?" They'd started walking down towards the water after he'd given her his hoodie, but at that question he stopped just as quickly as she had. "Lydia, you â what? Of course we are. Of course we're friends." As he said it, he had to remind himself this Lydia didn't know their friendship in the same way he did. That to him, that friendship meant more to him than anything else they'd had. Back then, that wouldn't have seemed possible from him. But it was true. They'd become such good friends that the thought of losing that â a second time â terrified him.
"Nothing could change that. Even weird time travelling across alternate realities. Or past relationships one of us knows nothing about." It sounded stupid, and he was maybe trying to prompt even the smallest smile from her. He was also about to remind her that what he'd said about them being so close was true, or possibly just sound like an idiot and humiliate himself. But what else was new?
"You know what I told Alex the other day when you showed up? I told him that you're one of my best friends, and I love you. And I honestly don't care about how weird this all is. I've already lost too much time with the people I care about to worry about any of that."
The corners of Lydiaâs mouth turned up slightly at the attempt of a joke. Maybe she didnât totally understand the nature of their relationship as it currently stood in his head with all the history they shared that she didnât remember, but she didnât have to. She believed him. And maybe coming here to find a Stiles three years older had really thrown her, but in many ways he was still the same Stiles sheâd known back home. Things had just changed for him.
His reassurances made some of the worry in her face melt away a little, replaced by relief and a silent understanding. She couldnât even begin to fully wrap her head around the revelation that theyâd been in a relationship, so she was mostly just worried it would be too weird now, and things wouldnât be the same between them. Maybe they werenât as close back home when she was from as he was saying theyâd gotten later, but Lydia still thought of them as close friends. And Stiles had really been there for her. After Peter bit her, after Jackson left. After her Banshee abilities emerged and half the time she didnât know what to do with them. He was always ready with some kind of solution, or at least a word of comfort when she felt overwhelmed or couldnât stop second guessing herself. Sometimes he would hang out with her while she tried to work something out in her head. Or they would just talk for hours. She missed that.
Squinting up at him in the sunlight, Lydia finally allowed a real smile, small but unmistakable as the first fringes of hope entered her voice. It was still difficult to ignore the small voice in the back of her head that sounded like Jackson, telling her that Stiles would get sick of dealing with her eventually too, but she tried. âReally?â
"Really," he immediately assured, not even giving her a second to doubt it. "I know everything feels wrong right now. I get that. But I promise, Lydia, this isn't something you need to worry about. No matter what else happens here, we'll always be friends, okay?"
He almost hated that tentative look on her face. He did, actually. He hated the doubt. Lydia Martin should never have carried that much doubt about anything, let alone their friendship. She meant too much to him, and maybe it would take him a little while to get used to the idea that he didn't mean the same to her, but it didn't matter. He didn't need that. He just needed his friend back, no matter what that looked like.
The smile was still real though, and it was one he hadn't seen on her since she'd shown up. And he couldn't resist closing the space between them and putting his arms around her. "You're my best friend. And I'll tell you as often as you need to hear it."
If she hugged him back a little more tightly than she meant to, it was only because she was so relieved. After all of the other surprises this place had dealt her, Lydia realized this was the one that might have scared her the most. She was already in a strange place, stuck in this impossible situation she still didnât completely understand with no way to get home and unable to do anything except⌠what? Start a life here like anything about that was normal?
Stiles was the one thing about this place that felt even remotely safe. The only piece of familiarity and comfort from the life sheâd been so abruptly torn from that she had here. The thought of losing him, or their friendship changing that drastically because of a relationship she didnât even remember, had briefly shaken her. It wasnât logical. She knew that.
Everything else here felt wrong to her, but he didnât. And one thing that hadnât really changed was the fact that it still felt like he was the only person who really understood her. So Lydia clung to that, and to him, exhaling a shaky breath while nodding against him. Since sheâd gotten here it was still hard to convince herself that everything was going to be okay, but Stiles did a lot to help her feel like it might be eventually. She should really tell him that. She didnât want him to think that everything heâd been trying to do for her, all the smaller ways heâd tried to make her feel better since sheâd been here, had gone unnoticed. âNot everything here feels wrong. Youâre my best friend too.â
It was a different kind of friendship than the one sheâd had with Allison, but she realized the truth in her words as she spoke them. It had already been that way for a while. Maybe even before the ritual, but definitely since then. They were connected, and it was that connection that was keeping her from drowning right now.
That might not have seemed like a big deal to some people, especially maybe to the people who knew them best, but right now to Stiles those words felt like a win. He wasn't expecting miracles; this was all still so new for her, and there'd be setbacks. But for now, he'd take it.
He wouldn't even try and convince her this was the kind of place you could grow used to. That he had done exactly that. That going home and then coming back again had felt right in so many ways. He understood that right now that would be a bit too much. But he was willing to be the optimistic one for the two of them right now and be comfortable with the notion that she'd get there eventually, too. It wasn't like it had happened right away for him, either.
Stepping back from the hug, he gave her a reassuring smile. "I figured you might like it here. Even if it's a bit cold right now. I bring Roey down here sometimes when she's got too much energy."
Lydia was even more grateful for the hoodie she was now wearing as another breeze picked up right after he said that. He was right, though. She did like it here. The water was beautiful, as was the view of the Golden Gate Bridge. She didnât even really mind the chill, sheâd always liked that crisper scent in the air that she associated with things she enjoyed about the colder months of the year. Her birthday and Christmas being top contenders, but also the smaller things. Ice skating. Reading in the Martin family living room with a fire going, sometimes while her mom brushed her hair. She really missed that.
A lump formed in the back of her throat that she quickly swallowed, still smiling a little despite herself when they pulled apart. She did feel better, even if a lot of the information sheâd just received was still rattling around loose in her head and that would probably go on for a while still. It didnât stop her from relaxing a bit more in the moment, which was all thanks to Stiles. He made her feel like her world wasnât ending, so she believed it.
