Brian Finkley (thefink) wrote in caged, @ 2013-10-18 18:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! 97-10, [ log ], brian finkley, oswald selwyn |
WHO: Brian and Oswald
WHEN: BACKDATED to 10/17
WHERE: Hallways
SUMMARY: Oswald is a martyr in the name of friendship.
RATING: PG
STATUS: Finished
Brian had a problem, but it wasn’t the worst one he could have. He had a hot date for Hogsmeade, but no idea what to do with her. Sure, there was the usual Hogsmeade staples, but what if they got bored of each other? What if she wanted to do something other than snog? Brian needed backup, he needed a partner he could bounce conversation off of if things got too stilted. He needed someone to help him without Brian having to actually ask for help. Thank Merlin for Oswald.
Brian walked up behind Oswald, grasping his shoulders briefly by way of greeting. “Right, you miserable bastard, I’m going to assume you haven’t bothered asking anyone to Hogsmeade yet. I’m having Tilly find someone for you,” he said happily, clearly not intending to give him a choice in the matter. “I can’t have you wandering around like a lost puppy while I’m with my girl. You’re welcome.”
Oswald flinched at Brian’s touch when he snuck up behind him; although that alone would have been enough to startle him out of his skin, the other Ravenclaw topped it off by informing him that he was setting him up. “What?” he asked. He whisked around to face his friend with an Oh-No-You-Wouldn’t-Go-There look of incredulity on his face, although this was quickly replaced by one of Oh-God-You-Would-Wouldn’t-You?
“Oh no. You can’t. I can’t.” Oswald said, looking horrified. There was no way this could possibly end well for anyone involved.
“You can. You will. It’s done.” It wasn’t done, but there was no reason to point that out. Brian couldn’t help but enjoy the sheer panic on Oswald’s face. “Don’t worry, she’s not a measly fourth year. I managed to find someone your own age, or close enough.” He was certain he had made that point clear enough to Tilly. “So go on, get your excuses out now before you have time to make one up.”
Brian already knew what was coming, but that didn’t stop a neurotic Oswald from beginning to ramble off his long list of excuses, “Brian, there is no girl here who would want to date me, and even if they did, I don’t have any money to take a girl out. I can’t tell a girl that!” His voice was a frenzied whisper. He spent a lot of time trying to make himself look less pathetic, and he didn’t need to ruin that for something so stupid as a double-date at Hogsmeade.
“Bloody hell, mate, have you seen the girls around here? Do you think I’d set you up with a needy one? You’re taking her on a date, you’re not in a relationship. Take her around the shops, let her buy her own things, carry her bags and all is set.” He hoped. Merlin, he hoped. Brian had barely been able to scrape up enough for apparating lessons, let alone buying all of Tilly’s things. Why was dating so complicated? Snogging was free, wasn’t that enough? Brian tried to keep his inner turmoil hidden, content to focus on Oswald’s panic.
“Now can you pretend to have any amount of self-confidence? You’re not the worst option and plenty of girls are desperate. You have hope!”
Brian’s reassurances were seemingly having the opposite effect on Oswald. “No, no, no. That wouldn’t be good enough. Don’t you think she’d notice if I can’t even buy her a single. Fucking. Butterbeer? She’ll know. And then she’ll tell everyone else. I’ll be the laughing stock of Ravenclaw.” Oswald fretted, looking as though his lip might start trembling at any moment.
“I don’t have any self-confidence,” he insisted. “If I’m not the worst option, then who fucking is?”
Brian hadn’t actually considered that money would be his main worry. Was he going to cry? Brian wasn’t sure whether to pat him on the shoulder or punch him. He was not about to deal with him crying. “I’ll loan you a note. It’s not charity, it’s thanks for making sure I don’t make Tilly regret going with me. You’re not trying to get her drunk, if she’s gulping down drinks she can buy her own.”
“Oh yes, that’s the spirit,” he said tiredly, shaking his head. “Longbottom? Coote? Pick your Claw. Or your Hufflepuff for that matter.”
