Tonya (magicbirdoffire) wrote in brightstar, @ 2019-06-08 00:32:00 |
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It was good to have the weather where it should be, Jesse thought as he headed for McDermott's front door. Made you feel like things were back to normal, even if they weren't -- and might never really be when you came down to it. But it seemed like half of life was fooling yourself, and when so many things were all up in the air, sometimes you just needed one or two things going right to help you lie about the rest of it. He went in, nodding at a teenaged local employee, back from school and already eager to earn some cash, and headed to the pasta aisle. But the sight of an unexpected, but familiar, blonde head halfway there made him swing his cart around abruptly and go down the aisle just before, where he frowned at the cereal boxes with the grim concentration of a life-or-death crisis. This was stupid. He had only caught the quickest glimpse of her from behind. She was hardly the only blonde in town. It probably wasn't even her. But maybe it was, so maybe he'd weigh the merits of Crispix vs Chex a little bit longer. Tonya heard someone turn down the aisle but didn’t look up until she heard them turn around as fast as they’d appeared. That made her glance up and she caught just a glimpse of the person and let out a breath. Jesse. Well, that was unexpected although she knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Later seemed the better option, especially after her visit with Babushka, who for all she knew, might have cast some sort of spell to land them both in the same place at the same time. Taking note of which way he turned, Tonya threw the pasta she’d been contemplating into her basket and turned down the next aisle which was baby food and diapers. Which she did not need. “Damn,” she said under her breath. Turning around, she went to the end of the aisle and looked. No sign of him and she entered the next aisle and thankfully it was canned good and she needed some things. This was utterly ridiculous she thought, there was no reason to avoid him but still, she just wasn’t ready. Which made no sense because why should seeing Jesse require any degree of being “ready”. Tonya shook her head and started studying cans of tomato sauce. The problem with turning tail and hiding at the first sight of his ex (if it was her) was that he had no idea where she would be next. She couldn't stay in one aisle forever any more than he could, as tempting as eating cereal for a week was starting to sound. And the store wasn't big enough to easily lose someone in. She could be anywhere, and he could stumble upon her at any moment. Jesse grabbed both boxes of cereal and continued down the aisle, selecting items randomly like busy work. Granola bars? Sure! He probably already had peanut butter, but maybe not. Better get some bread too while he was at it. He'd lived on toast for a week before when he was younger, he could probably manage it again. You're an idiot, he thought. You're too old for this shit. Still, he made sure to look around the corner before inching his cart out. The coast was clear, but who knew how long that would last, so he barrelled purposely along, barely glancing down the aisles as he went, just looking for one that was clear where he could find food that wasn't a grain product. Okay so she’d managed to get tomato sauce and a few other things (looked like spaghetti tonight, she thought), was about to head down the aisle and remembered that she needed milk. Well maybe Jesse didn’t need milk and honestly what if he did? This was insane. She’d been in Snowcap off and on over the years she’d been gone and never run into him. Why would that suddenly change now just because she was back for good? Of course it did suddenly change when she looked down at her list and pushed her cart into the aisle and banged into another one. It couldn’t be….she looked up and a very familiar pair of blue eyes was looking back at her. “Hi,” she said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. I was…..going to get milk. How are you?” Why was this so damn hard? They were grown ups, well past the age to act like they were still in high school. Come to think of it they hadn’t even known each other then. Maybe fate was making up for lost time? Fate was interfering is what it was doing. This was definitely Tonya, even 30-odd years later. "Chicken," he said gruffly after a brief pause in which his brain seemed to stop working. "For me. That's where I was going." And he pointed, for some reason, because the location of said chicken was important, apparently. "Uh, I'm…" Old. Gray. Feeling fatter every day, which was incredibly unfair given she was still as beautiful as ever. "...okay. Keeping busy. Always stuff to do, you know. You?" “Chicken is good. Maybe I’ll chicken parm instead of spaghetti,” now that was certainly a bright