triple_m (triple_m) wrote in chances_rpg, @ 2024-02-17 20:17:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | mcu: loki, mcu: mobius m mobius |
Complete
Who: Loki and Mobius M Mobius
What: A Long Overdue Talk
When: Early February
Where: Loki’s apartment.
Mobius had been here over a month already and he still felt like he hadn’t had the opportunity to have a real conversation with his wayward best friend. He knew why, of course. Something about this world had taken him out of it and put him back where Mobius had last seen him himself. Despite seeing Loki here, and knowing he was okay and had a good life, he couldn’t stop seeing his friend’s face as he locked the door standing between them. The sound of Sylvie practically begging him to stop. Mobius had known that Loki couldn’t turn back, not then.
It was the single hardest thing Mobius had ever had to do, had ever had to witness. Watching the person who mattered most to him sacrificing himself for the greater good. It was what everyone had though he never could do. Well, everyone except Mobius. He just had hoped he’d get to have a life too.
But he did now, didn’t he? Mobius thought Loki did. Jennifer seemed really nice and really good for him. And he got to reconnect with Thor. Truly, Mobius was very happy for him. But he also knew how Loki liked to bottle things up and since he was pretty sure he hadn’t spoken to Thor or Jen about what had happened, he became determined to talk to him about it himself.
Of course, Mobius needed to do a little off-loading himself, but he was pretty sure they could do that for each other.
Not willing to wait any longer, Mobius left his apartment and walked down the hallway to the one Loki shared with his brother and knocked, hoping he was home.
Having an unexpected visitor wasn't exactly a rarity, given that he was rooming with his brother, so Loki didn't really think anything of it when he answered the door.
His brows climbed toward his hairline when he saw who it was.
An odd little flash of pride went through him. Of course Mobius was the one to finally broach in-person contact—the kind that didn't involve his lovely lady friend acting as intermediary. He'd gone along to dinner and dancing, but deftly guided the topics toward innocuous things. Things that didn't involve his ultimate fate. A coward's way, the little voice in his head whispered. Loki told it to shut up.
His surprise only lasted a moment before he stepped out of the door and gestured Mobius in. "I'm afraid we're out of key lime pie, but may I offer you coffee? Tea? Something a bit harder?"
When the door opened, Mobius slid his hands casually into his pockets and smirked at his friend. It wasn’t often he managed to surprise Loki, but he took pride in it every time he did.
It was actually their outing with Jen that had convinced Mobius that it was time to really talk to Loki. It had been obvious that Loki wasn’t really there that night and he very much hadn’t wanted to talk. It had become clear to him then that he was going to have to give his friend a bit of a push. Even if he had asked Jen not to do just that.
“You know, I think I would appreciate something a bit harder. I feel like we both might need it.” He walked into Loki’s apartment with a casual air about him though he actually felt quite nervous.
Hard, they had, but the question was how much. Waving a hand airily in a gesture of
'make yourself at home', he indicated the couch that came standard with each apartment. This one was a bit more worn in, since Thor had lived there longer with a young child as well as a frequently visiting mother and baby. Yet Loki had never even thought to offer to mend it. Those small scuffs and tears were all the sign left of the people his brother had held so dear.
Not that his thoughts were on the couch now. No, he had already gone to the kitchen to review their stores of spirits and retrieve glasses—all of which he could have done with magic. The gathering, that is. Truth was, he needed a moment in the face of that familiar expression, that easy smile. Dinner and dancing had been full of distractions, but this?
He had nowhere to run.
Loki returned with a bottle of scotch and planted it and both glasses on the table before he sat, his movements far more casual than all the things going on in his head. "How are you?"
The apartment felt very lived in, Mobius noted as he headed to the well worn couch. He knew Thor lived here as well so that didn’t particularly strike him as odd. What did though was the realization that Loki had been here for a long time, and yet for him it hadn’t been all that long since he’d watched helplessly as Loki ascended. With Loki in the kitchen, he took a moment to compose himself, running a hand over his tired face as he took a seat.