Oswald shook his head firmly. “No, I can’t do that.” he said. Long ago, he’d made up his mind to never accept so much as a note, loan or no. In his mind, it was a slippery slope - not even once, he’d decided. He had to at least maintain a modicum of self-respect, even when he wasn’t finding very much in himself to respect at the moment. “And besides, I’m pretty sure just bringing me along would make Tilly regret going out with you. I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m scum.”
The smaller Ravenclaw took a deep breath and tried to steady his emotions, but it was difficult. “Okay, so it could be worse.” he agreed finally. “I still don’t think whoever she is is going to be happy about this. Who is it, anyway? I still think this is the worst idea since blast-ended skrewts.”
“Tilly has already agreed to it, so there is no use in trying to make that your excuse. You’re my friend, she has to tolerate my friends if I’m expected to tolerate hers. It’s that compromise bullshit people are always talking about.” Not that they were in a relationship, but if the snogging went well that could very well change. “I told you, it wouldn’t be a loan. Think of it as an early Christmas present if you have to.”
“She’ll be coming, won’t she? That right there already shows she’s game.” Hell, he should have known Oswald would ask for details. Brian didn’t have a name to give him, not yet. “It’s not the worst idea, not even close. Tilly is working on the details, but it’s someone who needed a date and now she has one. Have you seen how desperate people have been lately? This is really not the stretch you think it is.”
“What, are you dating now, outside of Hogsmeade?” Oswald asked Brian, when the other Ravenclaw mentioned having to tolerate one another’s friends. That statement sounded uncomfortably like his friend was making a commitment of some sort. Ew. He crossed his arms and stood by his earlier refusal, “Thanks, but I don’t need a Christmas present. If I agree to do this - this thing, whatever it is, will you stop offering?” He regretted his words even as they were coming out of his mouth, but right now, all he wanted was to draw attention away from the fact that he was bordering on being a charity case.
“Well, I’m glad to be the solution to some poor bird’s desperation,” Oswald muttered finally, defeated. He threw up his hands in resignation. “Whatever. But I’m not spending the entire day with her. I have stuff I need to do.” Oswald, of course, had nothing whatsoever to do with his Saturday, but he figured that the less time he spent with whoever it was, the less fodder he’d give her to mock him with later.
“Hell if I know,” he replied with a shrug, not too sure how this whole thing worked. He had no real desire to be in a proper relationship, but he wasn’t opposed to the perks of the whole thing. Besides, it wasn’t like there was a long line of people he was interested in going after. He could date Tilly, he was almost sure he’d be good at it. “No one needs a Christmas present. Are you trying to be the most sour person on earth? You’re giving Myrtle a run for her money. I promise that if you do this thing I will never suggest getting you a Christmas present ever again.”
“That’s the spirit! You’re practically a knight in shining armour.” Brian couldn’t help the self-satisfied smile that crossed his face. This battle was won. “Of course not, just for meals and the like. Who knows you might even enjoy yourself.” Unlikely, but possible. “Thanks, mate. I owe you one.”
Oswald returned Brian’s self-satisfied smile with a scowl that bordered on self-parody. “I still can’t believe you think this is going to work, but whatever. I’m going to thoroughly enjoy when I get to say, ‘I told you you so’ once everything gets fucked up and Tilly’s mad at you for weeks.” Oswald said. “Don’t thank me.”
He still couldn’t believe Brian had gotten him to agree to this, but soon enough, he imagined, Brian would wish he’d accepted his refusal. Oswald didn’t plan on making this ‘date’ go horribly on purpose, but he assumed that it would be awful enough on its own regardless of his help. Still, he had to admit, he was curious as to who the mystery girl was that Brian and Tilly had wrangled into this. He kept his curiosity to himself, however. He didn’t want Brian to think he was actually interested in this set-up in the least bit.
“I’m going to go scream into a pillow,” Oswald said finally. “Do you need to break any more bad news, or can I go now?”
“As long as you’re your usual rotten self and not your extra rotten self. I’d hate to think you’d try to throw me to the wolves. I’m just trying to get you snogged.” Well, that wasn’t his main goal, but if it happened all the better.
“I think I’ve caused you enough trauma for the day.”