WHO: Raven Reyes, John Murphy WHEN: during the Age Plot WHERE: Murphy's townhouse WHAT: Raven first makes Murphy take her outside the gates, he tells her she's not with Finn anymore... she wants to get drunk. WARNINGS: Underage drinking and mild sexual situations. STATUS: gdoc, finished
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It was unexplainable how she was here. The Earth was uninhabitable and Raven was nearly 200,000 miles away from the planet to begin with. She was on the Ark, a space station orbiting around the Earth. It was a surreal feeling, waking up in another room and on a planet you never stepped foot on in your whole life.
Maybe Raven was able to process things a lot quicker than most, able to handle situations that would leave most debilitated because Raven was out the door as soon as she got her bearings. This was new. This was exciting.
And the first thing she wanted to do was explore beyond the boundaries of camp.
Nothing was going to stop her, not even some guy named Murphy. She never saw him before, didn’t even recognize his name, but apparently he knew her. Out of everything, that was the one thing that didn’t sit well in her chest. How could someone know you and not remember them? He even said she knew him. He must have been mistaken. He’d realize that as soon as he actually saw what she looked like.
Raven posted herself by the main gate, pacing back and forth. She paused every once in awhile to see if anyone was approaching her. A minute had probably gone by (but it felt a whole lot longer) when someone was coming into view. Her eyes squinted, slender brows knitting together.
She felt the edges of her lips curl into a smirk, a smug one at that. “Are you always this slow?”
Murphy had started to drink after Raven sent out the message about not knowing where she was. He was only one drink in when she said she was going out, so he put that aside. He didn’t want her to get hurt, especially if she didn’t have the life skills she had since getting to the ground. The kind of skills that would have gotten him shot by her at one point.
Her not knowing him hurt him a lot more than he thought it would. Sure, it would hurt that your friend didn’t recognize you. But it made his chest ache and his heart sink into his stomach. It felt worse than when he lost Emori, somehow. Which made him start to wonder a whole lot of other things-- things he shoved aside for a more important situation. More important than his feelings, Raven’s safety.
Murphy retrieved a gun from the armory and marched to the gate. He blinked several times, seeing Raven looking chipper. She had been sick recently, so for her to be up and about was good. His eyes went for her leg and noticed there wasn’t a brace. His chest felt tight. “I had to get this,” he said, patting the rifle.
Her eyes fell from his face and to the rifle he oh-so casually patted. “You don’t think maybe you’re being a little too dramatic,” Raven teased. Her age was pretty evident. Her eyes were bright and alive, not tired from the years of trying to survive on the ground. The same with her face, young and youthful. Yeah, she had her hardship on the Ark, but nothing comparable to her life on the ground. The life she had yet to experience.
She did look younger in the face. It wasn’t as if she looked old to him normally, just mature. Not so … fresh. Tiny.
“Let me guess, I don’t get a gun.” She had tilted her head to the side, watching him come closer and the space between them quickly closing. “Don’t forget you said you’d give me some booze, too.” Before he could answer Raven was spinning around on the heels of her boots. The gates were already opened partially, enough space for Raven to slip through. “Time to show me these monsters.”
He quickly followed her, answering her in order. “You don’t get a gun because I don’t know if you’d know how to use it,” he started off with. “And the booze isn’t going to happen anywhere near the monsters.” He sounded like Bellamy, it was gross.
Raven shot a look over her shoulder at him. “If you showed me how to use it then I’d know. I grasp things pretty quick.” Another smirk tugged at the edges of her lips “But you should already know that, huh?”
“Please stay with me,” his voice strained and slightly annoyed. He jogged a little to catch up with her, and tried to get ahead of her. “You don’t remember anything, do you?”
Raven wasn’t quiet about her annoyance, letting an audible sigh leave her chest. She rolled her eyes, head tilting back so her gaze could stare up at the sky. “I’d think you could see the Ark from down here,” she said idly before returning her attention back down to the ground. “I told you what I remembered.” Her stride quickened, bumping shoulders as she walked passed him.
