Jeremiah 'I swear he is a girl' Smith (smiting) wrote in blurred_media, @ 2009-06-15 20:30:00 |
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REFORMED WEREWOLVES TO JOIN DMLE CURFEW PATROLS GREATER PROTECTION PROMISED FOR THE PUBLIC Jeremiah Smith LONDON - As a response to the mysterious attacks by anti-government terrorists on the Department of Magical Law Enforcement's curfew patrols last week, reformed werewolves who have been successfully treated through the rehabilitation programme at St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries will now accompany the DMLE officers for their protection and the public's safety. 'One is forced to ask oneself why the government has always chosen retribution over rehabilitation, particularly when there is such success to be made,' said Dolores Umbridge, Head of the DMLE in a statement yesterday. 'These werewolves have committed great wrongs, there is no question, but now they are being treated with decency and showing just how far that will take them. We are dedicated to transforming deviants into useful members of society and encourage all those who have committed crimes against the government in the past to take part in the life-changing treatments.' Several local residents here in Hogsmeade, however, expressed apprehension and fear at the idea of dark creatures roaming through the village during the night. 'After hearing about that awful massacre in Doulting months ago, I'd never feel safe with werewolves out there while my children and I are asleep,' said Marian Coulting, an employee at Dervish and Banges. 'How will I know they won't run away from the DMLE officers on patrol and break into my home?' Other villagers, however, applauded the DMLE's decision in light of recent events concerning the good works of well-known reformed werewolves Fenrir Greyback and Tabitha Pryce, who were imprisoned for various crimes last November and have been undergoing the rehabilitation programme for months now. 'Greyback and Pryce were the worst of the worst, but you look at them and see how far they've come since even just the last year,' said a local man who wished to be identified only as Harold. 'You've got Greyback saving babies instead of eating them, and then the nice Miss Pryce lady saved a whole village with him from those evil werewolves - and without using any violence at all.' 'We could all be more like them,' added Sarah Galloway, a visiting Tinworth resident and Werewolf Support Services worker who witnessed the tragic riots that broke out in her village last year. 'They understand what harm violence does to us in the community, and I daresay after the peaceful way Mr Greyback and Ms Pryce handled that near-attack in Devon last month, I'd trust them with my life. Anyone who says otherwise is blinded by their own prejudices.' The Hogsmeade Herald also went to St Mungo's itself to enquire as to whether worries about the werewolves' behaviour while on patrol are unfounded. 'Mr Greyback and Mrs Pryce's actions speak for themselves,' said Gaius Travers of the Campaign for Prisoner Reform's rehabilitation programme. 'They have come to terms with their pasts and have determined new courses for their futures, as the events since their rehabilitation have demonstrated. We are simply taking another step toward making our country safer for its inhabitants by turning to those who know understand the cost of violence and the importance of repaying their debts to society better than most.' Fenrir Greyback and Tabitha Pryce themselves were not available for comment at the time of publication. Rehabilitated werewolves will join the DMLE curfew patrols in all wizarding and mixed magical-Muggle settlements around Great Britain and Ireland, including London's Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade, Tinworth, Upper Flagley, and Ottery St Catchpole beginning this week. Each individual or pair of werewolves will be accompanied by at least two DMLE officers at all times during the night. For more information about the curfew patrols in Hogsmeade, please contact the village's Ministry of Magic Liason Office. |