InsaneJournal

Stiles wondered if Alex knew how disarming it was that he could see through him so easily, like calling him out when he said he was fine. It should have bothered him, but instead he was left with that same feeling that was often prompted by Alex. He didn’t have a word for it, but it made him do ridiculous things like say way more than he meant to. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such a bad case of foot-in-mouth that involved saying things with any real meaning. Not that he made a point of lying to people. It was just when he didn’t want to worry them. Or there was a giant lizard paralyzing people. Or he needed to go to Mexico to pay off a family of hunters.

It was possible he was overthinking this one. But he’d been feeling restless since this whole thing started. Which was stupid, because it wasn’t like anything bad had even happened to him. It was the opposite of that. Telekinesis was cool, and so far hadn’t had any negative repercussions (except Kitty’s mug getting broken). But after May got taken he’d been stuck in a state of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Distractions were the best way to ignore all of that though, leading to him doing dumb things like making Roey and Void float, and making lists of every other thing he wanted to be thinking about that wasn’t writing an essay he’d been avoiding like the plague.

And he’d flat out refused to take up any of Alex’s time the last few days. He’d needed to be there for Julie. That didn’t mean he was going to say no when he was offering up his company, though.

When they walked further into the apartment, Roey did little more than lift her head from her place curled up by the couch, seeming to dismiss Alex as less interesting than getting back to her nap. “I think maybe she’s still offended I tried making her the world’s first flying dog.”

"And Void's verdict?" Alex smirked over at Stiles, but only in teasing. He thought about going over and giving Roey a pat, but she didn't look like she was in the mood to be bothered. He was glad his person didn't see to be in that mood, enough so that he squeezed at Stiles's fingers, which he'd immediately taken when Stiles opened the door.

Of course he was still concerned about Julie. Seeing her mom, even if it wasn't really her, was obviously really rough. Alex could still remember the hope on her face when she'd asked if it was possible for her mom to come back just like the band had. He'd barely known Julie then, but his heart had gone out to her. And now, well, he hadn't left her side much when it wasn't obvious she needed Luke more than him and/or Reggie. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it, from his perspective. How many times had he just wanted Stiles in the last few months?

"Are you the kind of 'fine' where you want to talk about it, or should we throw on a movie while you make things float for my entertainment?"

“Uh…” He made a point of looking over where Void usually hid under the table as he leaned against the back of the couch, but he wasn’t there. “Void is enjoying some unrelated quiet time right now.” The cat had always been a little temperamental with him. He’d been more Lydia’s cat, after all. It was like Stiles was just his temporary caregiver, or something. And probably a pretty lousy one today. Still, he maintained he couldn’t be blamed for trying it out.

Which didn’t mean he didn’t accept the teasing with good grace because he’d be doing exactly the same if he was in Alex’s position.

“There isn’t really anything to talk about. I’m just being really predictable and assuming worse things are going to happen.” Was there a correlation between what happened to May and the TV in this room staying turned off? Maybe. And he had no idea what he’d do if what happened to Julie happened to him. He’d be a mess, he knew that much.

He pulled Alex a step closer by their still joined hands, eyes moving from his face to the familiar black hat. He doubted he could explain how it worked, or how he made it happen, but one second it was still on Alex’s head, and the next it lifted off like there was an invisible string connecting it to the ceiling. It was like something out of a B grade sci-fi movie from the fifties, except you could actually see the string in those. That thought broke his concentration, and the hat hit the floor. “I think telekinesis is meant for people who don’t have trouble focusing,” he admitted with a crooked smile.

"Mm-hm. Purely unrelated." His smile remained, amused, slightly disbelieving. It faded when Stiles went on, but Alex didn't let his full concern play out on his face. Only maybe a quarter. Tensions were still high, so it wasn't like he could blame him for his uneasiness. Heaven knows, Alex had enough anxiety about all this weird psychic and spiritual phenomenon to start; after all those bad guys, he half expected to turn a corner and run into Caleb.