âWe should bring her next time.â Lydia had gotten pretty fond of the dog in her short time being here. Having Roey to cuddle with definitely made missing Prada a little easier. She and Void were still figuring things out but the cat seemed to really want Lydiaâs attention so she was being tactical about that. âI think she would look pretty cute in a little dog hoodie.â
She still had that sadness in her expression, but it seemed like maybe some of the weight of her earlier mood had lifted, so he'd count that as a win. It wasn't that he was trying to rush her. For her the loss he'd had years to come to grips with was still really recent. He just didn't want her to get lost in the grief.
He laughed at the idea of Roey in a hoodie. "I think it would last all of thirty seconds, but you're welcome to give it a shot." His dog already loved Lydia, which didn't surprise him. Roey was a pretty friendly animal, unlike Void who could be a bit standoffish depending on the day. Stiles still loved the ridiculous cat and his unpredictable moods.
"Void used to have a few ridiculous outfits, before I got Roey. We got him one of those cat spider costumes for Halloween. He only wore it long enough for one photo though. Roey's never really sat still long enough for that kind of thing." He gestured in the direction she'd started her semi-panicked walk. "Want to walk? Or is it too cold?"
It was still going to take some getting used to. This place. An older Stiles. Knowing that some future version of her had a relationship with this older Stiles, serious enough that theyâd lived together and shared animals together. Animals that she now lived with, along with this Stiles and a werewolf named Kitty who was her legal guardian. If she thought too hard about any of it, she could still feel herself start to lose her grip a little, so she very wisely didnât. Sheâd get used to it eventually, if she really had to. That thought left Lydia with some lingering guilt, that a significant part of her still didnât want to be here when Stiles was trying so hard to make her feel more comfortable. He wanted her to get used to this place. She could see that, even in his obvious patience with her. And that made her want to at least try.
Lydia laughed softly under her breath, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear and briefly averting her gaze as she collected herself. More of a habit than anything, she didnât actually feel the need to put on a face for him. Heâd already seen her at her worst plenty of times. Glancing back at Stiles, she pressed her lips together and nodded slightly. A walk might actually do her some good, and the water really was pretty to look at. Just like a ride in his jeep, it felt strangely therapeutic.
âLetâs walk.â Comfortable in her decision and with a surge of confidence she hadnât really felt since arriving here, Lydia looped her arm through his to tug him along the sandy path. âYou can tell me more about you and Alex.â
Sitting around â or restlessly walking around in her case â the apartment, wasn't going to help. He had a few essays he should have been working on, but they could wait. They weren't due soon enough for that down to the wire pressure to start properly motivating him yet. He was still percolating ideas, it was fine.
So now they were in his jeep, heading away from the apartment building. He didn't have a set destination in mind, but he was thinking the Presidio might be good. It was a nice quiet place that he figured maybe she'd appreciate. She'd commented on the state of the jeep, and he had to admit it looked a lot better than when she'd have last seen it back home. Kaylee was a bit of a miracle worker. It was driving better than it had in years.
There was some soft music coming from the radio, but otherwise it was quiet. The silence between them wasn't awkward though. It rarely was, and he'd always appreciated that about their friendship. They could just be in each other's company and that was enough. So though his fingers tapped a rhythm on the steering wheel, he was otherwise content for her to be the one to speak first.
Stiles didnât say it, but Lydia knew what he was doing. Just like she knew trying to hide her moods from him was virtually pointless. Heâd always had an eerie way of reading her, which if she was in a sour enough mood she could get easily annoyed with his too perceptive glances. Today she was so far grateful for the glances that didnât immediately come with questions, just an invitation to leave the apartment that some days still felt a little suffocating to her while she was adjusting to things here.
It hadnât been any one thing that had happened to really set her off today. Maybe more a combination of little things. Waking up in a bed that wasnât hers, but sheâd been disoriented enough that for a split second her mind had tricked her into thinking it was her bed back home. The continued frustrations of having to start at a new high school, without any of her friends, including Stiles who was here but was also an entire three years older than her. In a way it felt weirdly like getting left behind. Also smaller, more superficial annoyances like trying to figure out what to wear every day in a microclimate where one minute itâs sunny and an hour later itâs inexplicably raining. Not something that would probably get to her usually, but Lydia was admittedly and understandably just a little bit more on edge than usual.
And there was also the dreams. Not even Banshee dreams, just regular ones. She hadnât said anything about them, but theyâd been constant since sheâd gotten here. Lydia woke up regularly haunted by the faces she missed most, and it wasnât doing anything to lessen the pain sheâd felt consistently since Allison died. At least they weren't nightmares, sheâd been bracing herself for one of those since sheâd arrived but it hadnât happened yet.
Maybe the most surreal part of today was being back in Stilesâs jeep, but it wasnât an unwelcome familiarity. Just another thing about this place that felt impossible, and her brain had to take a moment to adjust to it. Which she was able to, because Stiles was mindful enough to give her some space while they existed in the same one. So she sat in the passenger seat of his jeep like she had a million times before, looking out the window as they drove while she half listened to the music from the radio and the rhythm of his fingers tapping into the steering wheel until she finally spoke. âI still canât believe the jeep is here.â
Of all the things she might have opened with, he hadn't been expecting that one, and a smile lifted the corner of his mouth. Having the jeep was almost, almost something he took for granted now, only because it had been so long. "You probably won't believe this, but not all that long after I got here the first time we got a wish. Other-you wished for unlimited funds, because you're the genius of this duo. I wished for my baby," he joked, curling his fingers further around the steering wheel. It had been a little piece of home when this place had still been foreign and uncomfortable in a lot of ways. He felt like maybe it was the same for her now, and that made him even more glad it was here.
"Didn't get to keep the unlimited funds, but the interest on what was left in the account doesn't do too badly." It wasn't enough to live off or anything, but it meant he hadn't been completely reliant on Kitty while he spent so much of his time studying.
"She took some damage when the earthquake hit. But Kaylee is some kind of miracle worker, I swear."
What he said didnât make any sense to her at first, until she remembered their talks about the strange and unexplainable phenomenons that happened here and made to file that away as just another weird thing this place did. Lydia flashed him a look that very clearly said she wasnât at all surprised that heâd wished for his jeep of all things, before looking back out the window thoughtfully. âIâm guessing if anybody had wished to go home, that just would have mysteriously not worked. But unlimited funds was totally doable.â
A little snarkier than she intended, but she didnât think she needed to explain herself to him at this point. So she concentrated on the trees zipping by outside as they drove, falling into temporary silence again as she pulled her olive green cargo jacket closer to her over the shirt and jeans she was wearing for their outing. She had pretty quickly conceded to going shopping after her first day, like Kitty had suggested. But for her it had been a sort of outer body experience where she just bought what she needed and left in under an hour.
