LotR fic: Passages, chapters 4-6 [Haldir/Melpomaen, adult]
Title: Passages Chapter 4, "At the River's Edge"; chapter 5, "Lembas"; chapter 6, "'Where you go, I will follow'" Author: celandineb Fandom: LotR Pairing: Haldir/Melpomaen Rating: adult Warnings: PWP, angst, blindfolding Summary: Haldir and Melpomaen find their friendship developing beyond the expected as they travel from the Golden Wood to Dale and back via Mirkwood.
4. At the River's Edge
Haldir was the first to awake, as the sun peeped over the eastern horizon. The air hung heavy in the fields by the river, moisture-laden if not quite thick enough to be called fog or mist. The dawn light turned all to silver for a few moments, and Haldir enjoyed the beauty of the scene, a pleasure made greater by his memory of the night before. After five years of loving Melpomaen silently and hopelessly, not daring to speak lest the other reject him, he wanted to shout his exultation to the world. A distant part of him knew that the present joy would necessarily end, but he thrust the thought away and focused on the moment.
The pot of soup that Melpomaen had prepared the evening before still sat near the last embers. They had fallen asleep, entwined, after their second lovemaking, and never eaten. Haldir carefully rebuilt the fire and set their breakfast to heating. He glanced at his partner - his lover, now, he thought tenderly - and decided to go to the river to wash before waking him. He felt a little sore from the unaccustomed exertions of the previous night, and hoped that it would make no difference in how far they would be able to walk that day.
Now, at the end of summer, the water level was low, and Haldir made sure to choose a spot where the grass grew close to the edge of the water, so that he would not immediately become dirty when he came out again. He laid a cloth on the bank to dry himself with later, and slipped into the water.
When he returned to the spot after a stimulating swim up the river, then a leisurely drift back down, nothing was there. Haldir guessed the reason but decided to pretend not to notice, simply sluicing the water from his torso and legs with his hands, and began to walk back to the camp. As he passed a clump of alder the cloth was suddenly tossed over his head and shoulders.
"Would you like me to dry you off?" came Melpomaen's voice, and Haldir was turned around to face him as the cloth fell.
Melpomaen caught it before it reached the ground and held it up invitingly, a teasing grin on his face.
Haldir smiled in return. "Why not? Or would you rather have a swim yourself, first? The water is most refreshing."
"If you'd be willing to go back again, certainly. I made sure that the fire was in no danger of spreading before I left," said Melpomaen.
Unlike Haldir he had put on his leggings before venturing down to the river. Haldir claimed the opportunity to undress his lover. Slowly he peeled the brown cloth away from the smooth white skin, caressing Melpomaen's buttocks and legs as he went.
Clothing removed, Melpomaen took Haldir in his arms and kissed him. "Mm, when I woke up I was unsure where you might have gone. But after a few minutes I guessed you must have come here. Are you not glad I followed?" he whispered.
"Oh, yes," said Haldir, sliding his hands down Melpomaen's back. "But I thought you wanted to swim?"
Melpomaen rolled his eyes. "Are we in a hurry today?"
"No. That's why I suggested the swim." Haldir cocked an eyebrow in return. "The water is cool, and you seem to be getting a little warm already."
"As if you are not," said Melpomaen, stepping back and looking pointedly at Haldir's growing erection. He waded into the river. "Come on in, then, and swim with me."
They swam for some time, racing each other upstream - Melpomaen won - and then floating back toward where they had entered. The sun was well up by now, and the rippling surface gleamed in the light, reflecting luminously from Haldir's skin and hair as he stood in the waist-deep water.
"Now, what were you saying about getting warm?" he asked as Melpomaen drifted past him.
The younger Elf aimed a splash of water at him, then dove beneath the surface to grab his feet and tip Haldir into the water. They wrestled amiably, each delighting in the way the other moved, the water letting them slide smoothly between and around each other's limbs. Each time they rose above the surface they kissed, tongues and lips lingering lovingly together. Haldir could feel the blood racing through his veins. Cool though the water was, his skin grew flushed with warmth and he hardened with desire.
Melpomaen, too, was becoming excited by the gentle caresses. He tugged Haldir to his feet and pressed the length of his body against him, feeling the answering hardness against his own. He turned his head and rested it on Haldir's shoulder, relaxing for a moment into the simple pleasure of contact.
"It feels so good, just to hold you like this," he said softly.
"A good thing, since that is probably all we will be able to share after we return to Lórien," responded Haldir. "Shall we make the most of our present opportunities, love? I don't think this stony riverbed is the ideal place, though."
He drew Melpomaen to the shore.
"Here, though..." Haldir spread out the cloth he had brought to dry himself on a relatively smooth patch of grass. "Stand here."