Yeah, he was definitely going to need that drink.
He knew this was going to be a hard conversation, but it would hardly be the first the two of them had had. Honestly, Mobius hardly wanted to deal with all of this either, but he knew better than most how Loki worked and if he didn’t get these things off his chest, it wouldn’t lead to anything good.
“Truth? Not great. Pretty sure we’re in the same boat on that one though.” Mobius reached for the bottle and poured them both a generous helping before handing one of the glasses to Loki and taking the other for himself. “Cheers to traumatic events?”
The pause before Loki clinked his glass with the other was probably as telling as just about anything he could have said aloud. Still, he smirked wryly and knocked back far more than a mere sip. Traumatic events were the tip of the iceberg to what they'd gone through—and that was without Loki going into the nigh-endless time loops he'd created for himself. "Aye, I'll drink to that."
He set his glass down, as well as the pall of bitterness that came from memories spent far too long spiraling in his head.
Yes, he'd been stubborn about keeping them there. Yes, he knew his friends and loved ones were concerned. Yes, he knew Mobius would understand better than any of them.
Yet how could he lay out his life's work at this man's feet when he'd already gone through so much?
Loki sighed quietly and turned toward his friend before tentatively putting his fingers on the end of his knee. "I am sorry to hear that. More than you could know." He let out a bitter laugh. "I went from the God of All Time to not knowing how to navigate a simple conversation with my best friend. Life here is so… small. Good, don't get me wrong, but, yes, small. You were supposed to have a choice. I'm sorry that was taken from you."
It was at the point where Mobius believed he could probably read Loki without him speaking at all anyway, but somehow all this was more telling than even he had expected. Of course, Mobius knew that there had been more happening in those last few hours. How Loki had suddenly known everything about how the loom worked and what to do. It may not have been obvious to the naked eye, but Loki had seemed older somehow and he’d be lying if he hadn’t wanted to know what had happened. He still did want to know, really.
Mobius took a small sip of his drink and then swirled the caramel toned liquor in the glass, watching it go around as he thought about what to say next. He didn’t want to push Loki, not really, but he did know he needed to talk about what happened. They both did.
”Small.” He paused for a moment, savoring that word for a moment. “That is the perfect word for it. I haven’t been able to pin down exactly what’s been bothering me about it here, but that is exactly it.” He took another, larger sip of his drink before also setting his drink down. He needed to be at least a little bit sober for this.
Taking a deep breath, Mobius let it out slowly before speaking again. “It’s not your fault. Even being brought here isn’t really the problem. If anything, at least this place gave me my best friend back. I just… do you remember when I told you I was worried about if my life on the Sacred Timeline was good? Well, it was and it wasn’t. And that messed me up even more than I thought it would.” And all he’d wanted to do was talk to his best friend about it. Now he can’t imagine laying that at Loki’s feet.
Quite the pair, these two.
”But I want you to know, none of that is your fault. And you can talk to me, about anything. Just like I hope I can talk to you.”
Loki remembered.
Just like he remembered his fevered attempts to find his friends, even though they had no idea who he was. Mobius wouldn't remember that either. It wasn't the man's fault. None of it was. If one were to trace the lineage of guilt it would be as complicated and impossible as the Time Tree itself. He grimaced and drew a hand down his face, then slumped back against the couch. "We traded the epic impossible for mundane suburbia. Don't get me wrong, very strange things still happen here, inexplicable things, but even the scope is at least on a perceivable level."
This was all so esoteric and unhelpful. It was also pretty indicative of life as a whole. Odin's beard, what Loki wouldn't give for some clarity. He dragged his hand roughly through his hair and admitted: "I met him. Don. His sons. I never looked into his— into your branch point. Not because I didn't want to know, but because it seemed so personal. And I never found the time to ask you directly." Loki grimaced. "I never made the time. Saving you, saving everything took precedence. And then after…"
His brows contracted and he let out a long sigh. Just like he feared, Loki was absolutely cocking up this conversation from the start. He looked right at Mobius. "Tell me? What you found out? I caught glimpses of after. You looked so sad, sitting in the TVA. Lost."
