Alex Mercer (alexmercer) wrote in chances_rpg, @ 2024-03-29 18:44:00 |
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Entry tags: | julieandthephantoms: alex mercer, julieandthephantoms: julie molina |
Who: Julex (Julie and Alex)
What: Artistic Collaboration and Unexpected Conversation
When: Recently, after the events at the beginning of March
Where: Station Practice Studio
Warnings: None
Status: Completed via GDocs
When Alex asked her for a favor, Julie didn’t hesitate. With everything going on right now, they’d all come to a band-consensus that they could work from the smaller studio space at the Station for the time being, which is where she’d said she would meet Alex. Julie had zero complaints about the self-imposed restriction. She was scared, and she wasn’t going to pretend she wasn’t. But she also knew they had some really badass adults in their corner who had their backs. She felt safe with Yelena, or when she was with the guys at Matt and Phil’s place.
As scared as she was, it was like she and Luke had talked about, she didn’t feel like she could just dismiss all the new people who showed up as being like the few who’d done bad things. Maeve had been absolutely lovely, and Julie hated the thought of anyone showing up here and being treated like a criminal from the get go when they’d done nothing to deserve it.
The room was empty when she got there, so she took up a spot behind her keyboard, figuring Alex wouldn’t be far behind. Setting down the notebook she’d brought with her she tinkered on the keys, the first few bars of an as yet unnamed melody weaving together.
Already hearing music when he approached their space settled something in Alex's chest. Sure, it was faint—the soundproofing was nearly perfect—but spending so long with the band meant he knew who was there without ever seeing them. No doubt the alert would flash when he got the door and pushed inside, but since he was expected, it meant Julie didn't immediately stop playing. He smiled at her, real and genuine, even if it trembled just a little around the edges. "Hey, thanks for coming down. I hope I'm not pulling you away from homework? Or Luke-work?"
Julie recognised the edge to that smile, because she was pretty sure hers matched it perfectly. Standing when Alex walked in, she rounded the keyboard to give him a quick hug. Maybe it was mostly for her but she rationalized that he could probably use one too. “Would you believe I am all up to date on my homework? Must be all this sitting around and worrying. I’m an A plus student this week.” She was mostly joking, though there was definitely plenty of worrying going on. “Besides, I've always got time for my favorite drummer.”
When the hug was offered up, Alex didn't hesitate to return it. That was one of the things he really loved about their band: they didn't hesitate to offer up all kinds of affection. So many nights lately, he hadn't been able to sleep unless someone was next to him or doing their best impression of an octopus. It mattered so much, knowing he wasn't alone. His throat felt a little tight when they finally let go, and he had to clear it with a small cough before he laughed. "I would believe it, but not because of the current level of aaah! I think it's been pointed out many-a time that you are officially the brains of this operation. Sorry, no take backsies."
Julie laughed, a proper, good giggle. It felt like it had been a little while since she’d done that. “No take backsies,” she agreed. “I loan it out when it’s important!” She was only teasing obviously. “So what’s this big important favor?”
"Oh, right, yeah— I mean, it's not important-important, it's just, like, y'know, a thing." Alex shook his head at himself and pushed out an exasperated sigh. "Okay, so I woke up this morning with a song in my head. Totally a normal thing. A side effect of band time. But it took me a little while to remember where I'd heard it. It's the song your mom wrote. The one you played on the piano the morning after you met us? Wake up, wake up, if it's all you do," he sang, nowhere near at Julie's level, but with all the heart he had. "And then I started thinking about the lyrics, and what they really meant, and I thought—"
Alex broke off and blushed. "Would you, uhm, maybe want to record an acoustic version with me?"
That wasn’t what she’d had in mind that Alex’s favor might be, though she had assumed it would be a music thing. That was what connected them, after all. But when he sang the few lines she found herself smiling warmly. That song meant a lot to her, and she was really touched that it seemed to mean a lot to him, too.
“I’d love to record it with you.” She loved his voice. She loved all their voices, actually. And their playing. And their passion for music. It was all just a big band love in. “What are we recording it for?” That probably sounded ruder than it was meant to. “We can play it any time you like, is what I mean.”
And that's where Alex did his best not to squirm, because he knew it would be the most logical question. At least she didn't say "who", so maybe he hadn't been as transparent as he feared. Still, he twisted his fingers into the edge of his shirt where it was tucked into his pants. That was as close as he could get to not fidgeting.
