"B-but-but-but," Al protested, "I'm not about to break my daily newspaper reading tradition, be it Christmas or Boxing Day." Newspaper perusal was sacred! No Christmas was worth interrupting that.
People use surfaces other than bed for sex and it's no big deal? Al shuddered. He reminded himself to make a new mental list of all horizontal surfaces to avoid in the house... scratch that, add vertical surfaces to it as well. At least he didn't have to worry about the ceiling. Yet.
He considered his brother's suggestion. "Hm. Yeah, I think 'fuck' is a better definition. You see, 'coitus' has that hidden connotation of 'for purpose of procreation' and from what I've determined so far, procreation rarely is the driving force behind human mating habits. Thanks! I knew I could count on you as a reference for sexual knowledge."