He wanted nothing more than to reach out for her again, to pull her close until they were buried in sighs and sweet skin and closeness. He wanted--
No. He did not want. Nimue wanted, she longed for, she yearned for this, for this remainder of the past that was so cruelly denied. When all else was the same, when everyone else was as they were, as they needed to be, Merlin was out of reach. Forever and always buried in stone, woven into a tree, untouchable as a distant star. Her heart (not her only heart, something whispered, something she barely knew was still there. Not the only love. One of, but not the only. She'd found another, one she could touch, one she could hold, one who saw her as more than a piece to move about a board. But even the Lady could deny. Not even Nimue knew all. So that flicker was buried again, forgotten, for now) was pulled from her chest and set so high that she could not reach, could not feel it beating.
Nathan, however, was the one gasping back, was the sad face looking up at Enfys, shuddering under her touch with all the want of the past. "Wait." It was his voice, hoarse and a little lost that sounded, that broke the silent pact between them. Blinking, Nathan bowed his head, his hand curled around her hip, his forehead resting, supplicating, against her stomach.
"I..." He licked his lips, feeling the surge in his veins, the voice he could barely hear over. Nimue wanted, but Nathan... Nathan, who she was now, who the Lady had become, did not. "I can't."
The denial gave his voice a little more strength, as if saying it was the hard part. He looked up at Enfys, eyes wide and a little lost, his fingers going to trace the slope of her jaw. "Enfys, this isn't us. Isn't who we are now. It's a ghost, a memory. You don't want me." It hurt to take the next breath, but he did. And then the one after that. The one where he realized, where the Lady realized, once and for all, how completely she'd lost him. "You don't love me."