Lydia Martin not enjoying a shopping trip was definitely a first.
âRegular earthquake or some kind of crazy, magical earthquake that opened up another rift in space and time?â She thought that was a fair question, considering everything else sheâd heard about this place so far.
âYouâre not wrong. And yeah, I tried,â he admitted, which was probably no more surprising than the biting remark from her. He got it, this was all still pretty new. Even if this place was his life now, it wasnât hers yet. He kept reminding himself of that. She needed time.
He saw the way she pulled at the jacket and had to resist the urge to ask if she was cold. He doubted she was, and he had to stop doing that. Lydia was perfectly capable of speaking up if something was bothering her, and he couldnât anticipate every move she made forever.
âRegular,â he laughed. âWell. Mostly. Anyway it totally wrecked the building we were in before so we had to move. But that was honestly a blessing in disguise because where we are now is so much nicer. Whoever thought weâd be living in a place with a concierge.â He felt out of place every time he walked in, honestly. Heâd joked about it with Alex but it was true, it was taking some getting used to.
âThe only annoying part is having two separate towers.â Which probably meant nothing to her but heâd already done more than one late night walk next door when heâd decided last minute to spend the night with Alex.
Lydia had barely noticed the presence of a concierge when sheâd first gotten here, but she had to agree it was a little strange. Maybe it was a different kind of strange for her, since it was still just weird not to be living in her own house. That aside, it was pretty odd to have someone always waiting when they entered or exited the building. LIke everything else about living here, she still hadnât gotten used to it. She still wasnât sure how she felt about ever getting used to it, or how to accept the fact that she didnât have a choice.
Her hand idly touched the back of her head where it was neatly tied in a loose braid. Sheâd been trying to do a more complicated set of braids that her mom usually helped her with, and she hadnât been able to get it quite right on her own this morning. Admittedly sheâd overreacted, but it was also just a symptom of the bigger issue which was just that. Missing her mom. It was actually kind of embarrassing, and she felt pretty childish for it.
At his mention of two separate towers, it wasnât hard for Lydia to read between those lines. They hadnât talked much about Alex, besides the obvious facts. And while she hadnât exactly received the shock of her life to learn that Stiles was dating a guy, it had just sort of been filed away with all of the other huge amounts of information to deal with at a later date. Glancing sideways at Stiles while he drove, Lydia finally asked. âSo is it serious?â
The occasional glance over at her as he drove couldn't be helped. He wasn't actively trying to annoy her with it; he just couldn't quite help it. He doubted the feeling of worry would go away in a hurry. Especially until she was a bit more settled, and when she was having a day like today. He didn't blame her for it. God knew he had his share of bad days. And he didn't have being freshly arrived in this place as an excuse.
He looked in the rearview mirror to change lanes as they approached the turn off they needed. Mentioning their living arrangement had been a passing comment, which meant he hadn't really been expecting the question. But that didn't necessarily mean it was surprising. Since she'd been here he'd already spent the night at Alex's a few times. They usually alternated a bit more but there seemed to be this entirely unspoken agreement to give Lydia a chance to get settled before having a regular visitor stopping by.
"With Alex?" The question was purely rhetorical. He knew what she was asking. It was just a habitual need to fill the silence as he considered the best way to answer. Not because he didn't know exactly what that answer was, but because broaching this subject with Lydia was uncharted territory. He didn't really know how to approach it. "Yeah, we â yeah. It's serious."
His occasional glances over at her were starting to become impossible to ignore. She knew it came from a place of concern and not because he actually thought she was some kind of fragile thing seconds away from breaking, but in a more irrational moment, Lydia couldnât help feeling that way. Just like she couldnât help feeling like people were walking on eggshells around her, and she couldnât figure out why. If it was because of how sheâd arrived and the state sheâd been in, or something else. But it was getting a little annoying. She was trying not to take it out on him.
âYes, with Alex.â His question had obviously been rhetorical but she couldnât help initially responding just a little bit impatiently to it with how on edge she still was. She tried to focus on the world outside again and how nice it felt to be back in the jeep, a piece of home that was comforting and familiar and didnât immediately remind her of anything terrible.
The pause in his answer was telling too, although Lydia wasnât sure what it said, but she couldnât shake the feeling that she was out of the loop. She had already spent her sophomore and some of her junior year being deliberately kept in the dark about all things supernatural by her friends, she wasnât interested in any kind of repeat of that. âSerious enough to be wearing a necklace?â Sheâd clocked the chain around his neck and made assumptions, since sheâd never known Stiles to be much of a jewellery person.
Stiles had to bite back a wince at the edge to her words, telling himself she was having a bad day, and it wasn't necessarily about him. Except for the part where maybe he wasn't helping with the bad day at all. Maybe this had been a terrible idea. Maybe she'd have been better off being alone. Though he'd never known Lydia to do anything she didn't want to do for the sake of making someone else feel better, so probably not. God, that was a horrible thought and he hated that he'd even had it. She'd just lost her best friend, he could stand to be a bit more patient.
One hand unconsciously moved from the wheel to touch the pendant at the end of the chain hanging around his neck, but only briefly before he lowered it. He'd kind of half forgotten it was there, only because he never really took it off. He had to resist the instinct to tuck it beneath his shirt. He shouldn't have been concerned about what she thought. "Christmas present," he noted, probably needlessly. She didn't care about trivial details like that. "And I guess it is." As in yeah, it very much was. Even if he hadn't necessarily assigned any level of 'serious' based on wearing the symbol of something that very much screamed Alex. That wasn't the thing that had made them serious, after all.
"He's a really great guy. And a good friend. Was, even before â anything else happened." It wasn't anything she needed to hear, but saying Alex was a good person wasn't some kind of exaggeration based on how he felt about him. He'd known it even before he'd realized his feelings went beyond friendship. The words had sounded a bit more defensive than he'd intended, and that hadn't been intentional either. Just an unconscious reaction to how sheâd asked the question.
