Bruce Banner (live_green) wrote in carpediem_rp, @ 2016-01-10 18:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | character: bruce banner, character: tony stark, thread: complete |
Who: Tony and Bruce
Where: Bruce's home.
When: Back dated to December 26, Morning
What: Feelings.
Rating: None
Status: Closed/Completed
Tony,
I know you do not want to be doing anything this holiday season, but my door is open for you, unless it is the full moon. Though I am not sure how you will feel about it after you read his letter. I was unable to give you your Christmas present this year in person, though it is not a physical object.
My dear friend, for over a decade I have been in love, sometimes head over heels, with you. I don't know if this is a surprise to you or not. I have tried not to show it at all. For one, you are my best friend and I don't want anything to change between us. Secondly, I do have to think about Sadie. And lastly I have to think about what my disease could do to you. You could not see the what I saw in the boggart. Not only did I see myself hurting my daughter but I saw the wolf hurting you. I never want that to happen. There is also the fact that you could never have those same feelings for me.
I have to get this out, even if it is writing. So your Christmas present to me can be this, treat me the same way you always have. I would rather stay a wolf the rest of my life than lose your friendship.
I hope your son is doing well and you will stop in your experiments long enough to have rest and food. Until the new year, be well my friend.
Sincerely,
Bruce
-=-=-=-
Bruce hated waking up the morning after he turned. He felt sore and tired. Delilah was sleeping in a corner, no doubt worn out from having to keep Bruce, in his wolf form, happy. She was the only thing that Bruce trusted himself around when he turned. Going up stairs he noticed the letter he had written was gone. Well he must have sent it before going down stairs to change. He just hoped that it would not change anything between them. Tony would know his feelings and that would be that. There was no way that Tony would share those feelings.
After taking a shower and eating something Bruce felt human again. He let Delilah out for a bit in. He liked the warmer weather here than at the school. Standing outside with his coffee he watched as his dog chased a few animals back up their trees.
“Come on girl. Leave them alone.” He went back inside. He cleaned started on cleaning the kitchen. If Sadie happened to come in he didn’t want her to deal with all this.
Tony had spent a rather unique evening with his son and the rest of his family. He was glad Adrian had the Smiths, but Wallace was just like he remembered. Possibly worse, now that he was sober and not thinking of her as an easy lay. It had thrown him off a bit getting Bruce’s letter, and he did not mention it to anyone as yet. He had to figure out how he felt about it before he spoke to anyone else. The problem was he did not know how he felt about any of it. He had never really considered loving someone, or being loved. Well, aside from his son and Jarvis. He loved his son from pretty much the moment he had figured it out, and Jarvis was very much like a father to him, even with being an elf.
He went to Bruce’s house the next day, still pondering it all even though he had slept on it. He didn’t know what he was doing, and that was strange to him, but he still had to go. He had to figure it all out, and he would not be able to do that without seeing his friend.
Bruce finished up what little dishes there were and then did a once over of the counters. He considered sending an owl to see if Sadie was having fun at her mother’s. His ex-wife was not as caring as she used to be. He knew that she still loved her daughter but she gave more attention to her son.
He looked up when he heard Delilah barking. “Dee, hush.” But he saw Tony walking up to the house. “Dear God.” He groaned. This was not how he wanted to deal with this. He assumed that Tony would have throw the letter away and not bothered to even think about it. He went to open the door and Delilah ran out to greet Tony. “Dee, don’t attack him. Hello Tony. Merry Christmas, a day late.”
Tony nodded, giving a few moments of attention to the dog. What was he doing? His own father didn't even like him. Was he so desperate for connections that he'd take advantage of his best friend for it? Was he even doing that? He didn't know. He wasn't even certain he knew how to love someone in the way Bruce wanted. In the way Bruce loved him. He just didn't know.
“I…” A long pause and he looked at the doorframe, the wall, anyplace but at his friend. “I got your letter.”
Tony was usually just so sarcastic and threw quips out with the best of them, but he was surprisingly silent. Bruce just stood there his arms crossed and waited. His heart was going a mile a minute. He wished that his friend would say something, this was killing him and he really wanted to turn away and lock himself in his house wishing he had a time turner.
“I saw it was gone this morning.” Bruce said, swallowing hard around the lump of concrete in his throat. “You did not have to come here. A simple letter back would have been enough.” So he didn’t have to face his best friend when Tony turned him down. Why else was he not able to look at him?
Tony still didn't know what to say or think. It was an odd feeling for him and one he did not want to deal with. He had to say something. He had come here for a reason. He had to figure it out. Why did things have to be so stupidly complicated? And yet… Was it? He had watched his son with his best friend the day before. Watched the subtle touches, the stolen kisses, that showed their relationship developing. Would it be so wrong to try for the same?
