InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Insouciant."

james barnes (yourbucky) wrote in carpediem_rp,
@ 2015-09-30 14:04:00

Entry tags:

character: bucky barnes (dropped), character: ophelia sinclair, thread: complete

Who: Bucky and Lia
Where: The Great Hall
When: 29 September, lunchtime
What: Meeting for lunch
Rating: maybe some language because Bucky's got a mouth?

Ophelia had mentioned other students thought she was odd, for being quiet and not liking to touch people much. It was those same reasons that James found himself drawn to the girl. Her presence wasn't overwhelming, didn't demand or push for more than he could give. She'd been nothing but helpful to him since his arrival, but there hadn't been much he was able to do in return and nothing she'd been willing to ask for. Perhaps he felt a bit protective, because he could sense something ran a bit deeper that echoed with his own pain, though he was reluctant to pick at somebody else's wounds.

A few minutes early, he waited at the far end of the Slytherin table in the Great Hall with plenty of space between himself and anyone else, grateful (but guiltily so) that the chatter among students was much more hushed that day in light of the recent attack and death. Asking Lia to lunch had been impulsive, partially an attempt on putting himself out there more, easing himself back into socialization. He at least owed it to his former friends not to push them away by default, and Lia had indicated they used to get along well. So maybe there was something salvageable from that.

There wasn't much he knew about his former self, but just because those memories were gone to him, that didn't mean it worked both ways. Bucky was still in the minds of the people around him, and he had to start being more than just a ghost wearing the skin of somebody that should have died over a year ago.

He took a slow sip of water, trying to shake his exhaustion, wanting to be at least decent company for when Ophelia arrived.

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purevisions
2015-10-01 02:36 am UTC (link)

"Seen a lot." Because it was true. The worst part of her parents and the choices they made in their lashing out was that she'd seen all the horrific things they'd done in the past. "It's okay." Because to her it was. She would have to sleep later, let herself crash and sort of reset entirely, but she tended to be able to put it off until it was convenient. She would rest and be fine afterward, even if knowing what was in his mind hurt a little - he didn't deserve any of it.

"Used to secrets." Because she was. Bailey knew her life and so did Lae, but most people only knew tiny bits, if that. A thoughtful look and she sighed, her voice much lower. "My parents. Would've done that to make me normal." They'd tried a number of things to 'fix' her, from their perspective, but none of it had worked and eventually her brother started to protect her, diverting the attention from everything her parents thought was wrong with her. It hadn't stopped but they were more careful now at least.

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yourbucky
2015-10-01 09:05 pm UTC (link)

He was at least thankful that she didn't seem too visibly upset by the experience to want to get away from him, but didn't really want to consider what other things she'd seen that had let her take it so calmly. He certainly hadn't handled it well, but then there was a difference of experiencing things directly and just catching a glimpse. All he could really hope was that she hadn't seen anything too awful or too revealing. "You sure?" he frowned, more worried about her than himself.

It was a lot to ask for somebody to hold onto that burden for him, but he was relieved she seemed willing. "Done what?" he asked, with an edge of concern, still not really sure what she saw to draw comparisons but already beginning to dislike her parents if she was implying what he thought. "A lot of people have a... messed up idea of what's right. But that doesn't mean anything with you is wrong." He had to keep reminding himself of that as well, but the words rarely stuck. The list of all his flaws and mistakes still felt burnt into his soul, he didn't even need to hear them from anybody else now to feel them. "Nobody was trying to make me normal, though."

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purevisions
2015-10-01 09:17 pm UTC (link)

"I'm okay." Ophelia looked into his eyes and absently shrugged one shoulder. "Used to bad things." Because seeing what her parents had done in the past, the tortures and murders? She didn't like it but she had seen what they'd done to muggles in the past. Part of her wondered, given the fact that Bucky was muggleborn, if maybe the families she knew had anything to do with it all.

"Girl. Worthless to the family." That was a part of the many things they'd decided were wrong with her. She had long since accepted that she had not been wanted and the fact that she was a tiny girl and not another at least vaguely useful boy didn't help her case in the least. "Tried to curse the Sight out." Which failed. Her voice was very soft as she indicated that, and she looked down at the table. There had been other things too, but that was one of the many things she had dealt with at home.

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yourbucky
2015-10-01 10:30 pm UTC (link)

"That's bullshit," he huffed, picking at some of the food absently, "Families can't even exist without women." Gracie had mentioned facing hatred for her gender as well, and it frustrated him that there really wasn't much he could do to change things. For them, for himself. They were all stuck in a system that degraded them for nothing more than their existence. He was told he used to be overly protective, and he was beginning to understand why.

Hearing that even her own family had been the ones to hurt her felt so unfair, because that wasn't something that a child could escape or fight against. Family was supposed to be the ones that protected and supported you, not the ones that caused the pain. He had no idea what his own parents were like, what they thought of him, but he was glad they were no longer around to witness what he'd become.

"Sometimes I still feel like I deserved it," he admitted for only her to hear, biting into another berry. "Because I was too weak to stop it, ya know? And that maybe if I were pure..." he sighed, shaking his head, not wanting to excuse the actions. Feeling like it was his fault was what they did to him, the hatred of others and self they had forced upon him, and he needed to learn to escape that too. Otherwise he was letting them win, enforcing their ideals and bigotry.

"But look. We've survived this far, right? We're stronger than what was done to us." He gave her an encouraging smile, knowing words really weren't enough, but wanting her to feel less alone.