and snappy reply. “The Reserve was always busy at this time of year from what I remember. Oh yes, trying to get things set up. One of the healers is thinking about leaving so I’ll be picking up some of his patients. I don’t mind though, I’d rather be busy.” it kept her from wondering if coming back here had been the right decision after all. When she’d made it, it had felt right but now that the boys had gone home, the house was too quiet. "Yeah," Jesse said, his face softening a bit. "Always better having things to do. Better for business too." Not that that was anything she needed to worry about. A healer in a place like Snowcap was bound to be busy. He cleared his throat. "Heard about your husband. Condolences." For such a big word it was entirely inadequate, so there was nothing to do but go on. "Thought about sending a card. Didn't seem my place." His words took Tonya by surprise for a moment but they shouldn’t have. He was bound to have heard about it. “Thank you. He fought very hard but there was nothing that anyone could do.” she sighed. The pain was lessening but she still missed him, she always would. “I wouldn’t have minded if you had.” It surprised her when she spoke the words but it was true. Jesse would always be part of her life and over the years she had thought of him. Even if she hadn’t, Claire and Babushka kept her up to date. “Claire told me about the kids. I know that must have been quite a surprise.” For a moment Jesse peered at her uncertainly, like she was speaking in riddles. He'd always assumed Claire was passing news on to Tonya just like she had to him, but just how much did she know? How much did Claire? Their sheer presence in his life was the most obvious choice, but with everything coming up lately there was no assuming that was what she meant. "A surprise," he echoed slowly. "Yeah, you could say that. Definitely came out of nowhere." It occurred to him that Tonya had never actually met Josh. That was weird, wasn't it? They'd been together long enough, she'd met his parents, they had Christmas together. But she hadn't met either of his siblings, Jen because she was already off in Scotland by then, Josh because… of whatever Josh was doing. "But keeps life interesting," he said, pulling himself together before he could slip back into useless self-recriminations. "They're good kids. Smart. Way more talented than I ever was." “Children have a way of doing that. Even when they’re grown up. You never stop worrying about them,” neither of the boys had lived at home in a few years so she was used to them not being under her roof but not being able to drop by or have them drop by if they liked was going to be an adjustment. “Cate certainly has nothing but good things to say about Tony,” she smiled. Tonya didn’t know if Jesse knew that there was one more person that relationship so she didn’t mention it. Claire was not likely to have said anything since she ignored it herself. If Jesse knew about all aspects of that relationship, he didn't show it. "They're good kids," he said again. "And you've got two. Boys." It wasn't a question. He'd seen pictures over the years. He was never sure why Claire had shown him, but he was grateful enough since it made it easier to dodge them all when they were visiting. "They're a little younger, though, right?" Jesse asked, belatedly realizing that perhaps he should try to follow the rules of polite conversation even if he knew the answer. “Yes, twins. They’re twenty five which seems unbelievable,” she shook her head. “Time flies. Neither of them is married yet so no grandchildren which is just as well, I’m not sure that I’m ready to think of myself as a grandmother yet.” Many of her friends were already grandmothers but neither of the boys had had a serious relationship although she’d been pretty sure Max was headed that way but she’d been wrong. He thought about Nat, unexpectedly expecting at the age of 32, and everything that had set in motion. About how he hadn't ended up with kids until he was well into his 30s. And how despite that, and not really being ready, and not being deserving or responsible, he'd still been a parent years before Tonya, who'd gone about it the reasonable and conventional and intentional way. "There's plenty of time for that," he said. "Anyway, 25-year-olds have no business having kids." Not that that stopped anyone, in his experience. "Well, I should go," Jesse said, jutting a thumb back behind him. "Dinner's not gonna cook itself, more's the pity." “Oh yes of course,” she said. “I need to be getting on myself.. We should have coffee or something sometime. Some place that my family or someone who is about to marry into my family doesn’t own. Have a good evening.” She started to back up and go the other way but instead she reached out and placed her hand on top of his. “It was good to see you, Jesse.” And with that, she turned and went the other way. |