It had taken everything within Alex not to completely come undone at the text messages she received from Ford once everything was said and done. Her son, her firstborn, was sick. Dying. And no one, not one single, solitary person that she thought she could count as a friend, had clued her in on it. What had they been waiting for? Had they just been waiting for him to pass away before they said ‘Oh, by the way…’? And was Thorne still as sick as he was as a child? Or worse? These were things a mother should know about her sons. Things that her heart constricted in her chest upon hearing. And the only reason she even knew was that they needed to test her to see if she was a match. The only reason she knew was that they needed something from her.
It hurt. It almost hurt worse than realizing that she’d been lied to for the majority of her time as a mother when it came to both of her boys. But because she was their mother, she was setting that aside because they needed her. So it really didn’t matter how she felt about the entire thing when it could save Ford’s life. He may not look at her as a mother, Thorne may not look at her as his mother, but damn it, that’s exactly who she was.
Which was why, as soon as she’d sent Ford that last text, she was dialing Njall’s number and waiting, white-knuckling the phone in her hand in an effort to keep control over her emotions.
"Hey," Njall's voice was soft, almost more of a breath. There was already a hint of an apology there, but it was also because it was practical. Zarya was napping against his chest, and he didn't want to wake her or put her down just yet. He stared at the stars that circled slowly around her room and half-braced himself to be raked across the coals. "Ford said he told you."
Once a mother, always a mother, it seemed as she could hear the soft breaths of Zarya nearby. Or rather, maybe it was the amount of vampire blood within her and the heightened senses that came with it. She wasn't completely sure anymore. What she was sure of, was that she wasn't going to get as loud as she really wanted to if he had the baby in his arms. "Njall, do you have Zarya on your person?" she asked, steadily, just to make sure.
"She's sleeping. I just got home from the reserve. Got caught up in… research." He sighed and let his head fall back onto the top of the rocking chair that made more of a softly undulating wave than just conventional rocking. "You're angry. I'm probably robbing you of your ability to adequately express yourself. Sorry. I haven't been home much since yesterday. Again, research."
The fact that he had the baby was the only thing currently saving her best friend from the singularly most spectacular verbal ass-kicking he'd ever received in his life. "I am angry," she started, evenly, eyes boring into the wall in front of her. "I am also indescribably upset. Neither of which is important right now. What time do I have to be where to get these tests done?" She needed to get straight to the heart of the matter. The sooner they could get this started, the sooner Ford's life could possibly be saved.
"I can be in medical first thing tomorrow morning. Ford's immune system needs a little more time to recover, and the testing spells take a while before they start generating results." He was quiet for a moment but felt compelled by the restrained tone of her voice to continue. There was some serious underlying rage, and it wasn't like he couldn't understand her anger and her frustration, but he refused to take the blame where none could reasonably be laid. "You know I couldn't tell you."
"I'll be there bright and early." She was going to hang up, really she was, but then he was speaking again. And yes, the logical part of her knew that he couldn't tell her. That it was against his oath as a Healer. But the mother in her—the mother that had been separated from her boys for too many years to count—the logic didn't necessarily compute. Still, "I know you couldn't. Right now, as I'm sure you can understand, that does nothing to help what I'm feeling right now." She didn't necessarily blame him so much as she felt... powerless. She was supposed to be their mother and yet she had no idea that this was happening.
The only reason he let any kind of silence linger after that was because Njall really had no idea what to say. The pat response was to agree that, yes, he understood. But he didn't. Couldn't. He felt the flutter of Zarya's heart, so close to his own, and the world in which she was sick, where he didn't know, couldn't help her, just wouldn't spin up in his imagination. His eyes squeezed shut, burning now with how much his heart ached for Alex. "I would have. If it had been in my power, I would have told you that first night." The words cracked. "I'm trying to fix this, okay? I'm trying to make that in my power. I know Ford's supply of hope has pretty much bottomed out at this point, but I have to believe that we can make it work with you. I have to."
Alex choked back the bile that had risen in her throat, shoved hard on the need to rail and rage at the unfairness that assaulted not just herself, but her sons who never asked for any of this. She'd been the one to go with Orion and because of that, Rowan and Thorne had been born. They hadn't asked for this life and Alex couldn't help but feel that this was completely her fault. That she should have known. That there was no reason she shouldn't have. She was their mother for crying out loud. She should have known. Not because someone should have told her, but because who the hell was she if she wasn't the person who was supposed to take care of them? Fight the monsters in the closet? See things like this coming? Who the hell was she if she couldn't fix this?
Taking a shuddering breath, she closed her eyes and felt the tell-tale streaks of wetness coat her cheeks. "Njall, I know you can't tell me, so I'm telling you. If Hawthorne is still sick—if this works—you make it work for him too, do you understand me? You make this work for both of my babies."
Njall took an unsteady breath of his own and felt a tear slip back into the hairline at his temple. "I'll do whatever I can. I promise. Alex, I—" His daughter gave a little wiggle and made a sort of chirp that was usually the prelude to telling the world her displeasure at being awoken. He patted Zarya's back and shushed her quietly. "Sorry," he went on when the danger had passed a moment later. "Don't give them space, okay? They don't need space. Not right now. They need you, even if they don't necessarily—" want you.
Hearing Zarya on the other end only served to break her heart further. She knew what Njall was saying. It was impossible not to. Hawthorne's reaction to her presence was less than subtle and Rowan—Ford—looked at her like she was a complete stranger. And now... now she might be the only person who could save him. Who could save them both if that was the issue. And while most of the time these exact words would be the wrong thing, she couldn't find it in herself to not be selfish right now. Not when she could be losing them all over again—permanently this time.
"I won't. I can't—" stay away. Not now.
She was also rapidly losing control of the tight rein she had on herself, feeling the tears coming faster now. If she didn't hang up soon she was going to break on the phone with Njall on the other end and that just wouldn't do. "I have to go. Take care of my boys, Njall. Please. I can't lose them again."
"I will." He tried to infuse his own hopes into those two words, just how desperately he wanted this to work for Ford and Thorne and for their mom and the family that the boys had built around them, the people that loved them. "See you tomorrow, Alex."