Patience Kowalski (eternalpatience) wrote in btvsal, @ 2009-08-30 17:16:00 |
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Current location: | Chloe's Sugar Shack |
Entry tags: | pat mcconnell, patience kowalski, place: la |
The need to protect
Who: Patience and Pat
Where: The Sugar Shack
When: Sunday afternoon
Patience had arrived at Chloe's Sugar Shack just in time to see her brother part ways with an energetic blonde who DEFINITELY didn't look a thing like Buffy. She shrugged and decided the girl was probably just a waitress or something and that her brother had more important things to do right now than be interrogated by his big sister about his love life. Well, she was happy. She was getting married and was it so awful for her to want her brother to find the same kind of happiness? Yeah, maybe she didn't like the idea of him dating Buffy, but if it was what he really wanted, she wasn't going to pitch a fit. Not until...or IF...it went south. She'd called Pat on her way over and told him to meet her for lunch and as she sat down in one of the booths, she pulled a pen from her purse and started scribbling notes on a paper napkin. Was she obsessed with the wedding? To put it lightly, yes.
Pat wasn't entirely sure what Patience had been out all morning doing, but he was fairly certain it had to do with the wedding. She was becoming obsessed with it, but luckily for him, he found it to be probably the funniest thing ever. Still, he rushed to the Sugar Shack when he got Patience's call, throwing on his Sox jersey and a pair of jeans with a red bandanna around his head. As he walked in, he saw her sitting there writing away, and held back a smirk as he walked over to her. "Do I need to ask what you're doing?"
"Nope!" was all that she replied as she hastily finished scratching down details on some plan she had going in her mind and then folded up her napkin and tucked it inside her bag. With a mischievous little grin, she leaned over and kissed his lips, lingering there before dropping back down into her seat. "I am SO craving a milkshake. And don't even say it. I probably shouldn't have used the word CRAVING. But. God, what I wouldn't do for one right now."
"Sweet Lord. Please tell me that craving is just a random thing." He looked at her with mock horror, before raising an eyebrow. "You... have the look of someone who's either doing something they shouldn't be doing, or of someone who was just sneaking around. Something you need to tell me?"
"Sweet Lord, if you manage to knock me up now, I might just find a way to shove the kid up your ass for nine months and let YOU carry it. I'm living proof that ANYTHING is possible." Her smile grew wider, but nothing could dim the sparkle in her eyes. "I really have NO idea what you're talking about, by the way. You say that like I'm not the most innocent, wonderful, loving, tender, caring - did I mention innocent? - woman you've ever met!"
"You're about as innocent as OJ Simpson." He said, leaving it at that. Then it hit him. Where he'd seen that look before. "You were spying on your brother." Notice he didnt even ask. Nope... that was a stone-cold accusation.
"Patrick McConnell!" Her gasp of outrage sounded a hundred percent real. "I am as pure as the freshly driven snow." Riiight. God, she was so going to Hell this time around. "And...I wasn't SPYING on him. I just happened to see him when I came in. Looked like he was talking to some blonde girl." She shrugged. "Who...wasn't Buffy. I'm JUST saying. I'm not, like, actively trying to break them up or anything. I want him to be happy. He deserves it more than anyone I know. Maybe even more than me." Yes, when it came to her brother, she was just that selfless. Usually. "And you KNOW how much I want my happy ending."
"You'll get the happy ending this time. I promise." He muttered quietly, leaning in to kiss her forehead. "And Ash... has done a lot of growing up, babe. You gotta let him be, you know? Besides... depending on how we're doing this wedding, you're probably going to be counting on him to give you away"
"He IS going to give me away. Like I said, I'm not sticking my nose into his business. He's going to do what he wants to do. He's as pigheadedly stubborn as I am." At least she could admit it, right? "I just...I hate thinking that he's unhappy or that he's trying to deal with too much. He walks around like he's carrying the weight of the world on his back and he's just a kid, Pat! Yeah, a responsible, mature, freakishly powerful kid, but still a kid. He shouldn't have to deal with this. He's always had so much to deal with. Why can't he just catch a break?" It wasn't often she left her feelings about her brother SO exposed, though everyone knew they ran deep. "If I could take on his burdens...or even half of them...I would. In a heartbeat. And even though it's not possible, I know it's probably not fair of me to say that to you. Because you know it's true. I'd do anything for him, but...I can't protect him anymore. Not the way I used to. It kills me. He never even smiles anymore...."
