LotR fic: Passages, chapters 10-12 [Haldir/Melpomaen, adult]
Title: Passages Chapter 10, "Youth"; chapter 11, "Negotiations"; chapter 12, "A Compromise Reached" Author: celandineb Fandom: LotR Pairing: Haldir/Melpomaen Rating: adult Warnings: PWP, angst, hurt/comfort Summary: Haldir and Melpomaen find their friendship developing beyond the expected as they travel from the Golden Wood to Dale and back via Mirkwood.
10. Youth
Melpomaen was not going to be patient about his temporary disabilities, that was clear. Haldir had already had to remind him twice not to try to use his left hand unless it was absolutely necessary. And he only agreed to let the younger Elf take his usual turn at watch with the strict injunction that if anything untoward should occur, he would wake Haldir rather than trying to deal with it himself. To which condition Melpomaen reluctantly assented, since otherwise he would feel he was of no use at all.
After treating Melpomaen's injuries, Haldir had tracked and successfully shot a deer, carrying it back to their camp on his shoulders with no small effort.
"The great Oromë returns," teased Melpomaen, trying to hide his resentment that he had been unable to help.
Haldir shook his head, laughing. "Hardly. I had great luck in drawing to within a few yards of the herd without being scented or heard by them. At that range, a child could have made the shot." Briskly he began to skin the animal. "I will set aside a haunch to roast for our supper, and slice the rest of the meat to dry near the fire's smoke," he remarked. "I just hope we have brought enough cord between us to hold it all."
Melpomaen unfastened his pack with some difficulty, using only his right hand, and pulled out the thin hithlain rope coiled at the bottom. Estimating its length, he said, "I should think there will be plenty. I'm only sorry that all of the effort has to be yours!"
"So, you can keep me company while I work, then," said Haldir amiably. "For all the time we have spent together, there is much we do not know of each other. Why, I know nothing of your family, except that your parents have taken the Straight Road and sailed to the West, have they not?"
"They have," said Melpomaen. "They departed over the Sea a few years before I joined Lórindol's company, when it was clear that my father's spirit would never fully recover from his injuries. He was healed in body, but the shock and dread preyed on his mind, and when he made the decision to leave and seek healing in the Blessed Lands, my mother chose to go with him."
"And you were their only child?" asked Haldir, pausing from his rapid but precise slicing to look over at his friend. "You told me once that you had only distant kin."
"Not the only child, but the youngest by many years, so ‘distant' is an accurate enough description," Melpomaen said. "My sister and brother were grown and gone before I was born. I never really understood why my parents waited so long to have me," he mused.
Haldir shrugged. "If your father was in one of the ranging companies, he might have had to wait for some time before he could take enough leave to spend your early years with you and your mother," he pointed out. "That is undoubtedly one of the reasons that marriage during service is discouraged for members of the companies; they prefer to have new recruits either unmarried, or long married. Your father would have to have been absent for some time before he would be able to sire a child, too – it is not only Lórindol's company that takes lembas as their daily ration, they all do. Desire returns sooner than fertility, or so my cousin Andúniel told me."
"True enough. Of course I had no idea of any such thing as a lad, I just wished that I had a sibling nearer to my own age," said Melpomaen, watching the flashing knife blade with admiration for Haldir's skill.
"So you do not really know them, then, I imagine," remarked Haldir. "That is unfortunate. I don't know what I would have done without the companionship of Rúmil and Orophin."
"Are they. . . like you and me?" asked Melpomaen diffidently.
"Oh, no," said Haldir, with the faintest trace of – bitterness? regret? Melpomaen could not decide which, in his voice. "No, they both have spouses back in Caras Galadhon, though they have chosen to wait to have children until they take up a different craft and return to the city. Many times they have commiserated with me that I have not that to look forward to, when I someday choose to leave this service."
He smiled conspiratorially at Melpomaen. "Now who should envy whom, do you think?"
Melpomaen grinned back. "So you have never spoken to them about finding no bess whom you could love?"
"Not in so many words, no," said Haldir. "As I said before, when I realized that about myself, I believed for many years that I was simply marred, twisted, by my very nature – not something one wants to admit to a beloved brother, or two of them." Laying the knife aside, he began stringing the carefully-prepared slices on the cord.
"I suppose not," Melpomaen agreed.
"It is queer to me that you seem to have had no difficulty with the idea; or very little, anyway," Haldir said.
Melpomaen leaned back against the oak's rough trunk and gazed up through its leaves. He had wondered that himself. "Perhaps," he ventured, "it is because I never even thought of loving another benn before you. I believed in all honesty that what I felt towards Caranfíniel was indeed the love proper for a wedded couple, and I grieved when she refused me. And then I joined the rangers and simply gave the matter no thought; I think I was relieved not to have the question thrust upon me."
"But what do you think now?" persisted Haldir.
