ernie macmillan, head boy. (puff enough for two.) (emacmillan) wrote in caged, @ 2013-09-19 09:22:00
Sus,
I am writing to you, as per your request. I do not know how effective it will be, given we chat nonstop through the journals (they were useful, after all) but I do want to honour your request.
First, I must preface this with an apology regarding the incident yesterday. It was an abuse of my power as Head Boy, and I apologise most profusely for losing my temper. I should not have given you that detention, never mind the fact that I retracted it at a later time. I suppose I was angry with many things and ultimately, I ended up taking it out on you. My subsequent conversation with Zacharias made me realise how pathetically I had behaved, and several things were brought to light in that conversation. Things that we already touched upon in our journal conversation, immediately following it, but it still makes me wonder. I never intended to make you unhappy or miserable, and I cannot apologise enough for it. I truly am sorry about being a git. I do not know why you put up with me, the way you do. You must truly be a saint in disguise, and I am inclined to believe it all the same.
On a similar note, should I ever put you in the same position again, please do let me know, because I do not ever want you to feel the same way again. I do not wish to abuse my badge in the same way again, and I do not think the reasons I provided for my actions were valid enough. It was a case of bruised ego, and it really is as simple as that. I may have said otherwise, but it was ultimately because of it. I am sorry I broke my promise, even if I retracted it later.
Admittedly, I was certain that our relationship had seen its end. I know relationships are not without problems, and every couple has its arguments, but regardless, it is what I thought. For quite some time, I was under the presumption that Zacharias was correct -- that it was only a matter of time before we ended things, because we have the same arguments followed by brief periods of reconciliation. However, I think we are capable of perseverance. I know it may seem as though I put my Head Boy position above you, but I absolutely do not. If I was ever forced to choose between the two, I would pick you. I just feel that it is important to hang on to my badge for as long as possible, in case things turn sour. With the loss of our wireless privileges, I do not know what else will be next, and to be frank, I am scared of what will be next. I think it is important to be on their good side now, especially since my outburst during the first Muggle Studies class.
But I do love you. And I do not care whether you are ready to say the same to me, or not. It is important that you know how I feel, in the off-chance that you forget our previous discussion. If time and situations permit, I would like to have dinner with you, in private. It is the closest we can get to a 'date' while on school grounds, anyway.