LotR fic: Passages, chapters 7-9 [Haldir/Melpomaen, adult]
Title: Passages Chapter 7, "A Night Disturbed"; chapter 8, "Feathers and Confessions"; chapter 9, "Rabbit or Tortoise?" Author: celandineb Fandom: LotR Pairing: Haldir/Melpomaen Rating: adult Warnings: PWP, angst, masturbation, voyeurism, 69 Summary: Haldir and Melpomaen find their friendship developing beyond the expected as they travel from the Golden Wood to Dale and back via Mirkwood.
7. A Night Disturbed
After a few moments Melpomaen stirred and sat up, then rose fluidly and reached down to pull Haldir to his feet as well.
"Come, we should wash and then set up camp properly. I think it is your turn to prepare supper, is it not?"
Grumbling slightly, Haldir admitted the fact. He had proved less apt at cooking than Melpomaen, but was unwilling to shirk his share of the duty. They had established a routine that said that the one who cooked did not have to gather wood for that night's fire, nor carry water as needed.
"Will you take the first watch as usual, Maen?" he asked.
The younger Elf nodded. "Of course."
They had failed to set a watch their first night out from Dale, but prudence dictated that they should not share a bedroll on subsequent evenings, lest some beast or Orc attack while neither was awake. Haldir had pointed out that once back in Lothlórien, they might be able to indulge in that much, at least while in the camp. They had always shared a talan and on chill nights sharing body warmth would be unremarkable even if they had an unexpected visitor.
Walking the few yards to the stream, they took turns gently sluicing each other, rinsing off the evidence of their loving exertions with the sun-warmed water in the shallows.
Haldir shook his golden hair back from his face. "If you'll bring me some wood, I'll begin getting the meal."
Melpomaen kissed him on the cheek, saying, "Certainly. I'm rather hungry, myself, though we didn't walk so very far today."
That elicited a snort from Haldir. "And whose fault is that, both the short journey and the cause of your hunger? Oh, go on and fetch the wood."
He marched back to the blankets and began by laying them out afresh, then dug a shallow pit for the fire. Rummaging through their packs, he pulled out a selection of dried vegetables and meats with which to make a soup, and a cake or two of cram to supplement it. Some slices of dried apple and pear he put to soak for the morning meal.
By the time Melpomaen returned with a second armful of wood, Haldir had coaxed the flames to flaring life and had set the stew pot on one side to simmer. He looked up at his partner.
"What think you we should do while we wait for our meal to cook?"
"Arms practice, I think. Would you rather do some unarmed combat, or swordplay, or would you shoot at targets? For any of them we will have to go back into the meadow, out from under these trees. Is the fire all right to leave?" said Melpomaen.
Haldir gauged the pile of burning wood. "Let me add a few more good-sized sticks and wait until they catch. Then we can go. I think I would like to do some unarmed practice; having stopped early today I feel fresh enough for something strenuous."
A short while later they stood facing each other amid the knee-high tawny grasses. Haldir led off with a series of kicks and lunges that, had they not been performed for practice only, would likely have left Melpomaen crippled. But this exercise was not intended to do any real harm, and with Haldir holding back the full force of his movements, Melpomaen was able to counter them with some ease. He lacked the skill of long years of practice that his partner possessed, but enjoyed the challenge of learning this art. Lórindol had often stressed to his men the importance of being able to fight unarmed, should ill-chance befall any of them.
Distracted by the thought of the captain and their inevitable return to the rangers' company, he failed to block a blow aimed at his face. Only Haldir's quick realization that Melpomaen had lost concentration saved the latter from being severely bruised or worse. As it was the sound of the contact startled a nearby squirrel, which leaped for the closest tree and began a chittering scolding from the safety of a low branch.
"Are you all right?" asked Haldir with concern.
"I am fine, Dír. I'm sorry, I wasn't paying proper attention. Shall we continue? Truly, I am not injured, just well woken up again," Melpomaen said in embarrassment at his lapse.
"Very well, then. When you're ready," said Haldir, crouching slightly with his weight on the balls of his feet, alert to whatever move his partner might try next.
They sparred inconclusively for some little time, their motions growing smoother and more rapid as each relaxed into the rhythm of the exercise. Melpomaen at last attempted an especially challenging lunge maneuver, only to find that he had been anticipated. He ended up flat on his back with Haldir kneeling above him, laughing softly at the surprise on his face.
"Enough, now," Haldir said, rising. "I would like to finish with some poses to practice balance. Do you wish to join me?"
"I'll just watch you for now. I prefer to do some of that while I'm taking my turn at watch; it helps me stay more alert and focused," said Melpomaen, tilting his head lazily to avoid the low rays of the sun through the grass. He admired Haldir's well-knit form as the other moved with elegant grace from one position to the next, some of them extremely difficult to maintain. Yet Haldir made it all seem easy - if one failed to notice the tension of the muscles under his smooth skin.
"I am ready for that soup you concocted, if you think it has cooked long enough," announced Melpomaen as Haldir subsided into stillness, standing erect with his face towards the west, catching the red gleam of the sinking sun.
"What? Oh, yes, certainly," said Haldir, drawing his attention back from his inward focus. He held his hand out to the reclining Melpomaen. "Get up then, Maen. I think we will need more wood tonight too; you had better collect some before it is too dark to see."
Melpomaen jokingly put out his tongue at his partner, then said, "All right. You finish getting dinner and I'll be there soon."
He struck off to make a wide circle through the wooded strip to the stream, then back in the other direction, getting a sense of the land as he picked up convenient fallen branches. There seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary in this place; they were still a few days from Mirkwood, where they would have to take greater care each evening and even while they walked in the daytime.
When he returned to the camp, twilight had settled over the trees. Haldir was seated cross-legged near the fire, rebraiding his hair which had loosened during their practice. He looked up as Melpomaen stepped into the light.
"Thank you for bringing the wood," he said.
He reached over to ladle soup into their bowls, and handed Melpomaen one along with a piece of cram.
Melpomaen sat down next to his lover. They leaned together companionably as they ate, enjoying the feel of the breeze as the air slowly cooled from the warmth of the day.
Setting aside his empty bowl, Melpomaen closed his eyes and stretched, thrusting his hands behind him. The temptation was too much for Haldir, who gently poked him in the belly.