He knelt before Melpomaen and began to kiss and caress each leg, beginning at the toes and working upward. Carefully avoiding the other's eager member, he shifted to the arms, then the back, then the chest, lavishing caresses on the damp skin.
"Haldir..." growled Melpomaen, running his fingers through the golden hair.
Finally Haldir trailed his kisses back down the torso. He breathed warmly onto Melpomaen's groin, then carefully used teeth and tongue to nibble and lick until the other could scarcely remain standing, such was his pleasure.
By now Melpomaen's eyes were closed, all his attention focused on the sensations that Haldir's loving mouth was producing. The sun burned redly through his eyelids, a fire that seemed only a pale echo of that in his own body. He cried out and clutched at Haldir's shoulders with both hands.
"Oh, my love!"
Haldir closed his lips firmly around the base of Melpomaen's erection, running his tongue up and down the length as he felt him shudder and reach his orgasm, spilling his seed into the warm and waiting mouth of his lover.
When Haldir released him, Melpomaen sank onto the fabric and reached for the other, kissing his eyes and face and mouth in a frenzy.
"Only you," he murmured. "Only you, Haldir, I could never feel this way with anyone else. I love you, I love you."
"And I love you," said Haldir joyously.
"Let me take you inside me, love, as I did to you last night. I want you to be that close to me," Melpomaen said.
"Not without the oil, Maen. I wouldn't want to hurt you," responded Haldir.
"Then let us go back to where we camped, first. If you don't mind the interruption?"
"If that is what you want to do, I can wait a few moments."
Melpomaen found his leggings and gathered them up, hanging them with Haldir's drying-cloth over one arm. His other arm slid around Haldir's waist as they walked back to the camp.
The flask of oil remained where Melpomaen had set it the previous evening. He picked it up and offered it to Haldir.
"Pour a little on my hands," Haldir said, and when that was done he used one hand to spread the oil over his own erection, while with the other he stroked between Melpomaen's buttocks, massaging it into the tight orifice there.
He kissed Melpomaen again, exploring his mouth with his own tongue, and then drawing the other's tongue into his mouth he suckled it.
Melpomaen reached down to stroke Haldir, but his hand was gently nudged away.
"If you do that I won't be able to hold back," Haldir warned.
"All right, then," said Melpomaen, dropping down onto the blankets. "Come inside me, now. I want you to feel how I felt."
"I have an idea," Haldir said. "If you come to your hands and knees, I'll kneel behind you. I think I'll have more control that way."
Agreeably Melpomaen did as Haldir had suggested. He felt Haldir's hand spread him wide, a well-oiled finger testing to make sure that there would be no resistance to entry. Melpomaen gasped as he felt once again the unexpected pleasure, and though he had so recently reached his own orgasm, his desire for Haldir swelled again.
"Please, now," he gasped.
Haldir withdrew his fingers and placed the tip of his organ against the opening, pushing slowly yet insistently inside. Melpomaen tensed briefly, then relaxed, allowing his lover to penetrate him fully.
"Is that what you wanted?" Haldir whispered behind his ear. He slipped a hand around Melpomaen's hips and stroked the waiting hardness there.
"Oh, yes," said Melpomaen, distracted by the doubled sensation.
"It is what I wanted, too," said Haldir, moving in and out, at first cautiously and then with greater force. "I have wanted this for a long time." When his climax approached he paused, not wanting to finish so quickly.
"I love you, Melpomaen," he said, holding himself still with an effort, although his hand continued its regular motion. "I think I fell in love with you the first moment I saw you walking through the mellyrn, all their silver trunks and golden leaves just a backdrop to show off your dark grace."
"I remember you hardly spoke when we met. I had to ask you to tell me your name," Melpomaen recalled. He could feel Haldir's member throbbing within him, pulsing in time with the rhythmic caresses his lover's hand was giving his own.
"You did? Bad manners I must have had. I was so distracted by you that I cannot remember what I said," said Haldir, leaning over to kiss the back of Melpomaen's neck, brushing aside the long dark hair. The hardened nubs of his nipples rubbed gently against the soft skin of Melpomaen's back, and he trembled and groaned softly at the sensation. "Just as I am distracted now," he whispered into his lover's ear.
Melpomaen turned his head, saying, "I wish I could say the same, that I loved you right away. But I have to admit I had no thought of such a thing. I did certainly like and admire you from the beginning, and held you as a good partner and friend."
Haldir sighed. "I would not have expected anything more. Beyond any effect of the lembas, it is hardly acceptable to fall in love with another man. I began to suspect that I was unusual long ago, when I reached the age of a hundred and fifty and had never seen a woman for whom I felt the least desire. I found myself watching other men, instead, and admiring their charms more than those of the women. But it took a long to accept that this was the way I am. I cannot tell you how it was, when you arrived to join Lórindol's company and then were assigned as my partner." He began to move the fingers of his free hand in slow circles down Melpomaen's back, reaching around to stroke the other's chest.