For a guy of so many words, sometimes it was more telling in how Stiles was currently feeling by what he wasnât saying. She caught the movement out of the corner of her eye when he went to touch the charm at the end of the necklace, an almost aborted movement like he was considering hiding it. It made sense that he hadnât told her immediately the day sheâd arrived, there had been too much to talk about and sheâd been seriously overwhelmed. But the way it had come out later left her with a funny feeling, one that had nothing to do with the fact that Stiles was dating a guy and everything to do with the bigger feeling Lydia couldnât shake that there was a lot more she still didnât know.
She also knew she was being unnecessarily difficult. Lydia looked out at the first glimpse of water to their right before glancing back at him, eyebrows just slightly raised at the obvious defensive note in his words. Again, curious.
âI know heâs great. Iâve met him, remember.â Theyâd gone for boba and had a nice talk. Alex seemed like a pretty open book and as much as it had temporarily mystified her how someone seemingly this nice survived under Stilesâs particular brand of cutting sarcasm, he was clearly genuine. Which again begged the question why it had been such a secret.
âWhat I donât get is why you waited to say anything. Is it because heâs a guy? Because itâs not even that surprising. And why do you keep looking at me like youâre afraid Iâm going to throw myself out of this jeep?â
At the barrage of questions he felt his fingers tighten a little around the steering wheel, a frustrated expression crossing his face before he schooled it into something more passive. He mentally counted to five, and when that didn't work he did it again. He didn't know why the way she threw that in his face bothered him so much. Maybe it was because of the implication that he was treating her like she was that fragile. He never had, and it rankled that she would imply that now.
"Which part did you want me to start with? Why I didn't tell you about Alex â a total mystery, by the way, with how pleasant you're making this whole conversation â or the fact that you think I'm looking at you any kind of way. Why do you think, Lydia? Because I've been worried about you, okay? God."
Shaking his head he turned his full attention back out the windshield, rather than turning any more of those apparently unwelcome looks on her. After a minute or so, he made a point of loosening his grip as he took a steadying breath. She didn't need this. Not today.
"I didn't not tell you about Alex because he's a guy even if I don't buy 'it's not surprising Stiles'," he mimicked the words. "I didn't tell you because I wanted you to have time to find your feet before I started throwing my whole life here in your face. A thousand apologies if I got that wrong, Lydia. I wasn't trying to make things worse for you."
It was Lydiaâs turn to wince, and instead of arguing back like she usually would have she fell silent again. Clearly sheâd touched a nerve. And she didnât know what to do with his worry over her. She never had. Every time he showed concern for her all she heard was Jackonâs voice in her head that he didnât want to be responsible for her. Why was Stiles so eager to deal with her problems? She still didnât understand it.
Leaning her head back against the headrest behind her, she took a deep breath in and let it out slowly through her nose. Maybe she couldnât blame him for just being extra cautious with her, considering how she tended to react to any upset lately, minor or otherwise. Today being a prime example. And not that she was still really back in the mindset of school fully yet, but the realization that if she was here long enough the prospect of going to MIT was no longer an option had admittedly hit her pretty hard too. She was still adjusting. Maybe he was right.
âWell if thatâs why you didnât tell me then fine. But I spent like a year back in Beacon Hills with my friends keeping me in the dark about a lot of things,â Lydia finally said, her voice noticeably strained but softer. âI donât know if itâs just because people here already know all of my business from a different version of me or what, but donât think I donât notice.â
She threw a sideways glance at him while still mostly keeping her focus on the road outside, wondering where exactly they were going. âAnd it isnât really a surprise. Youâre the type that falls for people. Gender doesnât necessarily play into that, or at least thatâs how I saw it.â
Lydia not snapping back immediately took some of the wind out of his sails. He took a second to gather his thoughts, using the excuse of not missing the turn off to do it.
"I know it doesn't mean anything now but we hated not being able to tell you. I hated it. But we were trying to keep you safe." That's what had been important to Stiles, anyway. "And I didn't know how much to tell you now because it really felt like you needed time. I'm sorry if that was the wrong call." His apology sounded a lot more sincere this time around; not just said out of frustration in response to being called out for something he didn't see as being a bad thing. He wasn't going to apologize for the part where he'd been worried about her.
By the time he'd even thought about how to continue he was parking, and as he pulled the handbrake on he finally looked over at her. "I don't mind you knowing about Alex. I wasn't deliberately trying to keep it from you. We've been together for almost a year, it's not like it's a secret."
He shook his head then, a sort of rueful smile starting. "Which doesn't mean I get how you figured that out about me when I didn't have a clue."
âYouâre not the only one who pays attention.â The look that Lydia gave him after his last remark may as well have had âDuh, Stilesâ written all over her face. It was Stiles who had first seen her for who she really was, after all. Surely he hadnât been here so long already that heâd forgotten that. Was it so crazy that she might have started paying attention to him too?
âAnd it wasnât the wrong call,â Lydia sighed as she unfastened her seat belt and stretched her legs. She probably wouldnât have taken the news any more gracefully than she had anything else that first day. She understood why he hadnât. Didnât mean it was easy for her to once again feel like she was the elephant in the room everyone else was avoiding. Or she was just being paranoid.
And his reasoning for why sheâd been kept in the dark back in Beacon Hills for so long was sound, but it still hurt when she thought about it. They were trying to keep her safe? Why, just because she couldnât defend herself like Allison could? As always when she thought of her best friend, Lydia immediately felt a sharp pang in the empty space that would never be filled again. She knew that Stiles had always tried to protect her, even when she didnât think she needed it, so she couldnât exactly blame him for worrying now. She definitely needed it.
âItâs just hard being here. So many people seem to know me from a me that was here before but I donât know anyone. Or anything. And I donât know what Iâm doing.â She said that last part a little more quietly, to herself more than to him. There was no getting around it. Stiles had an entire life here, and she was still half-hoping this was all temporary for her. Lydia had no clue how to rectify those two things. And a year relationship as a part of that new life? That was definitely serious. It had almost been more of a surprise to her that he was in a serious relationship at all, guy or not, for reasons that felt awkward to bring up now. â... Youâre not making things worse.â
"Difference being you knew how smart you were. You didn't need me telling you that to see it," he countered. Not quite the same thing. Or at least, he didn't think so. Though he'd done enough of his own self reflection over the weeks and months. It wasn't hard to see how much his sole focus being Lydia for so long had left him blind to much else as far as relationships or even attraction went. Not that he could say that part to her without making things way too awkward.