He doubled over involuntarily and came up spluttering in mock indignation. He reached over to reciprocate, but Haldir was too quick and rolled away, then came back while Melpomaen was still off-balance and hugged him tightly.
"Couldn't resist, meldanya," he whispered in Melpomaen's ear. "I'll make it up to you, though. I'll braid your hair before I take my rest, shall I? I never finished the task earlier."
"How could I decline such an offer? Especially from you. Your tight - braids - are the admiration of the whole company," Melpomaen teased, his gaze lingering rather lower than Haldir's head.
Haldir pushed him playfully and brought out the wooden comb he had been using. Carefully he disentangled each dark lock, using his fingers as well as the comb to smooth and separate the fine strands. When all was done, Melpomaen's hair was like a sheet of black silk flowing over his shoulders and down his back. Haldir trembled slightly as he gathered it in his hands and began to divide it neatly for plaiting. Rather than the usual braid at each temple, he decided to make a single tight queue at the nape of the neck.
He was tempted to kiss the pale skin there, but restrained himself, and instead said aloud, "Tell me if I pull too hard."
"Not at all," murmured Melpomaen, who had closed his eyes. "It feels wonderful."
"Good," said Haldir, and used a leather thong to bind the braid. He shifted to Melpomaen's left side, and when the younger Elf turned his head to look, his eyes opening, he kissed him firmly but briefly on the mouth.
"All right, then?" he said, and smiled.
Melpomaen grinned in return. "Yes."
He stood up and added, "Varda's stars shine brightly tonight, I think. Take your rest and I will keep watch."
Haldir shook his head. "Let us tidy up the camp first; if we do not wash up the bowls now, at least let me get them out of the way."
"I'll do that," said Melpomaen. He reached down and traced a caressing finger along Haldir's jawline. "You prepared the meal; I will take care of the rest of it."
"If you wish," Haldir acquiesced, and lay down, pulling the blanket over himself and curling up so that he could watch Melpomaen's slender form silhouetted against the flickering light of the flames as his partner gathered up the remnants of the meal. Gradually his eyes fluttered closed as he allowed his mind to drift off into pleasant dreams.
Melpomaen finished putting their things in order and straightened up, his hand going automatically to make sure that his swordbelt was in place and his sword was loose in its sheath. He hesitated over whether to carry his bow with him; in the woods, in the dark, he would likely not need it. But he intended to go back to the meadow for a time. He shrugged and brought the weapon.
This early in the night, with the fire still burning, it was safe to leave Haldir and walk further out. Melpomaen passed quietly among the trees and out to where he could see the great canopy of stars overhead.
Leaning his weapons against a handy ash, he began moving through a series of poses similar to those that Haldir had performed that afternoon. He did not attempt the most difficult ones; he preferred to hold each position for the longest time possible, finding challenge enough in pushing his limits in that fashion. Moreover he could then spare more attention to the sounds and scents of the night around him, both for its beauty and to stay aware of any potential dangers.
When he felt he had practiced enough, Melpomaen retrieved his weapons and began a wide circuit around the camp, pausing frequently to let all of his senses absorb his surroundings. Nothing untoward seemed likely to occur this night. He returned to the fire, which by now had dwindled to glowing embers, and added several branches, blowing on the coals until flame licked along the fresh wood.
He sat then with his back against the great oak that overspread the place, watchful, yet with enough ease that he could turn his mind to more than just their safety.
This journey had produced more than enough surprises to amply occupy his thoughts. Melpomaen mused for awhile on the strangeness of the city of Men, but that was as nothing compared with the surprise of Haldir's passion, and his realization that he felt the same way.
The separation between emotion and its expression that the lembas created, he realized, might have profound and yet differing effects on them both. Haldir had recognized his own feelings for Melpomaen immediately, but had felt no physical desire, and so had been able to keep from sharing them and possibly frightening his partner for some years. Melpomaen, however, had come to understand that he loved Haldir at the same time as he had awoken to the hungers of the body, and he found it difficult to disentangle the two feelings.
Even now, as he looked over at his lover's sleeping form, he felt a stirring in his own body at the memory of their passion. He pushed his hand against himself, as if to repress the response, but the warmth of his palm through the material only stimulated him further. Sighing, he gave in to his impulse and began to slowly draw his fingertips along the hardening bulge at his groin, imagining that it was Haldir there, stroking him.
As his organ swelled under his touch, the tight cloth that bound it became almost painfully constricting. He paused to consider. He had to remain ready to cope with any possible threat. In the end he unlaced his leggings and removed them entirely, rather than risk having them tangled around his ankles at an awkward moment.
Freed, he returned to kneeling, his buttocks resting on his ankles, his still-clothed back leaning against the rough bark of the trunk. His right hand grazed his bared hip and glided down across the base of the belly to wrap around his pulsing member. He pulled at it gently, thumb sliding across the loose skin that covered the head, and quivered as cool air touched the newly exposed flesh. Gradually he set up a rhythmical motion, rocking back and forth as his hand slid up and down his shaft.
He pushed his thoughts out toward Haldir, wishing that the other were there, sharing this pleasure with him. Imagining that he was kissed by his sleeping lover, Melpomaen's lips parted, and he breathed more quickly as he neared climax. His hips thrust upward as the hot fluid jetted from him, spilling over his hand. He relaxed then into the embrace of the tree for a moment. It had not been so gratifying an experience as making love with his partner, but it relieved the tension of thinking how soon the chance for such passion would end.
Melpomaen picked up his leggings and went to the stream to rinse away the stickiness of his release before donning them again. When he returned again to the circle of the firelight, Haldir's blankets were empty.
Worried, he looked around. He barely heard the footstep before strong arms seized him from behind.
"I saw you," breathed Haldir in his ear. Knowing fingers undid the fastenings of his clothing and tossed it aside. "You would not believe how that made me feel, Maen, to watch you."
"I wanted you there with me, but did not want to wake you," responded Melpomaen as Haldir laid him down.
Haldir's eyes were dark with desire. "No? We have so little time, meldanya. So little time to be together. Do not hold back from me now."
He had removed his own clothing before Melpomaen had returned from the stream, and now stretched himself alongside the younger Elf, bare skin against skin for the full length of their bodies, his stiff erection pressing insistently between Melpomaen's thighs.