"Try to tell me," urged Melpomaen. He sensed that Haldir needed the emotional release as much as a physical one at that moment, but the feelings evoked by the touch of his lover's hands on nipple and cock were too strong for him to hold back completely. He began to move under Haldir, hoping to bring the other Elf back to delight in the present through the pleasure of the body.
"It was torment - of an exquisite kind. I could talk to you, watch you, touch you - oh, I had no actual desire, the waybread prevented that, but I had the longing for it. And you accepted anything I said and did in full friendship, but with no hint of anything beyond. So I had great pleasure in your company, but also great frustration because of the unlikeliness that our partnership would ever be more than that."
Haldir paused, and pressed against Melpomaen's shoulder to hold him still. "Wait, let me finish speaking. I had decided that I would be alone and unjoined all my life, and was trying to reconcile myself to that. Then the opportunity for this journey came along, and I thought that at least it might give me a chance to say something to you, in private, so that if you despised me for my feelings I might persuade you to say nothing. I did not really expect you to return them."
Thinking of the long years of solitude, of near-despair, of the sudden arrival of Melpomaen and the conflicting reactions he provoked, and of his own vulnerability to his partner when he had finally admitted his love and desire, was suddenly almost more than Haldir could bear. He drew in a long, shuddering breath, and Melpomaen felt wetness as his lover's cheek pressed against his back.
"But I did. I do love you, Haldir," said Melpomaen softly, rocking back and forth. He shifted his weight to balance on one hand and used the other to reach through his legs and press Haldir more deeply inside him, gently touching the sac and feeling the precious contents within.
"I believe you; I just don't quite understand why," breathed Haldir. He began to thrust again into Melpomaen's body, relieving the tension of his feelings with his motion.
"Why? Why does any person love another? You fulfill me, that is why," said Melpomaen, groaning at the renewed pleasure. "Together we are more than separately. Is that not reason enough? Please don't worry about reasons. Let us just be happy that we have found each other."
"You are right," Haldir said. "And I am, I assure you."
He let go and placed both his hands on Melpomaen's waist, then withdrew almost entirely, making tiny thrusts, teasing, until neither of them could bear it any longer. Finally he allowed himself inside again completely and once more grasped his partner's organ, rubbing the oil-slicked skin, passing the pad of his thumb across the head.
"Are you ready?" Haldir gasped, his passion reaching a peak that was almost painful.
"Oh yes - now - please," said Melpomaen, almost whimpering as Haldir thrust once more, deeply, and released into his body. A last stroke and his own flood gushed forth again. His knees gave way and he collapsed onto the blanket, Haldir on top of him, still within him, as if their bodies had become one.
They rested quietly for a few minutes, savoring their union. Then Haldir reluctantly withdrew and reached for the cloth to clean up.
"I suppose we had better eat and move on," he said.
Melpomaen rolled over and stretched. "Can't put it off forever," he agreed. "Shall we have that soup I made, finally?"
"As long as it hasn't simmered away to nothing," Haldir replied, pulling on his clothes.
Once dressed, Melpomaen found a pair of bowls in his pack and carefully divided the soup between them.
"It's hot," he warned Haldir, handing him a bowl and spoon.
Haldir blew on the surface, then dipped out a spoonful. "But good. I thought you said you had little experience cooking?"
Melpomaen shrugged. "I haven't much. But I know that the longer a soup sits, the better it usually is; so maybe we should always make it the night before, and wait for breakfast to eat it!"
A laugh was his answer. "What then would we eat for supper, though?"
"True, that's a problem," Melpomaen acknowledged.
They finished the meal quickly and broke camp. Since they were to travel along the river for a few days yet, water should present no difficulty, but Haldir refilled their waterbags nonetheless when he went to rinse out the bowls and pot at the river.
"Ready, then? Let's go," he said, returning.
5. Lembas
Over the next days the two Elves retraced the route they had taken just a little while before – but the differences between the two journeys were great indeed. On the way to the north they had not consciously hurried, but had made rapid progress nonetheless. Now, heading home to bring welcome news of the accepted alliance between Dale and Lórien, they lingered, often not breaking camp until mid-morning, and usually halting well before the sun set in all her ruddy splendor.
The cause for the change was, of course, their newly physical relationship, which only the absence of lembas had permitted. Melpomaen mused on what Haldir had told him about the waybread. It did not deaden one's feelings, by any means, but rather placed a kind of buffer between the mind and the body, so that certain types of emotions that would normally evoke a bodily response did not.
"How did you learn of what the lembas does, if I may ask?" Melpomaen asked as they made their way through a natural meadow, now golden with the end of summer. "It is certainly not common knowledge, and the effect is limited – I would certainly never have divined the secret by simply observing its influence on myself. Even if I noticed a decrease in desire, I would assume that was simply due to the length of time I had spent apart from a beloved, and my body's natural reaction to such a separation."
