"Hmph. But newspaper is made of trees, I don't see why I can't reverse the process for once," Al mumbled. "And Ben informed me himself of a recent, standalone instance of coitus occurring against the piano surface from that corner." Al emitted a sound that came dangerously close to a whimper. "I've stopped using the piano as my study table ever since." He continued with a sad sigh. "It did make an excellent study table."
He paused, contemplating something very puzzling. "Hey, you would know this. Is it still called 'coitus' if no women were involved?"