"I would not, never," promised Melpomaen, legs parting to let Haldir nestle closer into his body, feeling the heat move from his lover to warm his own blood again.
"Good," growled Haldir, pinning his arms to the ground and seizing his mouth with his own. A moist tongue thrust past Melpomaen's lips, seeking to taste the honey of the recesses there.
Melpomaen yielded willingly to this new side of his lover. Demanding caresses tantalized him with the promise that the strength and force of Haldir's need for him would never cease.
Haldir's craving for Melpomaen was so urgent he could scarcely hold back long enough to press oil into the waiting tightness below to smooth his way. A cry tore from his lips as he entered and was eagerly embraced. He slid in as far as he could, luxuriating in the feel of the snug sheath that enveloped his hard cock, withdrawing partway only to push even more insistently into Melpomaen's body, caressing the sensitive spot within with his own member.
He shouted hoarsely as Melpomaen clamped down on him, pulling his sweat-slicked torso down to press against his chest as well.
"Ah, Dír, yes, come into me, love, take me, now, yes," the frenzied stream of sounds that Melpomaen made encouraged Haldir to thrust again and again, harder, until he could bear no more and with a loud groan exploded into orgasm, his final push sealing them together.
Haldir blinked away the tears that had risen unbidden to his eyes from the intensity of his emotion.
"I would not have you seek any other pleasure while I am here, Maen, nor feel that my love cannot satisfy you," he whispered.
Melpomaen wrapped his arms around Haldir and cradled him. "Think not that you do not satisfy me, meldanya. In bringing my own release I sought only to let you rest, that is all. I would not have you believe otherwise."
Haldir nodded. "I believe you." He smiled against Melpomaen's chest. "Now that I understand your purpose, may I say that watching you greatly pleasured me? Perhaps I should do the same for you, sometime."
A low chuckle was his response. Melpomaen smoothed the golden hair back from Haldir's face. "Have you rested enough, then? Do you wish to take over the watch, or not yet?"
"Finish your turn; just do not tempt me again tonight to leave the paths of dreams!" said Haldir.
"I will not tempt you with that, love," Melpomaen said. "But there will be many occasions for temptation on this journey, I think." Indeed, one possibility had been steadily growing in his mind over the past day or so. But he was not yet ready to speak of it to Haldir. He would wait.
8. Feathers and Confessions
Melpomaen gently reawakened Haldir once the middle of the night had arrived.
"There has been nothing amiss, so far as I have seen or heard," he said. "But the night grows surprisingly chill for the season. I found I had to put on my cloak."
Haldir embraced his friend. "Too bad we cannot both sleep at once, and share our warmth! But I have left the blankets warmed for you."
The younger Elf nodded, removing his shoes and slipping into the place Haldir had just left. "A benefit of taking the first watch, that. I trust yours will be as uneventful as mine."
"Uneventful, yes," said Haldir, raising his eyebrows, "If you discount our little interlude."
Melpomaen blushed, glad that the dim light would not reveal his embarrassment. "Well, there is that. You know what I meant."
"I know." Haldir smiled to himself in the dark. "Rest well, Maen. Until the dawn."
As Melpomaen nestled down into the blankets and drifted into the world of dreams, Haldir began to walk around the camp, letting himself gradually awaken to full alertness before he moved out of the circle of the firelight. He would not go far - with just the two of them it would be unwise - but he wanted to get a sense for this little wood at night, so different from distant Lothlórien.
The wood, which was hardly more than a large copse, was mostly of ash and alder, with an occasional oak such as the large one under which Melpomaen had chosen to situate their camp. Hazel and blackthorn scrub seemed to comprise most of the undergrowth, though here and there, where a tree had died or fallen, grass and other tender plants flourished in the sunlight.
Haldir deftly avoided walking into a prickly tangle of blackthorn as he wandered. He bent to finger one of the sloes, but the frosts of autumn were still to come and the fruit was not yet ripe. He missed the great silver trunks and golden leaves of the great mellyrn of his home, familiar and yet always beautiful, and the tiny yellow elanor that starred the grasses there.
Sighing, he returned to the fire and settled down to keep watch, wrapping himself well in his cloak, for Melpomaen had said no more than the truth when reporting that the air had become cool. He yearned to return home, and yet wished to prolong this journey as much as possible. Duty and honor drew him on; love held him back. The warring obligations seemed irreconcilable to him. He frowned and rubbed at his temples, wishing that there were some solution that could relieve him from necessity - but there was none he could see.
The rest of the night passed without incident. At dawn Haldir nudged Melpomaen awake, and they broke fast with cram and the fruit that Haldir had prepared the evening before.
Covering over the fire pit carefully with dirt and making certain that all their belongings were safely stowed in their packs, less than an hour after the sun rose they were once again headed south. The little wood in which they had stopped was an outlier of the great forest of Mirkwood; soon they would reach the Men-i-Naugrim, the old forest road of the Dwarves, and leave the River Celduin behind to travel west on that dim path.
Haldir tugged at Melpomaen's arm to draw him to a halt. "Look." He pointed. Ahead a flock of six swans rose from the river, their wings cutting gracefully through the sky, and turned to wing their way south.
The two Elves watched as the great white birds disappeared into the cloudy morning.
"I wonder," said Haldir thoughtfully. "If they nested here, and were not simply stopping on their journey to warmer lands... Wait here a moment." He darted off among the reeds clumped along the shore. Melpomaen heard him give a cry of triumph.
"Come, Maen! We are in luck, for this was indeed their summer home. There is a treasure of feathers here."
The dark Elf turned and picked his way through to the swampy river's edge. Haldir was riffling his hands through the downy quills that lined the great mounded nest, pulling out those that were most perfect. Melpomaen smiled at his friend's excitement.
"What use are they, though, to us?" he asked, stepping to Haldir's side.
"Why, none at present, I suppose. But they would make excellent gifts for my mother and cousins - the women like to use such things to adorn their festival garb. And they make a pretty writing-pen, though a crow feather better holds the ink, I understand. Feathers are light to carry; I would take the best of them with us. It will not take long to choose some," said Haldir.
"If you wish," agreed Melpomaen. "They certainly will not add to our burden, which gets lighter daily in any case. Think you that we will be able to travel through the forest with the supplies we now have?"
Haldir looked up, his hands slowing from their careful sorting through the downy pile.