He was lost enough in his own thoughts to be a little startled when he was tugged forward, and really thought he was about to be kissed. His heart gave a little thrill right before he realized what was actually happening. When he did, he tipped his head back to find his cap floating just above him. "Whoa." He was wide-eyed as it floated a little to the side, then fell. His attention went back to Stiles, and the questions came as rapidfire as the excited spring of his heels. "Okay, now I'm seriously impressed! How long have you been practicing? When did you realize you could do it? What's it feel like?"

Alex’s excitement was infectious, making his smile widen. “I’ve been trying it out a bit today. I only realized yesterday. I was thinking about grabbing my phone and it kind of flew towards my face. Only mildly heart attack inducing.” Explaining what it felt like was a bit harder. Let alone how he did it.

“I don’t know. It’s like...if I think about moving something hard enough it just happens. It doesn’t really feel like anything. But the second I think about anything else. Well.” He bent down to grab the hat, essentially illustrating his point. That happened. Reaching up, he pulled it back onto Alex’s head, standing a bit closer in the process. “Thanks for coming over.”

"We could make our instruments appear—well, Luke and Reggie could. My drumset was a little less travel friendly for impromptu beach songs, but I made do. Not that it's the same as spontaneous movements of objects, which is kind of how it looked like to the lifers whenever we picked stuff up and moved around. Except for Julie, of course." Alex knew he was rambling, but didn't seem to be able to stop.

Now that Stiles was this close, Alex felt like he could put his arms around Stiles' waist. So he did. "I mean, I got to see your cool new powers, which is just the icing on the cake that's getting to see you again. But no headaches, right? Did you wake up to things floating?"

He couldn’t help it, he laughed at the thought of a drum kit just suddenly appearing and landing on someone, or something. “For a second I thought it was some kind of haunting thing.” Until he’d tried it with some other things. “Was that a thing you could always do? Move things, I mean? Or were you falling through doors and stuff?” It was equal parts amusement and curiosity. The fact they’d been ghosts back there and showed up alive here was one of those puzzles he wanted to piece together.

He still, stupidly, felt a bit off kilter when Alex touched him that way, though his hands settled on his arms. His eyes flickered to his mouth, and he found himself thinking he really wanted to kiss him, but his questions made him hesitate. “Not really,” he half answered the second part of the question. And that was only because he didn’t want Alex worrying about his current crappy sleep. He was a worrier. Stiles recognized a mutual trait when he saw one. He was a bit worried about what might happen when he did sleep. His nightmares were enough without things flying around the room. “Nothing a good nap won’t fix, anyway.”

"Walking through walls and doors came naturally. I'm not sure why we didn't fall through the floor, too, but I guess ghosts still have to obey gravity. For some reason." Before Alex could really get himself going on the topic and/or get very distracted by that very slight deviation of Stiles' attention, he used their joined hands to start tugging him toward his bedroom. "But the rest? Picking up stuff? We had to learn how to do that. Mostly small stuff at first. It was kind of like working out. Had to build up to bigger things."

He pushed his shoulder into Stiles' and kept it there. While he tried for playful, he probably landed more on concern. "Do you wanna? Have a good nap? We could put something on and you can float random things in your room for me until you're tired enough for sleep."

That set his mind racing. The thought of why ghosts didn't fall through floors. Or these ones hadn’t, at least. He didn’t actually know a whole lot of ghosts, for all the weird crap Beacon Hills had in abundance. Not that he knew ghosts now. Ex-ghosts. That was really what the band were. Still, it was a reasonable assumption, he figured. What made floors different to walls? An argument could be made for doors, at least. They were meant to be walked through.

“And you just knew you could do it?” He kept up his questions as Alex led them towards his room. “You just decided to walk through a door one day and didn’t worry about running into it?” Was it some inherent ghost quality to just know you were corporeal? He didn’t think the bestiary had anything about ghosts in it. But then there were some parts Lydia hadn’t finished translating yet. That should probably get bumped a little higher up his to do someday list.