"Yeah, I know, but it's, uh, it's for Stiles." The rest came out in a rush with barely a pause for breath, like he'd been building a case of excuses for a while now. "'Cause, y'know, he's really going through it, and your mom's lyrics, they're just so good and hopeful, and I think maybe he could use the reminder that it's okay to just keep going sometimes. I know it's not the same as when your mom wrote it for you, but I thought it might be, well, nice."
The warm smile stayed firmly in place, but her eyes lit up when he explained. “Really? Alex, that’s so sweet.” She reached out a hand to touch his arm, just a little show of support, seeing the way he was squirming. As far as she was concerned it wasn’t anything to be anxious about. Meanwhile she was trying not to outright bounce in place.
She didn’t know Stiles as well as the guys did yet, though the night he’d spent with them they’d had a couple of conversations. Mostly about movies and music they both liked. He’d become a fixture in their lives, and it was no secret he’d become someone important to their drummer. And Alex wasn’t wrong about the words. Julie still thought of them herself on days when things all felt a bit too hard. “Ooh, okay I’m excited now. How do you want to do this?”
"Definitely you on lead vocals, but I've been thinking about some cool harmonies we can try." He could still feel the pulse of of his flush in his cheeks, but that was just how his face work. Professional Poker Player was never going to be in his future. "But you're really okay with this, right? I know it was your mom's song, and she wrote it for you, and honestly I don't want to change much of anything, music and lyrics-wise, maybe the key and the tempo. If you change your mind at any point, I'll totally get it. It's all kind of silly anyway. Probably. But… yeah."
Now she really had to resist bouncing in place. Probably inappropriate timing, given how nervous-slash-embarrassed he seemed about the whole thing. “I like that. We can definitely work some harmonies in!” Her mind was already racing with the possibilities of where and when. “Alex,” she admonished, though her tone was gentle. “I promise I wouldn’t agree if I wasn’t okay with it. It feels right to share it. Mom would like that.” And Julie really thought she would, too. If her music could lift someone else up out of sadness? She would be proud of that. “It’s not silly. It’s sweet. I think he’ll be really grateful.” She was trying to keep the excitable tone out of her voice, but it was hard.
It took considerable mental effort, but Alex put his baseless anxieties aside and smiled right back at her. "Well, okay, then! Let's get this song figured out!"
This time she actually did bounce, but it was also for the purpose of moving to her spot behind the keyboard, so she figured that was acceptable. “Okay. So.” She started playing the opening notes, thinking through the first few lines and where he could step in. “Maybe you could come in on the second line? ”You got some place to go”, she sang to demonstrate.
Her enthusiasm was infectious. Despite the pared down version they were crafting, the more they worked on it, the lighter Alex felt—like this was the right thing to do and exactly what his soul needed. It didn't make the ever-present danger lessen in the slightest, but it did seem further away while they worked out where to go with the vocals. He'd thought at first they could maybe add in some drums, but listening to her play made him realize it didn't need it.
It also meant this was one of those rare occasions when he wasn't behind his set. Just him and Julie and a piano. He kept his shoulder against hers whenever she wasn't playing, and found after a while that what he needed was her closeness. Otherwise, his brain probably would have spun out and been totally ridiculous. Hours passed like this, but it didn't feel like it. "Holy crap—I think we're ready to record? Julie, you smashed it!"
“I smashed it? Alex, you were amazing!” She enthused. “We are so ready to record. That was so good!” She punctuated the statement with another quick hug, this one kind of sideways because of the way they were sitting. “I can’t believe we haven’t ever done this before. We pull off an amazing harmony, if I do say so myself.”
He grinned over at her. "We should team up on Luke, and sweet talk him into working with you to write something for us. Granted, your sweet talk is probably way more effective than mine, as it should be." Alex paused for a moment and chewed his lip. "Do you think this is too much? I'm not afraid he won't like it, but it's just— Is it weird that I care this much?"
When he continued, he dropped his voice like he was afraid to put it out into the universe, and his gaze was firmly on the keys in front of them. His hands went white knuckled on the piano bench. "I just… We're friends, and I like him. I mean, I really like him. And I'm not sure if that's okay."
Julie shifted slightly on the stool to face him better. He was asking big questions, and she wouldn’t do him the disservice of just waving it off and saying it was super sweet (again). Which it was, but it was more than that, too. “It’s a big thing, Alex. But that doesn’t make it a bad thing. It shows - well, yeah. That you care. Which isn’t weird at all, why would that be weird?” That was such a core part of who he was, Julie couldn’t imagine him not caring about someone with all he had.
