Who: Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls When: Monday, April 19th Where: Logan's room What: After Logan sobers up. Rating: PG-13, some swearing. Status: Complete
Logan was no stranger to the glorious world of soul-crushing hangovers, but when he woke up in an unfamiliar room, he decided this was the worst he had for at least a few years. It was the kind that made his head feel like someone was consistently stomping on his skull so hard it rocked into his eye sockets, and with a whimper he rolled out of bed and crashed to the floor in a pile of sheets and blankets. Then he lay there for what could have been a day or a minute, and finally managed to get up and stumble into the bathroom. The shower was rejuvenating if only because it washed off the vomit and a few beads of blood because at some point he decided it would be fun to walk in broken glass. That was lovely.
It hurt too much to think in broad terms, like about the situation or about Veronica and especially, especially, about dead girlfriends, so Logan focused on the particulars. The apartment was a wreck, he couldn't fully open his eyes, and his unsteady stomach was very certain it needed at least a little food before it no doubt purged out of his system again. Picking up the phone that they were given upon arrival and hooking a towel firmly around his waist, Logan lay on the couch and hid from the sunlight, and dialed information. Within an hour he had a maid come in and wordlessly take care of the mess, and a truly incredible amount of brunch food was delivered. It would be enough to satisfy him and maybe make it up to his roommate if John ever came back, and they could put it away for later. Or something. He wasn't really thinking farther then what I want right now. If there was one person who knew how to use money, it was Logan Echolls.
Coffee was brewed and a wet, cold cloth was on his forehead, and Logan lay like a dead man on the couch. He didn't bother to get dressed again since he wasn't sure where his pants were, and his shirt was gross. The towel would have to be enough for now. A few clicks of a mouse would get him a new wardrobe, but for now he chewed cautiously on a croissant and stared up at the ceiling. And tried not to think about how his life just twisted to a whole new level of fucked up he couldn't even begin to imagine.
Veronica was exhausted. She may have gotten herself in a lot of trouble over the years, but she had deftly managed to avoid kidnapping up until now. And if the trauma of being kidnapped was enough, the emotional turmoil of seeing Lilly alive again and Logan's reaction. Well, it had been enough to make sure she laid awake staring at the ceiling long after Lilly had gone to bed.
When the sun finally came up she gave up the facade of trying to sleep and rolled out of the bed. She pulled back on her only pair of clothes, and scrawled a note for Lilly on the counter before setting out to check on Logan. He had been in an awful state when she'd finally tracked him down last night. He had completely emptied the contents of the room's mini-bar into his stomach, and had trashed the apartment. Things were overturned and knocked aside, and the kitchen had been littered with vomit and glass from broken alcohol bottles. When she'd gotten there, she'd found him passed out on the carpet. Bracing him against her tiny frame, she'd heaved him up off the floor and toward one of the bedrooms. She couldn't really see, so she just prayed that it was Logan's and not John's bed that she maneuvered him onto. She got a towel from the bathroom and cleaned off his face before she pulled the blankets up overtop of him and quietly slipped back out of the apartment.
Hoping that he was now awake and sober, Veronica knocked on the door, grocery bag held loosely in her hand. The first purchase on a supposedly unlimited credit card, and she bought a $4.99 frozen pizza. Her dad would be so proud. There was no answer to her knock, so she tried the door and found it unlocked. "Logan?" She called, looking around. She spotted him laying on the couch, a towel around his waist while he picked at a croissant.
"I brought pizza." She said as she moved into the apartment. "Sorry it's late. That delivery boy is such a..." She trailed off as she noticed the kitchen counter piled high with an impressive amount of breakfast food. Of course, like Logan Echolls really needed her meager offering of frozen pizza.
The door opening and closing was like nails on a chalkboard to him, and he groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. Logan knew from long practice that she really wasn't shrieking like an angry harpy at him, and that kept him from flailing about his brain splitting open into tiny pieces. Instead he drank his coffee and the water glass he was constantly refilling to rehydrate his suffering body, and dark eyes looked her way. There were heavy circles under his eyes and he looked man years older, but she'd seen him as bad or worse before.
