Justin Taylor (jstn_sunshine) wrote in brightlightlogs, @ 2010-05-14 00:07:00 |
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Entry tags: | justin taylor, luke snyder |
Who: Justin Taylor and Luke Snyder
When: Yesterday Evening
Where: Justin's Rooms
What: They come back to Justin's after getting coffee and kissage ensues then awkwardness
Status: Complete
When Justin woke up in his own body, he couldn't have been happier. Sure he'd eventually gotten used to having a girl's body, but he was never truly comfortable no matter what he did. After he'd refamiliarized himself with...well himself...he had texted Luke, wanting to see the other boy now that he was himself again.
After going out for coffee, Justin had invited Luke back to his rooms to hang out. "Want something to drink?" He asked, once they reached his rooms, despite having just had coffee.
It took a moment for Justin's request to register. It wasn't like he hadn't noticed the attraction since day one, the mutual attraction, despite how vehemently Luke tried to deny it to himself. And seeing Justin as himself again had only reminded Luke of just how attractive he found him. Still, Luke had been off the market for a long time, and he and Noah had never done the whole 'My place or yours?' thing. So even after the words clicked, and after seeing the telling glint in Justin's eye, Luke said calmly to himself, Maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions. Maybe he really just wants to hang out more. And aloud, he heard himself say, "Sure."
Justin had been very glad when Luke had agreed to come back to his place and not just because he thought the kid was attractive, although that did have something to do with it and the fact that he had his own body back, but also because his place was much quieter than a coffee shop or the street, "So you don't drink alcohol, right?"
Luke shook his head with a sheepish smile. "Sorry. Sort of lame, I know. I've just had one too many close calls to risk it again."
"It's no problem." Justin smiled at him as he went over to the kitchen area, opening the fridge, "I've got water, juice, soda. Take your pick." He glanced over his shoulder towards where Luke was.
Justin's reassurance didn't seem insincere, and Luke smiled back. Something in his stomach twisted, and there was no way of knowing if it was the pleasant or unpleasant sort of twist. "Soda's good, thanks." He hung back in the kitchen doorway, feeling a little jittery as he watched Justin grab their drinks from the fridge.
Justin grabbed a can of soda and bottle of water, turning and handing the can to Luke once he reached him, "Lets go sit down on the couch." He smiled, gesturing towards the living room area. He'd never been very good at entertaining guys at home since the majority of the guys he'd been with was at Babylon, their places or Brian's with Brian so this was a little new and he hoped that he wasn't awkward.
Right, sit down on the couch. To... watch a movie or something, obviously. What else was there to do on a couch? Luke found his way to it and sat down, maybe a little stiffly. He was thankful for the soda can, as fumbling around with the tab gave him something to do with his hands. He popped it open and took a sip as Justin sat down. "So um..." he searched. "Must be nice, right? Having your real self back?" As if they hadn't already covered this at coffee.
Justin smiled again, something he'd been doing a lot of since getting his body back, not that he didn't usually smile all the time or anything, "Yeah, it's great. It's just so much more comfortable. I have nothing against woman, my best friend is a girl, but I don't ever want to be one again."
Luke laughed, relaxing a little with the reaction. "I can imagine. I wonder why they mess with some people and not others. Not that I'm complaining about this one," he added.
"I don't know. This makes three experiments that I've been effected by." Justin said, taking a swig of water and placing the bottom down on the coffee table, "Being an elf was my favorite. I could sense like everything around and see for miles and the ears were hot."
That got another laugh out of him. One thing Luke had realized from the beginning- around Justin, he laughed. Laughed a lot. Noah used to make him laugh, but that hadn't been happening so much lately. This felt good. "That sounds really cool, actually. Maybe they'll decide to like, give us superpowers, or something. Telekenesis would be awesome." He took another sip of soda then set it on the coffee table, falling back into the couch when he leaned back again, unintentionally closer to Justin now.
"Everyone affected became various creatures. My friend Monty became a cat, but he figured out that he was able to transform back and forth. It was pretty cool. He's got a cat and she wasn't very happy with another cat in the apartment so he stayed with me then." When Luke leaned a little closer, blue eyes traveled up and down his body, stopping on his face as he bit his bottom lip. He'd been wanting to kiss Luke since the first time they'd hung out. He wasn't used to this whole waiting thing.
Luke felt his face heat up as he became aware of their proximity. God, what was wrong with him? In an instinctive, jerky motion, he turned his face away and cleared his throat. "Guess no one's ever bored around here, at least."