Now that they were in his room and Alex was pressing his shoulder into him, the idea of a nap seemed like a really appealing idea. “I’m starting to think maybe you’re just in this to see me move things with my mind,” he joked, the words punctuated by the door shutting behind him. That was cool, he hadn’t even needed to look for that one. He felt a familiar warmth at the concern in Alex’s words, though, squeezing his hand almost instinctively. “That does sound pretty good.”

The patter of questions was familiar and made Alex smile, mostly to himself. It didn't cancel out his concern, but maybe softened it a little. "I mean, we already knew we were ghosts when we showed up in our old studio space and found out it was Julie's garage. The real clue-by-four about the whole mostly intangible thing was when Julie put her hand through my chest." He could laugh about it now, although at the time they were all still feeling each other out, so to speak. "So it just sort of stood to reason we could walk through other stuff. And ghost-porting was mostly instinct, too, even though I never got used to how weird it felt."

He jumped a little when the door closed with a solid snap behind them, but it only spurred a laugh as he turned a playful smirk on Stiles. "Oh, yes. That's for sure what did it for me all those months ago. That hot telekinesis action you've got going on." Very obviously feeling puckish, Alex turned to Stiles and lightly pushed him onto the bed, only to follow right after him. It didn't really strike him as anything other than playful until he realized very quickly that he'd landed right on top of Stiles and was now smiling softly down at him, held only a small distance away by his extended arms. Doubt flickered across his face. "Is this… Is this okay?"

He had more questions. So many more, and Alex’s explanations only encouraged others. But then he was laughing, which Stiles found distracting enough already anyway, and pushing him onto the bed and he was laughing as he landed with a little bounce on the mattress, looking up at him. He had not been expecting Alex to do that.

Now that he was this close, Stiles was distracted in a whole new way. Having him right there felt like static electricity fizzing under his skin, his thoughts consumed by his proximity. He registered the hesitation on Alex’s face right before he asked the question, so he was anticipating it. Reaching up, he slipped the hat from Alex’s head for the second time that day, (without awesome yet temporary powers this time), letting it drop without taking his eyes off his face, fingers just slipping into his hair by his ear.

He didn’t have anything clever to say. He wished he did, but all he could think about was the feel of his jaw beneath his thumb. “Yeah,” he finally managed, low-pitched. “It’s okay.” His hand slid back a little further, encouraging him closer, because the only other thing he could think was how much he wanted to be kissing him.

As soon as Stiles pulled his hat off, Alex had an idea that this was going in the direction he'd sort of been thinking about when his brain was totally centered on Concern. But he waited until the words were actually said aloud, because that was always really important, before he lowered himself by slow degrees. Alex didn't work out in the strictest sense of the word, but every day was arm, leg, and core day when you were a drummer. It made it easier to turn his head ever so slightly into those long fingers and slip his lips against Stiles', all while making himself flush with all those long limbs.

Kissing Stiles was great every single time, in the kind of way that told him it would never get old. And Alex knew he'd never take these moments for granted. There was far too much unknown.

He was also acutely aware, in the back of his mind at least, of a certain basket Phil had put together for him a few weeks ago, one still in his bathroom under the sink.

Not that he needed it.

Just the notion of it, however, had Alex's cheeks pinking up as he wound his arms around Stiles' back and hummed a happy note.

His senses were very quickly overwhelmed with all things Alex as his body aligned with his, and he felt his own face grow warm. They hadn’t even done this that many times, and yet every time he heard a sound like that from Alex it hit him right in the stomach. Stiles’ fingers sank deeper into Alex’s long hair, all thoughts of ghost-physics long gone now, let alone showing off telekinetic powers while he had them. At some point he’d become a bit fixated on how soft Alex’s hair felt under his fingers.

He was pretty content to just get lost in kissing him for a while, but eventually the need to stop and take a decent breath won out. Sometimes he still got caught up in the newness of all this, at the same time part of him wanted more, because he was Stiles, and that was just how his brain operated. “Hi,” he breathed somewhat inanely, and maybe a little bashfully despite his best efforts, because saying nothing was never going to be possible.

