Who: Adrian Battye and Jackson London When: 23 November, after Charms Where: Classroom What: A trap Rating/Warnings: Kind of sad still Status: Closed/Complete
Adrian felt better being back in class. It was a return to normality. It wasn't completely normal of course. Everything was wrong with Jackson. It had been clear reading the journals that Jackson was hurt - and broadcasting that he had been 'dumped'. It sounded harsh phrased that way, but he wasn't going to correct Jackson. If he needed to make Adrian the enemy, Adrian accepted it. Adrian had known there would be a price to pay when everything fell apart. He only needed to get through another day of classes, and then they would both have a long weekend with their families. It would be good, having that space. Jackson would have a chance to get over it a little more.
It probably took longer than it should have for Jackson to realize what had happened, but he got there. He had his moments of being slow but when he got past them and figured out that the combination of constant presence and fear may have provoked this, he clicked on the solution. Thankfully magic was working again and so classes were on and he could grab Adrian. Which he did. Not literally of course, but at the end of class he moved with uncharacteristic speed to the other boy’s side, looking at him quietly for a second before speaking.
“I owe you an apology…”
Adrian had not really wanted to face Jackson. The other boy would get over him well enough if he had time and space. Adrian just wanted to get through classes, and then to get home to his parents. He frowned at Jackson's words. "You don't. It's fine." He wanted it to be fine at least, eventually.
“But I do.” Jackson met Adrian’s eyes for a moment and shrugged. “I've known you and been best friends with you for over a decade. I should know…” A pause and he frowned, pondering phrasing. “I should know that you believe this is for me. That I'm better off.” Because he was pretty sure he had solved the actual reason for the break up, even if Adrian wasn't saying it.
Adrian nodded at Jackson's words. It was strange hearing them, but somewhat of a relief too. Maybe… given a little bit of time… they'd be friends again. Maybe it wasn't completely ruined. He wanted it to be true. "Yea, you will be."
Jackson smiled faintly. He was right in his guess then. He just had to take it a bit farther to make sure Adrian knew he was not intending to go anywhere. “I was wrong to force my presence on you when you were in the infirmary. I just… Worried.” He ran a hand through his hair thoughtfully. “Do you trust me?” Because this was his plan. He had to establish that first.
Adrian paused a little at the ghost of a smile. It was difficult not to respond to it. He nodded a little as Jackson spoke about the infirmary. "Everyone knows you were." Everyone had been smothering him and treating him as someone incapable of knowing what he wanted. Yes, everyone was worried. It didn't mean Adrian had to cater to all of their concerns when he was the one who was injured. It didn't mean… Adrian shook his head, dismissing that entire line of thought. "You meant well." Everyone did. Adrian didn't want it.
The question was harder to answer. He thought he did, but at the same time… he didn't quite know Jackson anymore it seemed. The dating had changed things and not all in good ways. Jackson didn't accept him the same way anymore. "It's fine." He just wanted to get back to his room now.
Jackson accepted that he'd messed up and that had been an issue as much as Adrian’s fears had been. Pondering proper ways to say what he wanted to say was important now. “I understand that you want space. You want to be by yourself a bit.” He lightly touched his friend’s cheek and smiled again. “You should know though that even if I sometimes am a complete idiot about taking hints, I'm not going anywhere.” His eyes fixed on Adrian’s. “If you need time to yourself, it's yours.” But he would be around when Adrian wanted him, and he would still want Adrian around.
It hadn't been a hint. Adrian had thought that he had been fairly clear, and everyone had ignored him. Jackson most of all. "Do you?" If he understood… then why was he touching Adrian's face like… Jackson didn't understand. But Adrian didn't want to hurt Jackson more, even if he did not seem to get it. "Thank you." The hope he'd briefly had faded again; friends apparently was not possible after all. Adrian had wanted… but no.
Jackson nodded. “I'm going to go now. When you want me around again…” He shrugged one shoulder. He could wait. He would wait. Adrian needed to get back to what was normal for him and then hopefully he would want Jackson again. He picked up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. “I'll see you soon? Or whenever?”
Adrian didn't like that Jackson still made it sound all about Adrian. But he nodded back. It was easier that way than trying to argue, to draw this out further. Easier than being around him and not… just easier.
“We’re friends?” Jackson could move back to more at some other point. Adrian accepted them as friends generally. They had time to re-progress. It would just take a bit.
Friends. The word drew Adrian's gaze back. "Can you do that?" It hadn't seemed like it to Adrian. It had seemed like… Adrian had lost Jackson entirely. That it would hurt Jackson more to be around him. Adrian felt uncomfortable just being around him.
“We've always been friends.” Jackson shrugged again. It was what they'd developed over years. He could use the time back in the friend area to figure out how to properly be Adrian's lover. It would take time. He could do it though. “I don't want to not be your friend.”
"Not always…" Jackson had gotten mad at him for using that word when they had been… Adrian had wanted to be, but had been corrected that he couldn't use friend when they were sleeping together. He was feeling as uncertain now as then. He wasn't sure he could follow what Jackson was going on about. But Adrian wanted to be friends; he didn't want to lose Jackson entirely he just… than again, maybe it would be better if Jackson didn't want to be friends… and leave Adrian to himself. "But if you're sure you can…"
“Always. Even if at some point we were more too.” Jackson ran his hand through his hair again and shook his head. “I can be your friend. I want to be.” His eyes moved to Adrian’s, hopeful. “I don't want to have messed things up between us. Our friendship is important to me.”
It was important to Adrian too. It was part of why he'd been so resistant to the whole boyfriend thing… what he'd feared… "Okay." It was easiest to just agree. To accept what Jackson was saying. Adrian could pretend they could be friends again. Maybe it would turn out to be true.
Jackson nodded. “Good.” Because it was. It was a step. He adjusted his bag on his shoulder and turned slightly toward the door. “I'm gonna grab lunch. You going?” Because they usually had done this together- heading down together even though they tended to go to their separate tables once they got there in the past. He could do that. It would be an attempt to be normal until he solved the appropriate change.
Adrian nodded again. "Yes…" This was what they used to do, right? They could pretend like it was normal. If Jackson could pretend like they were okay, Adrian could too. He could… he had to. This was what he'd said he wanted.
“Cool.” Jackson started to walk toward the Great Hall, keeping the same pace he always had with Adrian - slightly shortened steps to balance that the other was a good deal shorter than he. If he walked a tiny bit slower it was only because he was tired, he was sure. The worry about Adrian’s breathing could not be voiced and so he avoided it.
Adrian was slower, not just because of the lingering breathing issue but because of the fact that he had spent the better part of a week in the infirmary. He didn't realize Jackson cheated his steps - or that it was normal for him to do so. It was still taking most of Adrian's effort not to make his breathing issues audibly obvious. And took more energy to walk than normal too. He wanted to get to the tables quickly though. In the Great Hall he gave Jackson a tight smile that was supposed to mean 'catch you later' or something.
Jackson didn't like the tension in the smile, but he had said he was okay with friends. He had to act normal. “I'll see you,” he stated, adjusting his bag and smiling faintly. He didn't want to make his friend uncomfortable right now. He'd already made enough mistakes for the week. More than enough.