Haldir took his hand and matched his step to Melpomaen's. "I really cannot claim that I discovered the quality on my own. Do you know how lembas is made?"
"No," said Melpomaen slowly. "I have heard that it is prepared by the Lady Galadriel and her maidens, but that is all."
"I do not know the details of its creation, but my cousin Andúniel is one of the Lady's attendants. One midwinter when I happened to be on leave and visiting my parents in Caras Galadhon for the festival, she and I spent an afternoon together, talking, and she told me that the Lady had warned them not to eat the lembas they helped prepare. In part because it is not easy to make, and since it keeps long and a small amount will sustain many, it is reserved for those who help protect the land. But also in part because many of the women are young, and newly wedded or seeking to wed, and eating waybread regularly would interfere with their natural desires and the begetting of children."
Here Haldir paused, both in speech and motion, and drew his lover to him for a kiss, as if to reassure himself that no longer was he influenced by the lembas he had eaten for so many years. Then he resumed his pace and his tale.
"Andúniel did not know if it would have the same effect on men as on women, but after I had learned this much from her I began to pay attention to its impact on me. Slowly I perceived that I was troubled less by the realization that I am drawn to men rather than women when I was out in the forest, and one would think, surrounded by those I might come to love. But no, it was on leave, and when I ate ordinary food, that I was likely to feel a hint of desire. So I came to understand what lembas does, though I do not know how. The how does not really matter. But I have long been bitter that such a thing has been forced upon me unknowingly – oh, I probably, almost undoubtedly, would have consented and accepted the consequences had I been told what they were – but I was not, and that I resent."
"Yes," Melpomaen frowned. "It seems unjust to me as well now that I think on it. Clearly the effect lasts only as long as one actually eats lembas regularly, and causes no permanent change, but are the rangers of the Golden Wood to be thus treated, as if we were children being given medicine disguised as a sweet? If this is the fabled wisdom of the Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel, I do not think much of it. Is there nothing we can do?"
Haldir shrugged. "What would you do, tell all our other comrades that they are being restrained without their knowledge? Some would not believe you. Many might not care. And it would bring great tension and distress to all, perhaps to the point where it harmed our ability to protect the people of the country. I do not think we can change this, sadly. But I am relieved to be able to speak freely of it to you, at least."
Now it was Melpomaen who drew to a halt. He looked seriously into Haldir's eyes. "You know you can tell me of anything, anything you wish."
"I know," Haldir touched his fingers to Melpomaen's lips. "I know."
Melpomaen kissed the slender fingertips, raising his own hand to grasp and hold the other's. His tongue darted out to meet the pad of one finger, then he drew it in, mouthing it with wet and gentle suction.
Haldir's eyes flickered closed for an instant as the loving touch caused his chest to tighten and brought a surge of heat to his body, but he opened them again and shook his head firmly.
"Not now, love, it is hardly past midday and we have been walking slowly anyhow. We really should. . ."
"We really should pause now," Melpomaen asserted. "We could travel till sunset, then, instead of stopping earlier."
He looked around for shelter from the sun. Perhaps half a mile ahead was a band of trees and brush, marking where a stream fed into the River Celduin. He pointed.
"There, I think, would be a good resting place, in the shade."
"All right," Haldir gave in. "You tempt me too easily, you know."
"And why not? Since this journey is the only chance I will have to do so." Melpomaen gave Haldir a smile that mingled delight and mischief. "Wait here for a few moments while I go ahead."
Wondering what his lover could be planning, Haldir nodded and watched him stride off fluidly across the grass.
When he reached the edge of the trees, Melpomaen found that the underbrush grew thickly under most of them, but there were one or two large oaks not far from the stream whose shade was deep enough to prevent much else from thriving underneath. He quickly cleared his chosen spot of stray twigs and stones and spread out the blankets he carried, then checked to make sure that the way to the water was equally clear. Despite his words to Haldir, Melpomaen hoped that he would be able to distract his lover sufficiently that they would travel no further that day. He knew in his heart that they could not do otherwise than return to Lórien, but a little delay did not seem dishonorable.
Melpomaen was waiting when the other Elf came walking through the trees. He led Haldir over to the place he had made ready, and set his shoulder pack aside, but had them both remain standing for the moment.
"Now, where was I?" he murmured. "Ah yes."
He lifted Haldir's right hand to his lips, and again sucked in the tip of one finger, tugging at it and letting his tongue gradually trace the whole length. Carefully he repeated the process on each finger, cradling the other's hand to his face as he worked.
As Melpomaen's dark head bent over him, Haldir looked up into the wavering green light that fell through the leaves. He stood with his legs braced apart, and every tug that he felt on his fingers brought an answering jolt down into his groin. He could feel himself hardening, pushing against the tight fabric of his leggings, and as Melpomaen blew across his wet fingers it sent new shivers of pleasure down his spine.