“You have have to keep up with me,” She said without turning to look at him. Her arms rose away from her sides, stretching them out. On the heels of her boots Raven slowly whirled around. Everything was finally catching up to her. She was actually on the ground.
“The air smells better down here,” Raven said after a passing moment. “Doesn’t smell so...artificially? Clean?” It was hard to describe it. “LIke. I can smell the trees and the dirt. And it’s so goddamn green.”
For a second, Murphy smiled. He ducked his head to hide it. Joy was cute on her. And the fact that she wasn’t walking with a limp made him feel a little better and worse all at once. “Yeah, it smells nice down here.” That was all he could come up with? Murphy felt really stupid right then.
“I didn’t think to grab you a gun. I didn’t want you shooting your foot off.” He walked faster to keep up with her. “Hopefully we don’t see anything out here.”
Raven smirked, giving a sidelong look as he approached her side. “Teach me how to shoot a gun, then.” Finn had drifted to the back of her mind for now, her attention overcome the ground. She could feel dirt beneath the soles of her boots, listened to the wind that was a nice and gentle breeze. In that moment Raven forgot about the Ark, forgot about her Zero-G Mechanic exam. She kept herself in this moment.
Just then, a bush rustled. Murphy put a hand out to try and stop Raven from walking. Raven could feel her heart jump straight into her throat and instinctevely threw her arm across Murphy to keep him from walking. Before anything else could happen, a rabbit ran across the trail they walked down.
“Holy shit,” she breathed, releasing the tension that was building up in her chest. Her arm dropped and placed the palm of her hand over her face. “That was a rabbit, right,” her voice muffled under her palm. Slowly she wiped her face, arm dropping back down at her side. “Think I can get a gun now?” She swayed a little, lips sitting lopsided on her face when she smirked.
Murphy was still glaring at Raven for putting her arm out in front of him. “What? Yeah, a rabbit. Which I should have shot but I don’t want to alert anything else to us being out here when you’re being an idiot.” He stood in the spot they stopped in, not really wanting to move farther.
It was her turn to shoot a sharp glare at him. “I would have been fine on my own.” She had that fire behind her eyes now, igniting every time someone acted like she was incapable. “I probably aced the shit out of my Zero-G Mechanic Exam, Guy from the Skybox.” Raven turned to step over to him, poking him in the chest with her pointer finger. “I could be up there.” Raven paused to shoot that same finger up to the sky. “Being a Zero-G Mechanic because I busted my ass for it.” Slowly she pulled her arm away, fingers curling into her palm
“We can go back to camp and get wasted if you’d rather do that. It’d be much easier than getting mauled by creatures.” Murphy ignored her comment about a gun. Maybe it’d make them safer, but if she didn’t know how to use it, it’d be useless.
“Fine.” Raven knew she wasn’t going to win this fight. She’d let Murphy have this one. “Let’s go get wasted.” Her direction changed and started taking steps back toward the camp. She was a little behind him now, leaving him if he didn’t follow after her.
He knew the truth, that she wouldn’t be up in space. She would have had to come down eventually. If not when she did to check on the kids, then when the adults came down. Raven would return not so soon after and be stuck up there for six years with him and the others. But that was a boring story, one that she wouldn’t believe, and one that he didn’t want to tell.
Murphy followed behind her, a few steps behind. He gently rubbed the spot where she poked him. She poked hard. “So why do you think I’m lying about your future?”
Effortlessly, Raven spun on the heels of her boots so that she could walk backwards while looking at him while they spoke. “Because you still haven’t said anything that would make me think otherwise. Tell me something not a lot of people would know about me. Hell, say anything to make me know you’re not fucking around with me.”
Murphy thought about something he knew that no one else knew about her. It made him feel hollow when he couldn’t think of anything. Something did linger in his mind for a moment, something that he thought might freak her out.