Pat could feel his heart break for her right there. He felt partially responsible, like if he'd have been able to suck it up and keep in touch with Ash during her... absence... maybe he could have stopped some of this, even though he knew that wasn't true. "Last time I saw him, right before you came back... he looked really happy. For the first time since you went missing. I'm not sure why, or what happened to set him back to how he is... but if it happened once, it can happen again."
"Well, then I wanna know what happened!" Her brother was a touchy subject. "I wanna know how to fix this! I...CAN it be fixed? Do you really think so?" Her gaze pleaded with him to say yes, even if it was a lie. "I used to be jealous...that he got to be the special one. That he got to do all of these cool things and I...I was always just Patience, you know? So if I was able to look out for him, at least there was that. At least...I was useful. Now...he doesn't need me at all. I'm like...just one more tihng he has to worry about. There's nothing I can do to help him...and he NEEDS help, Pat. He may be strong, but no one can deal with all of this forever and not break. I know...I know he went through some things when I was gone and I don't know everything that happened, but...I'm still afraid for him. I guess even a part of me is glad that he at least has Buffy, because maybe there's hope that he'll still let someone in. Even if it's not me."
"You know damn well he'll always let you in." Pat scratched his head nervously there, as if afraid to say what he was really thinking, and risk pissing her off. "Maybe... maybe you just need to give him what he needs instead of what you need."
Her brows furrowed, but she didn't fly off the handle...which was probably a sign of maturity on her part. "Well, what is it you think he needs? Space? To be his own person? To not be around me? I mean, what?"
"Way more simple than that, honey." He took her hand, trying to calm her a bit. "Ash told me... how badly you took his request to get the hell out of here if something happens to him. No matter how you feel, when he opens up to you like that, you can't fight him on it. Look... Ash is younger than us, but he's part of a world neither of us will ever understand. And if he asks us something like that, rather than fight him on it, we have to trust his judgement and agree to what he asks of us. He can't go into whatever this is he's going to face worrying about you as well as himself."
"If something happens to him, WHERE do you think I'd wanna go?" The mere thought of it devastated her. "He's the only family I have." The words came out harshly, and she didn't mean them that way. Closing her eyes, she squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. You're my family. Gwen's my family. I guess, by extension, that means Skylar and Bella are my family. But Gwen can go off and fight this and Skylar's a Slayer too. So you know, I still get left behind, and it's not fucking fair. I love you, baby, you know that. I would do anything for you and to keep you safe. So no, I wouldn't want you in harm's way either. But if anything happens to my brother, it'll kill me. Or at least a part of me. Especially knowing that I didn't do anything to help protect him, no matter how useless my efforts might be."
"And I *know* that, baby." He said, trying to calm her a little. "My point is that sometimes... there's a difference between lying to someone and telling them what they need to hear. And even if you don't plan on leaving if something happens to him, he needs to think that. He needs to think he can be open with you, and that you'll listen to him. And most importantly, he needs as little to stress over as possible. You think it hurt ME to lose you? At least I didn't try to destroy the freaking WORLD over it."
"Well...why DIDN'T you?" Yeah. THAT was her attempt at levity. Breathing out, she managed a small smile. "Sooo...you wanna go get me that shake?"
"Girl... you already GOT some shake." He said, waggling his brows sweetly. "But, I suppose you mean a drink."
She couldn't NOT laugh at that. "You're so...gay." Shaking her head, she waved him off. "Yes! A drink! With whipped cream. And a cherry. And chocolate drizzles on top." Yeah. She was SURE she wasn't pregnant, right? Only PMSing. Crap, she hadn't missed THAT being dead. No wonder she was feeling all emotional.
He leaned over the table quickly, to give her a short, but terribly passionate, kiss. Just a little reminded of what awaited her when they got home before he went to get her milkshake.
Damn, she loved that man. The things he could do to her with just a kiss! Made her want to grab him and pull him down into HER side of the booth...and everyone else could just enjoy the show. Probably his bandmate Chloe wouldn't appreciate that. Glancing over her shoulder, she eyed the exit into the basement and then sighed. Fine. Maybe Pat was right. So she'd tell Ash not to worry about her, that she'd behave, and let it go at that. What else COULD she do?