sassy bad girl hannah (habbott) wrote in caged, @ 2013-08-10 22:06:00 |
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She knew she was going to be late for Herbology, but somehow she couldn't tear herself away. Hannah squeezed Daniel around the middle and pressed her cheek against his chest. "Why aren't you in Herbology?" she said softly. "Then I wouldn't have to go away from you." Hannah was never a really shy person, and being around Daniel had made her less and less shy the longer they stayed together. She felt comfortable around him in a new and special way. And she didn't like not being around him. "Just come with me," she said with a giggle. Daniel laughed gently, resting his chin on the top of her head. This was comfortable, more so than he’d expected it to be after only a month. He was doing well in classes--it helped that he only had four--and he was enjoying this new facet of his friendship with Hannah. “I think Sprout would notice I don’t belong there. And I think she’d rather you paid attention in class.” It was the most troublesome thing about trying to date during the school year. They only shared two classes, and that time spent together made him realize how much he missed her when they weren’t together. "We could take the places in the back," she said, looking up at him while letting his chin stay on the top of her head. She sighed and then let her eyes drop back to their normal position and she studied his front. She had been the one to first make her feelings clear, and now she had been waiting for Daniel to be the one to seal them with a kiss. It had been three weeks now and she thought it was high time for them to start kissing -- maybe snogging -- but sometimes she worried that he wasn't that interested in kissing her. She reached for his hand and squeezed it. "I'm going to be late," she said with a put upon sigh. Obviously, even though she really did need to go, she was in no hurry to extricate herself. He smiled gently at her proposition. He was quite certain that would only draw more of Professor Sprout’s attention, and while he didn’t much care for the subject, he liked their Head of House, and didn’t think she would appreciate him stealing away Hannah’s attention. Daniel squeezed her hand in return. He liked this, the feeling of her fingers entwined with his. Of course, he wanted more than just holding hands, but he could never seem to work up the nerve to kiss her when the opportunity arose. “Do you have to go right now?” "Yes," she said, nudging him with an elbow. "I'm already going to be at least a minute late. And I don't want to lose too many points for Hufflepuff you know." She sighed a bit sadly and leaned away from him, standing straighter and moving so that her head wasn't pinned by his chin. "I better go..." Daniel sighed, already feeling the absence of her warmth. It was a moment, an opportunity. And, as usual, he would hesitate just long enough that the moment would pass them by, and she would be off to class, and he’d be cursing himself once more for not having the nerve to do what he wanted to do. Telling her he fancied her had been difficult enough, and he’d only managed that because she said it first. At this rate, it’d be Christmas before they shared a kiss. “Oh, hell with it,” he muttered, pulling her close and leaning down to plant a kiss on her lips. Merlin, he just hoped he was doing it right. She had thought the moment would pass her by again, so when he pulled her back she was confused, but hopeful, and then when he kissed her everything was sweetness. She wrapped a hand around his back, not caring about the giggling Hufflepuffs in the corner of the common room. She focused only on Daniel. Hannah was so glad he had been the one to kiss her. And her happiness translated into the kiss, as she responded energetically. She didn't know if she was doing it right, but she knew that she liked it and she hoped that Daniel thought she was doing it right, too. The kiss didn't last long, however, because Hannah knew that if she let herself kiss him as long as she wanted then she really would never make it to Herbology. She slowly pulled away, her cheeks flushed. Daniel could not suppress the grin that spread across his cheeks as she pulled away. That had definitely been worth the wait. He had no idea why the hell he’d waited so long, and he really wished she didn’t have to leave. It was wonderful timing, and yet the worst timing. He cleared his throat, trying to ignore the heat rising in his cheeks. “So. I’ll, uh, see you after Herbology.” "Yeah," she said, squeezing his hand one last time. She laughed and covered her mouth with her free hand. "Okay, Danny. I'll see you then." She walked backwards, only letting go of his hand when she had to. She hoped Herbology went by fast. Even with McGonagall guiding her back to Hufflepuff, Hannah felt almost as though she couldn't find her way back to the common room. She didn't know that she wanted to go there. She'd been able to get away from Justin and Ernie from the sheer fact that she had been pulled out of class, but now she was going to have to face many friends who would want