“You like when people play with your hair. You have a ticklish spot on the small of your back…” Superficial things, but it still made Raven quiet. Only for a moment because her mouth opened as if she was going to say something. Before she could respond to anything else, he remembered, “Sinclair. He’s like your surrogate father.”
Raven’s lips pressed together. “How do you know any of that?” Her gaze sharpened, actually giving his face a hard and scrutinizing look. “You’re not fucking with me, are you?” The realization made her face soften and this is where her age shown. Soft and innocent.
“Is that why Finn isn’t right here and you are?” If Murphy was speaking the truth, that he was from some future where he knew here, then he would know why Finn continued to stay silent. “Tell me the truth.”
Murphy looked down at the rifle’s barrel and didn’t say anything for several moments, unsure of what to say. He didn’t know what Finn’s deal was. “I’m not fucking around. And I know it because I know you. Something happened and you regressed in age. In the future, we’re friends.” Maybe more? Shut up, Murphy. “Finn … isn’t in the picture much anymore, so maybe don’t bet all your money on that pony.”
Something inside of her chest dropped suddenly. Was it her heart? It felt like her heart. “Why would I be friends with you,” she asked, trying to keep her other questions at bay. The one she was dreading to ask, but even more the answer to those questions. Murphy didn’t sound all that enthused at the mention of Finn. “Isn’t in the picture with…” There was hesitation, it showed in her brown eyes, in the expression that sat on her face. “...me?”
“He’s here but I don’t think you two talk much. Something happened between you two.” Murphy rubbed the back of his neck nervously, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Can we go back to camp and talk about this? I don’t like being a sitting duck.”
Raven felt her jaw grow tight, locking in place that made her teeth clench together. She wanted to ask, but didn’t want to know the answer if it wasn’t going to be what she wanted to hear. Not like she wanted to hear her and her boyfriend weren’t on the best speaking terms in the future. “Yeah,” she said flatly, turning again on the heels of her boots; her back facing him again.
She looked so fucking sad, it almost made him flinch. “You’re happy, even if he’s not with you. As far as I can tell, you’re happy.” Murphy shrugged, forgetting the most important question she asked-- “And I don’t know why you’re friends with me. Because I’m here, I guess.” And Finn wasn’t.
He kept talking and Raven didn’t care to hear how she was supposedly happy without the person she loved the most, one of the few people she considered family. Her chest hurt, an ache she felt in her heart. Was Murphy the only one who spoke to her in his future? In their future?
Raven really didn’t have much else to say on the trek back to camp and only spoke up again once they slipped back through the gates. “Let’s get drunk.”
Murphy’s slouch was more pronounced than normal, as if he had something literally on his shoulders. He kept looking over at her and thought of saying something but just pursed his lips and stayed quiet.
Back inside the gate, he held up the gun. “I’m going to go put this back. I’m in townhouse 16, wait for me there. If it’s unlocked, go ahead inside. There might be a guy named Bellamy in there, but he’s harmless.”
“Don’t want me following you,” She asked, her tone flat. “I know where that is.” Nodding her head at the simple instructions Murphy rattled off. “I’ll wait for you on the porch or something.”
He paused, “Unless you want me to bring the drinks to you?” He thought to protect her older self’s secret from Bellamy. Even if they wouldn’t be doing anything together tonight.
“We can drink at your place,” Raven reassured him, should lifting and falling for a lazy shrug. “Doesn’t matter to me, really.” The space between them was growing as she started to head in the direction of the townhouses. “Least I can look forward to being happy in the future.” Raven turned to look at him, a pained and sarcastic smile sat on her face.
Murphy trudged back to where the guns were kept and replaced the rifle, glad he didn’t have to use it. He might as well have shot the rabbit, it would have made him feel just as bad as he felt now. He crushed Little Raven’s heart under his boot. It didn’t give him joy to tell her that Finn didn’t give a shit, it really didn’t. He just thought it would be better than her waiting around for him-- for however long this would last.