"I do love me some PIZza," he said dryly, an indicator he remembered at least part of what happened the night before. Or Logan was just smart enough to check that community and see what trouble he got into upon waking up. As far as he was concerned, if the building wasn't burned down and there were no bodies on the ground, it was a harmless night of boozing. He awkwardly sat up and adjusted the towel around him, not feeling modest since there was no reason to be with an ex, but rather slightly embarrassed. He was still the screw up she had to keep cleaning up after.
"Listen, do you think we can assume the apology portion of this conversation where I acknowledge I'm a thoughtless jackass and you nod agreeably?" His voice sounded rough even to his own ears, and he swallowed hard to try and clear it, squinting over at her. "I think we've rinsed and repeated it enough times by now."
Veronica perched on the armrest to the sofa while Logan sat up and eventually began speaking to her. He looked awful, but she'd seen him through worse. He was right. This wasn't exactly their first rodeo. "I will not." She said, her voice was soft to spare his aching head, but it still lilted with teasing. "Never have I nodded agreeably." She shook her head. "Glared disapprovingly, yes. But never will Veronica Mars nod agreeably."
She stood back up again. Leaning over, she picked up his empty water glass, and with the bag containing the pizza still in her hand she moved toward the adjoining kitchen. She put the pizza away in the freezer and refilled Logan's glass. She handed it to him before taking a seat next to him on the couch. "Besides, the apology isn't really necessary. Last night was...well, I think it warrants a free pass just this once." She studied him, trying to read what was going on inside his mind. "How're you feeling?" She asked, not really knowing what else to say.
"Ah, your glare of disapproval feeds me, like mead to the gods. I bask in it." Logan was wittier than most people in his current state, but his brain still worked slow like a slug right then. He took the water glass from her without argument and squeezed the bridge of his nose, as if that would help the migraine in the least. He wasn't really sure he was ready to deal with her. The last time he saw her, at least before here, they weren't in the best place. She told him he was out of her life forever because of the situation with the sex tape, but then after he hit Gory for her and apologized to Piz, she looked like she might be willing to forgive him. He didn't care if Gory was connected; the man insulted Veronica and Logan would hurt him again and again if it was necessary. So maybe they could work it out ... and then they showed up here and she was pushing all his buttons again, and he was proving for the upteenth time why he was a fuck up she didn't deserve.
"Last night it was either jump off the balcony or drink myself to unconsciousness, and the second option was tastier." It was hard to say whether or not he was joking. Even Logan wasn't certain. His nature was unpredictable and erratic, and while he'd like to say he would never follow in his mother's expensive heel-prints, his moods could get violent. "It was easier to forgive her when she was dead," Logan said bluntly, setting his elbows down on his knees and running both hands through his short spiky dark hair.
If Lilly was dead, she was a tragedy. If she was alive, she was the girl who broke his heart and screwed every person in front of him, including his own father. "It's hilarious that even after all this time she can still send me into a tailspin. We might as well be back at Neptune." He'd convinced himself that over the years, and in part thanks to Veronica, he'd changed. Maybe not enough, but at least a little. Now it all just seemed like a joke. "Forget it. I'll listen to Dashboard Confessional and cry emo tears about being a sad little orphan later. How are you?"
Veronica watched him, trying to weigh the emotions that were clouding her judgment. Back home in Neptune she had been so ready to cut Logan Echolls from her life once and for all. She had convinced herself that she'd be better off without him, no matter what feelings might still linger on. But then with everything with Gory and Piz, she'd begun to doubt herself, and before she could rationalize things again, they'd been picked up and brought here. Together. And then Lilly had appeared and now Veronica wasn't sure what to think. She's always prided herself on being able to keep herself under control even when things got dicey, but this...she sighed.
