WHO: Jules MacLaver WHEN: May 6, evening WHERE: Mitzi's Diner SUMMARY: Jules has dinner by herself: First Bite Prompt WARNINGS: Negative thoughts, weight and food-related self-body shaming, poor self-esteem, negative perception of body image.
Jules fiddled with the napkin nervously, looking around the diner half expecting people to be watching her, judging her as she sat alone in the booth. She kept glancing to the diet soda that was brought to her as she waited for her order. How many people thought that was a full calorie soda and judging her for it? Maybe she should have just had a regular soda, it tasted better, it always tasted better. Jules eyes focused on the condensation of the glass and the fizzing bubbles in the liquid. At least it took her attention from the hunger pangs in her stomach. She had done it to herself, another extreme push to try and eat healthy. It wasn’t healthy, it was just starving herself and that was how she was sitting here alone and ashamed she was ordering something. Food wasn’t the enemy, but today it felt like it.
Jules reached for her soda, took the straw in her mouth and sipped furiously. She had not had pop in weeks. It was such a relief to feel the fizz she craved. Now she was really wishing she had gone for something not diet. Refills. She could get a rootbeer next right? Or just a regular Coke. Fuck the diet. Jules drained over half the cup through the straw. That drink had been sitting there for a long time her eyeing it like it was forbidden fruit. It had been there before her order was taken as she had waited to decide. She had eyed it over her menu as she procrastinated on looking like she was ready to order. Debating the salad she knew she should have against the bacon cheeseburger she knew she wanted. The waitress had come by multiple times to check on to see if she was ready. It was ridiculous she had taken so long she had been coming here since forever. She knew the menu, she had had most of it.
As her food arrived she looked up at the waitress. “I’ll have another, can I have a rootbeer?” Jules found herself whispering the last word. ”Excuse me? What was it you wanted?” Jules cringed physically as her shoulders hunched. She should have just said it now people were probably looking because the waitress wanted clarification. “A rootbeer,” Jules said sheepishly. The waitress walked off, and Jules felt some relief.
Jules stared at bacon cheeseburger and side of onion rings in front of her. She felt herself slip down in her seat hoping to hide away from prying eyes. It was after dinner time. The place was quiet. Nobody was interested in her, she kept trying to tell herself. She played with her hair nervously, trying to hide her face with her hair as if that would do any good. She looked around herself nervously. Come on Jules nobody cares if you take a bite of this burger. Nobody is passing judgment. Nobody thinks you are too fat to eat this. Only you think your too fat to eat this. Jules received for her soda and finished it off. She just sat there staring at the burger. Eat it before it gets too cold.
The waitress startled her as she arrived her rootbeer. She sat up straighter, “Thanks.” She must look like a crazy person. She was the one acting weird and drawing attention to herself.
Jules finally picked it up the burger and had the first bite. Fuck that's delicious. She hoped she had no audibly had moaned. Fuck dieting this was too good to pass up.