Well, how on earth was Alex expected to do anything but beam back down at Stiles in the face of that smile. He also most definitely had to lay one more kiss on one of the corners of those closed lips. While his body most definitely had opinions about the length and depth of the kisses they'd just been exchanging, his head and his heart were totally good with slowing things down. Alex chuckled with all the warmth he had in his body (which was a considerable amount, given… everything), and said right back: "Hi."

He eased himself slowly to one side, but still kept his arms securely around the frame he'd been getting to know so well. Unable to help himself, Alex leaned in and kissed the little cluster of moles on Stiles' cheek. "Still okay? I'm trying to convince my heart to stay behind my ribs, personally."

That smile was dangerous. He knew it was kind of a running joke at this point, but Alex seriously did make his brain short circuit and steal his ability to think intelligent thoughts. He didn’t know exactly when it had started happening, but he wasn’t all that concerned with questioning it.

He was almost disappointed when Alex shifted to lay beside him, except he still had his arms around him so he couldn’t quite get there. Especially when he couldn’t seem to stop kissing him. Stiles was in no way complaining. It also maybe gave his body a chance to get with the program and calm down. Alex’s words about his experience - or lack of it - were somewhere tucked away in his awareness. But he had no idea how to even broach that as a subject, so it was just another of those things he shoved down and ignored.

He brought a hand up between them to rest against Alex’s chest, feeling the evidence of his rapidly beating heart beneath his fingers, leaning in to kiss him again as he did. It felt pretty much matched up with his own, actually. “Well, I like it where it is. So maybe you can convince it to stay there a little longer.”

"I dunno"—Alex glanced down at those fingers spread across his shirt—"I think it might be okay if it went to someone else. Someone I trust, y'know?"

He immediately buried his face in Stiles' shoulder—a familiar gesture, one Alex both relished doing and feared for the day when Stiles would no longer find it endearing—and he groaned. "No, no, no, oh, my god, can we pretend I can't speak English? I mean, I mean it, for sure. For real, for real. No take backsies. It's just, like, this is new, but just because it's new doesn't mean I can't feel like this already. And…" Alex ran out of steam rather abruptly. "And, yeah."

There wasn’t a second of hesitation when Alex had his head buried in against his shoulder, he curled an arm around him, holding him in close in the best equivalent of a hug in the way they were lying. He was very aware of the probably stupid look on his face and was infinitely grateful Alex couldn’t see it amidst that nervous babbling.

“Somewhere around the third time I nearly lost someone I care about I think I gave up worrying about timing,” he admitted quietly, his mouth close to Alex’s ear. “I don’t know about you, but once I tell someone how much they mean to me, I kind of find it hard to stop.” And somewhere along the way, Alex had become that person to him. The first person he worried about when bad things were happening in this place. The first person he wanted to see when he woke from a nightmare, confused and afraid.

He took a steadying breath, because this suddenly felt like a lot, which was scary. But he also felt like it was exactly what it should be. “If you trust me with it. I’ll keep it safe.” Just like he knew he’d always keep Alex safe.

Tears welled up before Alex could even begin to help it. He didn't bother to pretend otherwise when he finally lifted his face to see the very obvious truth in Stiles', well, everything. "I trust you," he choked out, high and a little rough. "Of course I trust you."

Which was true. No amount of trickster spirit wearing his face would ever change that as far as Alex was concerned. He bit his lip and smiled slowly. "I'd say more people should have brushes with death to really hold things more precious, but then that would get ordinary, too. People are just kind of like that. And this is not about people in general anyway, so I'm going to move on from my attempts to be a street corner philosopher. I think I just mean that I get it. I'm on my third chance now, and I'm not about to let things slip by me again. Not when they're important. And you, Stiles, you're important."

“Aw, really?” He teased gently, softening the words with a smile. “But I like it when you go off on tangents.” Which was hilarious, because no one could ramble about nothing like Stiles could. But he was still absolutely going there. Now that Alex had lifted his head, Stiles brushed his hair back behind his ear with the hand that had been resting on his chest. Was it an excuse to just keep touching him? Probably. But he didn’t care, and he doubted Alex did, either.

The smile took on that same diffident edge at Alex telling him he was important. It wasn’t anything he had any control over. False bravado was harder in moments like this. “You know, one of these days I’m going to have to find at least one bad trait hidden in there somewhere.”