Justin frowned slightly as Luke jerked away and he realized that the other was nervous; he'd recognize the signs anywhere after how awkward and nervous he'd been his first time with Brian. Shifting slightly on the couch, he placed a hand lightly on Luke's thigh, "Are you ok?" He asked, his tone genuinely caring.
The touch sent a lightning bolt through Luke's leg, racing upward and then down again. He shifted, but admittedly, not hard enough to knock Justin's hand away. "Yeah. I'm-- I'm fine, really." He turned his eyes to Justin's again, as if to prove his words, and found himself floundering in his own thoughts again.
"Are you sure? You seem kind of....well nervous." Maybe it was the fact that he'd been around Brian a little too much, but rarely did anything make Justin nervous anymore; atleast not when it came to things like guys and sex.
Somehow, Luke managed to suppress a blush, but it didn't make his answer any smoother. "What do I have to be nervous about?" he forced out a laugh. "I mean, this couch wouldn't be my first choice of color but it's not terrifying or anything."
Justin couldn't help but laugh a little, "I wasn't talking about the couch, Luke." He squeezed the blond's thigh reassuringly as he watched him, biting his bottom lip, "I was talking about the fact that you seem to get nervous when you get near me."
Luke inhaled sharply. His mind was racing in endless loops, and he realized suddenly how hard his heart was pounding. God. He'd already known Justin was cute, friendly, funny, easy to be around. Now he had to be sensitive too? He shook his head. "Look, Justin, it's... it's nothing. I think I'm just..." he'd been planning on finishing the sentence with something like 'still adjusting,' or 'just tired.' But he faltered, just long enough for the truth to slip out, "...confused."
"Confused?" Justin tilted his head slightly, frowning a bit, "What're you confused about? I thought you said you were gay, or are you not sure?" That was the only thing Justin could think of that Luke was referring to.
Luke started. "What? No, God no, I left that confusion behind at least six years ago. I am definitely gay. I'm confused about..." he glanced down, trying to figure out how to explain when he couldn't even justify it to himself. "Justin, you like me, right?" Well that seemed a good enough place to start. Straightforward, at least.
A small smile crossed Justin's lips at Luke's question and he nodded, "Yeah, what's not to like?" He wondered if he should tell him that he also liked Monty and of course there was still Brian even though he wasn't actually there.
Even if he'd all but known, Luke felt a surprising amount of pleasure at the answer. Which really only deepened the problem. "I've barely even glanced at another guy since Noah," Luke began, more quietly than he'd meant to. "We just broke up. I just ended up in this place practically in a different world than my home, and I can't... I can't possibly be feeling like this already." Even as he said the words, he felt his hand inching toward where Justin's still sat on his leg.
Now Justin was beginning to understand. He might not have ever been in that sort of situation exactly, but he understood, "Would it help at all, if I told you that the first time I broke up with my boyfriend, I jumped right into another relationship." So technically him and Ethan had already sort of been together when he'd chosen him instead of Brian, but he still hadn't given any time between Brian and Ethan.
Biting his lip, Luke shook his head slightly. He looked up, saw those blue eyes looking at him-- a much different shade than Noah's, he noted, but captivating nonetheless-- and he felt the touch through the denim of his jeans, and he took a breath. "It would probably help if you just kissed me," he said.
A smile spread across Justin's lips and he nodded before leaning over and capturing Luke's mouth in his own as he scooted even closer to him and removing his hand from Luke's thigh to cup his cheek with it instead.
For a moment, all of Luke's senses seemed to fail. Then each and every one of them jumpstarted back into action, and he knew what he'd said had been right. Justin was kissing him, and there was still confusion and guilt and disbelief, but damnit, Noah had dumped him and left him alone, had left him alone long before the dumping, and now Luke was alone in this strange, terrifying, wonderful place except that there was this gorgeous, friendly boy who liked him and wanted to kiss him and God, he was an amazing kisser. Luke's arms reached around his back, gripping his shirt, pressing in deeper.
When Luke began to relax, Justin slid his hand around to the back of Luke's neck and nipped at his bottom lip then ran his tongue along it, asking for entrance. He wanted to take Luke's mind off of Noah and everything that had happened recently so that he could simply let go.
Luke hesitated briefly, something in the back of his mind still trying to convince him of why this was a horrible idea. But the shivers from the touch of Justin's tongue kept slipping through him, didn't fade, and he slid his fingers into Justin's hair and opened his lips.