"No," he answered consideringly, "I think we shall have to hunt ere we reach the western border. There is game, we know that, but we will want to be wary in hunting and stay near to the road."
Melpomaen nodded. "Agreed. Have you found enough to your liking?" he added, gesturing at the little heap of feathers Haldir had set to one side.
"Nearly. One or two more," and Haldir delved into the last unexplored quarter of the nest, pulling out a final beautiful plume and holding it up.
"In fact, I may keep one for myself," he said, a slight smile on his face. "But that will do. Just let me tuck them all away here in my pack."
"Do. My feet are getting damp!" complained Melpomaen good-naturedly. "Why could you not have chosen to hunt feathers in a tree, rather than along the river?"
Haldir dug an elbow into his ribs. "Why, because I wanted to hear you grumble at me, of course. All right. Back to the trail with us."
They marched steadily on for the rest of the morning. The clouds grew thicker, and a light rain began to patter down as they paused at midday for a bite of cram.
"If we make good time this afternoon, we should reach the edge of Mirkwood today, I think," remarked Melpomaen. "I'll be glad to be back under the trees, especially if this rain does not stop."
"So will I," said Haldir. "I enjoy walking in the rain, usually, but it is unquestionably less pleasant to set up camp in the open than in the woods, when it is raining."
They walked on. By good fortune, about mid-afternoon the rain began to slacken and the clouds to roll away. Glimpsing the sun, Melpomaen smiled and said happily, "Even if we do not reach the Dwarf-road by this evening, it seems we will have a chance to dry out overnight."
Haldir merely nodded. He had grown more and more silent throughout the day, responding to Melpomaen's sallies only perfunctorily. Now the younger Elf asked bluntly, "What is bothering you, meldanya? Is it the weather? Or did you not rest well enough last night?"
"Neither. The rain seems to have ended, and I am no mortal Man who must have eight hours of sound sleep or wake unrefreshed. No, Maen. I worry what will become of us, of you and me. This is no easy problem to solve with a moment's thought; you know that as well as I," he said.
Melpomaen sighed. "I know. I had never given such a possibility even the slightest thought, before, so I never considered how it might be. Why must it be thought such a bad thing, that two binn should love each other, even though the usual course is for a benn and a bess to love and wed?" (1)
"I was taught that it is because our first fathers, awakening beside the starlit waters of Cuiviénen, had each beside him the bess with whom he was to join, and that this meant that for each benn born after, there was one bess meant to be his mate; anything else was thus unnatural and due to the corruptions of Morgoth," said Haldir. "When I was a youth, I worried greatly about it, for I did not meet any bess whom I could love, and I was ashamed that there must be some contamination inborn that prevented this in me. And more so when I realized that I had greater feelings towards other binn than to biss. I never truly fell in love with any, till I first saw you, meldanya, but I knew where my emotions were likely to tend."
"How, then, were you able to overcome that shame? For surely you did, and before we ever met, or your own sense of dishonor would have kept you from ever speaking? How did you know that there could be true love between binn, given the jokes and the sniggering comments we all heard as children? For me, perhaps, it was easier, since I believed until you showed me otherwise that I did love a bess, Caranfíniel who rejected me," said Melpomaen.
Haldir flushed. "It is something that I would rather not talk about as we walk," he said. "Wait until we stop for the night, and then I will tell you. I see the eaves of the wood draw near; another hour or two of walking and we will reach them, and set up our camp, and then I will speak further of this."
Melpomaen could hardly dispute his lover's decision on the matter, though his curiosity was great. But he was glad that Haldir did not refuse to speak altogether.
It was nearly dusk when they finally stopped. Tonight was Melpomaen's turn to prepare the meal, and he set to it willingly to hasten Haldir's recital, while the older Elf gathered a substantial stack of wood to last them through the night.
"We'll probably want to do as we did on the outward journey, and travel by day through the forest as we have been doing since Dale," Haldir said. "But it might be a good idea to hunt tomorrow, and not enter the wood until the next day, when we should be better supplied."
"Yes, certainly," said Melpomaen impatiently. "Our meal for tonight is cooking but will take some time yet to be ready. Please, Dír. Tell me how you came to decide that you were no thrall to Morgoth by your very nature."
Haldir sat down on the edge of the blankets. Looking down, he began to toy with the point of his knife-blade, drawing it along the tips of his fingers, as he spoke.
"I was wandering about, not far from Cerin Amroth in fact, simply enjoying the wood and some time alone. I had but recently joined the rangers, and this was, I think, my second time of leave from my company. I did not know the land thereabout well, but had found a pleasant little stream and a tiny waterfall that tumbled over a rocky shelf to join it, perhaps twice my height, and was exploring along it. I had just realized that I could go no further without climbing up the rock, and was turning back when I saw that someone else had come to this solitary spot. Two others, in fact. I would have simply greeted them and gone my way, but by the time I saw them they had already begun to disrobe, and I saw that it was two binn who were there. I could not get past them without being noticed and causing everyone great distress, so I decided I would have to wait for them to leave."
He took a breath and continued. "I did not want to see what they were doing; something shameful, I was certain. But - and I cannot entirely regret it, though it was dishonorable of me - curiosity finally overcame me, and I looked."
"One of them I recognized, a slight acquaintance, someone who dwelt near my parents in Caras Galadhon; he had no spouse. The other I did not know. The details of what they were doing are unimportant, and I have tried to forget most of them, to belatedly grant the couple their privacy, but one thing was clear to me, simply from how they behaved toward each other. This was no simple rutting like animals, as I had always thought such a thing must be. No, they clearly felt the same bond, the same kind of union, that I had only ever seen before in wedded couples. They were tender, they were joyful in their mutual love. This could be nothing to do with the evil of Morgoth and the marring of Arda; such exaltation of the spirit could only come from Eru Ilúvatar himself. Eventually they ended their tryst, and then departed. I do not believe either ever realized I was there; certainly they gave no sign of thinking themselves observed."
Melpomaen stirred, and laid a hand on Haldir's knee.
Haldir went on, "But having seen them, I realized that what I had been taught, I could no longer believe. I cannot quite make myself feel that it is entirely good, that I should love another benn; for one thing, such a couple as we cannot have children, we cannot contribute to the continuation of our people in that way. But far better this than to be solitary for all our lives, I think. So eventually and after much thought I accepted that if this is to be my fate, I should embrace it and live as fully as I can within it."