“You know, my son has been with the London boy. The musician.” His voice was thoughtful. “They've apparently been best friends since they were six. And so I wonder to myself, is it a natural progression then, from friends to more? Just something that people should let happen?”
“I have noticed.” Bruce said, those he was not in the habit of spy on any of his students. He did notice the young love of most of his students and hoped they would not become disillusioned with love as they grew up. He listened to his friend as he talked. That was an interesting theory, but one that Bruce didn’t feel applied to him. He hoped it was not natural progression of things because then, to himself, it meant that his feelings were meaningless.
“If that is true, does it affect you? I told you in my letter that I cared for you, more than a friend, but you have yet to say that you don’t feel the same way or whether you reciprocate those same feelings.” He didn’t want to be so blunt but was Tony was doing a good job of just stalling for time. “I have been friends with others over the years, maybe not best friends, but I have not felt this same progression, as you call it, to want to be with them.”
Tony would have strongly disagreed with the idea that it being natural made it meaningless. Instead, he saw it as a strengthening of sorts. One wanted to be best friends with their lovers. It was the cliche that seemed to work best for most people. He had never considered it prior to now for himself, but he had never even considered being loved like this.
“It is best friends I'm referring to. There's a progression of depth of feeling.” Tony shrugged faintly and looked away for a moment, clearly deep in thought. “You know well enough that I've never looked for love. It's been one of those things… I never expected.” Because it was true. As he always said (to himself anyway) if his father couldn't even love him, why should someone else outside feel that way. He loved himself, sure, but that was different. “I think though… Those feelings are there. I'm just not very used to focusing on them. Ever.”
Maybe Bruce just saw it differently. While he was a chemist and potion maker he prefered to think of love as something that could not be explained, well the reason a person fell in love. Even Bruce was not sure what it was about Tony that made him love him. He was a sarcastic asshole that make life sometimes unbearable, but it was also for that reason that he could not see life without him.
“Yes. You have liked experiments too much, as have I. And maybe you are right, maybe being best friends did help this progression. I am not sure. I do not want to pressure you to think on something that you don’t want to.” He would not push Tony away. If he could never had him as lover he would want to keep him as a friend. “I just could not go another year without telling you. Maybe it was selfish to come out like that, what with your son and everything that has happened to him lately.”
Tony was much more analytical. Feelings had causes, both physical and logical- even if applying logic to feelings seemed strange. He was often ill tempered and easily frustrated, as well as having major issues with both keeping family around and friends- not that there was any family left now aside from his son. He didn't quite get where Bruce would fall for him but he supposed it was something to work with.
“Like I said, the feelings are there.” Dealing with them was a whole different story, but that he would ponder later, on his own. For now he wanted to see what Bruce did with this information. It was like another experiment.
Bruce swallowed quickly. Even though it was not a declaration of love, which was something that he had not expected, it was still something. Something that sent his heart beating just that much faster. “The feelings are there. Are you saying that you want to nurture those feelings and see what comes?” Just because he had the feelings didn’t mean he wanted to work on them.
Scratching his neck he motioned for Tony to follow him into the house. That gave him time to stop the shaking in his hands. Not a good sign. His nerves were so shot by this time and they had only begun talking. “I just want to know that, if, you want to see where this goes is it because of an experiment or you genuinely want to see?”
Tony was still thinking. The whole thing was entirely new. He had seen examples of romantic love, obviously, but it wasn't something he indulged in. It led to illogical behaviours and he could not condone that in anyone. It was Bruce though. If anyone could avoid that it would be them.
“Why does it have to be one or the other?” Tony raised an eyebrow slightly. He always genuinely wanted to see the results of his experiments. He would not do them if he wasn't interested. Bruce wasn't making sense at the moment and Tony was confused by that.
Feelings were just that, feelings. He didn’t want his feeling to be some sort of an experiment for Tony to analyze. Then again this was Tony. This was what he did. “I suppose it does not need to be.” Tony would never been that evil and lead him on, thought Bruce could not tell. He was putting himself out there right now.
“I just want to be sure that at the end of your experiment we are not hurt, nor do we hate each other.” Bruce voiced, because that was what he worried about. “I don’t want to lose you, Tony.”
Tony had no intention of being manipulative exactly. He just looked at most things as experiments and so it was hard to get himself out of that mindset. He didn’t want to hurt Bruce, though he also did not know what he was doing in regard to this and so he had to hope that he would not entirely screw something up along the way.