Well, that part he hadn't meant to say aloud. It just slipped out. It was true, though. All of it.
All Mobius could do for the moment was sit there. Sometimes he knew it was better to just let Loki sit and think for a moment. It was a tactic he’d used a little bit back when they’d first met, but he was using it for a different purpose now. He didn’t need Loki to talk for any reason other than Mobius thought it would be good to get off his chest. There were no Judges or Time Keepers breathing down his neck, needing him to use his techniques in an interrogation.
No, this time it was all down to Mobius being worried about Loki, and frankly, missing his friend. By the end, they’d been able to talk to each other about anything. He told Loki things he’d never admit to anyone else. He might have been Loki’s first friend, but Loki was definitely his first real best friend. He used to say it was Ravonna, but she paled in comparison. Mobius hadn’t known what it was to have a friend he could fully trust like that, not until Loki convinced him that the TVA was lying to him.
Mobius suddenly blinked back to attention, lifting his head to look at Loki again. “You met him? What was he…I like? To talk to, I mean. Was I very much different?” He snapped his mouth shut then and shook his head. “Never mind. I don’t really want to know. It’s too weird.” As much as he wanted to know about his past life, he also kind of didn’t still. It was all muddled up in his brain. Another thing to figure out.
“You were watching me?” It was Mobius’ turn to frown. Not because he thought Loki was messing this up, not by a long shot. Really, there was no right or wrong way to have this kind of conversation. They were always a bit messy. After a moment, the frown evened out and he smiled a bit sadly at Loki. “It wasn’t just what I lost in terms of my life on the Sacred Timeline. It was just everything. You know how I was, Mr. Company Man. I lived and breathed that job. To find out it was all a lie? Well, you know exactly how that feels. And then to lose you on top of it, and to only watch what should’ve been my life from the sidelines? Or worse yet, pretend like it wasn’t there at all? I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
He leaned against the back of the couch, his head tilted up over the back as he let out a bit of a harsh laugh. “Did you notice that Don’s kids were a bit like you and Thor when you were young? The youngest had mischief practically bleeding off him.”
All the very true things he knew about Don—that he was kind, caring, friendly, patient with his boys, and somehow still held the capacity to roll with the impossible, just like he was now, if one were to consider the TVA a family—got trapped behind his teeth because Loki would honor Mobius' request. There really was something about knowing the path that should have been taken. Loki had seen that for himself, how he had failed and failed again, only to meet a grisly hand at the hand of the very Mad Titan who had… aided him to begin with. (Still his mind shied away from that time, even after all these centuries.) Yet it was only a host of possibilities, no long "Sacred", now simply another branch. He started to make that point too, but they'd already moved on.
One of these days the topic might be broached again.
Loki's heart ached to hear the reasons put upon such a look of dejection, but Mobius' observation startled a laugh from him, wobbly and wet sounding. "I can't say I ever made the distinction. With the benefit of hindsight, there's no wonder you had such a soft spot for me from the beginning. They may have erased your memory, but they couldn't change who you were. Who you are."
His smile faded, the pain taking over again—a persistent feeling since coming back. "I didn't want to leave you. I spent thousands of hours, lifetimes just trying to find some other way. Any other way." And just like that, it could have come spilling out of him: the centuries spent trying to learn how to do the impossible. Watching his friends fall over and over again, the universe unraveling. It wasn't all work, though. Sometimes he'd spend entire loops sampling all the pies the Automat had on offer. And there were the times when he found some way to prank each of his friends. Mostly, though, it was the slog of a Sisyphean task.
He said none of it.
Instead, Loki leaned forward, elbows on his knees and fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Finally he ended with: "Closing that airlock door on you and Sylvie was the hardest thing I've ever done."
