Meredith Delany (band_chicka) wrote in btvsal, @ 2011-03-09 23:57:00 |
|
|||
Current location: | Avarice |
Current mood: | sad |
Entry tags: | deanna kiske, mere delany |
Angst Ahoy!
Who: Mere and Deanna
Where: Avarice
When: March 8th, Evening
Mere swung her legs from the booth that she was sitting in inside of Avarice. She had given Dee a call and told her to meet her at the club. They hadn't hung out in a while outside of Saints and Sinners when Dee worked, so Mere wanted a little girl time with her bestie. Wearing a more simple low cut purple blouse and a black mini skirt with knee high black boots, she was hanging out and sipping a cocktail while waiting for Dee to show up.
It wasn't like Deanna to be late. Like... ever. But hey. Tonight? She was. Deal with it. Wearing black jeans, high-heeled boots, and a red hoodie, the blonde walked in with a rare... emotionless look on her face. Her eyes looked a little red, but she put on a smile when she sat down next to Meredith. "Hey there..."
Mere tilted her head at Dee when she saw her. "Hey," she said softly. "Everything OK?" Dee definitely looked off.
"Nah, not really..." Dee admitted, never one to lie. "But it's ok. I'll be alright. Just... you asked me here to have fun, remember?"
"Kay...," Mere said, but knew that Dee wouldn't want to talk, at least not right away..."Wanna grad a drink then?" She snagged a passing waitress for Dee to put in an order.
"Yeah. Drinks... sound good. Lots of them." Dee hated being sad. Seriously. She wasn't the type to sulk and drink her problems away... but this was one that literally had no solution.
"Get my buddy a margarita to start with," Mere said to the waitress, who gave them a nod and headed back to the bar. "OK, please tell me what's going on. You've got Dee!sulk face going on, and that makes me sad."
"Mere... you're my best friend. The only person left in my life I feel like I can trust unconditionally. I don't wanna ruin that by babbling about stupid stuff I can't do anything about." She sighed, shaking her head as she... pretty much GULPED the drink down.
Mere sighed and reached across the table to squeeze her friend's hand. "Look, if you wanna talk, I'm here. If you wanna just get wasted and hang out, hey, I'm here for that, too, OK? Just remember that."
"It's love stuff. You're all happy with Brayden, and I just don't wanna bring you down WITH me, is all." Dee sighed again, before resting her chin on her hand. "Get me something stronger? MUCH stronger?"
When the waitress came by again, Mere told her to just bring a bottle of vodka with two shot glasses. GOOD vodka. "Look, you're my friend. Friends talk to each other when they're down, remember?" Mere pointed out.
"Look, Mere. I'm just an idiot, ok? I have a gorgeous, blonde sex-demon more or less wanting to devote herself to me... and I'm having to like... FORCE myself to feel happy." She groaned, closing her eyes. "And I don't like doing that."
"Look, if you're not feeling it, you can't force it," Mere admitted to her. "Tried that and kinda failed miserably and hurt a decent guy in the process. You need someone who rings your bell and you ring it for them right back, you know?"
"The problem is... only TWO people make me feel like that, and neither one loves me like I love them." Dee whined, resting her forehead against the bartop. "I just feel... pathetic."
"That's where the 'finding someone who is rung for you' part comes in," Mere pointed out. OK, so she knew that Dee loved her, and, if she wasn't with Bray, she'd be all over her. Hell, Bray had given her permission to 'date' Dee, but Mere also felt that Dee needed someone who could be COMPLETELY devoted to her, and, sadly, right now in her life, Mere just wasn't that person. "Tell me about the sex demon, then. You mean Eve, right?"
Dee just nodded. "She's beautiful. And... somewhere in there is a good, sweet girl. She shows it now and then in really unexpected ways. And I adore her. But... god, Meredith... she told me she can change form, and all I could think of was wanting her to look like you or Kayla." Dee blushed, unable to look Mere in the eyes. "I'm horrible."
"Well, you adore her, that's definitely a start," Mere said. "Look, you got completely shit on by Kayla, and didn't get what you deserved from her. You know I love you, but I'm as polygamous as it really gets. You need someone that loves ONLY you. Having her wear either of our faces ain't gonna help you move on and find love again. Eve sounds like she really cares about you...which kind of amazes me because I didn't realize succubi could do that. Still, just throw yourself into her for a while. See what happens. If it really doesn't work out, then there's not much you can do. At least then you can say you fully tried, though."
"I just... I kinda feel like you and Kayla are the only two people that make me feel alive." Dee finally admitted, before mumbling this last part. "And that make me WANT to be alive."
"Well, all I can tell ya is let Eve have a real chance at making you feel alive," Mere said with a sigh. Their vodka finally arrived and Mere poured them each a shot. "How about a toast? To you finding what you more than deserve."
"...I guess." Well, that wasn't exactly what Meredith likely wanted to hear. "How about a toast to drinking until I'm numb enough to not hurt anymore?"
"Only works for a night, darling," Mere said, drinking her vodka just the same. "Happy to drink with you." And keep an eye on you, she added silently.
"Can I ask you something, Mere?" Deanna asked, finding the strength to ask something she'd been wondering for months.
"Um...sure, go for it," Mere said, not terribly sure if she wanted to hear what this was.
"What's wrong with me? Why am I so... I dunno... why can't you or Kayla love me?" She asked, just staring at the bartop.
"There's NOTHING wrong with you," Mere said, taking both of Dee's hands into her and bringing them to her lips, kissing them. "I don't fucking know what's up with Kayla, I really don't. And I *do* love you. With all my damn heart. I just think you need someone who loves only you. At best you'd be part of a threesome with me, which while it would give me the best of everything, you deserve someone who is devoted to ONLY you, OK?"
"I guess I just wonder why she didnt want ME, but she wanted that guy, and Chloe. And why you 'love' me, but not enough to be with JUST me. And it eats away at me." Well, there was brutal honesty,, huh?
Mere slammed her head on the table. Sadly, she wasn't frustrated at Dee. She was frustrated at HERSELF right now for wanting them both equally. "If anything, it's something wrong with me for loving you both equally," she muttered into the table.
"At least at the end of the day you have someone you love. Lucky." She said, hating herself a little right now. Eve was beautiful, and a sweet person... and she WANTED to love her, she really did.
Mere sat up, brushing her hair out of her face. "Dee, I'm not sure what to tell you. I love you and you love me, but I also love Bray." She poured herself another shot and downed it. "Not sure what to make of all this."
"It's ok. I don't deserve you." Dee said, confidently. "Because I'm an asshole. Poor Eve... she's the demon... but I'M the monster."
"That's not true, you're not a monster," Mere said to her. "You can't control your heart or who it wants. Hell, that makes you all the more human, if anything."
"But... if I stay with her... does that make me bad? If I basically stay with her because she's better than being alone?" Dee asked, knowing that Mere was the ONLY person she'd ever be this honest with.
"Dee, I definitely believe that doesn't make you bad," Mere told her. "Honest and true, OK? Who knows? Maybe getting to know her more will make you grow to love her, which is still totally awesome." Plus, even though they didn't know it, Eve was pretty much betting on that.
"I think maybe I just need to disappear for a while. Lock myself up at home with nothing but a lot of booze and try to forget EVERYTHING." She said, in all serio0usness.
"That's not going to work, Dee," Mere said. "If anything, that will just make things worse. Just...try being with Eve some more. Take her out to dinner or something. Be with someone who is able to love only one person and not treat you like shit, OK?"
"I guess I can try." She muttered, all while the mun mumbled something sarcastic about 'yeah, being with Eve is just HELL, huh?'