It wasn’t hard for Raven to find townhouse 16, they were all numbered and plotted in a simple way where she could navigate herself without being told any further instructions. She sat on the porch, just like she said, hunched over on its wooden steps.
Not even an entire day had passed and she felt like the solid ground was caving in on her. One second she was on the Ark, she remembered seeing Finn’s face. How happy he was with himself when he gave her his gift he made all on his own. Idly her fingers touched the metal raven. It was hidden beneath her shirt and she pulled it out, rolling it back and forth between her fingers.
The townhouse was unlocked, but he still saw Raven standing on the porch. “Go on in,” he shouted to her as he came closer.
Raven let go of the pendant, shooting a look at Murphy who was quickly approaching. A soft grunt passed her lips, hefting herself back up onto her feet. She was inside before he even reached the steps.
The layout was the same as the townhouse she appeared in, the furniture was different. They were even placed in different spots. Her room was painted. One on well someone painted a mural; it was beautiful and serene, full of stars and planets that burst across the wall. She sighed, letting herself drop down onto the couch. “Hope you have a lot of moonshine.”
Murphy was not too far behind her after she went into the house. He closed the door behind him and didn’t bother locking it. He wasn’t that he was trustworthy, he didn’t want to make Raven feel trapped. He didn’t take off his boots, either, just waved at her to follow him.
Raven didn’t get up right away. Brown eyes ticking after him, following his movements. Her attention did bounce back to the door, making a note that he had left it unlocked. Before he completely disappeared from her view she sat up again, pulling herself back up onto her legs.
He led her to his room-- which he left the door open for as well, and sat down on the floor. Underneath the bed was a half empty bottle of whiskey. “Everyone wants some for their selves around here and I was sneakier. We find it on supply runs.”
She stood by the door to his room, leaning her shoulder against the frame of it. “I know all about that,” Raven added, shouldering herself away from her door. “What’s that anyway? My mom likes to drink moonshine.” One bent knees she lowered herself to the ground, pretzeling her legs. “It taste like shit so I don’t know the appeal. But I can get behind getting drunk.”
“Yeah, my mom liked moonshine too,” said flatly, just a fact. He handed the bottle over to her, “This doesn’t taste very good either.” Murphy had a feeling that Raven would chug the bottle and he’d end up sleeping on the couch.
“Least we have that in common.” Raven wouldn’t push the subject more than it needed to go. Murphy didn’t sound too enthused mentioning his mother. She was smart and could assume the reasons why. They wouldn’t be correct, but not too far off. “Moms suck,” was the only thing she’d say about it.
She took the bottle, maybe a little too eagerly. She had her reasons and in her head they were pretty damn solid reasons to get drunk. The cap was twisted off, falling onto the floor with a soft clatter.
Murphy knew she was just drinking to distract her from Finn. He also knew he should discourage it. Part of him encouraged it because maybe she’d pass out and wake up the right age.
Raven wasn’t expecting to to taste all that good. The first sip burned, warming up her insides as it traveled down into her stomach. She winced, shaking her head to rid the bit that was left in back of her throat. That didn’t stop her from taking another generous sip. “I’m not usually like this,” she confessed, wiping the side of her mouth with the back of her hand. “It’s kind of stupid of me to think we’d last. Future me is happy, right?” She smiled, just as strained and weak as before. “I bet future me is pretty badass.”
He was happy she was starting to get it, even if it meant she’d be forcing that smile all night. “Future you is a badass who saved everyone multiple times. And yourself, you saved yourself.” Murphy reached for where she held the bottle and took it for himself. “I think you’re happy. You seem happy. Maybe not as much as you were, but things happen.”
“Before Finn stopped talking to me?” She didn’t have it in her to actually say that they had broken up. Raven hadn’t come to that part of her life just yet and if she said it then it would make it all too real.