One day, Mobius would likely be curious again. He just kept going back and forth over how much he really wanted to know about his life before. Just before he’d been brought here, he’d been watching Don and his kids, feeling incredibly detached and yet so curious, unable to figure out what he truly wanted, or needed. Lost was exactly the right word for him. He’d never felt more lost in his life and he really had no idea how to change that.
The sad laugh made Mobius’ chest ache. Still, he managed a smile when he looked at Loki. “I watched them all out in the yard for a few hours. I think I stayed as long as I did because of how much the youngest reminded me of you.” It had made him feel closer to Loki even when he’d thought he’d never see him again. And really, that was the best thing about all of this, even if they were both in a world of hurt currently. He was actually ridiculously happy to see him. “It does make a lot of sense now though, doesn’t it? I always felt particularly drawn to you. Sylvie too, really. Even when she was trying to murder us all.” He chuckled at himself then. Only he would find something like that charming.
Mobius moved over a little closer to Loki then and put what he hoped was a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I know. I know you didn’t want to leave. I knew it then and I know it now and as much as I have missed you, I’m so proud of you. I always knew you had it in you. When it came down to it, you did everything you possibly could to stay, and when you couldn’t, you made the hardest decision. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you, but thank you. You saved us all.”
"'I might just wait here for a little bit—let time pass.'" It was out of Loki's mouth before he could claw it back. Because he'd watched Mobius watching the family he'd once had, and his voice lingered long after his attention was pulled elsewhere. The ache was a fixed point in his chest, and it blossomed anew. Loki almost choked on it. All of it happened in some liminal time-space that somehow existed in the far, far distant past—on the hazy edge of memory—and also just last week, if not merely hours ago, crystal clear like he'd just lived it. Funny how so many of those moments were bound up in the man sitting next to him. And Sylvie and O.B. and B-15 and Casey. He swiped at his cheek with the back of his hand and took up his glass again, then drained it only to pour another.
Really, though, it was the hand on his shoulder that made him crack, made him abandon the glass with a flick of magic, sending it back to the table. Hands now free, Loki all but lunged at Mobius and snatched him up, pulling him close. Why he hadn't done this weeks ago when the man arrived was a mystery to unpack another day. "I never wanted your gratitude," he choked out, half-muffled against Mobius's shoulder. "I only wanted you to be free."
That was a sentiment that Mobius truly understood. As much as he was annoyed that he’d been brought here against his will, he also really couldn’t think of anything better to do and despite the clear, pent up issues he and Loki both had, he was more than happy to have his best friend back again. He had never missed anyone so much in his life. Then again, he hadn’t really had that many people to miss before. Sure it was strange not working with his TVA family anymore, but he knew it was possible to see them again. He’d thought he’d never see Loki again, and that had hurt so much worse than he ever expected.
And though he wasn’t really expecting it, Mobius caught him, pulling him into a tight hug. He would always do his best to catch him, no matter the circumstances. That was what you did for your family. “I know.” His words came out soft, and he hoped, soothing as he gently rubbed at Loki’s back. “I’m afraid you have my gratitude anyway. You don’t know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I might be here, in whatever world or timeline is actually happening around us right now, but I’m more free than I ever was before we met. Before you showed me the truth.”
Shame wasn't something Loki felt very easily anymore. Not the kind that came from being demonstrative to his friends and loved ones, the people he cared about, at least. He shivered under the weight of his emotions, but the good kind, the kind that felt like relief. A small laugh made it more pronounced, and he sniffed lightly. It wasn't quite a sniffle, but probably dangerously close. He leaned back just enough to offer him a tired smile. "Had a little help with that, me. None of us could have gotten as far as we did without Sylvie's persistence and your willingness to accept the fallacy of your life on the word of a renowned liar."