At last he looked up at his lover, his voice thick. "And so I shall. But we cannot change how all our people think, and that is what will hurt us."
Tears were running down Melpomaen's cheeks, and he reached to embrace Haldir, who leaned into him.
"It will never be easy, will it? But I am glad, so very glad, that you told me that," Melpomaen. He felt Haldir's chest heave, and the other Elf began to weep as well. Melpomaen tightened his hold with one arm, rubbing the other hand in easy circles on Haldir's back, murmuring all the words of comfort he could remember.
At last his tears slowed, and stopped, and Haldir looked up.
"I'm sorry. I never spoke of this before, of course; I did not realize how greatly it affected me." He drew his hand across his face, wiping away the wetness there.
Melpomaen used one finger under Haldir's chin to draw his face close, and kissed him in benediction. "You need not apologize, meldanya. For anything."
Haldir managed a crooked smile. "And now I am starving. Do you think the soup is done?"
Melpomaen chuckled at the practical question. "Probably, yes. If you are all right now? The soup can wait, otherwise."
"No, I really am hungry." Haldir drew himself up to sit cross-legged again. "We shall have to continue with this talk at some time, but not just now. I cannot speak any more about it now."
"No, I see that," Melpomaen said soothingly, handing Haldir his share of the meal. "Here, you will feel better after you have eaten something, I'm sure."
Haldir dipped his cram in the broth and nibbled on it. "I do not know how you do it, Maen. We have the same ingredients to work with, and yet it always tastes better when you cook than when I do."
Melpomaen smiled, glad to see that Haldir seemed to be recovering his equilibrium. "Natural talent, I suppose," he jested.
That brought a wry laugh from Haldir. "That must be it. An Elf of many talents, you are."
"Indeed I am, as you know. But talents, like swords, grow rusty if they are not honed regularly. After the meal I think we should exercise our talents together?"
Haldir raised an eyebrow. "If you mean what I presume you mean, then yes. But I would like to try my abilities first... I had something in mind, this morning, before less pleasant thoughts crowded it out."
"I shall be at your command." Melpomaen flourished his hand and pretended to bow low, something impossible to do properly while seated.
His hand was taken by Haldir, who pressed it to his lips and said, "Ah, Maen. If I had not already loved you, I would now. Just to be near you cheers me."
Melpomaen used a finger to trace the outline of Haldir's mouth. "I am glad of that, Dír."
The finger was drawn inside and Melpomaen felt a pulse of heat in his groin as Haldir circled it with his tongue, then relinquished it to the cool evening air.
"Finish your supper, first," chided Haldir, and bent to his own bowl. He had not exaggerated his hunger; not the day's long walk, but the strain of his confession had drained his energy.
"With a promise such as you make me, I might well emulate a greedy child and gobble down my food. But I will not. There would be no purpose in finishing before you, after all," said Melpomaen, who nonetheless ate with a certain alacrity, and had polished his bowl to shining before the other was through.
Standing up, he began to clear away the meal preparations, holding up his hand to stifle Haldir's protests.
"I know, you are going to say that since I cooked, you should do the rest. And so you should, usually. Not tonight. I want to do this for you, love; there is so little else I will be able to do," he finished with a touch of bitterness in his voice, a note that Haldir comprehended fully.
By the time Haldir had finished eating, Melpomaen had put away all traces of the meal except for the bowl and spoon his partner had used.
"Now, then," he said, taking those and setting them aside, "what do you will of me?"
"Only that you follow where I lead; and tell me if my path is not one you wish to take. But to begin with, stand here beside me," said Haldir.
They kissed lingeringly, hands threaded through each other's hair, tongues exploring and wordlessly sharing their love. Haldir moved one hand down Melpomaen's back to draw the other closer to him, feeling the play of muscles under the skin as he shifted his weight, one foot between Haldir's legs, their hips interlocking. Now Melpomaen reached to hold Haldir around the waist, leaning back slightly as he tilted his head to let Haldir move from lips to cheek to neck, lapping there at the sensitive skin in the hollow of his throat.
"Hmm," he sighed, closing his eyes to the sight of the red firelight to focus on the waves beating through his body. Now Haldir had relinquished his hold and was moving around, lifting up Melpomaen's dark hair to tease the back of his neck with light kisses, running one finger around his ear and down his throat.
"Stay as you are," came the whispered command, and Melpomaen waited patiently to see what Haldir would think to do next. The answer came with the touch of cloth on his face.
"When you did this to me, it made the moment more memorable," Haldir said, knotting the fabric firmly behind Melpomaen's head. "Now I will show you what it is like; to be cut off from one sense only heightens the others."
Melpomaen swayed a little, standing blindfolded and alone. He heard cloth rustling and supposed that Haldir was removing his own clothes. Then Haldir's hands were upon him again, slowly unfastening ties and pulling out laces, lifting one foot and then the other to remove his shoes, and again as his leggings were tugged down. Melpomaen shivered as the cooling night air struck his bare skin.
"Cold?"
"A little," admitted Melpomaen.
"Then come here nearer the fire," and Haldir led him by the hand, urging him to the blankets laid close to the blaze. Gentle pressure on his shoulders brought him to kneel, then to lie prone, head turned toward the light he could not see. His arms rested by his sides, legs extended and slightly parted.
Haldir knelt away from the fire. He had removed only his tunic and shoes, as yet. The sight of his lover stretched out waiting for him made him catch his breath, and he reached for self-control. A smile quirked his mouth as he drew out one of the feathers he had so carefully collected that morning, and began to brush it lightly across Melpomaen's body: along his legs, arms, back, neck, even between his thighs.
Melpomaen quivered under the teasing touch, his skin rising up in gooseflesh at the unpredictable movements. After a few moments he could bear it no longer and laughed out loud.
"I am sorry, Haldir," he gasped. "That tickles!"
"Well, since I was bringing up such gloomy ideas earlier, I hoped to make you laugh with this," Haldir told him. "But I hope it feels good as well?"
"Yes," Melpomaen assured him. "Just... strange."
"That is all right, then." He continued, stroking the swan feather along the other Elf's spine, down the inviting crack, then back up to the shoulders. After a time he laid the feather aside carefully and began to use his own fingers instead, at first with a light touch, but gradually more firmly.
