Rita Skeeter leads a scandalous love life. (ex_busybody681) wrote in blurred_media, @ 2009-06-13 02:10:00 |
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LIASIONS IN LONDON So this week I got to thinking: why has everyone been so grumpy lately? Sure, bad things are happening, but let’s be honest here, bad things are always happening to someone somewhere. I mean I’m not saying I don’t feel bad for the ladies taken hostage or the people whose homes are burning down, but that’s no reason for the entire country to be skulking around with a perpetual air of doom around them, is it? This week I endeavoured to find an answer and I began at the beginning: with my group of friends. When I look around at my friends, I see a lot of things, but the main one is married (or in a serious relationship). Now, I’m not one to be all gung-ho about marriage, but I do know that it has some good traits, the constant partner for sex being the most important one. This got me thinking even further: could the reason people are so gloomy lately be because they haven’t gotten laid in a long time? Think about it. Remember that glow you feel after you have sex (especially amazing sex)? Remember how the world looks a little bit brighter for a few hours afterwards? And now remember how grumpy you can get when you haven’t had sex in a long time. How testy you can be, and how the world can seem like it’s covered with a blanket of blah, all because you haven’t had sex. | page 21 Sexual frustration may be the answer to why our country is in a depression. But it can’t be that everyone isn’t getting laid. I know this. In probability terms, it’s near impossible that the entire Wizarding population of Great Britain isn’t having sex, so I thought some more…maybe people are bored in the bedroom. That’s possible, isn’t it? I can remember feeling sexually frustrated myself when the sex just became a chore rather than a release. This could be the problem many people in our country are facing, and so, this week, and maybe for the weeks coming up, I’m going to introduce you to some ways to spice up your sex life. My favourite way to do it? Switch locations. Of course, for some of you, this may mean doing it in the kitchen instead of the bedroom, but for the more adventurous like me, you need a little more than a new room in the flat, which is why I bring you: A List Of Public Areas To Have Sex A Library: There is something so incredibly scandalous about having sex in a library, that my bookworm following may never want to have sex anywhere else after trying it. Up against in the books amongst stacks of information, running the chance any second that someone might see you, your passion is elevated and so is your enjoyment. Hints for this place? Find a section no one spends much time in, the ancient ruins section of Lestrange Library was always a favourite of mine, but sadly, it’s no more. |
page 22 A Museum: Along the same lines of a library, a museum is really fun too, but a bit more difficult to find a space. You can always try the bathroom, but that’s not really the museum. I’d recommend an obscure, dimly lit, sculpture area towards closing time. A Park: I’m not very outdoorsy, but for those of you who are, a park is a great place to get some scandal on. Try at dusk, or just before curfew, but be sure to grab a blanket, because you never know what bugs you might sit on. Those are the three most common and probably most easily accessible places for anyone to have sex. But what I have found is that the most exciting public sex comes from a place that means something to you and your partner. Back when I was sleeping with The Animal, we used to meet at this obscure little French restaurant. It was perfect for us, because no one would ever bother us, the food was good, and the atmosphere quaint. My favourite thing about the restaurant was the large statue of a mermaid that they had towards the back. I think I liked it because it made no sense with the rest of the restaurant and I was having trouble making sense of The Animal and I at the time. | Being creatures of habit, we ventured to that restaurant quite a bit, and one night we both were overcome with this great urge. Instead of heading to the bathroom as we would be want to do in situations like these, I pulled him behind the statue and we had some of the best sex we ever had during our time together. The place was perfect because the statue was so large it hid our bodies, and we actually had to climb between the mermaid’s arms to get behind it, but it was so worth it. Occasionally, I revisit the restaurant, to eat some delicious food and think back on that night. I’m sure no one knows what happened, and I like it that way; it’s a secret between me, The Animal, and the Mermaid. So go be adventurous. Get laid somewhere new! Get that rosy glow in your cheeks once again, because I bet with some good sex, the country could be a brighter place. |