When his right hand had been lavished with kisses and released for the left to be taken up in turn, Haldir began to reach to undo the laces that constricted him, but Melpomaen caught his hand, saying only, "Wait."
Not until he had loved each finger did Melpomaen begin slowly to remove Haldir's clothes, but he had ideas for more than a quick lovemaking. The closeness of the little stream had suggested another possibility. He shrugged off his own clothes and beckoned Haldir to follow him, catching up the piece of soap that he had laid to one side of his pack.
Haldir's eyes widened, but he took the few steps to the stream behind Melpomaen. The watercourse was swift and deep, but here a bend had produced a shallower, calmer pool, perfect for bathing.
Melpomaen stepped in. The width of the stream here had allowed the sun to warm the water to nearly tepid in the shoals. The pebbly bottom was a little uncomfortable to walk on, but several larger, flatter rocks would serve for sitting or kneeling, as needed. He took Haldir's hand and guided him to one of these. The sun on the older Elf's hair turned the strands to living gold, and Melpomaen caught his breath to see the beauty of his lover's figure. He put aside his own feelings, though, to continue what he had begun.
With Haldir seated comfortably, the shallow water reaching only just above his waist, Melpomaen began to rub the soap across Haldir's body, leaving streaks of foam on arms, back, and chest. Then he cupped his hands to rinse the lather off, bit by bit, caressing the skin soothingly as he went.
The urgency of Haldir's desire had been reduced somewhat by the cool pressure of the stone beneath him, and he relaxed into Melpomaen's ministrations. Each touch was a reassurance to him that whatever others might think, theirs was a true bonding.
He stood at Melpomaen's request so that his legs, too, could be carefully washed. Melpomaen ran his hands down the taut muscles of thigh and calf, and poured water in a tiny cascade down each leg, again and again until every trace of soap was gone. Although he did not want to arouse Haldir too greatly just yet, he gently washed his buttocks and groin as well, trying to keep his touch as impersonal as he could, but at last he gave in to his own impulse and slipped a finger down the inviting crack.
Haldir made a guttural sound and shifted to open wider, but Melpomaen rapidly withdrew.
"Not yet," he said softly.
After bathing Haldir completely, he led him back to the blankets and told him to rest there for a few minutes. Then Melpomaen returned to the stream and washed himself quickly, squatting on the stony bed and splashing water over his body to rinse off.
On his return he found Haldir sprawled carelessly across the blanket, legs akimbo and one arm thrown over his eyes, though the light through the leaves was hardly bright. He rolled over as Melpomaen came up, and rose to his knees.
"How long were you planning to tease me, then?"
"As long as it takes," said Melpomaen blithely. He made a fist and tapped Haldir lightly on the shoulder. "So if you would lie down again. . ."
Haldir exhaled sharply, glared for an instant, and then propped himself on his elbow.
"No, on your stomach, please, Dír."
He shifted to lie prone, head turned to the left. Melpomaen's last touch in the stream had brought all his desire and need raging back, and he could feel the hot blood pumping through his trapped organ. A rustling noise told him that he had guessed correctly that his lover was retrieving the flask of oil. But he had not anticipated what happened next. A band of cloth – a spare shirt, folded, he guessed – fell across his eyes. Melpomaen lifted his head and passed the cloth completely around it, tying it so that he could not see.
"What are you doing?" He began to struggle to sit up.
Melpomaen's breath tickled his ear. "I noticed, over the past week of making love with you, that every sensation seemed greater when my eyes were closed. So I thought this might be worth trying; you will not be able to open them at will to distract yourself."
Haldir admitted that was possible, but found being blindfolded a bit unnerving.
"Just relax, love. Lie down and relax," Melpomaen advised.
He did so, trying to slow the pounding of his heart. He sensed Melpomaen moving above him, until the other's knees were placed outside his hips and he could feel the weight of his lover's body resting on his thighs and buttocks.
Melpomaen poured a little oil into his palms and rubbed them together to warm the viscous fluid. He anointed Haldir's back all over, and then began to massage, digging his fingers in firmly but not roughly as the muscles released their tension, a process that took some little time. Then he shifted to passing his palms down the back and sides, making long, smooth strokes from the nape of the neck to the base of the spine. By now Haldir had realized that there was nothing he could do to dissuade Melpomaen from following whatever plan he had thought of for this day, and so he surrendered completely to the soothing touch.
Feeling the shift in breathing that indicated this, Melpomaen wriggled a little farther down toward Haldir's feet, parting them so that he could kneel between the legs, and shifted his attention to Haldir's lower back and buttocks, still careful to keep his movements relaxing, rather than stimulating. Haldir drifted on the very edge of sleep, still somewhat aroused, but no longer caring about it. The delightful feelings that Melpomaen was evoking were enough.