Melpomaen could hardly tell when the change occurred; though it was true, as Haldir had said, that the lack of sight made every other sense more alert. He could smell the still-damp leaves and grasses around, the smoke of the fire, a lingering wisp from their meal, the scent of their two bodies. The taste of Haldir's mouth still persisted. The crackle of the burning logs, the rustle of the trees, and his partner's breathing filled his ears; he could even hear the subtle squeak of his own joints whenever he moved slightly. But most of all it was the touches on his bared skin that occupied his attention. As Haldir began to knead his muscles with fingertip and knuckle, he gave himself up completely to the sensual pleasure of it.
For his part, Haldir enjoyed the idea that Melpomaen was entirely focused on him; having experienced the blindfold himself once, he knew what it would be like for the other.
He began to speak softly as he continued to stroke and massage his lover, from ankle to neck.
"You said earlier that you were glad I had spoken of how I found out that two binn might love truly. But you must know I was afraid to explain, because the way I did so was not with honor. And it was an overwhelming experience; everything that I had once believed of myself was suddenly turned upside down, and I no longer felt that anything in this world was secure and safe."
"I know," murmured Melpomaen. "I understood that."
"And so many years later, when I had despaired that I would never find anyone, neither benn nor bess, whom I could love, to meet you... and to believe that you might never return my feelings. It has been like swimming across an unknown lake, never knowing where there might be a rock unseen below the glittering surface."
"Mmm," was the reply.
"It is strange to me that you can accept this with relative ease, you know, Maen. We must talk of that sometime."
"If you will. But not tonight, meldanya."
"No," agreed Haldir, and fell back into silence, one hand running lightly along Melpomaen's back, caressing rather than teasing now. With his other hand he loosened his last garments. He crouched awkwardly to slip them off without losing touch and disturbing his partner. Then, languorously, he stretched his own body over Melpomaen's, pressing chest to back and kissing the side of his face below the sight-concealing cloth.
Melpomaen turned his head a bit further, to let Haldir's lips capture his own. They tasted sweet and wild, and he sighed in contentment.
Now Haldir moved onto the blanket and rolled Melpomaen onto his side, slipping his hand along the line of the dark-haired Elf's ribs and reaching down to the eager member below. Melpomaen groaned as Haldir grasped him, sliding down to the base and hooking two fingers around the tender pouch that hung there. Haldir kissed him gently, using his tongue to coax open Melpomaen's lips, sucking the other's tongue into his own mouth and tugging on it even as he stroked his hardened cock. He could feel the tension gathering, matched in his own body, and abruptly pulled back and sat up, only to lie down again facing the other way, so that he could take Melpomaen into his mouth.
He licked first at the head emerging shyly from its hood, then opened further to engulf him completely, letting his throat relax as much as he could.
Melpomaen flung one arm over Haldir's hip to draw him closer; the musky scent of Haldir's desire tempted him, and suddenly the older Elf was aware that Melpomaen was reciprocating, kiss for kiss, caress for caress. Each swirl of the tongue he gave brought a mirrored answer, and thrilled him in delight. They lay, so, for long moments, carefully holding back from reaching the pinnacle of their delight, prolonging the exquisite joy. Then Haldir released Melpomaen, waited until the other did the same, and sat up, tugging at Melpomaen's shoulders until he did so as well.
Haldir set Melpomaen's feet so they encircled his back, and moved close until they were pressed together from rib to groin, their lengths pulsating against one another, still moist from the wet kisses. Embracing his lover, his own legs enwrapped Melpomaen's buttocks and clamped them to him, rocking them together like babes in the womb. He reached up to tug the blindfold from Melpomaen's face, wanting him now to see his face.
"Please, now," and with that encouragement, Haldir rubbed his own hardness against Melpomaen's straining organ, slipping one hand between their bellies to stroke them to a joined climax. They kissed, gazing at one another, their spirits mingling even as their seed.
"Your eyes - they will kill me, their beauty is too great to sustain," murmured Haldir against Melpomaen's mouth, enraptured by the glory he saw. (2)
Melpomaen drew in a shuddering breath, and laid his cheek against Haldir's shoulder, too spent to respond. Footnotes: (1) Benn (pl. binn) and bess (pl. biss) are the Sindarin words that mean "man" and "woman" respectively, in the general sense, not referring specifically to mortal Men. Note: the more commonly seen terms nér/neri and nís / nissi are Quenya, not Sindarin; these two Elves from Lothlórien would not have used them. I can justify an endearment in Quenya, but not an ordinary word! It took me half an hour to track this down, using HoMe vols. 5 and 10, and the online site Ardalambion. Who says smut can't be pedantic in its own way? (2) Paraphrase of two lines from the poem "Merciles Beaute" by Geoffrey Chaucer: "Your yen two wol slee me sodenly; / I may the beautee of hem not sustene."
9. Rabbit or Tortoise?
Melpomaen wakened of his own accord, nearly an hour before dawn would stain the eastern sky. He did not look forward with relish to the return trip through Mirkwood - unlike Lothlórien where sunlight slipped through the green and gold canopy in many places, in Mirkwood the brightest of days seemed gloomy with shadows. Even worse than the lack of sunshine was the inability to see the moon or the gleaming stars of the Kindler. He wondered how the Elves of Thranduil's kingdom in the north of the forest could bear that lack.
Once his eyes had adjusted to the dim light of the dying fire, he rolled over quietly and lay with one arm cradling his head, watching Haldir from under lowered lids. The older Elf was seated against a tree, his head up in an attitude of attention, but now and then he shook it as if in disagreement with some interior voice. Melpomaen wondered if his lover was still worried by his confession of the previous evening.
"Heavy thoughts, Dír?" he said softly.
Haldir turned quickly toward him, his pensive expression disappearing as a smile lit his face.
"Yes, I suppose so," he admitted. "More of what we discussed last night, I fear. But now that you are awake I will put them away for this time."
He stood, stretching, and moved to sit down next to Melpomaen. "Did you rest well?" he asked, stroking Melpomaen's dark hair. "I hope you did not wake early from any ill dream."
"No," said Melpomaen, "I dreamt of you, in fact, a most pleasant dream indeed." He reached out to brush his fingers along Haldir's leg, letting them linger suggestively on his thigh.
