Eithne still wasn't sure whether to be relieved because Agrippa had agreed, or angry because this had been an issue at all. It wasn't as if she killed the man publicly in a square, or that she'd murdered some innocent man at all. Maybe she should have been happy not to have been locked up, that's what someone else might have felt right then. She still felt angry, as angry as she'd ever been. Not an angry child who was constantly wishing her purse was heavier, or that her stomach was fuller. Nor that of a young woman angry simply because she could be angry. But Eithne was angry, and was trying not to be so angry. calm though she might have appeared, it was in her eyes all the same. Angry. Not seething, but angry all the same. The calm sort of anger. Where she once might have struck out at someone, or something, Eithne wanted none of the feeling. She was tired, and uncomfortable in the uniform that was not her own. She did not know if she wanted to turn and walk to Eragos, or if she wanted to run at him and demand an apology for leaving her behind. She certainly didn't want to demand it, no, it should have been expected. Of course he still hadn't had an open chance to speak to her, but, she was still angry.
Because it still felt as it had days before, a week before? She couldn't tell time any longer. She couldn't tell if any of them would be willing to speak to each other. Vera and Eragos had parted with heated words, and Eithne had been left in tears. As much an open declaration of how she felt for her best friend as anything could have been. Whether Vera, Sleeping tiger, or Bahn could have put two and two together or not didn't matter to her. the fact was Eragos rode off without her, and Eithne had been left with a woman who loved the man that she loved, and a friend of his instead of with him. There were many things that Eithne would do for Eragos, and many things she'd already done. It was probably hypocritical of her to be so angry with him for his departure after she'd rode off willingly to try and arrest or murder his brother without him. She thought it was different all the same. Eragos had not rode off without her because he wanted to protect her from something. he'd rode off because he was angry with the woman he used to love, or did love. And that was another sore spot that Eithne didn't have a clear clue about.
Had he chosen her over the Lady Vera, or had he settled because the Lady Vera was unattainable? How could she even begin to think of such a thing, or begin to ask him about it? Did she want to know the truth? If he'd chosen her because he loved her more, that was all well and good but what if it was something else? Anger crossed her face when she turned and looked at Vera in that moment. Maybe it would have been easier for Eithne to feel normal if she hated Vera the way she used to hate Vera. Vera born into a House of gold. Vera the favorite rider of Captain Agrippa. Vera who was better with a weapon than Eithne was with anything besides her fists. That was jealousy, and here she could not be jealous of Vera. Because what did Vera really have?
A lot of dead family members, a father who hated her, and likely less of a life than she ever had before waiting at the end of this road. But it was the same for Eragos. Eithne had little to lose in this and yet here she was staring between them and trying to decide what she wanted to do more than anything. Did she just want to turn away from them all and focus on work, did she want to punch Eragos in the face for leaving her? Did she want to tell Vera everything that had happened recently so that the woman knew the truth? So she could stop feeling angry and guilty in equal measures? Was it simply what she had to bear, for now or forever?
"Staring sounds better." But that didn't mean she'd settle for it.