"At least we won't lack for conversation." Alex laughed. "Not to mention edification." It was true. He was pretty much guaranteed to learn at least one new thing whenever he hung out with Stiles, sometimes a dozen if his way-more-than-friend got started on a real tangent. His breath caught a little at the tender way Stiles was being, but he powered through it to quip: "There's no way I can hold a candle to the Tangent King, though, Your Majesty."

Laughing again, Alex gave a small head shake. "I don't know if you've picked up on this, but I'm pretty much a walking, talking, drumming bundle of anxiety. It's not like you'd have to look far for one or two—hundred. Heck, what if you found out I snore? And I'm sure the whole food allergy thing would probably get annoying, for that matter."

The ‘your majesty’ had him laughing harder than he expected, hand dropping to curl over Alex’s shoulder. It was mostly to stop his instinct to brush away the remnant of those tears - he didn’t know how welcome that would be. “That - was terrible. I have no rebuttal, but it was still terrible.” Alex wouldn’t be the first person to call him out on the path his thoughts could take. Which by no means meant he had any way to stop it.

“No way. You can’t bring anxiety into this. For one, I’ll give you a run for your money. And for two I can name at least three medical professionals who would tell you off for calling it a bad trait.” He scoffed at the allergies comment, too. “That’s a challenge, not a bad thing. Just means I can’t impress you by cooking mac and cheese and ordering pizza. Besides, Malia? Her favorite food was deer. Trust me, this is a step up. And for the record?” The teasing glint was back in his eyes because he was one hundred percent bullshitting now. “I already know you snore. It’s kind of adorable.”

If there had been the space between them, Alex would have bowed. He was far too busy feeling a little smug and a lot sniffly. At least the tears had stopped flowing, which absolutely freed him up to turn a no doubt fun shade of pink and push lightly at Stiles' shoulder. "Hey! Don't hold what a guy does in his sleep against him. It's just mean." And of course he followed this up with a pout.

It only held for a moment. Immediately after, he nuzzled Stiles' nose with his own and brushed a soft kiss against those sweet lips. "But I'm doing a really bad job of encouraging a good nap, which was kind of the whole point of winding up in this position in the first place."

Stiles was prepared to carry right on teasing when Alex protested, but then he was being frankly ridiculous but downright endearing at the same time and it was all he could do to put his arms around him and pull him in closer, biting back his continued laughter. He much preferred seeing the exaggerated pout to the actual tears. He didn’t think he was all that well equipped to handle those.

He shifted down to lie on his side properly, facing him. “Oh my god, I know. Trying to be sensible and have a nap over here and you come along with your kisses and your ‘show me your cool mind powers Stiles’. Just the worst.” He’d honestly forgotten that had even been the plan in the first place. Not that he thought he could be blamed for that.

Being gathered in like he was threatened to make Alex cry all over again, but he held back by the skin of his teeth. When he was here, with Stiles, he didn't so much forget all the worries of the world as feel them slightly less acutely. Like the edges had softened, or maybe just like he could handle everything a little bit better. He wasn't sure when this started to be the case; it had all been so gradual. What was the phrase? He was already in the middle of it before he even knew it started.

Alex tucked himself even further into Stiles' hold, his own arms comfortably around the deceptively strong back. "Super terrible, I know. Okay, but at the risk of setting off another tangent… Deer? Really? Like, deer meat? Or, like, deer-deer? Feel free to skip the details."

The question probably shouldn’t have been all that surprising. He snorted a laugh, thinking it over, but really there was no normal way to answer that. “Deer like…deer. Malia was, is, a werecoyote?” It came out more like a question because to the uninitiated he knew how ridiculous that must sound. “I spent all this time trying to convince her she was really all about the pizza, but, when you’ve lived in the wild for eight years - you know.”

His thumb was absently stroking back and forth where it rested somewhere on Alex’s shoulder blade, still holding him close. “I uh - she was my first,” he admitted quietly, that talk of experience somewhere in the back of his mind. “Before Lydia.”