Justin loved whenever anyone tangled their fingers in his hair, and now was no different. As Luke's fingers slid into his hair, a low moan sounded in his throat and he slid his tongue into the blond's mouth, exploring it thoroughly.
It was a nice sound. The sort of sound he'd missed hearing. He felt warm, and almost electrified with emotion and energy. Soon they'd have to breathe. But not yet. Just another second, one more second of feeling the pain in his chest that had lingered for weeks ebbing away ever so slightly.
As the need to breath slowly creeped up on him, Justin slowed the kiss down a little, giving them both a chance to catch their breath without having to actually remove their mouths from one another's.
Finally, Luke breathed, slow and deep. "Justin..." he whispered on an exhale, though he had nothing to follow up with. He slid a hand from Justin's hair to his neck, just barely stroking with his thumb. Maybe the kiss hadn't felt like the promise of forever, or meant to be, the way it always had with Noah. But it had felt good. Amazingly good.
Justin smiled against Luke's mouth, fingers still wrapped around the back of his neck, "Still confused?" He asked softly, wanting to pull back and look at Luke, but also not wanting their mouths to be any farther apart than the tiny space that was currently between them.
Luke laughed softly, not ready for the distance either. "Honestly? I might be even more confused. But... I'm really okay with that."
Justin was glad that Luke seemed to be feeling better and he closed the small space between them, pressing a kiss to Luke's lips again as he shifted slightly and placed his other hand on Luke's thigh, giving it a light squeeze.
It was even easier to relax into it this time. Luke's eyes fluttered shut again, and he let his lingering doubts be swallowed by the kiss.
Justin felt Luke relaxing and smiled against his lips, glad that he wasn't quite so tense anymore and tht he was enjoying himself. At this rate, Luke would be more at ease with the entire situation of being kidnapped and not having Noah and such in no time.
Luke wasn't sure exactly when things started to speed up, but suddenly the kiss was moving faster, and deeper, and though part of Luke was telling him how much he needed this, another was telling him it could only get out of control from here. Eventually, the former argument won out.
After a few moments, without breaking the kiss, Justin moved to straddle Luke's lap, one hand moving to grasp at the back of the couch behind the blond while the other stayed in his hair. He hoped that Luke freak out, but then again, Justin wasn't really thinking straight at the moment and was just going with it.
Luke let out a small noise from the back of his throat, surprised. It was hard to tell, even to himself, whether it was a noise of approval or rejection. it didn't help that he was responding physically in ways that could only indicate approval, even if his mind had barely gotten a say yet.
When Luke didn't protest or try to push him away, Justin deepened the kiss, pressing his tongue into the blond's mouth again, rubbing it against Luke's as he ground his ass down against Luke's crotch, simply doing what came naturally to him.
The movement sent a shock of pure heat, straight from Luke's chest to his groin, a reaction sudden and overwhelming enough to render Luke completely braindead for the next five seconds. When he finally managed to move his mouth from Justin's, the word he gasped out was weak, and could easily have sounded closer to desire than protest. "Jus-- Justin--"
Justin panted as Luke pulled away and his fingers tightened slightly in his hair as his other hand continued to grip the back of the couch, "L...Luke..." He gasped, hips moving slowly against Luke's mistaking his proclamation of his name as just that, desire.
Knowing with utter confidence now, despite what was going on between his legs, that this wasn't right, Luke managed to turn his head and move his grip to Justin's arms, pushing. "Justin, no," he got the whole thought out this time, the heat from seconds ago starting to feel more and more like anxiety. "No. Stop."
All Justin could do was stare at him, but he did loosen his grip on Luke's hair and eventually slid his fingers out and placed his hand on Luke's shoulder a moment before removing it completely. After another moment or two, he vacated the blond's lap, moving to sit beside him again, running a hand through his hair, "Are you....did I...are you ok?" He wasn't used to being told to stop and was slightly confused since things had seemed to be going well.
Luke felt almost guilty at the look on Justin's face, but not guilty enough. He inched away just a bit more, needing the space as his head cleared. He pushed his hands through his hair, taking several deep breaths and trying to steady himself. "No. I mean... yes, I'm fine. It was just-- too fast."
Justin nodded, biting his bottom lip as he watched Luke, "Sorry. I guess I got a little carried away." He was used to guys who wanted exactly what he wanted, ex: Brian and Monty. He hated that he'd made Luke uncomfortable now and wished that he hadn't gone so far.