"Given the option, I'm glad you chose the latter." She said, not entirely comfortable with the morsel of truth she saw reflected in his eyes. She stood up, rubbing her palms on her jeans and looking away. "I'm managing." She replied. "It's a screwed up situation. But I'll....we'll figure something out." She sighed. "Look. I know I'm the last person you want to see right now. I just...I needed to see that you were still okay. You were in pretty bad shape last night." She chewed on the side of her lip and turned back to face him. "And I needed you to know that it's really her. I don't know if it's something you want to hear or not..." She cleared her throat. "But it really is Lilly."
"Ever the tough detective, Veronica Mars. If anyone can figure it all out, it'd be you." She was right; in a lot of ways, she was the last person he wanted to see. Except maybe his father, because hey dead people could come back to life here. It would be a living nightmare to have Aaron Echolls back again, so naturally Logan assumed it was just a matter of time before that happened. "I'm not your responsibility anymore. You don't have to check on me or clean up after me. I'm out of your life forever, remember?" The words on paper sounded sullen or angry, but it was all said in a very tired and resigned way. He didn't blame her. Frankly, she was in the right. They always ended up hurting one another, and it was mutually destructive. As much as he did not respect or even like Piz, that was a good stable guy who wouldn't find new ways to torture her when things went wrong. She wouldn't cry with Piz.
To put a safe distance between them, especially with his mood so unbalanced, Logan pushed to his feet and crossed to the kitchen. He was looking through the bar, but there was nothing left but empty bottles. Frustrated, he settled on the fruit plate instead, popping a grape into his mouth and not looking at her. "Yeah, I know it's her. I knew it was from the beginning. Impossible or not, I know Lilly Kane when I see her." The all-consuming obsessive love that he had for Lilly was a dangerous one, and with some time and maturity he came to see that. It was difficult navigating similar but different waters with Veronica, but that was doomed too. "I should probably see her, but I don't think it's a good idea. Not when I'm like this. I am my father's son, after all."
"Logan." She said, wrapping her arms around herself. "I'm not checking up on you because I feel responsible for you. I'm here because despite all reason and common sense I care about you. What I said back in Neptune...that was before...I can't just leave you on your own here." She held up a hand toward him. "I know that you'd be fine, and you've clearly proven that you're okay spending their money, but..." She took a deep breath. The words she wanted to say hesitating on the tip of her tongue. "I need you, okay? I know it's selfish and ridiculous considering everything we've been through. But everything is so messed up right now. And I just need something I know. Because otherwise it's just going to be too much."
She stopped, finally. Almost too ashamed to look at him. She had years of experience pushing people away, but almost none in telling them she needed them.
"Don't say that." She shook her head. "You're not. You're nothing like your dad."
"You should listen to your reason and common sense, Veronica. What part of our history together makes you think counting on me is a good idea? The part where I tortured you endlessly or when I slept with Madison knowing that it'd hurt you?" He could only lie to himself for so long about the last part, and he was tired of lying at the moment. Logan knew how hard it was for her to say those words, because he knew Veronica in a way that very few people ever could. Even if she always kept a part of herself locked away from him, knowing how bloody their wars could get, he weaseled his way in.
But here she was needing him, reaching out to him, and if there was one thing Logan Echolls couldn't resist, it was someone needing him. His weakness for this particular tiny elfin blond was well known. "You know ...." he looked down at the floor, over to the food, anywhere but at her. "You know I'd do anything for you. All you've ever had to do was ask." Damnit his head hurt and he felt sick and everything was too fucked up for him to be the jaded jackass. He wanted to wrap himself around her and just find comfort in her smell, her warmth, to know that they were a team again. Easy, Echolls, that's not what she's saying. Her reassurance that he wasn't his father helped a little, but seeing Lilly just brought all kinds of anxieties and fears back. Among dozens of other emotions.
"Uh, so ...." He rubbed the back of his head and sat on the end of the couch carefully, giving her a half-smile. "You wouldn't happen to know where my pants are, would you?"
Veronica looked away when he mentioned some of the unhappier moments of their past. She picked at a loose thread on the hem of her shirt. She chose not to respond to those particular sentiments. She knew she didn't exactly forgive easily, but at the moment she was willing to overlook his transgressions. Those could be saved for another day when they didn't have things like kidnapping and a not-so-dead Lilly to occupy their thoughts.