"I think. . . I don't know what I think," said Melpomaen. "Do I feel that loving you makes me somehow less worthy than I would be if you were a bess, or I were? No. I am the same person that I was four weeks ago, or four years, or forty years. If I had any virtues then, I still have them now. Do I have any regrets? Of course, it would be easier for both of us, were we not both binn. Although two biss would have the same problems, I imagine. Does this happen among biss as well, do you know?" he added.
Haldir answered, "I would presume it does; why would it not?"
"Regardless," resumed Melpomaen, "no, it doesn't really bother me the same way it did you, when you first realized. Perhaps there is also some connection with physical desire as well as emotional preference? I mean, when I was younger and used to daydream, imagining being with someone, I always imagined a bess – indeed, I thought of Caranfíniel only. So when I reached my pleasure, I felt no guilt about it, for I hoped to wed her. How was it for you?"
Haldir was knotting the second cord around a tree, preparatory to stringing it to form a kind of rope framework from which to hang the cord with the meat threaded on it.
"I tried to imagine biss," he said soberly. "But no matter whom I chose, the images did nothing for me. When I was very young and did not know myself fully, I would not have thought of imagining binn; and later, all my ideas were such that imagining a benn would have brought revulsion, not pleasure. It was not until I saw that couple I spoke of," he flushed, "that I realized it might be possible to have a true and tender bond between binn. But there was never any particular benn that I loved, either, only the knowledge that there could be, and so I found trying to imagine a lover – unsatisfactory. In a way I was relieved, just as you were, when I joined the rangers and found that my body's desires ebbed, though I believed at first it was only the hardship and distractions of company life that caused that."
Melpomaen nodded. "So really, you never felt a desire that satisfied, through all your life."
"No." Haldir looked him in the eye. "Not until now. That is why you are so precious to me, meldanya. But do not think it is physical desire alone that you satisfy in me; that is no small thing, and I rejoice in it, but our friendship even before this journey was a balm to my heart."
"And mine, though I read less into it, at the time, than did you. Now I can hardly remember that I did not," said Melpomaen.
"There," said Haldir, stepping back from the result of his labors. He had managed to string up all the meat in an intricate and web-like spiral above the fire. "Now we want it to be somewhat smokier than usual, to preserve the meat. Let me go wash my hands and bring back some green branches to add to the flames, and then. . ."
"And then?" asked Melpomaen.
Haldir flashed him a quick glance. "And then. . . we shall see," he said softly. "In the meantime, how do you feel? Do you need another cup of the willow tea?"
Melpomaen accepted gratefully and sipped the bitter brew while Haldir bustled around, taking away the bones and offal wrapped in the animal's skin, to dispose of them far from camp where the inevitable insects and predators could feast without disturbance. Lost in thought, he jumped when Haldir returned and sat beside him.
"Now, Maen," Haldir said. "If your injuries hurt too much for you to enjoy this, tell me so and I will take no offense." He gently urged his partner to lie down, propping his head and chest up with crumpled clothing, and himself lay down to Melpomaen's right side, his legs angled away so that he would not jostle the sprained ankle accidentally. He pushed aside the blanket that had wrapped Melpomaen most of the day, since he had had to be undressed to have the poultices applied.
"Just relax," he murmured. He stroked the very tips of his fingers across Melpomaen's chest and belly, pressing just hard enough so that the sensation would soothe rather than tickle. Back and forth, back and forth, gradually descending from collarbone to navel, then beginning again. As he worked, Haldir began to hum in the back of his throat, a tune that Melpomaen did not recognize but found comforting.
After a time, Haldir sat up and shifted his attention to Melpomaen's legs, repeating the same pattern of gently rubbing from side to side on each thigh, from groin to knee, and then repeating. When he first moved from torso to leg, Melpomaen tensed slightly, and Haldir saw his organ twitch and throb. He ignored it, though, for the time being, and soon Melpomaen had drifted back into the relaxed state that Haldir wanted him to reach.
He continued this gentle massage for over an hour, changing back and forth between chest and legs several times. Melpomaen was lost in a warm haze, no longer distinguishing between his own skin and Haldir's fingers, experiencing it all as a great undifferentiated cloud of golden sensation. His arm and ankle, held still by the hardened boneset poultice, gave only the occasional throbbing ache to remind him of his injuries. Haldir looked at Melpomaen's peaceful face and decided to try something more.
Carefully, almost timidly, he bent his head and began brushing his lips across his lover's pale skin, in just the same pattern. A sigh escaped Melpomaen's throat at the feel of warm breath on his chest, subtly different and wholly welcome. Haldir began to pause occasionally, darting out his tongue to taste the salt of Melpomaen's flesh, but only briefly, tantalizingly. He licked at the hard nub of a nipple for a second, then returned to the rhythmical stroking.
Melpomaen hummed with pleasure and wriggled slightly downwards, careful not to put any pressure on ankle or arm. He lifted his right hand and stroked Haldir's hair, wanting to make some small reciprocation, but Haldir stopped and took his hand, putting it back on the ground. Clearly, the golden-haired Elf wished him to be passive through this encounter; and Melpomaen had to admit that it was probably a wise decision, as his left arm throbbed briefly.