He followed suit, undoing his seatbelt though not immediately opening the door. The jeep felt like a safe space for this conversation â at least, for Lydia. It was something familiar he could offer her right now, when he knew how out of place she must have been feeling. Which was basically confirmed by what she told him next.
"I know. It probably doesn't seem like it now but it took me a long time to feel like I could deal with this place. And you turning up had a lot to do with that. I hope â that's something that I can do for you, too." He gave her a grateful smile when she said he wasn't making things worse. It really did help to hear that right then, because he was pretty confident he was screwing this up, even discounting his frustration at her earlier words. He liked to think Lydia knew him well enough to know he hadn't meant anything by it. Not really.
"You remember I said you were from the same time as me, before?" He didn't wait for an acknowledgement; he knew she did. "WellâŚthe things we went through, back home. The time we spent together. We got really close, Lydia. We were really good friends." Even more than she knew them to be, when things had still been relatively new, by comparison. "I've really missed that. I missed you."
He only hesitated for a second before continuing, dismissing the worry that it might upset her, in favor of being honest. "I know this might not be where you want to be right now. But I'm glad you're here."
Lydia didnât think it was all that different. It had still taken Stiles saying something to her to make her realize it was time to stop hiding parts of herself away from the rest of the world. He might not have been all that conscious of it, but there were always signs. She was also half-convinced if heâd been a little more self-aware he might have actually gone for Danny like most people at Beacon Hills High with a pulse and an interest in men. But the argument was a moot point now, since Stiles had managed to figure it out on his own without her.
It took her a minute to realize he was talking about them back home. That sometime between the last thing she remembered and the additional year of memories he had, that theyâd become even better friends then they were when sheâd left. It was⌠honestly a little strange to be told something that significant about your own life that you didnât remember. But it wasnât unwelcome either. How could it be? Stiles was already a good friend to her. Becoming even better friends was hardly terrible news. A part of her wanted to ask about the things they went through back home, but something stopped her. Maybe that sense of self-preservation that told her she wasnât ready for another information overload yet.
And she knew he was only trying to help. As hard as it was for her to accept that help, Lydia didnât want him to think she didnât notice or appreciate it. Even if she was apparently already pretty terrible at showing it. If anyone was making things worse it was her, not him.
She looked over at Stiles almost in surprise, although maybe she shouldnât have been. It was nice. That he wanted her here. Even if she still wasnât sure how she felt about this place, she didnât exactly hate being here with him either. It felt complicated. Glancing away with a small smile and out past where theyâd parked, she took in the sight of a boardwalk and beyond that a stretch of beach, the Golden Gate Bridge just in view at a distance. Even if she had conflicting feelings about being here, the place was beautiful. And she did already feel a little better just being in the safety of his jeep where things were comforting and familiar. It meant something to her, that he felt that way about them.
Lydia visibly relaxed in her seat a little before turning back to him, looking pleased and a little sheepish. âOkay, well. In the spirit of that, if thereâs anything else I should know right now, just tell me? I wonât overreact. Iâm just tired of being in the dark about things.â
Those words immediately brought with them the weight of what he knew he needed to tell her. Because even though he hadn't told her that first day â and with good reason â the longer he put it off, the bigger the chance she'd stumble over something herself. It wasn't like old messages on the network they shared were secret or hidden.
He pulled the keys from the ignition, not with any intention of getting out of the jeep right away, but simply for the sake of doing something with his hands. "There is something I want to tell you," he admitted, then pulled a face at his own words. "That isn't meant to sound so ominous, I swear."
With an almost reluctant sigh, he pulled his phone from his pocket, opening the photos app and flicking back quite a way now, to get to the one he wanted. Wordlessly, he held the phone out for her to take. On the screen was a photo of the two of them at the park. He had his arms around her from behind, and Lydia was laughing and looking away from the camera.
"We weren't just roommates. We were together. A couple. It started maybe three months after you got here. And then you left, and I â" He shook his head, feeling that god awful feeling of alone claw its way up his throat before he shoved it back down again. "I wish there was any way to tell you without it feeling like I'm springing it on you. But there really isn't. And I'd hate for you to find out from anyone else."
Lydia hadnât known exactly what he was about to tell her, although from the way heâd started, sheâd been inwardly bracing herself. But whatever sheâd been expecting⌠Not that. It wasnât that. And it didnât matter how long she stared at the picture on the phone she held in her hands now, Lydia couldnât get her brain to connect the thing that he was trying to tell her with what she was seeing right in front of her. That was a picture of her and Stiles. In that picture, they were dating. Her and Stiles. Dating. An older version of her and this older version of Stiles had dated? Lydia could feel herself losing her already shaky grip on reality again.
Sheâd told him she wasnât going to overreact, but it felt a little like a rug had been pulled out from under her feet when she hadnât had a very solid footing to begin with, and the one thing she thought sheâd known something about here, her and Stiles, wasnât at all what sheâd actually thought. She didnât know what to say. She didnât know what to think. She heard what Stiles was saying to her but it only minimally registered as she kept staring at the photo.
The Lydia in the photo looked happy. That Lydia looked like the complete opposite of what she felt on a daily basis now.
A painful lump formed in her throat that she did her best to swallow, finally tearing her gaze away from the screen and looking up at him, her expression confused and her normally keen eyes stormy. From anyone else. People here knew. Theyâd known when sheâd gotten here. âI⌠okay.â Lydia handed him the phone back numbly, head still spinning as she tried to gather her thoughts. It wasnât working very well. âCan we walk? I think I need to walk.â Even as she said it, she was already opening the passenger door and climbing out, with the intent of heading for the nearest stretch of sand and water.
Phone in hand, all he could do was watch for a second as she scrambled to get out of the jeep. He was already kicking himself for telling her based on her reaction. She'd seemed like she was handling it okay, and she'd been the one to say she was tired of being in the dark. But maybe this had been too much.