She finally looked up when he told her all she had to do was ask. Her face lit up with a rare smile. She wanted to seek comfort in his arms, but she knew that they weren't there yet. She reminded herself that she had come here to check on him, not for him to take care of her.
She let out a short burst of laughter at his statement. With all the emotions and exhaustion coursing through her at that moment, it almost could have been a sob. She covered her mouth quickly to stifle the noise, and nodded. She disappeared into his bedroom and came back out carrying his wrinkled albeit folded pants. "They were thrown over a lamp when I got here last night." She handed him the pants. "Have you seen your roommate since he ran off last night?"
That smile made everything feel better, even if it was artificially. Logan was able to get all kinds of smiles and grins from Veronica, but they were usually amused or edged or sarcastic. When he managed to bring out a real one, it was like he won a massive battle each time. He recognized that laugh-sob but figured she wouldn't want him to comment on it, just taking the pants when she brought them over. "I don't really remember why I thought it was important to be pantsless, but it made sense at the time. Maybe I was making a dramatic statement. They may tattoo us and stick us in Las Vegas, but they can't make us wear pants."
Logan figured at this point it would be more awkward to go into the bathroom to change, so he simply pulled the pants on quickly underneath the towel. Nothing was shown so it wasn't a big deal. He indifferently tossed the unnecessary towel over onto a chair and felt more at ease now, like having some item of clothing was equal to having armor. "No I'll probably send out a message soon telling him it's safe to come back. And offer peace in the form of waffles. Which you're free to partake in yourself. Knowing you, you haven't eaten or slept since you got here." There was plenty of food. "So." He knew he brought it up the other night and felt some intense need to explain. "Parker dumped me."
Veronica gave Logan a wry smile at his pantsless comment. "Vive la revolution. Just don't expect me to take off my pants. I'll support the cause from the clothed portion of the stands."
"That's good." She replied. "More conflicts today would be solved if people started using waffles. Someone should really write the U.N. about that." She moved over toward the piles of food. When he mentioned that she had neither ate nor slept, she looked back at him over her shoulder. "It's as if you know me."
She found a plate and began grabbing for some bacon. She crunched on a piece as he brought up Parker. "You mentioned." She said. "I'm...I'm sorry."
"I never took you as a sidelines kind of girl. Where's your verve, where's your dedication?" Logan couldn't help smiling at her, although smiling too wide apparently also made him hurt, so it came out more as a smirk.
He shrugged at her, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling and clapping hands lightly together. "The only person who knows you better than me is supernaturally alive and kicking. I feel like we're in the beginning of a bad science fiction horror movie. The dashing male lead usually survives, though, right? If Wallace was here he'd be in some serious danger." Everyone knew the floozy and black man died first in horror films. That was some unwritten law. "Be careful what you'd eat. I'd hate the next scene to involve an alien going out of your stomach and screeching at me." He mimicked the Aliens movie by shoving an arm out from his stomach, waving it around, and then went around her to refill his coffee.
"Yeah, well, it happens. L'amore." Parker dumping him really wasn't bothering him too much. He liked her, there was no doubt about that, but for once Logan hadn't fallen too hard and fast. He played it safe, and obviously it was the right thing to do, since she broke up with him over a moot point. "I think I might have to start dating brunettes or redheads. My track record with blonds is depressing."
"Yeah." She agreed still munching on her bacon. She swallowed before reaching for the pitcher of orange juice and pouring herself a glass. She took a sip. Fresh squeezed. Logan Echolls didn't mess around when ordering room service. "I think we're definitely entering SciFi channel territory. Hold on. What makes you think you're the dashing male lead? I'd have you pegged as the sarcastic angry sidekick who gets offed just when everyone thinks they're safe."