When Haldir seemed completely relaxed, Melpomaen rested briefly, still moving his hands in lazy circles across the pale skin. Then he leaned forward, parted Haldir's legs a bit further, and breathed moistly onto his sac. He drew his tongue upwards, using his hands to separate the buttocks, and began to dart it just into the orifice there.
Haldir reacted immediately, his desire leaping back into flames, and he became so hard that he ached with it. But he knew that the only course he could follow this day was to let his lover lead, so he restrained himself from turning to grasp Melpomaen in his arms and simply waited to see what would happen next.
Melpomaen kneaded Haldir's thigh with one hand as he continued to kiss him, while with the other hand he spread some of the oil onto his own pulsing member. The massage had done its work and Haldir was still relaxed despite his arousal. Melpomaen raised his body up and slipped unhurriedly inside the tight passage, eliciting a deep groan from his lover as the movement stimulated the sensitive node within. His hand reached around and underneath, grasping the swollen cock. He did not stroke it, merely held it to prevent Haldir from rubbing against the blankets, for he was still determined to draw out their loveplay as long as possible.
He moved in and out, never completely withdrawing, enjoying both the hot friction and the knowledge of Haldir's pleasure. As he sheathed himself completely, he let his torso rest on Haldir's back and used his teeth and lips to tug on an earlobe, breathing warmly onto it, speaking no word.
Haldir was finding that being unable to see did indeed increase the sensuousness of every kiss, every touch. Each thrust that Melpomaen made was a step up a spiraling stair of bliss. Even his lover's refusal to allow him to reach a climax no longer troubled him; he felt surrounded by Melpomaen's devotion and knew that he would not be denied forever.
Gradually Melpomaen increased the tempo of his movements, allowing himself to surrender to the desire he felt. He gave one final push and shuddered in release, the flood of his passion spilling deep within Haldir's body.
Haldir involuntarily cried high in his throat as Melpomaen withdrew and left him alone for a moment. Then he felt himself being turned over and urged to sit up. As he did so a slick hand stroked him, coating him with oil. He braced his hands behind him as Melpomaen knelt with his back to his lover's chest and slowly lowered himself onto Haldir's waiting organ.
He could wait no longer. He embraced Melpomaen tightly and pulled him down, pushing frenziedly into him. He rolled them both over until they lay on their sides, cradled together, Haldir's fingers on Melpomaen's hard chest brushing the firm nubs, his arms clasping tightly, his rigid member buried deep.
"Yes, take me," he heard Melpomaen say. "I am yours."
"Ah, and all I am and have is yours," cried Haldir. He kissed the back of his partner's neck where it met the shoulder, and as he climaxed, bit into the flesh.
Joined, they rested, the breeze cooling the sweat from their bodies.
"Was that not worth stopping for?" murmured Melpomaen tiredly.
"Can you ask?" said Haldir. He tightened his arms around his lover and kissed the damp skin. "I don't know how I will be able to go back to simply being partners in the company, after this. It will be a wrench to give up such joys."
"Must we?" Melpomaen said.
6. 'Where you go, I will follow'
"Must we give this up?" Melpomaen repeated.
His words hung in the air between them. Haldir had meant his statement rhetorically, but the reply he received suggested that his lover might have other ideas.
"I do not see how we can do otherwise," he pointed out. "Once we return to Lothlórien, we will both rejoin Lórindol's company. And all the rangers eat lembas on patrol; it has many virtues to sustain body and will, and it keeps long and requires no fire to prepare. Even in camp we eat it much of the time, for convenience."
"But there is no law that says we must eat the waybread," insisted Melpomaen. "It is, as you say, a matter of convenience. Could we not choose to eat other foods instead? To take something besides lembas with us on sentry duty, for instance?"
Haldir sighed, withdrawing from his partner and rolling over onto his back. He looked up into the green leaves fluttering above them in the breeze, the oak so unlike a mallorn of his home, yet beautiful in its own rugged way.
Picking up a cloth and dampening it to clean himself with, he said, "It would be noticed. You have helped bring in supplies for the camp; some is ordinary food, to be sure. But not much. And when we are issued rations for our turn on patrol Thalion does not ask what we wish to eat, but simply hands us as many packets of waybread as experience has taught him a pair of rangers will need for that length of time. If we asked for something else, it would seem strange."
"So what if it seems strange?" said Melpomaen, running his hand along Haldir's chest. "Why should we care? Everyone knows that we work better together than any other pair in the company - who will question us, if we want to eat something different for a change?" He took the cloth from Haldir.
"It matters not who. If anyone does begin to wonder, and speculate, there could be - difficulties. Few may know all the properties of lembas, but the captain well might. And if he or any other does, and our choosing not to eat it is remarked upon..." Haldir shivered. "There could only be one interpretation, that we avoid it so that we may enjoy physical desire. With no women about, the conclusion would inevitably be reached that we are lovers."