Murphy took a long drink too, he figured he might as well. He tilted his head to the side, “You’re not… sad?” Was that a thing?
Her chest clenched, a vice grip around it. She felt her lip tremble, she had spent a good portion of their night trying to keep herself together the moment Murphy let her in on just why Finn was being quiet. “I’m fine.” There was a faint crack at the end, she quickly masked the quack in emotion by clearing her throat. Raven leaned over to take the bottle back into her possession.
“Never been better.” It was easier to just be sarcastic. That’s how you trick people into thinking your tough, right? She gulped down some more of that whiskey, still not used to the sting it left, but she really didn’t care. “I get taken away from the only thing that would have made me happy. My boyfriend isn’t my boyfriend in the future. And I’m stuck down here. Nah, I’m not sad.”
Raven was looking at the amber liquid, swirling the bottle around. It was hitting her, the alcohol. Things felt a little fuzzy in her head. It softened the sharp edges of her sadness. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to cry or anything.” She wanted to, though. She wanted to get up and cry in her room. It sat behind her eyes, hung so heavy.
She thrusted her arm out into the air, bottle clenched tightly. “Cheers to almost being a Zero-G Mechanic.” The bottle was lowered, the rim pressing onto her lips so she could take another swig.
Murphy watched the whole near-breakdown happen closely. He watched with big blue eyes and breathed out quietly through curvy lips. His face sat in a neutral position, trying not to set her off in any way. A look of pity might make her cry, a smirk would set her afire.
He held up an imaginary drink, “Cheers.” Murphy stopped at miming that he was drinking, instead just dropping his hand and ducking his head to look at her. “I’ve cried in front of you before. It’s no big deal. At least not while you’re drinking. I think you’re supposed to cry while you’re drinking.”
She kept herself from wobbling, looking up from the bottle. “Why did you cry in front of me? I don’t like it when people cry. It makes me feel weird,” Raven said very candidly. “My mom didn’t like it when I cried either.”
She looked like she might sway. “Get up in my bed,” he said pointing at the unmade mattress. “I’ll stay down here, don’t worry. Not trying anything.” He put both hands up in defense, to prove his point.
“I’d kick your ass if you tried anything.” Raven was keen to point that out. He didn’t need to suggest his bed again because Raven was hoisting herself into the air and somehow managing to keep the bottle in her hand. “I know it, Reyes,” was all he said in return as she got up. The name sparked a smile to sit lopsided on Raven’s face. “Damn right you do.”
Her steps were a little off, it wasn’t by much, but it was still noticeable. At least she didn’t have to walk too far because Raven was already sitting down at the edge, her legs dangling. “What happens if I’m stuck here? What if your future me doesn’t come back? Then what?”
He never answered her question about why he cried in front of her. He let it fade away when she asked a better question. ‘Better’ may be the wrong word for it. Murphy held out a hand to take the bottle from her. “Then I’m going to be all alone for sure.” Unless Bellamy decided to start poking at him the way he did on the Ark in their final days.
“I guess that makes the two of us.” She eyed his hand that was held out towards her and slowly her gaze drifted to the bottle she clutched so tightly. “Here.” Her arm shot out again, shoving the bottle to him. “But you said we’re friends. Maybe we can start over or something.” Raven shrugged, propping her elbows onto her knees so she could lean closer to him.
“The only friend I ever had was Finn so it’s nice to here that I at least can make other friends.” Every mention of Finn that came out of her mouth had started to hurt. It was before, but now the pain was getting sharper.
“You ever just feel so lost and alone?” Faintly she sniffled, using the back of her hand to wipe away the wetness that stained her cheek. She was feeling more lost, more alone, and scared. Raven grabbed the bottle, yanking it out of his hands if he held on. Another sip was taken, more generous that the others, it made her cheeks puff out a little. She audibly gulped, forcing the liquid down her throat.