"Hey, you're preaching to the bad relationship choir, buddy." She answered him, looking around for a napkin to wipe her fingers on. Linen. She smirked and cleaned off her hands. "I mean..." Not that her relationship with Piz had been bad. It had been good. Nice. Safe. So why didn't she miss him more? "You know what I mean." She finished. "Look, you're hungover. We don't have to talk relationships now. We can, you know, stick to safe subjects. Areas where there are no hidden grenades waiting to explode and disfigure us for life." Ew. Why had she said that.
Logan dramatically gasped at her, his hand lifting to his chest as if she stabbed him right there. "Sarcastic angry sidekick, is that what you think of me? The sidekicks never get the leading ladies, thank you very much, and I most certainly have had my share of them. Present company included." Veronica was not a sidekick, at least not anymore. Once upon a time he might've called her Lilly's, back when she was still the sweet and innocent one of their little group. He knew that he contributed to the badass, jaded Veronica Mars that came to school ready to make war with them, but part of him couldn't be sorry for it. That was the one he loved.
"That's right. You sure can pick 'em." Duncan wasn't bad, and neither was Piz. The truth was the only really bad one was him, and he knew it. But she was right, this was just going down a bad path, and he was feeling unsteady enough to probably strike like a cobra if the wrong thing was said. "Safe subjects?" Logan couldn't help chuckling, stepping closer to her and reaching out to gently curl her hair behind her ear. "What subjects are safe? The weather? The food?" His voice was low, amused, but he didn't let his hand linger on her, dropping it back to his side. "We could talk about the fact it's 2010 here. That's three years of bad TV I've missed. I'm heartbroken."
Veronica just smiled at his faux theatrics. He knew very well that he had featured as the leading man for her on more than one occasion. But she'd be damned if she was going to admit it. She popped a grape into her mouth. God. She was going to have to be careful here. No Piz. No school. No Dad. No Wallace and Mac. Her usual distractions were gone, and it would be all to easy to fall back on old habits. Especially when her old habits were softly brushing her hair behind her ear.
"But on the plus side..." She said, trying not to feel the tiniest shred of disappointment when his hand dropped back to his side. "No more Mars fake IDs needed. According to your ID you're now officially 22. Mazel tov."
God he wanted her. He always did, even when she was twelve years old and in her soccer uniform. Lilly stole his heart first because she did that effortlessly with everyone, and he respected Duncan's feelings for Veronica, at least until everything went so horribly wrong. Even hungover and miserable and heart heavy Logan couldn't help wanting to smile and laugh and remember their good times. The very few of those they had. It hadn't escaped his notice that Piz wasn't there, nor that all her escape routes were missing. If he wanted to he could trap her right now, but he knew it was wrong. That's now how he wanted to win her back, if he ever got the chance again.
"Because I had so much trouble getting alcohol already, but that will come in handy when I go to the casinos. I'm not on the wanted list for any of them, so this is going to be exciting." It was no secret Logan and his band of miscreants got in trouble constantly, so he was bound to have more than a few skeletons in his closet. "Want to come with me this weekend, Mars? You can be the Rusty to my Danny Ocean."
Veronica's head ached. She was drained from lack of sleep and stress, and now...standing here with Logan, the comforting smells of breakfast food filling the room, she could easily picture herself curling up on the couch his arm draped over her waist the way he used to. Drifting off to sleep to the sounds of his breathing. Her body leaned toward him instinctively, and she had to check herself, turning back towards the piles of food and searching out a croissant. She focused on chewing for a minute. Trying to straighten out her thoughts. Technically she was still with Piz. And she really didn't want to be that girl. Piz had never been anything but wonderful to her. Being brought here, it didn't excuse her treating him that way. Not to mention that Lilly was here. Lilly who had always so enraptured Logan. She wondered what would happen when they talked. Would they decide to get back together? Jesus, Veronica. she mentally chastised herself. Slow the hell down. Focus on the kidnapping part before the angst ridden teenage love triangles.
"Well, someone adapts well to kidnapping." She finally turned back to face him again, ripping off pieces of the croissant and popping them into her mouth. "Less than 24 hours and you're planning shenanigans already. There really isn't a force on the planet that can stop you, is there?" She finished the breakfast pastry. "Just promise me we won't get arrested."