With a resigned sigh he opened the door, getting out and sliding his phone back in his pocket as he closed it again. He was completely floundering now; he had no idea what he was meant to say to her. It wasn't like he could take it back. It was out there now. She knew, whether he liked it or not. Whether she liked it or not.
Walking around the back of the jeep to follow her, he did his best to school his expression into something more neutral as he scrubbed a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry." It was all he could think to say. But it was like he'd said. He'd hate for her to have found this out from someone else. "You don't have to say anything. You can pretend I didn't say anything if you want." All he could hope for at this point is that she didn't now feel completely uncomfortable being here with him, let alone living in the same apartment.
Lydiaâs mind was working overtime the second her feet hit the pavement, unable to stop it. She heard Stiles when he spoke, but she didnât know what to say to any of it. How could she just pretend sheâd never heard that? Pretend sheâd never seen that photo? The Lydia in that photo felt like a stranger to her but it was the sort of hard, undeniable proof that she couldnât deny. Not that Stiles would ever lie to her about something like this. She knew he wouldnât. But heâd also waited to tell her about it. And while the more logical side of Lydiaâs brain understood why he had, there were a lot of other feelings currently competing right now.
She was silent for a minute or two as they walked, her mind caught between this place and back home, attempting to match up what he was telling her and what she thought she knew. Being with Aiden in Stilesâs room, finding that framed photo of her drawing of a tree. For Lydia, the inscription had read. Aiden had been so insistent that it meant more than she thought it did and sheâd brushed it off. But sheâd also kissed him. Did this Stiles realize sheâd literally just kissed him in the locker room? It felt like she was missing the whole middle of a book between that and whatever had happened between them here. When he said theyâd gotten close, is this more what heâd meant? Too many questions and most of them she wasnât actually verbalizing.
Lydia hugged herself around her middle, reaching the sandy part of the beach and stopping suddenly to face him, her expression vaguely accusatory. âThis whole time Iâve been feeling like the elephant in the room and I was. Enough people here knew me from before. Which means my being here again was probably already a topic of some discussion, right? Because people knew about that. About us. Alex knows?â
"It's not like that," he insisted, stopping when she did. "You're not the â what? The elephant in the room? Lydia, no. I swear. Yeah, Alex knows. A lot of people here know. Because they were here when we were together. They saw you leave. Saw me lose my two best friends and fall apart, okay?" He admitted that if only because he needed her to see she wasn't being judged by anyone. "If they're looking at anyone it's me." Waiting to see how he was going to react. Maybe now she could understand why he'd gone back to Alex that first night. Of course he'd been thrown by Lydia showing up.
He told himself to slow down, to not let himself overreact. Luke's words echoed in his head, from before he'd spoken to Alex. That he was good at being the logical one. He could do that. He could worry about his feelings later. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you. But it's not like anyone knows how to deal with this, I don't have a rule book. I'm sorry."
âWhy would they - Iâm seventeen.â She stated it like that was the beginning and end of an argument, which it wasnât, but Lydia thought it was still a point that needed to be made. âIâm seventeen, and my boyfriend just died. And you have a boyfriend here.â
These were things they both already knew, but she was suddenly feeling the need to defend both of them in this situation. Why would anyone be looking at Stiles? Did people really think⌠what, that just by her showing up, that would somehow negate all the other valid points sheâd just made? A smaller and more wounded part of her resented the implication that there was anything to be concerned about when she hadnât had a choice in being here. She hadnât even known about any of this. It all took her a minute to wrap her head around.
But she wasnât mad at Stiles for telling her. How could she be? Itâs not like heâd done this to her on purpose. But he was right. There wasnât a rule book. And she still didnât really know how to respond to the whole âwe datedâ thing when she had no memory of it. But her expression did soften, the knowledge of her leaving having that kind of effect on him taking some of the aimless frustration out of her body language. If there was one thing she understood, it was falling apart. She didnât like that heâd gone through that either.
âNo. You should have told me. Iâm just⌠This isnât something I can just immediately process.â Lydia exhaled, brushing a few strands of hair out of her face that had come loose from the braid. âItâs not every day that youâre told you had a relationship with someone that you canât remember having.â A pause. âWas it serious?â
"I know," he allowed. Now it sounded like people had been weird about it, and no one had. Not even Alex. Especially not Alex, because he understood how his thought process worked and considering how similar it was to his own sometimes he couldn't blame him for a second.
"No one knows about Aiden, though. I never had reason to tell anyone about him, not properly. And now that's for you to choose to talk about." If she even wanted to, which was the point. "It's not like Alex was really worried, he just â he knows how much you meant to me. How much you still mean to me. And this place hasn't always been easy on us. It gets you on edge, that's all." He wasn't going to discuss how anxious his boyfriend could get with Lydia, it wasn't his place to decide who knew about that. So he hoped that explanation was enough.
"I wouldn't expect you to be able to get your head around it, are you kidding? It's a lot. And yeah. It was. âŚSerious, I mean. We talked about the future. Together, you know?" And maybe he hadn't told her about Roey before adopting her, but Lydia had just accepted it. And they'd made plans and even talked about kids, thanks to that time this place had screwed with their dreams. Again.
This place making you feel on edge was something she understood at least. Lydia had felt that steadily since sheâd gotten here, maybe today especially. It was so stupid. Just the mention of Aidenâs name shouldnât still hurt as much as it immediately did. Itâs not like they had been anything approaching serious, it was just the circumstances and how things could have been⌠Not like an older version of her and this Stiles had apparently been serious.
It was more than a lot to wrap her head around. And Lydia might have thought he was talking about someone else entirely, if she didnât already know he was talking about the two of them. It wasnât like she didnât know he used to have a crush on her, heâd told her himself at the dance. And yeah, sheâd kissed him. But that had been to stop his panic attack and she was with Aiden at the time, and then everything had happened with him and Allison and the Nogitsune. It just wasnât like that between them back home. Or was it? Had she just missed it entirely? It was hard to account for the time she was missing. An entire year of memories in Beacon Hills that he had and she didnât, and then however long she had been here.