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purevisions
2015-10-01 10:42 pm UTC (link)

"Female doesn't carry name." While the bloodline would continue she knew that she couldn't carry on the Sinclair name. That was something reserved for Laertes. She traced a small circle on the table and glanced around quietly. This wasn't something she thought about all that often. Things were the way they were and she had no power to change them, even if she knew a way around it.

"Not your fault." She shook her head a tiny bit. "Can't help your blood." Because much like she and her brother, Bucky had no choice in the way he was born. He wasn't sick or frail like the Sinclair siblings, but his blood status was seen as a handicap to some. It wasn't something she regular noticed except in that she was pure and so she was much more accepted in her house.

"Strong." Her eyes flickered over him. "You always were." Because he had always been the one protecting those weaker than him and she could tell from his words and actions that that was not changed.

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yourbucky
2015-10-01 11:31 pm UTC (link)

It didn't seem that much of a problem to him if such a family's name died out, taking their ideas with them, but he knew that Lia had a brother... so what was the family even worried about? "Guess I'm lucky, being an orphan," he decided, watching her trace shapes against the table. He had very little attachment to his last name, to carrying on a family he didn't even know. At least he got to avoid all those expectations.

"There's a lot we can't help, but why should we feel like we ought to be any different than what we are?" Maybe it was good nobody had choice in those matters, even if sometimes he wished he wasn't born a wizard at all. Could have avoided all this entirely. "A name's just a name. If I had a kid," and he rolled his eyes, glad that rumor seemed to be dying down the last couple days after the attack on the school giving students more important things to focus on. "Well, I'd care more about making sure they were happy. That's far more important, isn't it? And your parents did a pretty shitty job at that." He didn't need to know details to know that much.

James laughed lightly, rubbing roughly at the dark circles under his eyes. "Nah, listen. I just fake it."

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purevisions
2015-10-01 11:47 pm UTC (link)

A faint smile and a shake of her head. "Some good families." Because she knew that even among the purebloods in the school some of them had pleasant home lives. She knew even her housemates in some cases were happy and relatively well adjusted. "Lae is family. Others don't matter." Because her brother really was the most important person in her life, hands down.

A thoughtful look at that idea. "Would want them happy too." Though she was relatively certain it was unlikely she would have a family of her own. Nico didn't want her and she didn't know of any other potential mates for her at this point. "Won't likely marry." Because once she was shunned by her future fiancé she doubted anyone would be stepping up to take his place in line. A small shrug was offered in regard to his statement about her parents doing a poor job making her life happy. "Lae makes up." Because he always looked out for her above anything else, and she adored him for it.

She shook her head at his assertion that he faked it, her eyes meeting his again. "You don't remember. You'll see." She tapped lightly over his chest. "Stronger than you think."

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yourbucky
2015-10-02 10:18 pm UTC (link)

"No?" he questioned, sounding slightly surprised at her admission to not getting married. He thought she had something arranged, but then maybe he wasn't remembering correctly. Or maybe it wasn't something she wanted, and then it was for the best if she found a way out of it, but her family didn't seem the type that would give her much choice in the matter. "You don't want to?" James didn't want to push too much for information if it was a difficult subject, but he was curious when she had previously stated otherwise.

Marriage really wasn't something in the cards for him at the moment, too far off in the future if at all, his own concerns with just getting through each day. He didn't think he'd make a very good partner, with all his issues and his past, but maybe he'd manage to pull himself together enough... even if that was awhile off. "I dunno, I'm trying," he smiled as she tapped at his chest, wishing he could feel the same amount of confidence in himself as she did.

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purevisions
2015-10-02 10:32 pm UTC (link)

"It'll be broken off." Ophelia's voice was no more than a whisper, and a tiny flicker of fear darted across her face just for a second. She knew that it wouldn't end well for her. Her parents would be very disapproving and she imagined it would not end very well for her. She nibbled another berry absently for a moment before motioning very slightly to Nico. "Him." Because that was who she was betrothed to. Not forever, but her parents had made it clear it was what they wanted.

She offered another small smile and shrugged one shoulder. She knew he would eventually figure out his place in the world, even if it was a new place now. "Trying is what matters." Her eyes flicked to his face and then she glanced around. "People care. Can tell you things. You matter." A long speech, yes, but she felt it was necessary.

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yourbucky
2015-10-03 03:37 am UTC (link)

He caught the flicker of fear, his eyes following her motion to Nico, sizing up the boy without trying to be too obvious. Not a student from their year, but maybe the one below. He didn't know his name, his reputation, anything about him to judge or assess how he thought about any of it. It wasn't his business at all, really. But he still felt concerned. "Is that what you want?"

The intention of inviting her to lunch was to make sure they both were eating, but very little was touched by either of them and so the whole thing was a bit of a failure, taking a bit deeper of a turn in subject than he intended. James looked down at the food again, not sure why his appetite was lacking.

"I know they do," he admitted, a bit intimidated by how much some people cared. "But it feels wrong." Like it wasn't meant for him. It was still hard to accept that he used to be anything good.

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purevisions
2015-10-03 12:10 pm UTC (link)

Ophelia looked down at the plate of food, picking up one bit to offer him before selecting a bit to eat herself. They had come to eat, after all. Was breaking the engagement what she wanted? Yes. Was it going to end well? No. She could handle it though. She would figure it all out. "Don't want to marry him." That was fact. Laertes didn't want her to either. He wanted her with someone better for her. "Just met him." It made no sense to her to pair her with someone she didn't know, someone she didn't really connect with.

"Not wrong. Just have to learn again why." Ophelia met his eyes and offered a tiny shrug. She knew that he was loved for being a good man, and she saw parts of that still shining through. "Good man. No matter what happened." Because she knew that whatever had happened seemed to push him into thinking he wasn't, and that was wrong.

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