To be honest, a part of him was concerned about seeing Lilly for that exact same reason. She had a power over him, even in death, that Logan found hard to shake. It was easier when she wasn't around him every day, but no matter what she did to him or how they fought, he never made it long being away from her. His love for her was not the same as his love for Veronica, and the latter he thought was much better for his sanity. Shockingly. After a few years hopefully it wouldn't be so easy to be caught in Lilly's magnetic web. Plus he had the whole 'you slept with my father you dirty whore' thing. He secretly wondered if Veronica would even care if he did get sucked back in. What would it matter to her? She was probably just worried about her cardboard hipster boyfriend.
"Not a force in this world or the next," he agreed and decided not to touch any food for the moment. It was one of those stomach churning times, but the coffee was helping quell it for now. "Hey, all those times I got in trouble was only because the people with me are amateurs. I'm an artist. Dick and the guys are screwed back home without me there." He hadn't really considered what was going on back home. The only person other than Dick who would even notice he was gone was standing with him, so it didn't really matter. "Shit, your dad is going to blame me for this somehow, isn't he?" Keith Mars was never very fond of him.
Veronica felt a little sick as she contemplated Logan and Lilly. Logan...he'd always been Lilly's. Even when Lilly had been dead, it had taken Veronica a while to stop feeling traitorous every time she was with him. But now? She was alive again. And if Lilly wanted him, Veronica could make no argument. It wasn't like they were together. She hadn't been exactly comfortable watching Logan with Parker, but she had consoled herself with thoughts that it could never really last. She knew Logan Echolls, and she knew that his whole heart wasn't in the relationship. But Lilly was another story. She sighed.
"An artist." She rolled her eyes. "Right. You're Picasso with a credit card." She wrapped her arms around herself when he mentioned her dad. She had been carefully avoiding any thoughts of Keith Mars since she arrived her. She couldn't bring herself to think about what he must be going through with her turning up missing. And right in the middle of his election. A lump started rising in the back of her throat and she quickly swallowed. The one thought that warmed her was that even if she couldn't find a way out of here, her dad would find a way to track her down. "His daughter turning up in a swanky Las Vegas high rise? If that doesn't have Logan Echolls written all over it, I don't know what does." She smiled. "Don't worry, big guy." She said, patting his chest. "I'll protect you."
There were only two women he'd ever loved, and although it might be melodramatic to think so, Logan didn't believe he'd ever love another the same way. Any girl that crossed his path was just given an unfair comparison, and while he didn't know what would happen in five years or ten, he felt in his gut that he was out of epic love chances. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe he couldn't survive another one anyway.
"Don't you mock, my diminutive friend, you're going to have to learn from the master now that you have a magical genie in the bottle credit card." He suspected a lot of people loved this new freedom, but he was born and raised with having no end in sight of money to play with. It was possible his family had a giant bank somewhere made of gold coins just to swim in like Scrooge McDuck. "My hero," he falsetto'ed and snatched her hand, squeezing it warmly. "Sorry. Didn't mean to bring up your dad like that. I'm sure we'll figure this out and get you back to him soon." Logan knew how close she was to Keith; it was a connection he envied on many levels. "I'd hate to be these Zenner people when the Mars family goes for revenge. They have no idea what they're in for."
He squeezed her hand one more time in reassurance and then let it go, knowing that he had to be careful about too much PDA with her. They had an uneasy peace at the moment because of their situation, but it would be all too easy to mess that up with a few stupid actions. "I don't know what I'm going to say to her." He meant Lilly, of course.
"Sorry. My default setting has been stuck on mock for years." She responded. "It's too late. I'm stuck in my old and crotchety ways now." Truth be told, Veronica didn't have a clue what to do with her new magic card. Spending money, that was Logan and Duncan's forte. Not hers. She was a boxed mac and cheese gal from way back. But if she knew Logan and Lilly, the two of them would have her spending a grotesque amount of money before long. Right now she wouldn't say no to a change of clothes. She was pretty sure that stain on the bottom of her jeans was Logan's vomit.