Seeing his grip, she reached down and covered one of his hands with her own, smile soft. “I can tell how much you like him. But…why isn’t it okay?”
The swirl of his thoughts were nearly enough to pull him down; it wouldn't be the first time, nor would it be the last. He almost startled at her touch, but at least it settled something in his stomach, if not his head. All the things he'd told himself but not Luke or Reggie came spilling out, because he loved and trusted Julie. Not that he couldn't do that with the guys, but her emotional maturity meant she might be gentle and not jump to teasing him first.
"Because I'm eighteen, but still in high school. No college guy is going to want to date a high schooler, no matter how old they are. It wasn't a good look in 1995, and it's not a good look now. And then there's the whole Lydia and Dylan of the thing. How does that look? I know how devastated Stiles was when Lydia went away. And I'm still missing Dylan of course, but now I'm just moving on? I don't want a rebound, and I don't want to be a rebound, y'know? And then there's all the stuff Stiles has gone through this month alone. How can I add to that and make it all emotionally complicated and my timing sucks just because— just because I like him?"
For all the thoughts Julie had as Alex was speaking, she stayed silent. She could tell how important this was for him to get out, and she guessed it was probably the first time he was actually saying any of it out loud. Which was a big thing, and she was so grateful to have his trust in something so big. “I promise I don’t mean to belittle one of your concerns, but isn’t he only nineteen? Does the high school versus college thing really matter? Or I guess, do you think it matters to him?” Because that was the only part that did matter, as far as she could tell. Whether it mattered to either of them. But what did she know, she was only sixteen. College still felt a lifetime away, even if that time was going to fly by.
The rebound thing she thought she understood a little better, whether or not it was true. “I don’t think liking someone else means you’re moving on. That would be like saying I was meant to be sad about my mom forever, you know? I’ll never stop missing her, but I have to go on with my life. You guys helped me understand that.” She gave his shoulder a gentle nudge with her own. “And you’ll miss Dylan and he’ll miss Lydia but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel again.”
As for the rest of it…well. “I kind of got the impression you were really helping him out with that the other night.” And maybe there was a tiny touch of teasing in her tone when she pointed that part out. But none of them had missed the way they’d both fallen asleep, Alex still holding Stiles’ hand.
The age difference wasn't actually insurmountable; heck, it was practically non-existent. And he had no idea how Stiles felt about it, because he needed a friend not a… whatever this was. Or could be. It all got so tangled up in Alex's head that sometimes he just wanted to whale on his drums until his arms were noodles. He really did appreciate Julie's perspective on each point, and it really was kind of funny how each one was was a far more substantial echo than the thoughts he'd glancingly had pop up in his head when he was lying awake, staring at the ceiling.
But that wasn't where he was now, which meant he was free to pull himself out of his own mind and turn just enough to put his arms around Julie. He never really forgot about her family or her mom—it lived in the background buzz of his thoughts—but sometimes he didn't consider what that missing might be doing to her, and not just her mom. Alex barely thought about his parents anymore. They were as gone as people could be from the Displaceds' perspective, but he'd been estranged from them for a long while before then. He wasn't actually dwelling on them now, more the nebulous idea of a family being a thing that would fit like an ache in the heart a body couldn't quite ever dislodge.
(Kind of like your feelings for Stiles, his mind helpfully murmured. He ignored it.)
"You're the best of us," he murmured, and brushed a light kiss against her temple, because it felt like the kind of thing that needed to be done. His own friendlationship or whatever was going on could take a back seat for a bit. "Just thought you should know that."
Julie willingly accepted the hug, bringing her own arms up around her friend in turn. Whatever else was going on right now, whatever Alex did or didn’t want to talk about, she was happy to just be here and be a comfort for him in as much as he was a comfort to her. She didn’t agree that she was the best of them, not by a long shot. But now wasn’t the time for getting into that.
“Love you,” she told him quietly instead, still holding on tight. Later, she’d remind him not to put so much pressure on himself and just follow his heart. He could record the song for Stiles and be his friend and whatever happened, happened. Whatever that happening turned out to be.
"Love you right back," he returned with just as much feeling.
Maybe he didn't know what the future held, but in that moment, Alex knew he was right where he was supposed to be.