TO: Department of Mysteries personnel FROM: Augustus Rookwood, Deputy Dept. Head DATE: 8 April 1979 SUBJECT: NEW EMPLOYEE cc: Adalbert Waffling, Department Head
This week, we will be welcoming a new Apprentice Unspeakable to the department named Emmeline Vance. We are (myself, department head Waffling, and the Head Unspeakable) are confident that she will make an excellent addition to the department and namely the Astronomy-Spatial Division where she will begin her employment with us.
In our experience, the first two weeks of any job are most critical to ensure a smooth and orderly transition. New hires are often somewhat apprehensive about meeting other employees, settling into their cubicles, starting work at the department in general, and joining the team. Please do not ignore this new employee. Make her transition as painless as possible. As such, we have found the following suggestions helpful as a new employee joins the department. By implementing some, or all of these ideas, greatly increases the chances of a successful and long lasting hire, and we of course would rather not have to use the memory spells, as we have done before.
Welcome Emmeline the first day of work and converse with her. Introduce yourself and ask her some meaningful questions.
Do not frighten Emmeline and mention any of the off-limit areas and their contents if you have access to them. Inability to keep in concordance with the Unspeakable principles and code of hierarchical secrecy that you agreed to upon employment is a possible grounds for dismissal from the department with the appropriate measures.
[Male Employees only] Staring at female employees for long amounts of time is incredibly rude and found to be antisocial behaviour. Since the Department of Mysteries is a department that prides itself upon diversity, inability to act normally will result in the appropriate actions as delineated in your department handbook.
For those working in Astronomy/Spatial room with Emmeline, you will receive another memo delineating the proper steps and lesson plans for helping our new employee find her place within the department.
Everyone within the department, however, is welcome to help Emmeline find her place, as well as give her suggestions and background that she can have access to.
Thank you, and please remember this list is more or less a start and you are more than welcome to think up your own constructive methods of helping Emmeline, as long as they are completely legal and within department guidelines.
Yours sincerely,
Augustus Rookwood Deputy Department Head
On Behalf of
Adalbert Waffling Department Head
[[Partial credit to this site for the memo idea.]]