"No, it's okay." She said. Not minding the warmth of his hand around hers. "I'll be okay. You're right though. We will figure this out. And when we do, these Zenner creeps are going to seriously regret their choice in kidnap victims." Despite hating them for bringing her here and locking her away against her will, she couldn't bring herself to completely demonize them. They'd brought Lilly back. Something she could never even allow herself to hope for had been given to her. She'd gotten her best friend back. But at what price? She thought again of her dad, and Wallace, and Mac. She was beginning to see why Logan got so plastered last night. It seemed easier than thinking about the consequences of being stuck in this place.
"Can I make a request?" She asked him softly. "Don't be too harsh on her." She thought back to her conversation with Lilly the night before. "I know what she did to you." Reaching out, this time she took a hold of his hand. "I know how awful it was. But, she regrets it now. I know she does."
"It's alright, I happen to like your old and crotchety ways. At least most of the time." He was not counting her inability to trust or her instant belief that he was always the one to blame. Logan could admit he messed up more than a few times, but she wasn't a complete innocent. "You'll get used to the card. It's not like you have to buy everything imaginable just because you can. You learn to pace yourself." Considering the fact Logan thought he was pacing himself with his spending, though, that wasn't saying much. "First thing on your list should be new clothes." Yes, he was a mind reader. "That's what I'm doing next. I could walk around shirtless all the time, but the other guys might get jealous."
At her request his expression went blank, the dark eyes guarded, but he let her take his hand and did not pull away. "It's easy to regret things after they're done," Logan said quietly. "Who knows more about regret than me?" Regret that he couldn't save his mother, that he never spoke up about his father's abuse and got him in jail before Lilly could be touched, for bringing the drug to the party where Cassidy raped Veronica, and for about a hundred other things that he could write down if given the chance. "She can't take it back any more than I can."
He turned her hand and ran his thumb lightly in her palm. It distracted him from the rising burst of serious and conflicting emotions. "I should have told her. About what he did to me." Logan swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly feeling very dry. "She might not have done anything with him. But I didn't want anyone to know."
"And the master imparts his great wisdom." She said not without affection. "Should I be writing this down? Sorry. I must have left my notebook in my non-kidnapped jeans." She smiled. He was right, though. She definitely needed something different to change into. She figured she could borrow something of Lilly's until she could get something new things of her own. She thought of Lilly's penchant for Halter tops and tight jeans. On the other hand...maybe she'd order something online.
"Plus," she added, "it really can't compare to walking around pantless on your first night here. You set the bar pretty high on that one."
She hated the dark cloud that covered his face at her remark. It was such a monumental request to make. Forgive Lilly for breaking his heart. She thought about how difficult it had been for her to let go of Logan sleeping with Madison. And that was nowhere near comparable what Lilly had done to him. Her heart ached for him as she watched him trace his fingers along the lines of her palm.
"Logan." Her voice was thick. It wasn't often that he mentioned his father's abuse. She didn't know what to say. She wanted to hug him. Console him. He was so good at acting his role sometimes she could forget how broken he was. Not unlike herself.
"You should always write down what I say. I'll even sign it so when I'm famous, well more famous, you can sell it and buy yourself something pretty." Veronica attempting to wear Lilly's clothes would be amusing. Then again she surprised him occasionally with some very sexy outfits, none of which he expected a tough-as-nails detective would stash in her closet. It helped for undercover, apparently. He loved when she went undercover. "I could always set the bar higher. I could wear no clothes at all. I lack modesty and shame. I could also write your name on my body, just for kicks."
It was a big request, but Logan took some comfort in knowing just how much Veronica understood that. If anyone else mentioned it he might take offense. She knew more of his dirty secrets than anyone else, and it showed in how he unconsciously talked about the abuse without hesitation. He never did that with another living soul, and it startled him anew that he had done it now. There was a sudden vulnerability in his dark eyes, thrown off by the topic and not his confident self for a few moments.
