Yes, say yes. She kept thinking to herself. It was an easier answer. Saying yes meant that she really wasn't as sour as she was, saying yes was saying she was and would always be loyal to Fausten. Wouldn't she? She couldn't see herself going to war like men did. She personally spent most of her time dealing with more private affairs for the King.. at least, before Ithunvel died a year ago. A year, it felt so much longer. Ithunvel had filled the place in her heart that her parents had left empty. But Ithacles did not fill the place in her heart that Koe had left. Was she trying to replace him? No, the tender feelings she had had for Ithacles once.. Because she saw more in him then he did. Because she understood what it felt like to be trapped. He was trapped. His brother dead and his sister sure that he would be the next king and not let the responsibility fall on her shoulders.
She'd known Ithacles once. Ithacles who did not question. Ithacles who laughed and it filled everything else around him with happiness. Or had she just been trying to.. What had she been thinking? When did a certain amount of cruelty make up for everything good in her life? Was she truly as trapped as she felt?
"No." She whispered, a guilty thing. "I'm not happy. I haven't been happy. I owed Ithunvel my life and I didn't even want to have a life at first. My clan is dead, I haven't seen another dragon..since.. I was alone. And no one understood me. I was trapped. I want to be free. I want to leave this burden behind. Ithunvel is dead. I could not keep him alive forever. And now Ithacles suspects I'm not human, or elf. I can't stay." All of it was said only a hair above a whisper. She clung to him, but not so fiercely as she could have. Her strength, which she normally leaned on, seemed to blow away with the next stray breeze.
"I never did like leaving friends behind. But he can't know. I can't face another pair of eyes that fear me, or a face struck with horror. I did what I could for as long as I could but I can feel that.. It's been too long. I can't stay there much longer." And that, was sad. That was a fear she had.
She'd forgotten what it was like to be free. She didn't know what the outside world was like without the uniform, without being in the service of the king and crown.
"I just don't know what else is out there for me. I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one left."