WHO: Harrison Exley & Eliza Weiss. WHEN: May 7th. WHERE: The Bellowes Inn. SUMMARY: A long overdo talk about things. Sort of. WARNINGS: Discussion of unplanned pregnancy.
Her mother was here. She was pregnant. There was the film.
Only one of those things was easy to focus on. So Eliza doubled down on the film, ignoring the idea that she might need to eventually tell someone in the crew that she was pregnant. Because she could get through this and put the film first because it was the experience, the break, the connections she needed to make. She had stayed late on set today and now she was busy writing down details in her journal as she was curled up on the bed, journal propped on her knees as she wrote.
Surprisingly, Harrison had actually read through all of the material that Euphemia had sent regarding other housing options. Then again, maybe it wasn’t that surprising. Reading things wasn’t the hard part. Decisions and discussion were the hurdles that he found difficult to clear. It was easy to passively do things though. Like forward all of Euphemia’s emails to Eliza while he was out on a coffee run.
As the key rattled in the lock and he pushed the door in, Harrison glanced over towards the bed. “Busy?”
“Notes.” Eliza answered, half paying attention as she finished sketching out a blocking diagram of one of the scenes they had filmed today. She didn't look up, expecting him to settle in as he always did.
He tossed a pastry bag her way. It bounced on the bed, landing near its intended target. “Notes.” Harrison repeated as he sat on the edge of the bed and took a sip of his too hot coffee.
“Thanks.” her hand snaked away from the notebook to grab the bag before curling back in. “Stuff from set.”
Apparently he might have to prod. Harrison hated this part. He stood and walked over to the rooms window before taking another burning hot sip of coffee. He let it sting for a moment before speaking again. “Just work stuff?”
“Yeah.” Eliza answered as she turned the page to start a new diagram. “I just got back maybe ten minutes ago.”
“Oh.” So she hadn’t seen it yet. Which meant he could keep prodding or just let it drop until she eventually looked at her email. For some reason the prospect of that ticking time bomb sitting unread in her phone didn’t appeal to him. “I forwarded you something.”
“Huh?” Eliza looked up curiously as her mind started to catch up with what he had just said. She looked to the phone at her side. He was watching her. Slowly Eliza set the notebook and pencil to the side and picked up her phone instead.
“Important?” she asked as she pressed her finger to unlock the screen.
“Yeah, I guess.” It was important but somehow a casual tone was easier. Maybe because it was always easier.
“Ok.” Eliza watched him for a moment before going back to her phone. Her email opened up and she clicked on the one at the top from him. There was a pause as she looked through the words. “Wait. These are houses.”
“It’s an idea,” Harrison shrugged and stared down at his coffee cup for a second as he spoke. “An investment or something, living here is going to get harder.” His eyes drifted back to Eliza as if he was uncertain if his last words were a statement or a question.
“That’s.” Her mind raced, her heart feeling a bit squeezed in her chest in that way that made it a little hard to breathe. “Harrison you can’t just buy a house.”
Except he could. Logically she knew he could. But it didn’t make sense that he could. “I mean. It’s a house.”
“Renting is an option too,” that felt less extreme, maybe it was better to focus on the less extreme. At least that was what he hoped. It was hard to read her expression, her tone. “An apartment, if that’s better?”
“Renting.” it was flat, an observation more than anything. She wasn’t sure why this was so hard. They had rented together before, technically. Eliza had moved in, she had paid rent, even if she knew her portion of the rent was nowhere near what Harrison’s was.
“Buying is like... staying here.” she answered slowly, her eyes slowly going up to his to try and read his expression. Not going back to LA. The idea that she’d have to stay here, that they’d have to stay here. It was starting to seem real and terrifying.
Harrison’s face rapidly displayed a series of emotions. Repulsion. Confusion. Amusement. “No. I don’t want to stay here. When you’re done filming we -- I could rent it out. Or sell it, I guess.” He took a step away from the window and shook his head as he set his coffee down on the nearest surface. “I don’t want to stay here,” he repeated.
She set her phone down on the bed, trying to make herself breathe. He didn’t want to stay here. Harrison had barely even wanted to come with her. They’d go back, go home. But what were they going back to? What was a life supposed to look like when everything was changing and it seemed like it was all their fault.
Slowly she stood up, stepping in and wrapping her arms around his middle to pull him close. He wrapped his arms around her, loosely at first and then tighter, before finally letting his head rest against hers.
“It’s just an idea.” He mumbled, a low deep tone.