Just as Melpomaen had decided that Haldir was going to limit him to these relaxing caresses this day, he felt a warm tongue glide from navel down to groin, and along his length. Heat pulsed through his veins, the warmth of relaxation shifting in an instant to the fire of passion. Haldir's mouth enclosed him, moist pressure surrounding him as he hardened.
Haldir braced himself with one hand and used the other to slide around the base of Melpomaen's organ and over the loose pouch below, feeling the tender treasure within. As his fingers explored each inch of skin, he continued to use lips and tongue to urge on Melpomaen's growing excitement. Haldir slipped his forefinger into his own mouth to moisten it, then probed below and eased it into the tight opening, pressing in until his fingertip nudged the sensitive bump he could feel through the thin membrane.
Above, Melpomaen gasped. All his attention was focused on the delicious feel of Haldir's mouth and hands, which provoked such a strong reaction he was unsure how long he would be able to enjoy it before he had to let go. "Oh, Dír," he breathed, once again reaching with his good hand to tangle his fingers in the long strands of hair.
Haldir was determinedly ignoring the reactions of his own body in his desire to bring his lover to the peaks of ecstasy, but Melpomaen's touch on the sensitive skin of his neck and ears was almost his undoing. He had to pause for a moment and concentrate to repress himself. As he resumed, Melpomaen clasped him more tightly, his hips beginning to thrust almost without volition to push himself further into Haldir's mouth. Each movement back pressed him onto the stroking finger inside, until the doubled pleasure was too great to be borne and he gave himself up to it, his seed spurting between Haldir's eager lips as he cried out.
Slowly Haldir withdrew, suckling him for a last instant, and removing his hand with equal care. Melpomaen opened his eyes to find his lover's face before him.
Haldir bestowed a tender kiss on his mouth. "Meldanya," he whispered, and knelt up.
Melpomaen's gaze fell to the telltale bulge of arousal behind the material stretched tightly across Haldir's groin. He reached to touch it, saying, "Please, Dír – I cannot let you do all for me, while I do nothing."
Though Haldir had intended to refuse, the feel of Melpomaen's warm hand through his leggings convinced him otherwise. Quickly he lowered them, and when Melpomaen reached out again, he took his lover's hand with his own two, and together they stroked Haldir's straining shaft until he spilled hotly into their joined palms.
Drained now of all desire, Haldir held Melpomaen in his arms and they lay together, watching the light of the day fade into dusk.
"I hate to be demanding and disturb you," murmured Melpomaen after a time, "but do you suppose you could make me another cup of that vile tea?"
Haldir was up immediately, all apologies, which Melpomaen brushed aside.
"You made me nearly forget my pain for hours," he said. "There is no cause for you to apologize to me! I should be the one doing so, since it was my ill-judgement that brought you extra labors today."
"But you didn't injure yourself on purpose," Haldir pointed out, setting the pot of water to heat and spitting the leg of venison to roast as well.
"Of course not, but it is still my doing. And I'm not altogether sorry about anything that delays our return," admitted Melpomaen. "In fact," he took a deep breath and said at last what he had been thinking for days, "I am not entirely certain that I want to return at all."
Haldir straightened from adding another branch to the fire and stared at Melpomaen, his eyes wide with shock.
11. Negotiations
The fire crackled and spat behind Haldir as he stood, gaze fixed on his lover.
"You... do not want to return?" he repeated.
"No," Melpomaen said, "I do not. What purpose is there in it? Shall we return to a life where passion is denied us, and that without our consent? You have persuaded me that there is no way in which we can remain in Lórindol's company and yet avoid eating lembas. Yet what else can either of us do? Perhaps you could find work tending or preparing herbs, you have knowledge of that, but all my skills are to do with tracking or hunting or fighting; there is naught for me in Caras Galadhon. And no one to bring me there, either, with my parents departed and my other kin distant. You are the only one to whom I am bound, and moreover why should I want to go where I cannot delight openly in that bond? In the city we would be obliged to conceal what we are, and could not love openly. I have no desire to set myself against all of our people and demand acceptance, I only wish to be left alone."
He paused and looked up at Haldir. "To be with you alone; that is all I desire, meldanya."
Haldir stepped across the grass and sank down cross-legged onto the blanket, facing Melpomaen.
"But this is dreaming," he said quietly. "You know we must return."
"Why?" argued Melpomaen stubbornly. "Why must we?" He reached out to take the cup from Haldir's hand, and sipped at it, wincing.
A short laugh was his response. "If for no other reason, because your injury today shows the dangers of traveling, two alone. But more important, why are we here, now, at all? What brought us to the borders of Mirkwood? We did not make this journey for our health." He crooked an eyebrow at Melpomaen and waited.
"To bear a message from the Lord and Lady to the king of Dale," muttered Melpomaen at last, grudgingly.
"Precisely. And though we need not make all haste to return with the reply, it would be worse than dishonorable to simply abandon it. I - we - would be betraying the trust that was laid upon us, to carry out this mission. Do you not agree, Maen?" Haldir asked.
