"I hate this." He hated feeling like this, hated how much this was affecting him. He felt like it shouldn't like he should be able to just push it all away, out of his mind completely. Yet no matter how many times he ignored it, it always came back one way or another. No matter how hard he tried.
"I've spent so long blaming Peter, and blaming myself for what happened. I don't know that I can just stop doing that." It didn't look good that he'd ever be able to stop blaming himself, but to stop blaming peter as well? That seemed even less likely to ever happen.