He shifted around just enough to lean against Mobius's arm. In all the running around they'd had to do, it had never been only this. Loki sighed. "It took me entirely too long to get here, but it should have come as no surprise that it was your legs that finally brought you to my door and not the opposite. Seeing you, in person, it's… a reminder. And I'm still grappling with all that entails. The Tree—it's an ache in my chest I've been trying to fill with so many other things. I-I worry it may turn into a void, sucking everything in. And then where will I be?" He pursed his lips and shook his head. "Listen to me, getting melodramatic, as always. How did you ever stand it?"
All of this, finally being able to sit down and have a real talk with Loki, even if not so many words had been spoken so far, was doing legions to help Mobius feel better himself. Knowing that Loki was here, but not really being able to talk to him had left him feeling worried and a little lost. Though really, if he were honest with himself Mobius knew that he’d felt lost since the second Loki had left his life. Though it wasn’t Loki’s fault. Mobius had simply missed his friend. It was the circumstances that had made him feel lost. He’d meant what he said, he was proud of Loki.
“Well, what can I say? You were rather convincing.” There was a tinge of amusement in his voice, his typical almost unflappable response to everything. It wasn’t that it wasn’t true, and they both knew he hadn’t believed him, at least not right away. It had been tough for Mobius because being the TVA’s resident Loki expert meant that part of him had believed him right from the beginning, but accepting that had meant renouncing everything he’d ever believed, his whole world becoming one big lie.
He still wasn’t over that.
Mobius smiled in return and leaned back against Loki as they got a bit more comfortable. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you feel worse about any of it. You did one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen anyone do.” He trailed off for a moment, sighing as he listened to Loki speak. Part of him is beyond happy to be here, so relieved to be able to see and speak to his best friend again, but another larger part of him was worried. “Look, I don’t want to ruin anything for you. I know none of this can be easy. If it… if it would be better to not see me, I can stay scarce. Let you live your life here. Jen seems great. She’s really good for you, but you might want to let her in. She’s pretty worried.”
He huffed out a laugh then. “You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t being melodramatic. Believe me, I knew what I was signing up for.”
Loki turned just far enough to level a half-hearted glare in his friend's direction. "Keep your sorry, and keep your attempts to bow graciously out of my life. I latched on to you before, and have no intention to let you go again. Who else is going to understand about all the madness we lived through?"
A true statement, although Mobius could only know the very last bit of it. And who knows how much living his friend had done before their paths crossed. Time didn't function linearly in the TVA. Mobius could have been in the multiversal war and then an agent for a few figurative decades or literal millenia. Loki might have done some peeking back along some of the reformed branches, but whenever he'd let his mind wander enough to check up on his friends, he was far more interested in their present. And now he had the opportunity to do so in real time. A novelty, to be sure.
Mobius' observation about the lovely Jennifer earned a small, noncommittal noise. It wasn't quite dismissive, but it was a topic he was far more happy shying away from than diving head first into all the reasons he had for keeping people at arm's length. (Flimsy excuses, more like, but shhhh.) "Less judging my life choices and volunteering to remove yourself from my presence, and more drinking until all the corners of reality go blurry, please."
At the glare, Mobius let out a soft chuckle, amused by Loki’s attempt at being stern. Even for a half-hearted attempt, it was actually pretty good. Not that Mobius believed it for a second. Of course, some of that laughter was an attempt to cover up just how relieved he was that Loki hadn’t agreed. The absolute last thing he wanted was to be close to his friend and not be able to see him. That actually sounded a bit like torture to him. But if it was what Loki needed, he would have done it.
”Honestly, I’m not sure I really understood everything that happened.” He smiled a bit sadly at that. He knew that Loki had done something to learn everything to do with the loom, essentially learned everything about what OB did and it didn’t take a genius to know that Loki was going back in time, trying to learn everything he could to save them. It broke his heart to think of it, of how much Loki must have done to try and fix everything and still stay with them…
Only to have it fail. Just like He Who Remained always intended.