Melpomaen sighed. "Of course, you are right, and we must return at least for that. But what then? I still see little to content me if we return to the rangers."
Haldir said, "I do not know what would be best for us to do, but I am reluctant to simply run off into the wild. Understand me, this is no lack of desire to be with you!"
"I know," interrupted Melpomaen, leaning forward to take Haldir's hand, "I have no doubt of your love, you have shown it to me so clearly. But why then do you not think my idea good?"
"There are several points that cause me concern," said Haldir, pressing Melpomaen's hand in return, to soften his criticism. "Unlike you, I do have family to whom I am close: parents and brothers, both. I could not simply abandon them without a word, and yet any explanation might only raise more difficulties. Also, despite your kind faith in my herbcraft, I really have little skill when set against those who have studied and trained to it; indeed I doubt that I have any skills at all that might find me work I would love in Caras Galadhon as much as I enjoy being a ranger under Lórindol. It is unlikely that we will cease to be partners there upon our return. We have always worked together so well that I cannot imagine any reason why we would be separated. I doubt that in the city we would be able to be together in that way. But most of all, I truly do not see how we could survive alone for long. All sorts of things we need that we take for granted: clothes and shoes, for one; weapons of course; even help in healing serious injuries; and none of these would we have."
"Unless we went to Thranduil's kingdom, or Imladris, or one of the towns of Men such as Dale, even," pointed out Melpomaen.
"Yes, but if we went to any of those places just for such supplies or help, with what could we pay? Silver and gold do not grow like flowers in the meadows, more's the pity, and if we lived anywhere for long, to work and earn coin, then we would have the same difficulties as in Caras Galadhon, without the benefit of being among our own people," said Haldir.
Melpomaen's eyes were bright. "So what is your solution, then, Dír?"
A shake of the head was his answer. "I told you, I have none. I have thought about this as we have traveled, but no answer has yet come to me."
He let go of Melpomaen's hand and moved to the fire to turn the spitted meat, now beginning to sizzle as the flames licked it. Looking over at his partner, he asked, "Are you comfortable enough, meldanya? Would you like more tea, or perhaps just water?"
"Water, please," said Melpomaen, holding out his empty cup. "You'll have to help me soon, I am afraid, after all the tea I have drunk. I am sorry to be a nuisance, but I do not think I can walk on this ankle without your support."
"It is no trouble," Haldir said, pouring the water. "Just let me know when you must go."
"Well, if you do not mind, now perhaps, before we are ready to eat."
When they returned, Haldir eased Melpomaen back onto the blankets, and laid a hand to his face. "I think you have a touch of fever," he said with concern. "I suppose it is to be expected, but I do not think you should take your turn at watch, tonight. It would be better for you to rest and let your body heal."
Melpomaen grumbled at that, but agreed, since he did indeed feel that he might not be able to stay awake as he should, and could do little if any prowling animal should come near. He leaned against the oak and watched Haldir making the final preparations for their meal. The savory smells made his mouth water in anticipation. Haldir sliced his serving into small morsels, so that he would not be troubled trying to cut his meat one-handed.
"It is nice to have something besides soup," commented the older Elf after his first mouthful of venison. "Although you make a tasty one."
Melpomaen nodded, busily chewing.
"Since it is evident that we will be here for several days, perhaps a week, until your ankle is healed enough to walk comfortably, perhaps I will take the time to try to catch a fish or two, for variety, and to save our supplies," Haldir added.
Swallowing, Melpomaen said, "I would certainly not object to that. Shall we make a bargain, that whatever you may catch, I will cook? I ought to be able to do something, even without the use of one arm. Though you'll have to clean the fish, I suspect."
"A good idea. I do not want to go far from you, for long, but we are still close to the river, and there are I think several small streams running into it nearby. We really haven't foraged as we should on this journey; there are berries ripe, and other plants good for eating as well as for medicine that I have seen as we walked."
Melpomaen grinned. "If one of us had to foolishly injure himself, it seems a good thing that it was I, since I would be rather hopeless at finding much to eat among the local flora! I might catch a fish, or a rabbit, but if I went picking mushrooms, say, I am sure I would poison us both."
"Mushrooms..." said Haldir thoughtfully. "I had not thought of those. My knowledge of them is quite limited, but if I see any I know are safe and good to eat, I can collect them too." He coughed as a gust of smoke drifted into his face. "The wind has shifted east," he observed, "so perhaps we had better alter things or you will be smoked along with the meat as you rest, Maen!"
"So, you do not want to see me as leathery and brown as those slices of meat you so carefully prepared? I am astonished at your prejudice, Dír," and Melpomaen used his big toe to prod Haldir's leg, the only part he could reach from where he sat.
Haldir responded to the teasing in kind. "Why, I had not thought of that. It might be an interesting test, to see which parched first, you or the venison!" He felt the sole of Melpomaen's foot. "I think perhaps you have the head start."
"Hah. You should talk. Who was complaining last year about the cold winds chapping his face?"