To his credit, Alex merely took this in stride. If his world had ghosts who could interact with the living, was it really a huge stretch to believe in all the other supernatural beings he'd ever heard about in books and movies. The "eight years in the wild" thing tugged at his heartstrings, because it sounded like a sad, tragic story. One for another time. Especially in light of Stiles' next confession.

He did his best just to keep smiling, but a certain tension had crept into his shoulders. Alex had no doubt Stiles could feel it. "I, uh, I've never actually had a first? Not all the way. Probably not even most of the way. I don't know. I have no idea what the scale is beyond kissing and what we were just doing and, er, home base, or however that metaphor goes. Lots of reading, though. And, er, maybe I've pulled up some, uh, videos? But, like, I know that's not real. Not really-real."

He let out a frustrated noise and blew his hair off his forehead. "Ugh, I'm making a mess of this. My first kiss was with a girl, though, believe it or not. Keisha Morris. Coolest girl in eighth grade. We dated for about six weeks before she got tired of me drooling over her older brother every time I went over to her house. She's the one who sat me down and made me take a long hard look at myself so I could finally admit to myself I was gay. I wish we'd stayed friends, but she moved out East before high school. And…that's more information about me."

There was no missing the turn caused by his words, but he also resolutely felt like it was something he wanted to talk about? Rightly or wrongly. Who was he kidding, probably wrongly. But barreling in with no regard for what might be appropriate had never stopped him before. “I didn’t really have that scale for a long time.” And really, winding up here with Lydia was what had changed that on even the smallest level. He was hardly going to say out loud and in a hurry that he’d lost his virginity in the basement of a mental institution.

“Yeah?” He enquired neutrally, because okay. Admittedly he’d been wondering about that. Like, when it came to knowing when you knew something like that, he was curious. He couldn’t help that. “I guess I’d never really thought about it? Like. God, it sounds so pathetic but for so long I was so caught up on the one person I just - didn’t even think about anything else.” Who he might actually like, and why. It had all been muted by one obsession and a ten year plan.

Alex might have felt like he was making a mess of this but by comparison Stiles felt about as ridiculous as a person could. “Sorry, I didn’t want to make this weird, I just - you know. You got me thinking about it,” he admitted. He assumed for obvious reasons.

"There's nothing at all wrong with either of those things," Alex was quick to assure him, perhaps unnecessarily. Why would he ever judge anyone's life journey, especially if it wasn't his own? And surely Stiles knew he would never be that way when it came to whatever he told him. No matter what. "And you didn't make this weird. It's not like it hasn't popped in my head"—constantly—"from time to time. But especially when I'm with you."

“Yeah,” he acknowledged. Because that was exactly it. It was impossible not to go there. “And it’s…I don’t know. I guess we’re both in the same boat? Because this is all just completely new to me. As repeated like two million times, wow. I need a new line.” What it meant was he was left with that feeling of wanting more but not knowing where to go with that. Partly because of Alex, and partly because of himself. So it was kind of good to know they were both feeling the same way, at least on some level.

Nuzzling Stiles' nose again, Alex could only smile. "That just means we get to find a new verse together, yeah? Whatever tempo we want. Right now, though, I'm thinking a lullabye. Want me to sing you to sleep? I've got some Beatles in my songbook, courtesy of my grandma."

“I mean, aside from the gratuitous music references I’d say I’m on board,” he teased, melting at that repeated action from Alex. His hand lowered so it rested at his lower back, arm draped over his waist. “You’re going to sing to me?” He blinked, a little taken aback, warmth flooding his chest. He curled in a bit closer, a reversal of their earlier position. If there was ever a chance to make a nap stick, this would be it. “How could I say no to that? You pick the song, though.”

'Oh, my god,' Alex thought, 'if he gets any cuter, I may die all over again. Worth it.'

Kissing the top of Stiles' head and settling him in close, Alex sent up a silent prayer of forgiveness to George Harrison for course correcting a couple of pronouns and began to sing quietly:

Something in the way he moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way he woos me
I don't want to leave him now
You know I believe and how