Michaela Barnes (michaela_barnes) wrote in btvsal, @ 2010-08-06 14:39:00 |
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Current mood: | numb |
Entry tags: | deanna kiske, kayla barnes, place: la |
Broken Promises
Who: Deanna and Kayla
When: August 5th, Around 1am
Where: Deanna's Apartment
After her 'discussion' with Mere (which was basically Mere talking AT her, let's face it), Kayla had decided to blow off some steam on a few newborn vampires. Then... got in Catherine's face, just a tad. Catherine had calmed her down, of course. By force. She'd said in no uncertain terms that Kayla needed to talk out her issues, that she needed to work on her anger. Which was something that the tattooed beauty was still mulling over when she walked in the front door, still clad in her gym clothes from earlier that day. Sweaty and sore. She had some dried blood on her knuckles and purple-ish bruises were on her wrist and the back of her neck, although they already had the yellow-ish tint that showed that they were already healing. She didn't think that Deanna would be awake but at the same time she wasn't quiet, either.
Deanna? Asleep? Please. The blonde dancer had been so upset over Kayla's recent... attitude change that she'd barely slept in a week. When Kayla walked in, Dee was curled up on the sofa, reading a magazine, clad in a black nightie and purple bathrobe. She looked up with tired, worried eyes when the Slayer stomped in.
"Hi, baby..." She said, her voice full of love yet also with tiredness and worry.
"Hi," Kayla murmured, hardly able to look Deanna in the eyes, she was that ashamed. "I, uh... I'm going to have a shower," she added after a moment, for a lack of anything better to say. She didn't wait for a response from Deanna and instead went into the bathroom to do have said shower.
"Oh. Um... o-ok..." Dee said with utter defeat, knowing that in the past? She'd have said something sweet or invited her to join her. "Um... want.. want some company? I sorta need one too..." Ok, so she didn't. At all, actually. But she was trying, ok?
Kayla paused at the doorway and lowered her head as she toed out of her boots. "No... No, I'll only be a minute." What she really wanted was to feel clean again. Normal again. Something inside her just... wasn't working right and for the life of her, she didn't know how to fix it.
When the slayer walked away... Dee broke. She dropped her magazine and just silently cried into her hands, wondering if this was really it. Had Kayla stopped loving her? Was something wrong with HER, perhaps?
She had no answers. She merely sat there, trying to stop crying before the other girl came back out.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Kayla peeled out of her sweaty gym clothes and tossed them into the washing basket before stepping into the shower, running the water on cold. She scrubbed the blood from her hands and quietly soaped herself clean, letting everything Mere and Catherine had said work through her brain.
A few minutes later she stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and went to the bedroom to change, coming back out a moment later in loose-fitting jeans and a black hoodie. Without a word, she sat down on the armrest opposite Deanna with her feet on the couch cushions, facing the blonde.
"Kayla?"
Oh no. She hated this. She didn't even WANT to do this... but she knew she had a right to, and NEEDED to, even.
"I... I know you've been through a lot. But I'm not the enemy. The whole time you were out of it, I stayed by your side every moment the hospital would let me. EVERY MOMENT. I've tried to be here for you... but you keep acting like I'm just... in your way. Even when we make love, you seem like you're not even there, like you're busy thinking about something else. And I wanna know WHY. Is it... is it me? Are you not in love with me anymore?"
"I will always love you. Always," Kayla replied. Uh-oh.That wasn't the best way to start a response, was it?
The Slayer clenched her jaw and looked away, feeling tears start to sting her eyes. "But If I don't leave now, I could hurt you more than I already have and I don't know if I could live with myself if I did that. It's hard enough just looking in the mirror and not want to smash it into a million pieces as it is."
"You-You're leaving me?" Deanna asked, her voice cracking in much the same way her heart was. "This isn't some... some 'I'll-be-back-in-a-few-weeks' thing, is it? You're... leaving me. For good." She felt the tears forming in her eyes, her heart sinking to her feet.
Kayla brushed a stray tear from her cheek and shook her head slowly."I haven't been right. Up here." She scrunched a hand through her short hair with a frown. "I'm angry all the time. SO angry. If I don't... find a way to control it, I could seriously hurt you and that's the last thing I ever, EVER want to do."
"Oh god." Deanna whimpered, absently clutching her chest, where her heart would be. "I... I can't hear this. I can't."
She got up, running off for the bedroom. From the shuffling noise, she was clearly getting dressed. She emerged a few moments later in jeans and a midriff tee, hair messily pulled back in a ponytail.
"I... I have to get out. I can't look at you right now, Kayla. I tried so hard... I loved you with everything I had, and all I asked of you is not to break my heart. YOU PROMISED ME. And you did it anyway. Take your time packing. I won't be home tonight."
Kayla got up off the couch when Deanna returned from the bedroom and tried reaching for the blonde's hand.
"Wait. Please. You have to understand. I can't... I'm doing it FOR you, baby. Please understand that. Please," Kayla managed to get out between sobs.
"You're breaking my heart... for me." Deanna asked, looking as confused as she felt. "I gave you my everything, Kayla. If this is for me... don't do me anymore favors. I love you. I always WILL. But I'm done being everybody's doormat."
"You're not a doormat," Kayla replied, looking down again as she felt her arms tense, as she felt that rage building again. She looked up, this time trying to meet Deanna's eyes, "I'm sorry."
"Not as sorry as I am. I thought I found my soulmate. Maybe that was stupid of me. I... I seriously can't do this right now. If you want to talk sometime... you certainly know where I'll be. Either here... or taking my clothes off for money. Seems to be all I'm good for."
She stormed out, slamming the door behind her as she left.
Kayla scrunched a hand through her hair and let out an agonised cry. She paced, trying to think of anything that would calm her down but when she came to the bathroom and saw her own reflection in the mirror... she punched the glass, shattering it into a hundred tiny fragments and then collapsed on the floor, drawing her knees toher chest and wrapping her arms around them, she started to sob loudly.