"That was I, I confess, but you groused more about that very same wind tangling your hair," returned Haldir.
Melpomaen rolled his eyes and took the last bite of his venison, setting the dish aside. "That was delicious, Dír," he said more seriously. "I cannot recall the last time I enjoyed a meal so well - no, not even in Dale with the king's fine wines to enhance the dishes."
"It would not have anything to do with the fact that you did not have to assist at all, would it?" Haldir jested.
"No," snapped Melpomaen. Haldir looked over, surprised at the distressed note in his partner's voice.
"What is it, Maen?" he asked softly.
"Please do not joke about that. I feel badly enough about this silly accident of mine, I don't need you to emphasize it more," said Melpomaen, his face flushed.
"I apologize if you thought I meant my words unkindly; they were not intended so," Haldir said. He reached to take Melpomaen's plate. "Now that it is full dark, it might do you good to rest while I keep watch. Do you need another cup of willow-bark first?"
Melpomaen nodded silently, biting his lip. When Haldir had finished clearing up from the meal and brought over the cup of tea, he tugged at his lover's hand. "Please, meldanya, sit by me here for a few moments while I drink. I am sorry that I jumped to conclusions and became annoyed with you; I know you do not speak to hurt."
"Just a moment, let me move the blankets for you first."
When that was accomplished, Haldir sat down to Melpomaen's right and slipped his left hand around his waist, drawing the dark head down to his own shoulder. "It is all right," he soothed, using his other hand to stroke back stray strands of hair from the damp forehead. "I know that your arm and ankle must be causing you pain, and that would make anyone distraught. I wish that I had some of the syrup of poppy that our healers bring in from the south; it is most effective against pain. As it is, of the plants nearby willow is the best that I know of, though it is not as strong as I would like for your ease."
"It is not the pain," came the response muffled against his shoulder. "At least, mostly not that. I think it is the uncertainty. For so many years, I have known exactly what I planned to do with my life; even when Caranfíniel refused me, still all else remained, and I joined the rangers as I had always intended, and life there was all I ever expected it would be. More, even, for having you as partner and friend was a greater joy than I could have hoped. Now nearly all those foundations are exposed as fragile, unstable, and you are the only certainty in my existence." Melpomaen pulled back to sit up, and drank off his tea in one long swallow, grimacing equally at the taste and at the discomfort that required him to drink.
"So forgive me, Dír, for my temper," he added, fixing Haldir with a clear gaze. "You are no more responsible for the problems we face than I, and it is unfair of me to snap at you."
"I wish I had answers," Haldir replied. "I don't long to return to the life we shared before, either. It had many rewards, but intensity only in moments of danger and fear, never in moments of love. Although," he paused thoughtfully, "I did love you deeply all those months and years, though without speaking of it. Even after so short a time as lovers, it is hard to compare my emotions then and now, to say whether I love you more now. I think not; I think my love is different, perhaps, but not greater."
He took a great breath, and sighed. "Maen, if we can think of no alternative, would you not be willing to return, and fight once again in Lórindol's company, with me beside you there? It would be difficult, but we know that eating lembas again would at least curb our physical desires, and since - let us admit it - there are reasons why passion would cause problems in the circumstances, perhaps that is not such a bad thing? We might resent the lack of choice forced upon us, but it yet might not be an unmitigated evil."
Melpomaen had listened closely to Haldir's words. Now he considered them, absently turning the empty cup around and around between his fingers.
"I suppose I would return, if that were the only way I could be with you. I told you before that where you went, I would follow; and though I spoke it not as an oath, still I hold myself bound by those words, for I meant them truly and not as a promise to be cast aside if the way became rough," he said. "But let us not cease to try to find a happier solution."
"Of course not, but it eases my mind to know that you are willing to stay with me and return home, even if all may not be as we might wish there, rather than risk ourselves in the wild." Haldir took the cup from Melpomaen and rose, stretching. "But for now, love, try and sleep, and I will keep watch till dawn."
Melpomaen tugged the blanket around himself and carefully moved so that he could rest without putting any pressure on his injured limbs. "Goodnight, meldanya," he murmured, his eyes closed.
"Rest well," said Haldir. He watched Melpomaen slip quickly into the world of dreams, and his heart ached at the thought of being separated from the other by some mischance. By the red light of the fire, he moved quietly around their camp, rearranging the carefully strung cord so that the hanging meat would smoke and dry evenly. He added a few more branches to the fire, then sat cross-legged before it, gazing into the flames, his senses alert for any hint of an unwanted intruder, but his mind occupied with the dilemma of the situation that faced them.
Haldir did not believe that they could live alone, outside any society of Elves and Men, certainly not for unnumbered years. Melpomaen's injuries were to his mind the strongest proof of that. If they had, then, to live among others, was not Lothlórien the best of their choices? It was home, and he at least had kin he loved there, though Melpomaen might not. The inhabitants of Thranduil's kingdom in Mirkwood would, he presumed, have the same attitudes as those of Lórien, and might be less tolerant of strangers.