It all hurt, knowing that he worked for the TVA for so long, completely blind to what he was really doing, just following along. Sure he’d thought he was doing what was right, what was necessary, but hadn’t a little part of him always known something was wrong? It had taken Loki to wake him up, to show him the truth. He was grateful, but all of it still haunted him. That, he thought, might be part of the problem, why he felt so stuck watching his former life. He didn’t deserve that happiness, the kids, Don’s life.
Mobius frowned, both at the noncommittal noise and the comment about judging. “I’m not judging you. I’m the absolute last person who should judge, but I do want to ask,” he paused then, leaning forward to pour them both more alcohol before passing one of the glasses back to Loki. “Is everything okay with you and Jen?” They had seemed happy enough when they’d all gone out together and he could tell just how much Jen cared about him. Mobius just hadn’t really expected that kind of response. Of course, he also wasn’t sure what kind of response he should expect either.
Honestly, as Mobius put it, Loki thought it better that Mobius didn't understand the lengths he'd gone through to save everything and everyone. What Loki had told him about the whole ordeal would barely cover the thinnest layer at the bottom of a thimble. If that sometimes made him seem aloof, then so be it. All those moments amounted to a life filled with a single (glorious) and single-minded purpose, but a sort of one-sided connection to all the people he might have let in close if he hadn't had to completely remove himself from them.
And now he was back, but with centuries of memories to the scant year he'd spent in this strange Midgardian city.
It made it harder than ever to open himself up.
Loki shook his head with a low chuckle, then took another heavy gulp. "You," he declared, using his glass as punctuation, "are being nosy, m'dear. Shall I ask after the acquaintances you've made since your arrival, and your burgeoning closeness to any of them?"
And Mobius very much disagreed with that. If there was one thing he knew, it was that getting these things off your chest always helped. He might not know the details, but Mobius had a pretty good idea that Loki had been to hell and back. He remembered the look on his face when he’d said his goodbye and that alone had been telling enough. He didn’t need to know the details, he just wanted Loki to know that he was here if he needed to talk.
Besides, who could understand better than Mobius?
He wouldn’t push though, instead just choosing to give Loki a look that said everything he was thinking. Essentially bullshit, I know you and you can tell me anything.
”Of course I am. You thought I wouldn’t be?” He smiled in return, but also blushed pretty tellingly. “Well, I didn’t ask for details. I know you’re new to the whole friend thing, but that is the kind of questions they ask. So, if you want to know what I’ve been up to since arriving, go ahead and ask.” Was he nervous about that statement? You bet, but he was also willing to tell Loki what he’d been up to as well. Part of him wondered if he’d already heard something.
The expression on Mobius' face didn't faze Loki in the slightest. It did, however, tell him that this wasn't over—merely paused for now. Fortunately, Mobius gave him something far more interesting to focus on. He shifted so he could put his arm across the back of the couch and also lean well into his friend's space. Was it low hanging fruit? Certainly. But it was also presented not unlike the fruit of temptation from a certain popular Midgardian folklore. Loki really had no other choice than to bite.
He grinned and lowered his voice to conspiratorial tones. "So, my dearest friend, just what or who have you been up to since your arrival?"
Were things ever really over when Mobius wanted to find something out? If there was one thing he was good at, it was knowing when to press and when to let things lie for a bit. Really, he understood why Loki might not want to talk about the details of whatever he went through, but Mobius still wanted him to know that he cared, he was interested and if Loki ever wanted to let someone in, Mobius would be there for him. He really hoped that if was really a when because Mobius was all too aware of what Loki could be like when he bottled things for too long.
For now, though, he was willing to let it go, even if it did result in him being a smidge embarrassed. It wasn’t like he was ashamed or anything, it was just all new and he didn’t really know for sure what was happening.
“Nothing much has really happened with him.” He spoke just a little too quickly as he looked away, feeling his cheeks heat up in a blush. “It’s not like I would know exactly what to do. It’s not like the TVA really allowed that kind of relationship. All business, as you know.”
Loki leaned in, not batting an eyelash at the pronoun. They were both trying something new, and he was truly happy for his friend. "Tell me everything."