Then he snapped back to himself, releasing her hand abruptly and grabbing an apple slice. He wasn't hungry, but it gave him a distraction. "I don't know what's going to happen, but I'd never begrudge you your friendship with her. I hope you know that. What's between us is between us, you don't have to get involved."
Veronica felt like she was watching in slow motion as Logan dropped her hand. She swore she could actually see the wall going back up around him. She stayed quiet while he reached for the apple slice. Like a skittish animal, she waited patiently for him to come to her.
She appreciated his sentiments once he did. Even if Veronica knew it couldn't possibly be that simple. She was involved. Whatever happened between them, she was most definitely involved. Her best friend and her...she didn't even know what to classify him as. He was just her Logan. She sighed as she wondered if the three of them would be able to withstand this intact. She knew she'd have to talk to Lilly about things, herself.
"Thank you." She said, pushing herself up on her toes and gently kissing the side of his cheek. "I don't know how uninvolved I can stay, but thank you anyway." She took a step back. "I know I can't tell you everything's going to be fine. So, just know that I'll be here. No matter what happens."
"Besides, you don't have to decide everything right now." If what Lilly had told her was true, if they really were stuck here, then Logan had nothing but time to find the words he needed to say to Lilly Kane. "I may be a mastermind, but I think it might even take me a few days to outwit a supposedly magical corporation that is kidnapping people all throughout time and space." She gave him a small smile. "I should go. You need to rest." Truth be told, so did she. She was still unsure about almost everything, but at least she felt like she could sleep after seeing him again. Maybe she could get a few hours nap in before Lilly inevitably took her shopping.
"Logan? I didn't mean it. What I said about wanting you out of my life. I'm glad that if I'm stuck in Las Vegas with someone, that it's you."
If it was up to him, it would be as simple as possible. Veronica had enough to deal with, and Logan was making a conscious effort not to make his problems hers. Besides he knew how complicated it could get when a lover - even an ex one - and a friend didn't get along for a person. The whole mess with Duncan, their darling love triangle with him ending up the sucker, taught Logan how unhappy being in the middle could get.
His eyes closed when her lips touched his cheek, remembering how they felt on the rest of his skin, and he sighed wearily. Being around her after the breakup was tough enough, but when they both started dating other people it got more difficult. Having her within touching distance and knowing she was still taken was going to be impossible. Logan loved a challenge, but he also wanted to keep Veronica in his life. If she was willing to forgive him for now, it would be too reckless to risk that by kissing her senseless. That one she might not forgive.
"You need to rest. I was off in blissful blacked out world. Do you need any help being tucked into bed?" His smile was teasing, back to more of his good humor. "I could make you some warm milk, and by make I mean order. My dialing finger is already getting tired." He put his finger up and made little patterns in the air, indicating a number he might dial.
Logan knew asking her to stay wasn't kosher, and so far he hadn't managed to screw everything up, so quitting while they were ahead was a good idea. Like a gentleman he walked her to the door since she decided to go, hooking his thumbs in the belt loops of his pants. What she said to him really resonated, and his heartbeat picked up a little faster, gazing intensely down at her. "Please don't say things like that," he told her gently. "I appreciate it, but you know how much I feel the same."
"Stop." She gave him a tired smile and reached out to grab his pantomiming dialing finger. "I think I can manage. I'm an expert at getting Veronica Mars into bed. Been doing it for years." She quirked her eyebrow at him, knowing full well the comments that were running through his mind. She let him walk her toward the door.
"I'm sorry." She looked up at him, her eyes searching his. "I just...everything's been so crazy, and I know I snapped when we first got here. I just didn't want you think..." She put her hand lightly on his arm. "Go back to bed, you old drunk." She smiled, reverting to humor to hide the words she couldn't say. "And don't you dare eat that frozen pizza without me. That's high quality stuff, okay? California Pizza Kitchen." She nodded impressively. "When Veronica Mars goes for pizza, Veronica Mars goes for pizza."
"Alright." She said after a moment of silence stretched between them. "I'm going. Good luck with the roommate." And with that she pulled open the door.