So might it be better to take their chances in a town of Men? They had been well-received in Dale, though of course as messengers from a respected if distant king rather than for their own sake. Haldir did not know, however, whether a pairing of two binn would be any better accepted among Men than it was among Elves, and was wary of exposing himself and his lover to possible ostracization or worse, particularly since they might also have cultural misunderstandings to worry about.
And yet - no more than Melpomaen did he wish to relinquish passion for tame companionship. They had had but a short time together, and though they might steal a few days here and there at some future date, it did not seem enough. He sighed, frustrated in mind and body, and rose from the ground to pace away the hours of night.
12. A Compromise Reached
The next few days were strained. Melpomaen's ankle quickly healed sufficiently for him to walk without undue discomfort, but Haldir was reluctant to risk renewing the injury by having them travel for long hours each day, and Mirkwood was no place in which to linger. Waiting on the edge of the forest seemed a more prudent plan, but the delay made them both edgy. After that first evening, Melpomaen insisted that he take his turn at watch, but healing reduced his energy and made him irritable, despite his protests that all was well. Haldir renewed the boneset poultice on his arm twice, once when the initial swelling had subsided, and again when Melpomaen somehow managed to pour a bowl of fish stew on himself.
As they marked time, waiting for Melpomaen to heal enough to resume their journey, they carefully avoided discussing what they would do upon their return home. Neither had thought of anything that would allow them to live together openly and yet permit them passion. Rather than argue about impossibilities, they tacitly agreed to refrain from speaking of it for a time. Haldir thought of little else, though, worrying at the problem like a sore tooth; whereas for his part Melpomaen tried not to think of it at all, and hoped for some inspiration.
On the fifth day their fragile peace ended. Haldir had gone down to the stream that morning and returned with more fish for Melpomaen to prepare. As they sat after their noon meal, conversing companionably and trying to outdo each other in how many childhood stories they could recall, Melpomaen suddenly straightened.
"Ssh!" he hissed, interrupting his partner's tale of How the Oyster Learned to Grow Pearls. (1) "Listen!"
Haldir tilted his head to one side, concentrating. "Yes," he agreed quietly. "There's something out there, close by. Too loud for a deer; possibly a bear. Or if we are unlucky, Orcs."
He stood and reached for his bow, stringing it in one smooth motion. "I will have to go out to find it, whatever it may be. But I'm not sure whether it would be better for you to come with me or to stay here."
"I'll come with you," said Melpomaen firmly. "I can wield a blade one-handed, but if I were to be attacked by a whole patrol of Orcs with you gone, I fear I might be overwhelmed, and I could not even climb a tree to improve my position."
"All right," agreed Haldir.
They moved softly through the trees, keeping as much as possible to the stands of evergreens where fallen needles carpeted the ground. Haldir led the way. Melpomaen fixed his eyes on the golden head before him, and hoped that their visitor would prove to be simply some forest creature, rather than an Orc-troop unusually far from Dol Guldur.
Behind a thicket of bramble laden with dark ripe fruit, Haldir stopped and gestured for Melpomaen to move beside him.
"Do you see?" he breathed into his friend's ear, inclining his head.
Melpomaen tilted his own head to look in the direction indicated, and exhaled noiselessly in relief. It was only a bear moving slowly through the trees; something to be wary of, indeed, but probably needing only to be avoided. A bear had nothing like the potential danger in a band of Orcs, who would require being killed one and all, lest one escaping should return with more of its kind to overwhelm them. And unlike Orcs, the bear would most likely avoid their fire rather than investigate it.
To Haldir he nodded, then pointed back towards their camp with his good hand, raising his eyebrows in question.
Haldir looked undecided for a moment, then shrugged and nodded in reply. He led the way back as carefully as they had come, and when they were far enough from the creature, he spoke.
"By the Horn of Oromë, that was a stroke of luck for us. Did you see, he was angling towards the north, away from our camp. Probably he knows a good place to cross the stream, and maybe catch himself a meal of fish along the way."
"Yes," agreed Melpomaen. "We do seem to have had good luck on this journey - for the most part," he added, glancing ruefully at his left arm. "I hope that our passage back through Mirkwood is as uneventful as the outward trip. I suppose two travelers alone have a better chance to avoid unwanted notice, at least."
"Certainly we do. The road we follow was once used by many, Men and Elves and Dwarves even, carrying goods of all sorts from one side of the forest to the other. But the evil creatures that lurk in Dol Guldur, Orcs and other foul wights, soon learned to watch the road and harry those who traveled it. Now any who wish to cross the forest mostly prefer the road far to the north near Thranduil's kingdom. I chose not to follow that route since it took us somewhat out of our way; but now I wonder if that was a wise decision," said Haldir.
"Are you suggesting that we return to the north and take this other path instead?" asked Melpomaen, lengthening his stride slightly as he saw their camp ahead.
Haldir shook his head. "No; we have been delayed enough already. To retrace our course now would undoubtedly add at least a month's travel, and I am less familiar with that way. When I looked at Lórindol's maps to refresh my memory of these regions, I concentrated on the southern parts of the forest."
