"No. It wasn't." She sniffed. He wasn't Moroi or even a dhampir or an Alchemist. Maybe then he would have understood, even if only a little what it was like to be surrounded by something so beautiful, so healthy and healing, so addictive that she almost didn't feel it's destructiveness until she began to fray at the seams. Spirit was such a wonderful thing but it was also a terrible burden to bear. Lissa was always trapped between her love and her hate for it.
She did realize to some extent it was her own personality that drove her to self injury. To her knowledge, Adrian, Sonya and Nina never cut themselves. To her knowledge, St. Vladimir never had. Of course it was a very private thing and it was possible that they were just better at hiding than she was. They had other self destructive habits of course to help fill their own voids. Lissa just liked blood, liked the sting and liked to watch the blood run down. It made the world seem orderly again.
"I will be okay. I need blood," she admitted. When he turned to her in surprise she smiled at him and revealed her fangs this time. It was actually very difficult to do unless trying as they had all been trained at such a young age to keep their fangs hidden. "I have some bloodbags in my fridge at home. I just need to get there." She shifted uncomfortably in the front seat, having now put away her fangs she prepared herself for any myriad of reactions from Caleb. If he didn't know about werewolves already, he probably didn't know about vampires. Then again, he hadn't exactly freaked out at the idea of werewolves either.
"You never did find your friend did you? I made you take me home instead. I'm sorry." It was difficult to think with that darkness swirling around in her mind, muddling her logical thought process. As queen she rarely was in a position to do something like she had just done today so she hadn't suffered any terrible setbacks with her depression during her short reign. Life was very different in Breakwater Point and Lissa supposed she was still adjusting.