Madison Barnes (brainy_btch) wrote in btvsal, @ 2011-01-03 07:38:00 |
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Current mood: | crushed |
Current music: | Aerosmith, "Cryin'" |
Entry tags: | maddie barnes-gunn, place: la, rachelle martin-bale |
Letting Go
Who: Maddie and Rachelle
Where: Rachelle and Neely's apartment
When: Sunday, January 2nd
Despite everything that had happened lately, Maddie still missed Rachelle to the point of desperation, which was why she made her way up to the apartment she shared with Neely, dressed in purple skin-tight jeans, black knee-high boots with a matching a tank-top and... a BMX jacket. She knocked on the door awkwardly and waited for an answer. Well. At least she wasn't shit-in-her-pants terrified of Neely anymore, should she answer the door...
Chelle, meanwhile, had been just sitting on the sofa, in baggy Steelers PJs and a tight white tanktop with no bra, fiddling with her bass, working on a song idea. When she heard the door, she yelled out. "Be right there... And if its my wife, forgetting her key again, I shall laugh mercilessly." She opened the door then... and smiled sweetly. "Maddie... H-Hi..."
"Hey Jugs," Maddie replied, unable to stop herself from taking in Rachelle's outfit. Wasn't it funny how rarely, if ever, that she actually said Rachelle's name? "Busy?"
"For you? Never. Come on in, sit that pretty little ass down." Oh dear. This probably shouldn't make her heart feel as heavy as it did, huh.
"Thanks." Maddie took off her jacket and draped it over a chair, before making herself good and comfortable on the couch. "Can I get a drink while you're up?" She grinned cheekily.
"Sure..." The redhead replied, seeming... a little nervous, as if something was on her mind that she wasn't talking about. She brought in a Coke for Maddie (since she wasn't supposed to have liquor around Chelle anymore) and handed it to her. "I've... um... missed ya."
"I've missed you too, you weirdo..." Maddie replied in a teasing tone, although she had a faint frown on her face. She'd have to be deaf and blind not to notice 'Chelle's mood, after all. She popped her drink and took a sip. "What's up?"
"Don't get mad?" She asked before continuing, "I kinda hate your boyfriend. Badly. Because I feel like he's keeping you from me." Yeah. Notice she didn't say from 'us'. Hm.
"...I'm here now, if you haven't noticed." Maddie replied, starting to get confused and frankly, a little annoyed, although she tried to hide it. It didn't occur to her that that wasn't what Rachelle meant.
"I mean that... Fuck. Ok... I love Neely. With all my heart. But I think I kinda love you TOO. And I'm ok with you havin' a boyfriend, because hell, *I* have a wife, right?" Ok, so she was babbling now. "But I hate knowing I can never... you know... again."
Maddie sighed and stood up, doing a astonishingly Neely-like thing by pacing with her anger. "...Even if Gunn wasn't in the picture, I don't think that I could be a third wheel to you two again."
"I get that. Seriously. I just... GAH. I didn't think I'd start falling for you." She admitted, sighing. "Fuck my life."
Maddie looked at Rachelle sharply when she said that, her eyes widening... but she was quick to turn her back to her. "Why are you telling me this?" She asked with a clear tremor in her voice.
"Because you deserve to know. That you're one of the most amazing women I've ever met. That you're the first and ONLY person who's EVER made me almost sad that I'm married." She sighed, trying not to cry. "You don't KNOW how I wish I could have you both."
Maddie brought the pads of her fingers up to wipe at her eyes, trying DESPERATELY not to cry. "You shouldn't have said anything. ...It was easier to pretend that you didn't care about me like that. All I'm good for is a laugh and a fuck, right? Say THAT."
"That's my point. I didn't want you to EVER think that. You're extraordinary, Maddie. And one of my two best friends in the world. You're just... amazing." Chelle sunk into her seat, a few sobs escaping. "Please don't let him keep you from me?"
The brunette lowered and shook her head, trying to focus on her breathing right now. It felt as if the world was spinning out of control... if only Superman was real. He knew how to turn back time. "…I don't know what to say," she said after a long minute.
"There's nothing to say. You can't be my girl... But you CAN be my bestie. I can't NOT have you in my life, Maddie. I'd be lost." Awwwr.
Maddie went over to the window and looked at her reflection in it. It, much like her heart, appeared to be split in half. "Do me a favor, will you?" She wet her lips. "...Get me a beer?"
"One condition." She sighed. "Kiss me? One last time?" Oh god, when was Chelle ever this, well... GIRLIE?
Maddie sighed and let that request sink in for a moment before finally turning and facing Rachelle again, giving her a brief nod. "C'mere."
Chelle let the tears fall freely, as she grabbed Maddie, giving her a tender, heartbreaking kiss, letting her tongue longingly explore the girl's mouth one more time. "He better be damn good to you, girl. Or I swear I'll have Neely tear his fuckin' throat out."
Maddie set her hands on Rachelle's hips and when the redhead broke the kiss, she hesitated, but was quick to look down again. "He's a good man," she croaked.
"He better be. Because I think even NEELY kinda liked you. And not just in the 'wants to fuck you' way." Great. Lovely, Chelle.
"You always had a way with words." Maddie chuckled weakly and shook her head. "Anyway. I'm gonna go."
"You can't stay? Hang out with me?" Chelle asked, that bottom lip jutting out. "You can't say no to these boobs."
"That's kinda the problem," Maddie sighed, feeling like she was in an infinite loop here.
"Well, fucking get over that shit. We're fucking retarded for each other. I get it. But neither one of us wanna leave the person we're with. So... suck it up and be my buddy again." Well. The infinite wisdom of Rachelle Martin-Bale, hmm?
She'd tried to stay strong, but the tears started coming now. "I can't. I can't STAND to be in the same room and not touch you in some way and the fucking TWISTED thing is: I want you MORE than him. And if I leave him, what am I left with? A fucking gaping hole where my heart used to be and a friend that I love WAY too much married to someone else." Epic rant is epic. "So no. I can't stay."
"So...am I losing you?" Chelle asked, her voice breaking slightly.
"The way I figure it, I could lose you. Forget you. And try to get something really good going with Gunn... Or I dump him and try to find someone that I love more than you." Gee, that was nice.
"Oh." Chelle said, seeing what she meant. "I'll never forget you, Maddie. And... I'll always love ya. Dipshit."
"See ya, Jugs." Maddie gave her a sad smile and left in such a hurry that she left her jacket behind. It was only once she left the building that she truly let the tears start to flow, streaking down her face.
"Oh god..." Rachelle collapsed on the sofa, sobbing, hoping Neely would be back soon to comfort her.