"But if it would be safer," Melpomaen persisted, "should we not at least consider it? Would it not be better to arrive late with welcome news, than never to arrive at all?"
Stepping across to the fire, Haldir smiled at his partner. "And you have no other reasons to wish to lengthen our journey? No, no," he held up his hand, "I feel the same. I would prefer to spend a greater time alone with you as well. But summer is over, and that must be considered. I wouldn't wish to be caught in the winter snows to the north! Moreover our food supplies are limited; though we can supplement them through hunting as we have done, that is likely to slow us somewhat too. Speaking of which," he fingered one of the strips of meat still hanging above the fire, "these are well-dried, and should be taken down and packed for travel. Come, Maen, tell me a story while I do so."
"All right." Melpomaen moved to sit near the fire where Haldir could hear him easily, yet where he would be out of the other Elf's way as he worked. "What kind of a story do you want?"
"Oh, something cheerful. I know, tell me of some amusing incident from your childhood or youth," Haldir said.
"A story of my childhood?" Melpomaen thought for a few moments. "Very well, I have one for you.
"When I was, oh, perhaps twenty years old, so still hardly more than a babe, my parents took me to a large party. (2) I do not remember the occasion, although I think it may have been some family celebration, since both my siblings were there with their spouses. In any case I remember long tables laden with food, and a great noise with all the grown-ups happily singing and talking. When we sat to eat, I was next to my elder brother.
"Baran was known for his great appetite, especially for sweets. At the end of the meal the hostess asked him how large a serving of berry tart he would like, and he said only half-jokingly that he could probably manage a third of a tart, all by himself. She was sitting at the head of the table, so she cut a tremendous slice to pass down to him.
"Now, berry tart happened to be my very favorite sweet, and when the plate reached me, I simply kept it and began eating. After I had taken a few bites, everyone around realized what I was doing, and began saying, 'Ah, Melpomaen, a little fellow like you cannot possibly eat that great helping!' But I did. Baran had to content himself with a smaller portion, which was all that was left. For years after, my ability to tuck away the sweets was a staple joke whenever my brother visited our parents." Melpomaen ended the story and grinned at his friend, who was laughing aloud.
"That was a good tale," said Haldir, setting the last of the dried meat on a clean cloth and carefully binding it into a tight parcel. "Greedy little Maen!" He crawled over to poke Melpomaen playfully in the belly. "It is a good thing you no longer eat so much, or instead of a lean and hardened ranger, you would be as plump as a quail in autumn!"
Melpomaen put his arm around Haldir's neck. "Greedy, was I? Not so greedy then as now." He drew the other to him for a long kiss. "My arm may not yet be healed," he murmured as they broke apart, "but it pains me far less than it did - and all else is well, now. We need no longer refrain from love, if we but take a little care."
Haldir drew a finger lightly along the line of Melpomaen's jaw, then up to his lips, which parted to allow the tip of it entrance into the moist warmth within. Melpomaen licked gently at the pad, then sucked hard, his questioning eyes looking into his partner's.
"If you are certain, meldanya, then how can I refuse?" Haldir said, feeling a pull at his groin in answer to the pull on his fingertip. He withdrew his hand and leaned forward for another kiss. For the past several days he had avoided even such simple caresses, not wanting to arouse unfulfillable longings in either of them. Now, though, he was once again free to taste the sweetness of Melpomaen's mouth, the salt of his skin, the bitterness of his seed; and he could scarcely contain his hunger.
"But I do need you to help me get this tunic off," Melpomaen reminded him, after a long interval of kisses strong and deep as Ulmo's waters and caresses to face and neck like the breath of Manwë in tender springtime.
"Of course. Just turn a little so that I can reach," said Haldir, deftly sliding off the linen garment. He caught his breath. Though Melpomaen's body was long familiar to him, from the beginning of their partnership in the company, still the sight teased him with beauty. Even the binding around one arm seemed only to set off the perfection of lithe frame and hard muscle. He knelt up to remove his own clothes, letting Melpomaen manage his other garments for himself, then lay down and urged his lover to lie beside him, face to face, breast to breast, thigh to thigh.
"If I jar your arm, do not fail to tell me," Haldir admonished, running his hand along Melpomaen's left flank, down to his hipbone and around to the firm buttock behind.
Melpomaen hummed in his throat in reply, his eyes closing as the familiar and recently denied touch evoked shivers of longing through his body. He opened them again when Haldir kissed the tip of his nose.
"I mean it, Maen," Haldir continued. "I will not permit you to reinjure yourself by accident, and I don't want you to feel any pain - to think I had caused you hurt would lessen any pleasure for me."
"As my captain commands," said Melpomaen impudently. "I will be good, I promise."
Haldir rolled his eyes, but pulled his lover closer until skin touched skin for the length of their bodies. The warmth of Melpomaen's body was answered by his own heat, blood pumping through all his limbs, yet centered where he could feel a hardness that matched his own. He reached down to stroke them both together.