Haldir raised an eyebrow. "Well, we did intend to stay here a day and see if we could find any game to hunt, before we set off on the trek through the forest; so there is no real need to rush off this morning, is there?" He stretched out beside Melpomaen.
"None at all," agreed the younger Elf. "But I am a bit thirsty; could you pass me your water bottle?" He drank deeply, rinsing the staleness of sleep from his mouth, and restoppered the flask before setting it to one side. "That is better," he said, and gave Haldir a tender, lingering kiss.
Haldir closed his eyes, feeling Melpomaen's tongue explore his mouth and flicking his own tongue in appreciative response. This was a far better way to spend the last hour of the night than brooding over an apparently insoluble problem. He sighed deep in his throat, flickers of heat darting along all his limbs and reconverging into the warmth growing in his groin. He shifted to take his lover into his arms.
Melpomaen shook his head firmly. "You led the way last night, meldanya. Now it is my turn." Swiftly he removed Haldir's shoes and clothing, until he lay with his bared flesh gleaming faintly in the last glow of the fire, his proud organ already nearly erect against his stomach. Haldir shivered as the chill predawn air struck him, and Melpomaen covered him lightly with the blanket as he himself stood.
"Since you enjoyed watching me once before, when I was unaware, let us see if you like it as well this time," he said, slowly beginning to remove his own garments.
Haldir's eyes were fixed on him as he teasingly drew off his clothes, lingering on each item and removing it partway, then restoring it so that he seemed almost to be putting as many things back on as he took off. Naked at last, Melpomaen drew his hands across his chest, each thumb rubbing across a nipple until it hardened. Then he stroked down his sides and across his belly, near to but not quite touching his own hard member.
He believed that Haldir was enjoying the sight, but asked anyway. "Do you like this, Dír? Does it excite you? It does me. I think of how your hands would feel on me, doing this," and he took his organ into his hand, rubbing up and down the length of the shaft.
Haldir's lips were parted and his breath came in rapid pants. "It excites me, oh yes Maen, very much indeed." He pushed back the blanket to show his own hand busy about his pulsing member.
"No, wait. Do not touch yourself," requested Melpomaen. "Eyes only, for now. Let me do the touching."
The golden-haired Elf groaned, but removed his hand. Melpomaen knelt, resting his weight on his heels, just out of Haldir's reach. He continued to fondle himself, carefully keeping his strokes gentle so he would not become too stimulated, too soon, but permitting himself to make small sounds of pleasure.
When he saw Haldir's hand moving back towards his aching erection, Melpomaen stopped. "I told you, no touching yourself yet."
Haldir growled deep in his throat and said, "I cannot restrain myself, watching you. You would have to bind my hands to prevent me."
"If that is what it takes," said Melpomaen. He picked up his discarded tunic. Haldir's eyes widened, but he allowed his hands to be tied together behind his back without demur, first sitting upright and cross-legged.
Melpomaen returned to his position in front of Haldir, moving closer until their knees barely grazed one another. He leaned forward to kiss his partner, and found it ardently returned. Since Haldir was unable to reach out and embrace Melpomaen, he focused all the intensity of his passion through his mouth. When they finally broke from the kiss, both Elves felt overwhelmed by the sensation.
Haldir leaned back, bracing himself carefully against his bound hands, and shifted his weight, hoping to entice Melpomaen to kiss or touch him further. He was partially rewarded when a finger was run lightly up the inside of first his left thigh, then his right, teasingly stopping just short of his groin. Once again Haldir gave a muted growl.
"Does that not feel good?" asked Melpomaen in mock innocence.
"You know it does," was the reply. "So good it is a torment to me. Please, Maen, do not keep me waiting much longer. I can scarcely bear it."
Melpomaen nodded. He was finding it difficult to maintain control, himself. "One moment more, Dír. I have made a small error in my preparations, here." He slipped over to their packs to find the flask of scented oil. Returning, he poured a little on his hand, first spreading it on his own member, then on Haldir's. Moving behind his partner, he unbound his arms and urged him to his hands and knees. Haldir eagerly obliged and Melpomaen inserted first one finger, then another into him, feeling for that spot which he knew would bring the greatest pleasure. When he heard a stifled moan, he moved his fingertip more rapidly. Haldir cried out. Melpomaen withdrew his hand, and kneeling up placed the tip of his erection against the tight opening, reaching around to grasp Haldir's slick shaft.
"Oh, now, yes," Haldir's voice broke as Melpomaen drove slowly into him. "Maen, I cannot wait any longer," and he convulsed, spilling his hot fluid over the hand clasping him.
Melpomaen was nearly to climax as well. He clasped Haldir's hips and thrust hard, burying himself deep within. Haldir contracted around him and the pressure tipped him over the edge. Crying out Haldir's name, he gave in to the delight and released into the hot recesses of his lover's body.
At that moment the first light of dawn turned the damp air around them to glittering pearl. The beauty of the breaking day seemed to each of them to reflect and expand the joy they found together: repeated often, yet always new.
Haldir lay on his side, his lover pressed close behind him. He drew Melpomaen's arm around his body and brought his hand to his lips.
"Maen," he murmured.
"Yes, Dír?"
"That was - a surprise to me, how you acted. I enjoyed it, do not think otherwise, but I am not certain I would wish to be bound again. There need be no coercion between us."
Melpomaen raised himself up on one elbow so he could see Haldir's face more clearly. "You know I would never do something you objected to, Haldir," he said seriously. "If that bothered you, I wish you had spoken. I meant only to be playful, to heighten your pleasure."
"I know, meldanya, I know. And that is why I said nothing at the time; for it was indeed pleasurable, and more than that. But in a way uncomfortable as well, which is why I now say that I do not think I wish to repeat it." He quirked an eyebrow at Melpomaen. "Although should you wish to try it yourself, sometime, I might be willing."
The younger Elf chuckled. "Perhaps. We shall see. I am glad you are not upset."
"Oh, no. Here, put your arms around me. Let us lie together for a little while as the sun rises, and watch the air come alive with light, even here under the trees," said Haldir.
And so they did, the fever of their bodies cooling, their two chests rising and falling as one as their breathing slowed and deepened. Eventually Melpomaen shifted, drawing his arm back.
"I'm sorry, Dír, but my arm is getting numb," he said, sitting up and rubbing it with his other hand.