"It's okay," Luke assured quietly. Justin seemed genuinely apologetic, which was sort of endearing. Luke imagined a lot of guys would have gotten irritated in Justin's position probably tried to convince him to change his mind. Justin might have been... well... less vanilla than Luke, but he was a good guy. That much was clear. "It was nice. Flattering," he turned and gave him a small smile. "And it's not like I was giving you much of an argument at first. I just... don't do casual sex. It's fine that you do, honestly, I'm not one to be judgmental. It just... isn't who I am. I've only ever been with Noah that way and even with him it was... God, a hell of a long time after we'd been in a serious relationship. As attracted as I might be to you... it just... wouldn't be right," Luke finally finished, and his smile had dropped by then. He glanced at Justin. Luke was too stubborn in his beliefs to be nervous that Justin might argue, but he still felt a little exposed, having laid it all out there like that.
"Don't worry, I understand." Justin told him, giving him a small smile as he chanced placing a hand on Luke's arm, "I wouldn't try to push you into anything you weren't comfortable doing. I'd like us to be friends, Luke and what kind of friend would I be if I did that?" He leaned over and pressed a kiss to Luke's cheek before sitting back down, "I'm cool with just hanging out."
Luke blushed, wondering if a kiss to his cheek should tingle that much and if he should feel something this close to disappointment at the idea of just friendship. "Is that how it works for you?" he asked before he could stop himself, and immediately felt guilty. Justin was being really nice about this, after all, and did he really deserve the Snyder attitude? It was too late to take it back, though, but Luke at least tried to soften his tone. "Sex or friendship? One or the other?"
Justin frowned slightly at the change in Luke's attitude and he shifted slightly on the couch to see him better, "No, but I do have a boyfriend. He might not be here, but I love Brian and I couldn't just get into a relationship with someone else while I'm in one with him." He didn't know if it made sense to anyone else, but it made sense to him.
Brian. Luke had to admit, he'd forgotten about Brian. And who wouldn't have, in that moment? He snorted. "So sex is fine, as much sex as you want, as long as there's nothing else behind it. Really is a strange relationship you have there, isn't it." Luke sighed and shook his head. Justin didn't deserve this. Just because Luke was screwed up in the head didn't mean Justin should have to suffer. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm being really unfair." He flicked his hair out of his face and met Justin's eyes again, hopefully with less glare in his own. "I've just been... really lonely, you know? I lost Noah, but at least before I knew he was a phone call away. Now I don't even have that, or my family or other friends, and then you came along and I... well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel anything in that kiss. I haven't felt like that in a long time. Guess it sort of went to my head," he laughed dryly.
"I never said there's nothing else behind it. I do like you, Luke." Justin said, sighing a little, not having expected a conversation like this to come of the night, "And a few months ago I was in the same situation. I was here alone and couldn't get a hold of anyone and didn't know anything about this place and then I met Jessica and Monty and started to adjust. I'm not saying you have to be like me and I'm not saying that I miss my friends and family back home any less, but I adjusted."
Luke nodded. Justin was right. Of course he was right. Luke was just alone and confused, and he just had to give it a little longer and settle in. Then these feelings and his confusion would go away. "You're right. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make this as completely awkward as I have." His laugh this time was a little more genuine. A little.
"It's ok. I understand how scary this whole thing is. I spent my first few days here alone in this room before I even went out and of course the first place I went was attacked by zombies." Justin laughing softly, recalling the Halloween party when he'd met Monty and Jessica and the zombie attack that followed.
"Still not sorry I missed that one," Luke said with a smile. His heartbeat seemed to have returned almost to normal, though there was no guarantee it would stay that way if they touched again. "Um. Do you want-- should I go?" he asked after a second. To be honest, Luke knew his thoughts would go out of control if he went back to his apartment and was by himself right now. But he also didn't want to mess things up even more by staying.
"You don't have to leave unless you want to." Justin said, biting his bottom lip as he watched him, part of him hoping that he didn't leave, "I'll understand if you do, but I'm not gonna kick you out or anything."
After a pause, weighing all the pros and cons and possibilities, Luke settled back against the couch. "You up for a movie?" he asked.
"Sure, a movie sounds good." Justin smiled at him and reached for the remote, "I haven't really bought much so we can see what's on." Justin hadn't been the least bit surprised to find that he had pretty much every channel imaginable upon the first time he'd decided to channel surf.
Luke breathed a sigh of relief and smiled back. "Cool." It was too soon after Noah to be thinking the way he had been anyway. And right now, it would probably be best just to have a friend he could rely on. It would work out perfectly... assuming he could stop thinking about the brightness of Justin's smile or the way the world had gone fuzzy when they'd kissed. Which he could. He definitely could.