"Dír," whispered Melpomaen.
"What is it?" said Haldir, cupping his hand around the soft pouch below.
"I love you. I can hardly say how much; it is like a flood all though me, washing me clean of all other desires. I never want to be without you, do you understand?" Melpomaen trembled at Haldir's exploring touch.
Haldir kissed his eyes. "I do, believe me, I do. I promise that I will never willingly be separated from you, Maen."
"I will not leave you, either. Ah," he sighed. "Wait, Dír, hold a moment." He fought to restrain his arousal, lest he spill too quickly before Haldir was ready. "I would have you inside me, as close as if we were babes in the womb together."
"But your arm?"
"If you lie to my other side, all will be well."
The older Elf studied Melpomaen's face for a moment, then nodded. "I will get the oil, then." He sat up, tucking his hair behind his ear, and rising went to search for the flask in his pack. Returning, he said, "Less than half the bottle remains; we shall have to be careful with it, or find something else that may serve."
"Perhaps the grease of a deer or a rabbit would do; they are well-fattened, this time of year." Melpomaen shrugged the problem aside. Once Haldir had worked out the tight stopper, he reached for the flask. "Here, let me."
Haldir poured a bit of the oil into Melpomaen's palms, and a few drops into his own, then reclosed the bottle and set it by. He knelt to let Melpomaen rub the thick liquid onto his hard member, pulsing with desire. Their lips joined again, wordlessly reaffirming their love. Melpomaen drew away a little and lay down again, and Haldir moved to lie behind him.
He used one well-oiled finger first, nudging his way past the tight ring of flesh at the opening, gently entering and stretching the passage inside. He pressed lightly on the sensitive node he could feel through the thin wall, and as Melpomaen gasped at the sensation, slid in a second, then a third finger. His other hand reached around to stroke Melpomaen's chest, brushing against each nipple in turn, until his lover began to press his hips backward, crying out, "Meldanya, please, take me now!"
At that he carefully withdrew his hand, and shifted to nestle the head of his organ in the cleft, pushing slowly inside. They groaned together, Haldir feeling himself engulfed as Melpomaen clamped down around him. He pulled back, then thrust in again, and again, not daring to be as forceful as he had sometimes been in the past, but knowing that Melpomaen would not want him to be too gentle. He teased Melpomaen's rigid hardness with fingers and palm, feeling the few drops of moisture that said that his lover would soon reach his climax.
"Are you ready?" Haldir said through clenched teeth. "Are you with me, Maen?"
Melpomaen shuddered next to him as Haldir's cock filled him to the core. "Yes, now, now," and as Haldir gave a final thrust, he released his own passion in a great spurt, calling out in the ecstasy of his delight.
Haldir leaned his head forward onto Melpomaen's damp shoulder, panting.
"Thank you," said Melpomaen softly.
"For what?"
"For not holding back, fearing to hurt me. For taking me as an equal partner. Not only in our lovemaking just now, but always. You could have assumed that I would reject your love, and so never offered it; but you gave me the choice for myself, and I wanted to tell you that I find that respect a very precious gift," Melpomaen said.
"I, I do not know what to say, Maen," said Haldir, blinking moisture from his eyes. "You are right, I might have held back, in fear. Our friendship was a joy to me and I hesitated to risk it."
"That I can understand, certainly; but I am glad you did not." Melpomaen stretched languidly, and turned over to face his friend.
"Haldir, love," he said gravely, "I want to ask you something."
"What is it?" Haldir was taken aback by the intensity of Melpomaen's tone.
"I want us to reconsider taking the northern route home. We'll have to leave here in a day or two, one way or another, for really I think I am fit to travel again. And I assume you have thought of no solution for our future that will let us both stay together and continue to be lovers, for I certainly have not. I will accept that, as I have said, if I must; but I would very much like to delay it as long as we justifiably can. To take the northern route would not be unreasonable, since it is safer. Will you agree to this, for me?" Melpomaen waited, worrying, until Haldir should answer.
Haldir paused. The arguments he had set out before against changing their path home were still valid, he thought. But it was not yet so late in the year as to make the decision impossible in practical terms. The Lord and Lady were patient and could wait for their answer a little longer, and it would bring Melpomaen great happiness - and himself as well, he admitted.
"Very well," he said at last. "Let us, then, travel north once more." He laughed a little. "And if we should be overtaken by winter, let us at least hope that we find a place to spend it in comfort!"
Footnotes: (1) Unless I am gravely mistaken in my recollection, Rudyard Kipling did not tell this particular story in the Just So Stories, but it is the sort he might have told; and that was certainly the inspiration for its title. (2) Elves mature more slowly than Men. According to Tolkien, "Children of Men might reach their full height while Eldar of the same age were still in body like to mortals of no more than seven years" (Morgoth's Ring, HoMe vol. 10, p. 210). Thus Melpomaen at age twenty would be the equivalent of a six- or seven-year-old among Men. He is exaggerating slightly when he says he was hardly more than a babe.