But Stiles was saying things like Alex knew how much she means to him and Lydia wasnât even sure she knew what that meant, only that there was a lot about their friendship that she didnât understand yet. Her head was too full and she wasnât really processing any of this. A bay breeze blew over them and she hugged her arms closer to her chest as she turned to start walking again, this time staying instep with him. âHow did it start?â
It took him a second to realize she was asking about the two of them, not he and Alex. It wasn't intentional, it was just that these days that was generally what people meant when they referred to him in that context.
He was also a bit distracted by the way she wrapped her arms around herself when the breeze picked up. Shrugging out of the blue hoodie he was wearing he made a point of putting it around her shoulders only because he knew if he just held it out she'd probably refuse it. "It gets a bit cold down here."
But the weather wasn't what she'd asked him about. "Well," he began with a reluctant tone. "Everyone here could pretty much tell how much we meant to each other." Which otherwise translated to he hadn't been able to stop talking to Lydia, or about Lydia, or doing things for Lydia. "It just took me a while to do anything about how I was feeling. I asked you to go to this party with me. I know, Stiles voluntarily going to a party. Pause for dramatic effect." He shrugged. "And that was it."
Lydia didnât argue with the hoodie, if only because she was pretty sure they both noticed her shiver. So she just glanced at him gratefully while holding his hoodie closed around her at the top. It was sort of awkward to wear over her cargo jacket, but the added warmth was too nice for her to actually deny right then. Nice enough that she eventually relented and put her arms through the sleeves to zip it closed.
She listened while he told her what she wanted to know, and even if it still didnât feel all that real, Lydia still nodded, accepting what he was telling her as truth. And it sounded like, whatever was between them, it had been that way for a while. Or at least, it hadnât been something that came out of thin air when theyâd gotten here.
âSorry, itâs just a little hard to imagine.â Lydia looked over at him quickly with a look of apology. âNot that dating you isnât something I can imagine. âŚThat doesnât sound right either.â She blew out a frustrated breath, attempting to start over despite not really knowing what she was trying to say. Something that in many ways had been a barely formed thought for her back then had completely evolved somewhere else. âBack home. Things between us didnât feel exactly like that. At least not from what I can actually remember.â
She thought about what else heâd said, back in the jeep. âIs this⌠part of what you meant? By how we got closer?â
"It's okay." He didn't quite laugh, just gave her a sympathetic smile, offering the out. "I get what you're trying to say. You're right, things were different back then. We'd, what? Kissed in the locker room to stop my panic attack?" She'd still been with Aiden, and then he'd been with Malia in Eichen, the Nogitsune hadn't stopped, Allison had â
It wasn't the same, and he knew she didn't mean to imply anything by it. Which was, potentially, easier for him to recognize more objectively now. Maybe it came with getting a bit older and maybe a bit more mature. Or more likely it had more to do with the fact he was very happily in a relationship with someone else he happened to be in love with.
"Yeah. Yes. That's what I meant. Kind of." He was not doing this well. "Nothing had happened between us back home. We were just â I don't know. It was all that stuff Deaton said, right? And we were there for each other. That's all." A simple explanation for a not remotely simple situation. But he didn't have the faintest idea how to sum up all of that into a single conversation.
The out was appreciated. Lydia wasnât entirely sure how to navigate this kind of conversation with him, but he was making it pretty easy for her so far. She was a little surprised that he mentioned the kiss, only because they had never talked about it back home. Almost like it had never happened. Having it out in the open like that now was a strange sort of relief, especially given what they were currently talking about. She felt better with things out in the open between them. They were friends. Real friends with some kind of connection neither of them could really explain. But whatever had happened between them, that had come later.
What worried her was what he said next, and what that maybe meant for them now. When she came from, they were just friends who had shared one kiss. This Stiles had lived a year past that in Beacon Hills where theyâd become even better friends, and then lived here in this place with her where that friendship had evolved into something else entirely. Was it even possible for them to go backwards? Her thoughts were too jumbled to make sense of them
Frowning to herself, Lydia glanced at Stiles sideways before stopping abruptly. She seemed to be struggling with something before she finally asked. âAre we still friends?â
"What?" They'd started walking down towards the water after he'd given her his hoodie, but at that question he stopped just as quickly as she had. "Lydia, you â what? Of course we are. Of course we're friends." As he said it, he had to remind himself this Lydia didn't know their friendship in the same way he did. That to him, that friendship meant more to him than anything else they'd had. Back then, that wouldn't have seemed possible from him. But it was true. They'd become such good friends that the thought of losing that â a second time â terrified him.
"Nothing could change that. Even weird time travelling across alternate realities. Or past relationships one of us knows nothing about." It sounded stupid, and he was maybe trying to prompt even the smallest smile from her. He was also about to remind her that what he'd said about them being so close was true, or possibly just sound like an idiot and humiliate himself. But what else was new?
"You know what I told Alex the other day when you showed up? I told him that you're one of my best friends, and I love you. And I honestly don't care about how weird this all is. I've already lost too much time with the people I care about to worry about any of that."
The corners of Lydiaâs mouth turned up slightly at the attempt of a joke. Maybe she didnât totally understand the nature of their relationship as it currently stood in his head with all the history they shared that she didnât remember, but she didnât have to. She believed him. And maybe coming here to find a Stiles three years older had really thrown her, but in many ways he was still the same Stiles sheâd known back home. Things had just changed for him.
His reassurances made some of the worry in her face melt away a little, replaced by relief and a silent understanding. She couldnât even begin to fully wrap her head around the revelation that theyâd been in a relationship, so she was mostly just worried it would be too weird now, and things wouldnât be the same between them. Maybe they werenât as close back home when she was from as he was saying theyâd gotten later, but Lydia still thought of them as close friends. And Stiles had really been there for her. After Peter bit her, after Jackson left. After her Banshee abilities emerged and half the time she didnât know what to do with them. He was always ready with some kind of solution, or at least a word of comfort when she felt overwhelmed or couldnât stop second guessing herself. Sometimes he would hang out with her while she tried to work something out in her head. Or they would just talk for hours. She missed that.