"What of that? I am not ashamed to love you."
"To love, no, there is no shame in loving - as a friend. But think, Maen. Did you know, back in Caras Galadhon, of any bonded couples in which both were men, or both women? Our people will not accept such a thing. Friendship, aye, but nothing beyond," finished Haldir.
He sat up, hugging his knees to his chest, his head bowed.
Melpomaen had not consciously considered their situation in such terms before. He cast his mind back to his youth, and could think of no examples to contradict Haldir. Indeed, when he sifted through his memories carefully, he recalled a few sniggering comments made about Elves who had remained unwedded long past the usual time. Rangers were generally exempt from such remarks, since it was recognized that their devotion to their duty precluded an easy marriage; those who joined the rangers before they had wed were not encouraged to do so until they chose to leave their company. But Haldir was undoubtedly correct in saying that the people of Lórien would see their relationship as wrong, as a violation of the natural order of things.
As the full realization of their uneasy situation struck him, Melpomaen paled and turned away from his lover.
"I never thought - I never understood," he muttered.
Haldir reached to pull him close, embracing him and laying his cheek against the other's smooth skin.
"I know. And it is too late to change matters, now; once bonded, we cannot choose otherwise. And I would not do so if I could, meldanya. (1)</a> You are the other half of myself."
Melpomaen's muscles were clenched against Haldir's touch. "How do we know that this is a true bond? I do not say this to hurt you, for you know I love you. But we are told that if one spouse is slain untimely, and the spirit travels to the halls of Mandos, that the other spouse is forbidden to marry again. Would this be true for us? And if not, can we say that we are indeed joined in this way?"
"I cannot say," Haldir replied, troubled. "I have never heard the question discussed, not even in philosophical debate. All I know is that the night that we first came together, I felt our spirits mingle in wonder and delight, as I have heard it said that the spirits of husband and wife do when they are wed and first experience the body's full pleasures. And were we to be parted, I would not ever wish to seek for another," Haldir said, gently smoothing Melpomaen's hair.
The dark Elf suddenly turned and clung to his partner. With his voice muffled against Haldir's neck, he said, "No, I felt the same. And whether the bond between two men is indistinguishable from that between a man and a woman matters little, for where you go, I will follow, and where you die, I will die too, and meet you again in Aman." (2)
Haldir pressed his lips to Melpomaen's, then drew a little away, saying, "But you see that we cannot avoid the loss of this part of our love, however much we might desire otherwise."
Melpomaen shook his head stubbornly. "I am not willing to accept that, though I see that my idea would not work. Would Eru have created us in such a way as to enable us to feel such joy with one another, if it were truly prohibited, or impossible to have? I cannot reconcile myself to such an end."
He lifted his hand to Haldir's face and tucked the loose strands of golden hair behind his ear, trailing his thumb down the white skin of his neck. Haldir caught his hand and kissed the palm fervently.
"I do not want to, either," he admitted. "But I can think of no solution. We have perhaps a month yet to travel, so maybe in that time together we can devise some course of action that will work."
He glanced at the sun, adding, "Nor do I think we will be traveling any further today; the shadows grow long."
An impish smile lit Melpomaen's face. "I am glad you say so. If we are unable to think of a way to allow ourselves passion once we return, I would as soon prolong this journey."
He turned to rummage through his pack. "Wait. Let me find... ah, here it is." He held up a wooden comb triumphantly, then became a little shy. "Will you permit me?"
Haldir nodded. Melpomaen knelt behind him and began to draw the comb through the heavy mass, teasing out each tangle as he found it. Haldir's hair seemed to him to hold the very light of the sun within each strand, a beacon that guided and directed his love to its object. It twined about his fingers like a living thing as he slowly smoothed each lock, and then made a plait above each ear to hold the rest back.
As Melpomaen worked, Haldir closed his eyes to enjoy the sensual pleasure that the unaccustomed attention brought. The glancing touches to his neck and ears especially stimulated him. Though they had but lately fulfilled their desires, he found that the talk of the possible end of all their ardor had made him eager to repeat it, as if in defiance of all the future. This time, though, he would lead and his lover would follow.
Braids completed and secured by a thread wrapped tightly around the end, Melpomaen reached to replace the comb. Haldir stopped his arm and plucked the comb from his fingers, moving around to kneel behind him in turn.
Not since he was very young had anyone else combed his hair, and Melpomaen was surprised by how thrilling it felt to have Haldir's fingers running along his scalp, lifting it and loosening the dark tangled strands before drawing the comb through. He sighed and relaxed, letting Haldir do as he would.