"We should begin the day, anyhow, I suppose," Haldir agreed, sitting up likewise. He reached for the flask of water that Melpomaen had earlier set aside, and dampening a cloth, began to clean off first himself and then his partner, before they dressed again.
"Oh, Nienna's tears!" swore Melpomaen.
"What is it?"
"I forgot to prepare anything to break our fast with," apologized Melpomaen shamefacedly. "There is only cram, unless you want to test your jaw with some very firm dried fruits."
"Cram will have to do," said Haldir. "We were going to look for game today anyhow, so why do you not put some fruit to soak, and we can have a more interesting noon meal than we do when we travel through the day. Now, I think the thing to decide is what sort of game to pursue, and how we want to hunt it."
"I rather thought a deer. There would be enough and more than enough meat to take us through the forest, I would think," Melpomaen said.
"That is certainly true. Indeed we would have trouble using it all before it went bad; and we really don't have the time to stop and preserve it. I had thought perhaps rabbit. I believe I saw a substantial warren in the last meadow we passed through yesterday," Haldir responded.
"I'm surprised you noticed it. You were a bit distracted, after all," said Melpomaen. He regretted the comment as soon as he spoke, for a shadow crossed Haldir's face at the reminder, and hastily added, "Shall we look at the warren and discuss it? How had you planned to hunt them?"
"Snares, probably. Unless you brought a sling with you? I did not," said Haldir.
"Nor I. Let us go look, then," said Melpomaen, finishing his cram and standing up.
They retraced their steps of the previous day back to the edge of the forest. Haldir pointed obliquely. "There, up away from the water side," he said.
Melpomaen glanced over and nudged him with an elbow. "Race you halfway," he said, "as far as that lone tree there."
"All right," said Haldir. "Ready - set - run!"
The two were closely matched, but gradually Melpomaen pulled a few paces ahead. Just as he was closing in on the tree serving as their mark, Haldir saw him stumble and go down. A moment later Haldir was kneeling at his friend's side.
"Are you hurt?" he asked, worry painting his features.
The expression on Melpomaen's face was a peculiar mixture of annoyance and pain. "Yes, I am," he said through clenched teeth. "My right ankle, and my left arm. I think the arm may be broken."
Haldir carefully felt it with his fingertips. "I fear you are correct," he said soberly. "Try not to move it for the moment, while I look at your ankle. Can you turn your foot at all?"
Luckily the injury to Melpomaen's ankle proved to be only a sprain. Haldir bit his lip and frowned.
"I am loath to tear up my tunic to bind it, but I do not see anything else that will serve. No, wait, I will have to cut yours off anyhow - must not pull it over your poor arm - so that will do. Just a moment."
Quickly he slit the fabric and eased it away from the swelling flesh. With part he bound up Melpomaen's ankle; then he used a sturdy fallen branch to fashion a temporary splint for his arm, held in place with the remaining strips of cloth.
"That is the best I can do, here," he said. "Can you put weight on your foot now?"
Melpomaen got awkwardly to his feet, using Haldir's arm to pull himself up. "As long as we walk slowly, and I can lean on you, I can make it back to our camp," he said. His face was pallid from the shock of the accident, and sweat beaded his brow as each step shot pain through his ankle.
"It will be all right," said Haldir gently. "Here, take my left arm."
They slowly returned to the camp, and Melpomaen sank gratefully onto the blankets.
"We do not really have much for healing here," said Haldir, rummaging through his pack. He looked over at his partner with concern. "I'm sorry to have to make you wait longer, but you must. I will be back as soon as I can."
"Where are you going?" asked Melpomaen.
"To gather some herbs that will help you. I will just build up the fire again first, and set some water to heat. Here, take this." He passed the water bottle over. "Try not to move too much till I return."
Melpomaen waited as patiently as he could. He had had far worse injuries before, of course, but his pain this time was greater from the knowledge that it was his own ill-judgment that had caused it. Going to find a rabbit warren, why had he not kept a more careful eye out for an unexpected hole? Before he had finished castigating himself, however, Haldir returned.
"See, here," he showed the fruits of his efforts to Melpomaen. "Boneset root and hound's-tongue - I can make a poultice from those to set your arm, and use their leaves to soothe your ankle as well. And I will brew some tea from the willow-bark and nettle, to ease the pain and help keep your blood flowing through the injured limbs."
Haldir busied himself with preparing the remedies as Melpomaen watched him intently.
"Where did you learn all of this? I am familiar with willow-bark for aches, of course, but the others..."
The golden-haired Elf shrugged. "Here and there. From my mother, mostly, I suppose. She is very fond of her garden, and taught me much of the properties of the plants she grows there and of wild herbs also. Useful to know, now, though at home it is knowledge rarely needed. Stand up a moment, Maen, and let me take off your leggings first before I start slopping this poultice around." Those removed, he carefully unwound the bindings from Melpomaen's arm and applied the thick paste he had prepared. "Hold still, now, and let that harden, while I treat your ankle. Then you can have a cup of nice bitter tea."
"Faugh," said Melpomaen, making a face. "Bitter is right."
"Well, if you are going to damage yourself like that..."
Melpomaen looked over quickly and saw Haldir smiling at him.
"You know I am only jesting," said Haldir, and kissed his brow. "How does that feel?"
"Much better," said Melpomaen gratefully. "But I do not think I am going to be able to travel for several days."
"No, that would be unwise, at least until your ankle is better," said Haldir, "though I do not think we want to wait for your arm to heal; the season moves on, and we must too. We will simply have to be especially careful and make certain we avoid any dangerous animals or Orcs, rather than risk fighting them."
Melpomaen nodded, and blinked back tears.
"Is the pain still so great?" asked Haldir with concern.
"I feel such a fool," confessed Melpomaen. "Slowing us down like this, and injuring myself during a silly pointless race rather than from some reasonable cause like a fight."
"Now, don't blame yourself, meldanya," soothed Haldir, moving around behind him and kneading the tight muscles of his bowed neck. "Accidents can always happen. We will cope. But perhaps, instead of rabbits, I will look for a deer. If we must stay here for a few days, there will be time to preserve the meat, at least well enough to see us through Mirkwood. So you see, the time will not be wasted entirely. And we can talk, and be well-rested before we continue our journey home."
Melpomaen inclined his head in acceptance, and let the tension of self-blame flow from him under Haldir's strong hands.