Squinting up at him in the sunlight, Lydia finally allowed a real smile, small but unmistakable as the first fringes of hope entered her voice. It was still difficult to ignore the small voice in the back of her head that sounded like Jackson, telling her that Stiles would get sick of dealing with her eventually too, but she tried. âReally?â
"Really," he immediately assured, not even giving her a second to doubt it. "I know everything feels wrong right now. I get that. But I promise, Lydia, this isn't something you need to worry about. No matter what else happens here, we'll always be friends, okay?"
He almost hated that tentative look on her face. He did, actually. He hated the doubt. Lydia Martin should never have carried that much doubt about anything, let alone their friendship. She meant too much to him, and maybe it would take him a little while to get used to the idea that he didn't mean the same to her, but it didn't matter. He didn't need that. He just needed his friend back, no matter what that looked like.
The smile was still real though, and it was one he hadn't seen on her since she'd shown up. And he couldn't resist closing the space between them and putting his arms around her. "You're my best friend. And I'll tell you as often as you need to hear it."
If she hugged him back a little more tightly than she meant to, it was only because she was so relieved. After all of the other surprises this place had dealt her, Lydia realized this was the one that might have scared her the most. She was already in a strange place, stuck in this impossible situation she still didnât completely understand with no way to get home and unable to do anything except⌠what? Start a life here like anything about that was normal?
Stiles was the one thing about this place that felt even remotely safe. The only piece of familiarity and comfort from the life sheâd been so abruptly torn from that she had here. The thought of losing him, or their friendship changing that drastically because of a relationship she didnât even remember, had briefly shaken her. It wasnât logical. She knew that.
Everything else here felt wrong to her, but he didnât. And one thing that hadnât really changed was the fact that it still felt like he was the only person who really understood her. So Lydia clung to that, and to him, exhaling a shaky breath while nodding against him. Since sheâd gotten here it was still hard to convince herself that everything was going to be okay, but Stiles did a lot to help her feel like it might be eventually. She should really tell him that. She didnât want him to think that everything heâd been trying to do for her, all the smaller ways heâd tried to make her feel better since sheâd been here, had gone unnoticed. âNot everything here feels wrong. Youâre my best friend too.â
It was a different kind of friendship than the one sheâd had with Allison, but she realized the truth in her words as she spoke them. It had already been that way for a while. Maybe even before the ritual, but definitely since then. They were connected, and it was that connection that was keeping her from drowning right now.
That might not have seemed like a big deal to some people, especially maybe to the people who knew them best, but right now to Stiles those words felt like a win. He wasn't expecting miracles; this was all still so new for her, and there'd be setbacks. But for now, he'd take it.
He wouldn't even try and convince her this was the kind of place you could grow used to. That he had done exactly that. That going home and then coming back again had felt right in so many ways. He understood that right now that would be a bit too much. But he was willing to be the optimistic one for the two of them right now and be comfortable with the notion that she'd get there eventually, too. It wasn't like it had happened right away for him, either.
Stepping back from the hug, he gave her a reassuring smile. "I figured you might like it here. Even if it's a bit cold right now. I bring Roey down here sometimes when she's got too much energy."
Lydia was even more grateful for the hoodie she was now wearing as another breeze picked up right after he said that. He was right, though. She did like it here. The water was beautiful, as was the view of the Golden Gate Bridge. She didnât even really mind the chill, sheâd always liked that crisper scent in the air that she associated with things she enjoyed about the colder months of the year. Her birthday and Christmas being top contenders, but also the smaller things. Ice skating. Reading in the Martin family living room with a fire going, sometimes while her mom brushed her hair. She really missed that.
A lump formed in the back of her throat that she quickly swallowed, still smiling a little despite herself when they pulled apart. She did feel better, even if a lot of the information sheâd just received was still rattling around loose in her head and that would probably go on for a while still. It didnât stop her from relaxing a bit more in the moment, which was all thanks to Stiles. He made her feel like her world wasnât ending, so she believed it.
âWe should bring her next time.â Lydia had gotten pretty fond of the dog in her short time being here. Having Roey to cuddle with definitely made missing Prada a little easier. She and Void were still figuring things out but the cat seemed to really want Lydiaâs attention so she was being tactical about that. âI think she would look pretty cute in a little dog hoodie.â
She still had that sadness in her expression, but it seemed like maybe some of the weight of her earlier mood had lifted, so he'd count that as a win. It wasn't that he was trying to rush her. For her the loss he'd had years to come to grips with was still really recent. He just didn't want her to get lost in the grief.
He laughed at the idea of Roey in a hoodie. "I think it would last all of thirty seconds, but you're welcome to give it a shot." His dog already loved Lydia, which didn't surprise him. Roey was a pretty friendly animal, unlike Void who could be a bit standoffish depending on the day. Stiles still loved the ridiculous cat and his unpredictable moods.
"Void used to have a few ridiculous outfits, before I got Roey. We got him one of those cat spider costumes for Halloween. He only wore it long enough for one photo though. Roey's never really sat still long enough for that kind of thing." He gestured in the direction she'd started her semi-panicked walk. "Want to walk? Or is it too cold?"
It was still going to take some getting used to. This place. An older Stiles. Knowing that some future version of her had a relationship with this older Stiles, serious enough that theyâd lived together and shared animals together. Animals that she now lived with, along with this Stiles and a werewolf named Kitty who was her legal guardian. If she thought too hard about any of it, she could still feel herself start to lose her grip a little, so she very wisely didnât. Sheâd get used to it eventually, if she really had to. That thought left Lydia with some lingering guilt, that a significant part of her still didnât want to be here when Stiles was trying so hard to make her feel more comfortable. He wanted her to get used to this place. She could see that, even in his obvious patience with her. And that made her want to at least try.
Lydia laughed softly under her breath, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear and briefly averting her gaze as she collected herself. More of a habit than anything, she didnât actually feel the need to put on a face for him. Heâd already seen her at her worst plenty of times. Glancing back at Stiles, she pressed her lips together and nodded slightly. A walk might actually do her some good, and the water really was pretty to look at. Just like a ride in his jeep, it felt strangely therapeutic.
âLetâs walk.â Comfortable in her decision and with a surge of confidence she hadnât really felt since arriving here, Lydia looped her arm through his to tug him along the sandy path. âYou can tell me more about you and Alex.â