“I know.” she answered against his chest. It felt easier to relax against him as his arms went tight. It was warm, enveloping, safe. She never felt like this anywhere else.
They were quiet for a moment. It felt almost uneasy.
“Is it what you want?” she lifted her head up enough to jostle his, looking up at him.
His head stayed stationary but his eyes drifted down to watch her as she spoke. It wasn’t really about wants anymore was it? More like needs. Or was that a whole other conversation? Harrison was silent for a second before he answered.
“I thought you might like it.” That was true enough. “I mean it’s fun here and everything but a kitchen might be nice and …” his gaze drifted towards the bathroom and back again. “Privacy might be good too.”
Towards the bathroom, towards her mother. Not that she didn’t understand. She did. It wasn’t just her mother, it was Savannah, it was everyone else. The crew was all supposed to be together though. To foster community. To make connections.
“I guess.” she agreed.
Buying something as big as a house didn’t seem like the sort of thing you did based upon an ‘I guess.’ So. He’d just have to try again, Harrison told himself. Phrase it another way.
“What do you want to do?” He might have meant about their current living arrangements, or it might have been a broader question than that.
I don’t know was at the tip of her tongue but that wouldn’t do anyone any good. Harrison was asking for solutions, even if she didn’t have any. “Moving out, it means being away from the crew.” she paused for a moment, wondering if leaving the hotel would look like her commitment was lower to the film.
She was a replaceable intern. Impressions mattered.
“We could wait,” Harrison suggested. “It doesn’t have to be right away.”
“Do you want to wait?” she asked. “You keep saying that I’d like it, or what I want.”
He didn’t know. And anyway -- “Because what you want is important.” More important, maybe.
Eliza reached up to press a hand to his cheek. There was a twist of confusion to her face, her nose wrinkling up. “So’s what you want.”
Harrison let his head tilt, let his cheek weigh heavily against her hand. His eyes slowly drifted shut, and then open again as he whispered. “I don’t know what I want.”
She breathed at that answer, because somehow it was comforting to know that neither of them had any idea what to do. They were on the same footing then at least. Her thumb trailed gently against his cheek. “All I know.” her voice pitched to match his whisper. “Is that I want to be with you. Wherever we are.”
He leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Well,” was it too soon to joke about this? “I think you’re kind of stuck with me now.”
A easy smile slipped out, her eyes fluttering closed just a moment at the kiss on her forehead. “I was stuck with you the moment I saw you.” she mused instead, her hand trailing up into his hair.
His smile matched hers, a relaxed echo. This time he kissed her nose. “Just think about it, okay? Renting, buying, whatever.”
“Okay.” she nodded just slightly, tilting her head up to catch his lips in a soft kiss. “Whatever. As long as it's with you.”
Harrison laughed. “Well,” he leaned down to place another soft kiss on her lips. “It might be awkward if you moved in with some other guy.”
Eliza playfully nipped at his lower lip. “You have to ask if you’re adding another guy.”
Harrison’s face dropped. It was a small shift but it was there as he slowly pulled back. Technically they were adding a third person, just in a different way. “You’d tell me if you didn’t want any of this…If you wanted to do something else.” It was a question but he’d phrased it as a statement, because the thought that she might not tell him wasn’t one that he wanted to entertain.
The drop in his face was unexpected, a chill running up her chest and up through her throat. Her hands fell to find his, hoping to keep that bit of connection even as he started to pull away. “You mean like...” her voice trailed off, the idea that this could all just be wiped away. It’d take an appointment, probably travel, but it could happen.
It’d be easier, it’d solve so many things and she wasn’t opposed to it really. Her fingers tightened around his. “I’d tell you.” she breathed, locking eyes with him.
It felt as though this required further explanation, more words, words that he couldn’t quite reach. Questions that he didn’t know how to ask. Harrison exhaled. This was big, this was the sort of thing that could breed resentment, that could ruin lives, and she’d said that he couldn’t ruin her life but …
When the words did come they were an almost confused whisper. “I just don’t want you to hate me.”
“Harrison.” She whispered, though there was a force to it despite how low her words were. Hands reached up to catch his face and hold him. “I love you. You didn't do this. We did this.”
He held perfectly still in her grasp, the brief flicker of insecurity slowly faded away as he stared back at her. “Say it in Russian.”
She smiled. “I love you. You didn't do this. We did this.” she repeated in Russian before slipping back to English. “You're mine, Harrison. Forever.”
“Forever,” he repeated with a soft smirk before leaning in to kiss her again.