Nathan Tarn (nathanofthelake) wrote in britannia_ny, @ 2009-11-16 10:40:00 |
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Current mood: | worried |
Current music: | Missy Higgins ~ Forgive Me |
The Morning After (Closed RP)
Nathan was going to have to make some changes. Exactly how, or what those changes would look like in practice, he didn't know, but the fact remained that they would have to be made. Before Britannia, his life had been quiet, had been fairly simple, so far as things go. A bad relationship he was still trying to get over, parents he both loved and desperately wanted to please, a job he enjoyed, a bar he frequented every Friday night, a handful of dating attempts that went nowhere. He was a fairly typical thirty year old, really; other than the dreams, he'd been unremarkable in anything but his professional life.
And then Britannia and everything had gone to hell. Where he'd once been laid back, he now found himself obsessing over things he didn't understand, as if concentrating all of himself on them would suddenly give him insight. All it served to do, though, was put him on edge and drive away everyone around him.
Including Jim.
So, yes. Changes. He wanted to go back to how he'd been before. Maybe not so lonely, maybe not so stuck in his ways, but at least some of that independence he'd found. A life that didn't revolve around memories and wizards and once and future kings. He'd had it once, Nathan saw no reason he couldn't have it again, so long as he stopped getting in his own way.
And who knew? Maybe that life would have to involve more than one person. Maybe Jim was right - loving someone else didn't change how much he could love Nate. After all, Nathan still loved Emrys. That part of himself always would. But he could love Jim in the now with no bearing on the past. So it was possible. Again, how it'd look in practice rather than theory was another matter all together, but it was at least, as Laurel had pointed out, worth a reasoned discussion.
So Nate had made a point to pick up some things, to cook Jim's favorite dinner. Lexi had even provided the dessert, as Nathan was a horrible baker. His cakes always turned out lopsided. The table was set with candles, he'd found a sparkling water to take the place of alcohol, and he'd even dressed up a little. A nice, leisurely, romantic dinner was just the thing, he thought. They could relax, unwind, talk about the week, and then maybe talk about other things. At the very least, they both could definitely use some time just with them, without ghosts of the past hovering.
The plan did hinge a bit, however, on Jim coming home. At first, Nate thought he was just out for a walk. His cane was still in the foyer, after all, and he couldn't remember ever seeing Jim go far without it. Though the medicine was working wonders, it seemed to be more of a security blanket than anything else. But hours passed and still no Jim.
Calls went unanswered. Eventually Nathan put away the food, blew out the candles, and settled into the couch. Jim was upset, all right, fine. He'd gone out to clear his head for a bit. Nathan could understand that. No need to get worried.
By midnight, though, he was, despite his best intentions. He fell asleep on the couch, holding Jim's cane like a talisman, like it could tell him that everything was all right. When he woke up in the morning, Jim was still gone, his cell still rang unanswered, and Nathan had that sick, churning feeling in his gut.
He nearly called Mike. Then he realized, as his fingers were set to dial, that he didn't want to know. Not like this. If Jim had gone to Mike, Nathan didn't want to hear their voices on the other end, didn't want that particular satisfied, husky tone Jim got to be the way he knew. He'd wait. If something had happened to Jim, something bad, he'd know already. So Nathan would just wait a little longer before he panicked.