Murphy didn’t want to admit to it, and probably wouldn’t have, were the circumstances different. But she was drunk and younger and he thought he might as well comfort her. “All the time.” He drew one knee up to rest his arm on, ready to be passed the bottle.
Alcohol was coursing through her bloodstream, it was starting to make her vision a little blurred. If she looked at Murphy long enough she’d see two of his faces. “Here,” she said, handing him the bottle. “you can have the rest.”
“We can be friends. In space you tried to get my girlfriend to take me back. Or … make me let her take me back. It was complicated.” He was starting to feel a little fuzzy himself, after drinking so much of the nearly empty bottle so fast. “And here, … here you taught me about the stars and was gonna start showing me how to fix cars.”
“Damn. I must have liked you a lot to care about that.” It was hard to believe that she’d make friends outside of Finn. Couldn’t really fathom it, actually. To her, Finn was her world. It rocked her off course when Murphy said that they weren’t together in whatever future he was in.
Saying that she liked him, past tense, made him drain the rest of the bottle. He retrieved the cap, replaced it, and sat the empty bottle among the dirty clothes on the floor.
She smiled at the mention of stars and helping him figure his way around an engine. “An automobile,” she said, sounding like she was correcting his terminology. A passing moment later and she let a sigh out from her chest. “You know you can sit next to me. You don’t need to sit on the floor.”
He sighed, thinking about sitting next to her. Were it any other night, they would be naked and writing against each other by now. “I’m okay on the floor.” Murphy pressed his forehead to his arm and looked away from her. Raven was quiet, intently examining how he sat, how he looked away from her. “Were we the kind of friends who didn’t sit next to each other,” she asked without really thinking about it.
“You should take up as much space as you can.” What if she stayed this way? Would he be able to convince her to like him again? He wouldn’t shoot her again, so there was that.
Instead of falling back onto the bed, Raven slowly lowered herself back down onto the floor. She leaned forward, pressing her palms onto the floor as she crawled herself over to him and took a seat directly next to him. “Were we these kind of friends?” Her finger pointing to their knees that now touched. “Were we knee touching friends?” Raven grinned dumbly, the kind that was weighed down by alcohol.
Murphy wasn’t always a nice guy and he usually didn’t have a little alcohol in his bloodstream. So he smirked when she pointed, “Yeah, we were that kind of friends. Or the crotch-touching type of friends, that would be more accurate to say.”
Instantly Raven snorted, pushing the back of her hand over her mouth in a feeble attempt to muffle the sound. “Did we really or do you wish we did,” she asked, brown eyes giving him a sidelong look.
He slipped his hand off his own knee and onto hers. “But I guess that’ll have to change. You still have to show me how to repair an engine, though.”
Her attention flitted to his hand, it was warm on her knee. “I’ll teach you how to repair an engine.” But her thoughts weren’t on engines or mechanical parts, he had set something into motion that made the gears in her head silently whirr around.
Against better judgement, because alcohol was good for that, Raven moved from her spot next to him. Moving hadn’t gone as smoothly as she probably imagined in her head, needing to grab his shoulders to stead herself as she settled herself directly onto his lap. She was turned to face him, legs bent and at his side (she may have forced him to shift in the way he was sitting). “Crotch touching. Let’s talk about that.”
Murphy sighed and moved along with her as she climbed into his lap. He somehow knew this was going to happen. Raven was predictable. It wasn’t a bad thing but he sometimes knew what she was going to say before she said it. Maybe he just was around her a lot lately.
Maybe Raven was predictable because she did another time too. Raven just didn’t know this is how she dealt with heartbreak. This is how she ignored the pain in her heart and just how god awful she felt. She needed that reassurance; she needed to know people still wanted her. The sad thing was it didn’t matter if it was just for sex.
He told himself he’d stop after a certain point had been reached. She was drunk. Then again, he was feeling a little more intoxicated as time went on. His hands settled on her behind, right below the small of her back. He sucked in a breath, “Talk about it? What’s there to say?”