Haldir was enjoying his task nearly as much as when he had been the recipient, drawing his fingers through the silky dark length. He bent to press a kiss to Melpomaen's left shoulder, and then delicately traced his way up along his neck and to the sensitive ear. He licked at the curled edge, then nipped the earlobe with his teeth, still playing with Melpomaen's hair with his right hand. He shifted then from kneeling to sitting flat on the blanket, legs parted to enclose his partner, pressing up against his back. He trailed his left hand along Melpomaen's leg from knee to thigh to groin, where the evidence of desire awaited him.
As he touched the hardening organ, Melpomaen gasped and thrust his hips forward slightly. Haldir increased the pressure of his touch in response, pulling Melpomaen back against his own erection, and began a gentle rocking motion forward and back.
"Don't be in a hurry," he murmured, breathing into Melpomaen's ear.
Melpomaen turned his head to join his lips to Haldir's, reaching his hands around to clasp the other's buttocks, sliding along the silken skin.
"No hurry at all," he agreed as he ended the deep kiss and gave himself up to the ecstatic sensations. Haldir's loving touch was like a fire searing along each nerve of his body, healing even as it burned. He felt enveloped, cherished, and he embraced the knowledge that without this love, he would no longer wish to live as he had done before.
After a time Haldir turned his attention to the other ear, suckling the lobe and probing the canal with his warm tongue. He wrapped his right arm around Melpomaen's chest, grazing his thumbnail across the firm muscle, then pinching the nipple.
"Take care, meldanya," Melpomaen breathed, but the leap of his cock belied his words.
"I will always take care for you," Haldir told him, continuing the motion of both hands. "Does this not feel good?"
"Almost too good," was the response, and Haldir slowed his tempo.
"I would do anything to make you happy, love," he spoke into the dark hair that flowed down before him. "Anything."
"Take me then, Dír. Make me yours." Melpomaen leaned forward, bringing Haldir with him as he came to his hands and knees.
"Not that, not yet," and Haldir slipped through his legs to rest underneath him. He took his lover's hard organ into his mouth, relaxing his throat to envelop him as fully as possible. He used his tongue to stimulate Melpomaen even further, engulfing him with his own warm moisture.
Melpomaen bit his lip and clenched his hands into the blanket to hold back from reaching his climax right then. He drew Haldir's face gently away, saying, "If you continue that, I will spend now."
Haldir paused long enough to reply, "I want you to. I want to taste you on my lips and share that with you."
That idea excited Melpomaen, and as the gentle suction resumed, he let himself thrust deeply into Haldir's mouth, crying out with each motion, until at last he emptied his seed between his lover's eager lips. The flavor of it was acrid and salt on Haldir's tongue. He moved backward slightly and drew Melpomaen's hips down until they touched his own and he was able to kiss him, sharing the tangy moisture.
When they broke from that kiss, Haldir said, "That taste reminds me of how it is between us two: desirable and yet bitter, for all that cannot be."
Melpomaen looked into his eyes. "Let us not dwell on our troubles more tonight. For now we are here, together. Come now inside me and forget the future; we know not what yet might happen." He reached for the oil he had earlier set aside.
Haldir took the flask from him and poured a bit into his hand, spreading the fluid first on himself and then anointing Melpomaen's inviting aperture. Carefully restoppering the flask, he drew Melpomaen down to him and rolled them both over until the other lay underneath, smiling up at him in anticipation. He nudged Melpomaen's legs apart and upward, exposing him fully, then sank into him, leaning over to plunder his mouth.
Together they groaned at the delicious sensation and Haldir began to work himself in and out. With each thrust he enjoyed the tightness that embraced him. He shifted angles slightly until the ragged sound from Melpomaen's throat told him that he had found the most sensitive spot, then plunged more deeply as his lover's hips rose up to meet him.
Their earlier bout of lovemaking had taken the sharp edge from his need, and Haldir was able to restrain his passion from reaching its peak until the stimulation inside and out brought Melpomaen to a final erection as well.
"Ah, by the stars, Dír," he gasped. "You see what your love does to me?"
Haldir smiled to know the ecstasy he had caused. "And only you," he said throatily. "Now?"
"Yes, now!"
"Oh, Maen," he cried, and with a last shuddering thrust they climaxed as one.
"We will always be together, somehow," Haldir promised as they lay entangled in each other's arms, delightfully weary. "I vow that to you."
Melpomaen kissed him on the shoulder. "I believe you, meldanya. Somehow." But he did not yet speak all he thought: that if it would be impossible to indulge in such expressions of their love while rangers in Lórien, then they must take a different path.
Footnotes: (1) "My beloved." This word is in fact Quenya, and the Elves of Lórien speak Sindarin, of course, but I speculate that the term might have been adopted, rather like "petit chou" being used in English. (2) Yes, this is a paraphrase of Ruth 1:16-17. If that bothers you, I am surprised that you are reading this fic.