to know why Hannah was out of class, why she looked pinched, why she couldn't stop crying. "Thank you," she squeaked. McGonagall gave her a sympathetic look and nodded, slowly turning to walk back to her office. Hannah rested her hand on the door of Hufflepuff. She breathed in deep, and blew out ragged. Her mother was dead. They had to have the wrong person. But McGonagall had been so sure. Her eyes stung with tears. The dreadful message had come with directions: Her father would be coming before dinner and she needed to have her things ready to go back home with him. She finally went through the door to Hufflepuff, her strong face fading with every step. Daniel sat at a table in the corner of the common room, deep in the middle of a set of translations for Ancient Runes. He tried to do as much of his homework as he could manage while Hannah was in class so he could have excuses to avoid it and spend time with her instead. He set down his quill to clean his glasses, which probably didn’t need cleaning so much as he needed a moment of doing something that wasn’t his translations. Pushing them back up the bridge of his nose, he thought he was seeing things, or he’d just ruined his glasses instead of cleaning them. Because there was no way he’d gotten so caught up in the work that Herbology was over. “Hannah?” Hannah looked up when she heard her name. Her lips pushed out as she tried to hold them together. She knew as soon as she said another word that she would fall apart, and she wanted to hold off as long as she could. She took a step toward Danny with rapid blinks. Sobs hiccuped inside of her but she fought them down. If she didn't tell someone, it wasn't real. If she didn't tell someone, Mum was still alive. Daniel pushed his chair back from the table. So he wasn’t seeing things, Hannah was actually here. He glanced down at his wristwatch. Herbology wasn’t out. Something was wrong. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he rose from the chair, crossing around the table to close the distance between the two of them. He tried not to mind it, tried to push that dreadful feeling aside. All he could do was state the obvious. “You’re not in class.” She squinted her eyes closed and breathed through her nose. She opened her eyes to finally look at him. But she wouldn't let herself speak. So she nodded furiously at him and then dropped her bag, rushing to fill those last hand-widths between them. She threw herself at him, arms around his neck and her face pressed hard against his shoulder as she drew in a deep, ragged breath. Hannah squeezed him tight. She wanted to tell him what was happening, but she didn't dare. Her tears would invite more questions--not just from him, but everyone in the room. She just didn't know how she was going to tell Danny she was leaving him before she did and keep herself from crying. It took him a moment to close his arms around her. Something wasn’t just wrong. Whatever happened was incomprehensible. Daniel couldn’t understand how, in such a short time, he’d gone from his first kiss to his arms wrapped around his speechless girlfriend. He wanted desperately to comfort her but had no idea how, had no idea what was troubling her in the first place. He was pretty sure he didn’t want to know. He’d find out, sooner or later, but he didn’t want to ask. So he just held her, trying with all his might to be a rock for her. "She's--" Hannah made a coughing sort of noise against him. "Oh, Danny." She choked against him, clinging to him as though to keep herself together. "McGonagall--" She shuddered. "Mum is--" And that was all she could manage. No. Oh, God, no. Daniel drew his arms tighter around her. She didn’t have to finish the sentence. He could fill in the blanks. God knew there’d been enough death in the months since the Ministry acknowledged the return of You Know Who. His parents had been unable to shield him from the news, so readily available in the Prophet or whispered in the streets of Tinworth. Nothing could have prepared him for a moment like this. How was she not falling apart at the seams right now? “Oh, Hannah. I’m--” He drew a deep breath to steady himself. He didn’t know what to do. And it wasn’t the awkward sort of confusion of being in a new relationship. He’d never had to comfort someone like this. Doing this wrong would be so much worse than not knowing when to flatter or when to flirt. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. His chest ached, and he could feel tears pricking at his eyes. She was comforted by his embrace, leaning into it with another shuddering gasp. Hannah choked back another sob, unsuccessfully this time. Her lashes were heavy with tears and they pelted wet against his shirt. "She can't be," she said, her voice high and strangled. "We haven't had Christmas and--" It didn't make sense, what she was saying, and she knew it didn't. But she couldn't keep herself from being stupid. She felt fogged and muddled. Hannah clung to Daniel, her fists twisting his shirt like pinwheels. Daniel bit his lip. What could he say to that? He remembered the awful pain and confusion of Cedric’s death, scarcely more than a year ago. The loss of a friend and mentor had been incomprehensible to his fifteen year old self. He couldn’t imagine losing a parent. Resting his chin on her head, he looked around as he held her close. This wasn’t the place to do this. He’d gotten over their relationship beginning in the middle of the common room. But he didn’t want the rest of Hufflepuff to see this, to see how vulnerable she was. “D’you--” he cleared his throat, blinking away the sympathetic tears that threatened to fall. “D’you want to go somewhere?” "No," she choked. "I can't. I have to pack. Dad's coming and--" Even with those words, she clung to Daniel tighter. She knew she was making a spectacle of herself, but she was too far gone to actually care that she was. Instead, she just wanted the comfort of his touch and the chance to have a few spare moments before she was forced to gather her things and wait for her girlfriends to come into the room, trying to get strong enough to not fall apart when she told them why she'd been taken out of Herbology early. Daniel froze. His arms were still wrapped close around her but he couldn't feel her. He was numb, and ever more conscious of the beat of his heart. She had to pack... which could only mean one thing, one thing that made perfect sense but hadn't even entered into his mind until she said it. He felt the first tear fall from his eyes, but he was still frozen. "You're leaving," he said hollowly. It wasn't a question. He knew the answer, but he didn't know what else to say. He was lost in the thought that his girlfriend was grieving and he wouldn't be able to do anything for her if she wasn't here. She looked up at him, her forehead gently brushing his chin away. Her chin quivered as she managed an erratic, unsteady nod. "I have to," she managed before the tears started flowing once again. "There's things that I've..." Her shoulders hunched forward and she buried her face in his shoulder once again. Hannah didn't want to leave her friends like this. She wanted to be with them and have their comfort and help throughout this terrible situation. She didn't know what she was going to do without Ernie, Justin, Daniel and Susan at her beck and call as she tried to come to terms with everything. She sniffed as she suddenly realized something. "Danny," she said in a wavering voice. "You're crying." Hannah reached up and brushed his tear away. Daniel smiled bleakly as she looked up at him. Logically, he understood why she had to go. It still wasn't fair. None of this was fair. He sniffed and managed an almost playful smile as she wiped his tear away. Shouldn't he be the one brushing away her tears? "You started it." She managed a weak smile at that and then the tears started flowing again. "I better go," she said. "I better go. I've got to..." She clung to him tighter again and breathed deeply. Finally, at long last, Hannah loosened her grip around Daniel and took a step back. "Okay," she said. She chewed on her lip. "Write to me?" Her eyes were still watery but she didn't wipe them away, for fear that more would come to take their place. Daniel squeezed her closely, following her cue and not loosening his hold on her until he felt her grip relax. This was happening much too quickly. He didn’t want her to go, but he couldn’t exactly ask her to stay. He nodded slowly. It felt awkward not to smile or be sarcastic, as was his usual form, but he couldn’t. Not now. But of course he would write to her. He wondered, for a moment, just how long she’d be gone for, and just as quickly realized that he didn’t want to know the answer. His lips found hers, and he leaned into her. It was only their second kiss, but this one was much surer than the first, more fervent. He didn’t know how long she would be gone, and he wanted the last kiss he left her with to be more memorable than their first. More than that, it felt like the only thing to do, the only right thing he could do, and it was an impulse he followed without a thought. The kiss surprised her, and she shied away from it for a moment before kissing him limply. It wasn't that she didn't want to kiss him, it somehow felt wrong to kiss him in the midst of everything that was happening. She felt awkward for denying him, though, and took both of his hands in hers and squeezed them, a line of tears on either side of her face as she turned away to finally go to her dormitory and pack. She didn't want to say goodbye. If she didn't say goodbye, maybe she'd come back faster. Her hesitation worried him, but he tried not to think about it. Maybe it had been stupid of him to kiss her, now of all moments. But he couldn’t take it back, couldn’t apologize for it. His heart beat uncomfortably against his chest as he watched her turn away. Not knowing what to do had never felt so painful. His mouth was dry, and the words that came to his mind never passed his lips. Saying goodbye felt so permanent. He’d probably see her before she actually left. He would, he would see her one more time, they’d have a chance to say goodbye then. And they’d exchange owls until she came back. He just wished it didn’t all hurt so much. |