She was straddling him now on his lap, wiggling herself even closer to him so their faces were closer, a whole lot closer. “I didn’t mean it literally, Murphy,” she mumbled softly, head tipping to the side to look into his face. Leaning even closer, Raven whispered into his ear, “You want me, right? That’s why you brought me into your room. That’s why we are here drinking.”
Wiggling. In his lap. It would be difficult to hide his feelings if she kept that up. Murphy laughed, maybe a little too loudly, louder than normal. Okay, he was drunk too, it was settling into his brain, pouring through his body. The abrupt laugh could be taken in so many ways and Raven’s drunk brain spiralled downward. Even if Murphy was slightly impaired, he didn’t want her to use him like this. It was okay before, but sometime along the line, it started to feel like less of her using him and more of her wanting him. “I wasn’t planning on anything, Raven.”
“This isn’t a joke.” Palms pressed onto his chest to push him back a little. “I’m being serious.”
He felt frozen for a second, uncomfortable with telling someone ‘no.’ Murphy had a complicated past with that word.
There was another part of him that didn’t want to reject her, that was fine with making her feel wanted. That wanted to comfort her. He shook his head, both trying to signal to her that he didn’t want to fuck her like this and to try and shake the thoughts away. “C’mon, you don’t want this.”
Fingers curled, gripping tightly at the material of his shirt. “You can’t tell me what I want.” Raven pulled him closer to her. “I want this,” she paused for a heartbeat of a second before adding, “I need this.” The hurt was evident in the way she was practically pleading to Murphy in much the same way she had come to Bellamy that night. She came with the intention of making Finn jealous; she came with the intention of making herself feel better. “I won’t tell anyone.” Her voice dropped to a whisper.
Murphy encircled her wrists, balled up in his shirt. He used a little bit of force to pull them away. “What about what I want, Raven?” He knew if this was any other time, maybe she’d understand. He tilted his head up to look into her eyes. His clear blue eyes pleading with her. “I want you, but not like this. And not for this reason.”
Raven was selfish; she didn’t care what he wanted. This isn’t about you, she thought bitterly to herself. She was the one hurting, she was the one who felt like she had just lost everything. She was down here and now she was nothing. She had nothing and now he was denying her of something that could have put a bandaid on her open wounds.
After pulling her hands away, he reached under her to grab her thighs and lift her up. He wriggled out from under her and went to stand. Murphy realized when he pulled her up, he was careful of her leg. Even if… it was just fine right now.
Her face was tight and eyes steeled, brown eyes turning black as coal. From his loose grip around her wrists, she yanked her arms back to free herself (not that he had his hands locked on her). They were placed onto his shoulder to hoist herself up into the air and ignoring that he was actually helping her up.
“Fine,” she spat out, taking a few stumbled steps toward the opened door. “Just forget I asked.” Rejection didn’t suit her, not at all. Warm tears were rolling down her cheeks by the time she went into the hallway, determined not to look back so he could see just how pathetically upset she let herself be. Navigating to the front door wasn’t as smoothly as when she first arrived on his porch. Her center of gravity was off kilter, and needed to lean against the wall a few times to get herself balanced again.
Murphy rushed after her and caught her leaning on the open door. He reached out to gather her up in his arms by the elbows. He held her in a bear hug, hoping she wouldn’t wiggle away. Or worse, punch him.
If her reflexes hadn’t been dulled (much like the rest of her) she would have twisted her way from his reach. Raven wanted to yell, she wanted to push him away, but he pulled her in too quick. The embrace was tight, the kind of hug that was meant to tether you back to the ground. She just wanted to be let go, wanted to float back up into space.
He gave her a moment before pulling back and looking at her face. Raven’s eyes wide and confused. Murphy let himself be a little selfish for the first time in awhile, since he got to this camp. Maybe it would make her feel better. He tilted his head down and kissed her gently, pushing apart her lips.
