Alastor "Agent 04041953GU" Gumboil (loose_cannon) wrote in blurred_owls, @ 2008-12-05 23:21:00 |
|
|||
I remember... when you join the DMLE, they say you should write to your family just in case something ever happens. In a lot of ways, you have become my family. And if you're receiving this, it means something has happened. Whatever it is, I hope I at least got something done before. I'm sitting down to write this before actually leaving to meet with the shebeast. It's sort of depressing, actually, writing something that you won't actually read unless I'm dead. First and foremost, you should know that if I'm gone because of this mission, Elle will blame it on the Order. She was never happy with me for joining and she was angry as hell when I told her that this was more of an Order mission than a Ministry one. I don't know exactly what to tell you other than to just be careful around her. She's headstrong and can be the most stubborn person on the planet once she decides to do something. Don't get yourselves caught. I don't think she'll hesitate to throw you into prison if she gets the chance. I love her, but don't give her that chance. At the same time... to those of you that know her, please keep and an eye on her and make sure she doesn't do anything rash. These are, of course, times of war. But it's important to remember the individual. You are all people. Even they are people. We all learn and think and act. There is a beating heart in your chest, just as there is in theirs. Remember that you are not fighting the individual. You are fighting the idea and that will always be a harder battle. You have to help modify behaviour and thinking. You would not be in the Order if you were accepting - and in that way, you will always be far beyond them. It is human growth and development that will keep a war like this from happening again. And while we strive to put this war at an end, it's for nothing if you don't teach other people what happened here. And you have to be here when it's over to be able to tell. Don't neglect your wandwork, go to one-on-one classes if you need help with something, learn to defend yourself against anything and everything you can. Take the initiative, don't wait for something bad to happen before you decide to buy in. You have to learn to trust each other. We fight more than we plan. You would not be here if you didn't have a good heart and that goes for everyone around you. Even the people you don't necessarily like. We all come from different backgrounds, we all grew up with different beliefs. But are here for a common purpose and that means that you have to buy in and commit to doing this. We can be at an advantage if you use your skills and share them with others. But you have to want to. And you have to be willing to trust people that want to, too. It is up to you. You are the ones you've been waiting for. I found out, these last three months that no real change is easy. There has to be a sacrifice, there is always pain. It will always hurt, even if the change is for the better. You do not have to be people of circumstance. There is a change coming. Make it for the better. Warded to Dedalus - My old friend... You are such a brilliant and upstanding man. You have been my best friend through the best and worst moments of my life and I am truly blessed - if there is such a thing - to have known you. I can't properly articulate what your friendship has meant to me and I'm sorry I have never been quite the patient and caring man that you are. Warded to Emmeline - You were so close to casting a patronus. I hope you haven't given up. I'm less concerned about the spell than you being to find a memory that would help you cast one in the first place. The world, even now, is not all dark. You can find those little moments of good and happiness if you would just let yourself. Magic isn't all theory. The wand is only an instrument. It has to come from you. You can do it, but you have to dig into yourself. Find your happiness. It's there somewhere. Warded to Ted - You have easily been the most helpful and the most understanding when it comes to dealing with the Ministry. I simply can't express my gratitude to your for being there after the full moon. You're a good man with a good heart, and more, you're a good father. Give Dora a hug for me, mate. Warded to James - I hardly know what to say to you, James, except thank you. Your love and acceptance have meant the world me to me, and I can only hope that you will continue and share that with everyone. You put up with me when you had no reason to, when you could just as well have snapped right back. But you did the opposite, which probably makes a much stronger and forgiving man than I. You have made me feel so welcome here, almost more than anyone else. You have my utmost gratitude and friendship. I probably didn't tell you nearly enough. Warded to Pepper - If you love her, don't you dare let her go. Warded to Remus - You are easily one of the strongest people I know, Remus. I'm so happy for you and Marlene. I wish I'd found love so young. It took me far too long to catch on to the fact that we are not just werewolves. You're a good man and you're a talented wizard. Those should come first and anyone that matters already knows that. Warded to Abe - Out of everyone in the Order, I think I respect you the most. You have given me so much... and asked for nothing in return. I would not have made it as far as I did if it hadn't been for your kindness and for that, you have my utmost gratitude. I don't have to tell you this, but keep an eye on Severus. I trust him, which is more than most of the Order can say. But I don't have any doubt that he's struggling either. Keep him on track. |
I suppose, that if you're getting this, that I must have gone and done something stupid. It always seems to be those things that get me in real trouble. I'm sitting down to write this before actually leaving to meet with Pryce and I wasn't going to, except that I remember writing letters to family when I first joined the Ministry. I always thought it'd be sort of horrible but maybe comforting to actually get one of these. I don't know. We wonder so much about what they would have wanted, once they've gone.... And I suppose, along this same train of thought... I know we never talked about it, but I never liked the idea of a burial. Des and I always wanted to be cremated, and if I'd been in charge of those arrangements, he would have been. Anyway, I'm not really picky about the ashes. There isn't much I want to say to you anyway, except that I'm sorry for whatever it was that happened to me to cause me to not be there any more. I can only hope that I actually did something and was able to help. And of course that I love you. I love you, Elle. I love you more than the Ministry, more than the vigilantes, more than any family I might have left and certainly more than I love myself. I love you for everything and for nothing and I'm lucky for every second I get with you. It would never be anyone else, I hope you understand. I feel rather old these days. But to have known you and loved you and been loved back... I suppose my only regret is waiting for so long. I know that you'll likely blame whatever happened on my involvement with the vigilantes, and as I don't exactly know what happened to me, I suppose it'd be a lie to tell you otherwise. But I want you to know that those people have been good for me. I wouldn't dare to tell you not to be angry with them - Merlin knows, no one tells you what to do - but I hope that you can at least appreciate that without those people, there would have been very little for you to come back to. They helped me through when I couldn't help myself and I count many of them among my closest friends. And that they are almost as worried about this as you are. Most of all though, Elle love, I hope that you'll move on after this; after you've finished being angry, after the war, when the world is good again. I hope you'll find someone that will love you as much as I do and that you'll love them back. I only ever wanted you to be happy. Merlin knows, you are what makes me happy. I suppose the one thing I've really learned since August is that the most important thing you can do is move forward. Please, move forward. |