His lips were warm on hers, the kiss tasted like salty tears. Instinctively her eyelids closed, her hands reaching to grab fist fulls of his shirt. Murphy guided her lips open and she swept her tongue into his mouth. The kiss was needy, and drunken; Raven didn’t care. This felt good, it felt nice and that’s all she gave a damn about.
He wanted to kiss her, both because she was beautiful and because she was sad. A little bit for him, a little bit for her. For a few moments, he saw her crying and that was a first for him. Knowing she was drunk and vulnerable and younger made him feel like a creep but … a kiss would be fine. A kiss would be enough, he hoped.
Murphy leaned his head back and broke the kiss, but kept his face close to hers. “Are you feeling any better now?” Not as if he thought his kisses could bring back a good mood. Not as if he thought his kisses could cure.
Raven stayed still, Murphy was the only thing keeping her steady. “You ever lost someone you loved,” she asked, her face never shying away from his. “No,” Raven answered his question, “I’m not feeling better now.”
“Yeah, I have,” he snapped. He lost Emori, even if he caused it. And now he had lost Raven. “Let me walk you home, at least.” Murphy loosened his grip on her, but still held her up.
Knowing that a kiss didn’t make her feel better, he was sure if they had sex she would have felt terrible. He knew he made the right choice.
There was that daunting feeling of shame sat on her shoulders, it was so heavy that they sloped down. Defeated, maybe that was what she was feeling. Raven couldn’t decided because the alcohol was just making everything harder to understand. “Yeah,” she finally said, leaning onto him as he continued to hold her up. “You’re a better kisser than Finn,” she murmured softly.
Murphy moved her (as if she weighed nothing) to his side and slung an arm around her shoulder. “Put an arm around me.”
Begrudgingly, Raven did as she was told and slapped her arm around the back of his shoulders. “Like that,” she muttered, not bothering to even look at him.
He lead her out onto the porch and shut the door behind him with his free hand, leaning so that he didn’t have to let go of her. “I am, am I?” He smirked to himself, that was good to know. Raven didn’t compliment him often. “All right, you ready? Hang on.”
Her feet were dragging, her left one specifically, as he was leading her out onto the porch. The alcohol seemed to take more of an effect on her the moment she was up on her feet. Her vision was blurred and there was two of everything. “I am always ready.” There was a hitch between the syllables of the words that stumbled out of her mouth. “Don’t go too fast. The world is spinning.”
“You’re a lightweight,” he laughed. Murphy walked her slowly down the street, arm around her waist. “I wonder if you’re going to go back to normal,” he wondered aloud. “Or if you’ll remember any of this.” At one point he stopped and hoisted her up a little so that her arm flopped around him a little easier and he could hold her at his hip.
Raven’s body was jostled around, looking more like a fish flopping around out of water than anything else. “I get it already. You don’t want to deal with not-future-me. Don’t worry. I hope things go back to normal too.”
He got really quiet after that, wondering if any of this meant anything. If he should bother taking care of her. His friendships never lasted long. They were always out of convenience. Just so happen to be in the same place, at the same time. By the time he finished his thought, they were outside her townhouse. “Do you want me to take you in?”
And suddenly they approached her townhouse. Not hers, this was future Raven’s townhouse. She knew she didn’t belong here and it only made her feel more alone. “You don’t have to take care of me anymore. I got this.” Raven mustered up any soberness, that may have been hiding, to give her to coordination to climb up the porch steps.
Her arm slipped away from his shoulder, using his body to push off to give herself momentum to climb up the stairs. She had done so without tripping. “Maybe tomorrow you’ll get your Raven.”
“If I don’t, you can be my Raven.” Maybe it was the alcohol talking, he didn’t get that sappy.
Murphy shoved his hands in his pocket and pressed his lips together in a thin line. “Goodnight, maybe put a trash can beside your bed in case you need to hurl.” And he turned on his heel, put one foot in front of the other, and stumbled, sleep walked, home.