Severus Snape is tired of the lies. (fortiscadere) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2008-07-22 17:31:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! [1979-07] july, astra lestrange (née avery), severus snape |
RP Log: Severus Snape & Astra Avery
Who: Severus Snape & Astra Avery
When: 22 July 1979, late afternoon.
Where: Lestrange Manor
What: Severus manages to steal a few moments with Astra after his Occlumency training session.
Rating: PG
Status: COMPLETE.
Severus thanked Bellatrix and left her quarters with the servant she'd commanded to show him to Marius' quarters. As he left, he regathered his thoughts and emotions. The session had been successful, at least. She'd managed to break him towards the end, but it had taken longer, his defenses had been stronger, and despite the fact that his head was now aching as it had the last time they had practised, he couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. It had been better than his first attempt. And despite the fact that she had broken down his memories, it didn't seem that she had seen anything he would prefer her not to see. Thoughts of the Avery's but that would be natural of course, thoughts of the events of the past week, but nothing horribly incriminating. Or so he hoped. The Lestrange house was one of the largest residences Severus had ever been in and sometimes it still astounded him that they could live with so much when there were so many people that lived with so little. It wasn't precisely jealousy, as Severus was mature enough to realise that the wealth brought its own set of responsibilities, but there was some envy there. Envy for more than the house, for the name, the blood, the influence: everything with Astra would be so much easier. Astra. His pace quickened slightly. He'd told her where he'd be, although he hadn't been able to give her an exact time. Perhaps he wouldn't see her at all - and perhaps if he didn't it was just as well. He still didn't know why Marius wanted to talk to him, but the summons had sat with him for most of the day, gnawing away at his stomach with anxiousness. He couldn't help but wonder if Aquila had said something to Lestrange, and it was the reason for this discussion. Perhaps his instinct was wrong though. Perhaps he was just on edge after what Aquila had implied and the conversation would be only in regards to the defense sessions they'd been having. Telling himself that was all it was, he turned the corner into a long hallway that seemed to go on for the length of the house. Astra had managed to slip away from Corbina successfully and was now pacing through the hallways, hoping she looked like she was going somewhere in particular rather than waiting for someone in particular. Corbina especially had asked plenty of pointed questions about Severus and she hated lying to her friend even if it was necessary - and the fact that lying was necessary to preserve propriety did confuse her a little, even if she was fairly sure she'd thought it out perfectly logically and reasonably. When she heard footsteps that were not her own she looked up sharply, moving towards the origin of the sound, and had to hold back a too-bright smile when she saw Severus with one of the servants. The last thing they needed was the staff talking, along with trash like Sirius Black. Managing to modulate it to something more reasonable, she gave him a nod of greeting that she hoped conveyed more than it did to the servant. "Severus, good evening. Are you meeting someone?" Severus' heart quickened when he saw her, but knowing he couldn't betray anything in front of the servant, he kept his voice as calm as he could manage as he greeted her. "Marius, actually," he said simply. "I had arranged to take a few moments to speak with him." Of course she knew that, but he couldn't betray that he'd told her about this - or that this meeting was anything other than a chance encounter. "I've never been this way before," he noted the passages. "I'm fairly confident I would get lost without a guide." He slowed slightly to address her properly hoping that she might take the opportunity to offer to take him there herself. His eyes met hers, and he resisted the urge to reach out and touch her. Propriety was necessary for both of them. Their chances would be slim enough if they did follow everything to the letter. She nodded again, a polite movement that was the logical next step in their conversation, if you could even call it that - pleasantries, one after the other, none of which were what they wanted to say. "I could take you if you'd like," she offered, tone of voice indicating that it was not particularly important to her either way. "I'm sure you have other things to do." That last was addressed to the servant with a rather more dismissive note to it; she didn't care what other things the woman had to do, as long as she did them. Apparently she did have some small tone of command, at least, as the servant curtsied and left, heading off down one of the side corridors that probably led to the service areas of the building. Now Astra did smile brighter, glad for some time alone with Severus, even if it would take no more than a matter of minutes to lead him to Marius' quarters, and that was walking slowly. "How was your meeting with Bellatrix?" As the woman left, Severus fell into place beside Astra, matching his steps to hers, more slowly than he would have done otherwise, but he was in no hurry to get to Marius' quarters. This was made even more true by the fact that he did not know when he'd have an opportunity to talk to her alone again. "Successful," he said. He turned to her and caught her eyes, giving her a warm smile that lit up his entire face. "I'm working with some advanced magic," he said. "And I believe it's working. I do not have it completely learned yet, but I am progressing and give me another session I shall be much improved beyond what I am now." There was a note of pride to his voice. He'd worked hard to learn it as quickly as he had, and he felt that it was going reasonably quickly. He turned to look at her, there were a hundred things he wished he could say, and he sincerely hoped that no one was around to hear them. He glanced around, and seeing no one, he stopped, reaching out and briefly touching her hand lightly to slow her as well. "Astra, I love you," he said softly. "And it should have never been written before it was spoken, for which I apologise, but I will not apologise the sentiment," and I should not say this aloud in the Lestrange household he finished silently. But the feeling had made him, if not reckless, bolder than he knew he should have been. Yes, this was how it should have been - not whispered in a snatch of time in a corridor, of course, but spoken aloud, murmured as though he hardly dared to believe this was happening. That was certainly how she felt. Excited and scared and brave and daring all at once, and not at all sure of the words to explain it to anyone even if she could, even if it would help her at all. Her comments about his meetings with Bellatrix died on her lips in favour of a delighted smile as she touched his hand back, finger tips lingering recklessly for a moment on his skin. "I wouldn't want you to," she replied, voice low and warm. Why did it have to be now, that she felt so happy when so many things were going wrong? Not that she felt Georgina's loss any less, or her family's plight, but-- oh, it was just as though they were in two separate parts of her heart, and one ached while the other rejoiced. It was confusing and bittersweet. "I love you. And I have every faith that you'll master it, whatever it is. Too many people underestimate you." He looked down into her eyes, everything else forgotten. His head had ached after his meeting with Bellatrix, and if he were thinking of it, it still would, but right now it was his heart that felt way too full, as if it might explode at any moment from the touch of her fingers on his skin, the warmth of her smile, and the low tone of her voice. "You don't," he said, swallowing. "That means so much to me, that you believe in me." He knew they couldn't stand there in the hall forever, in fact even a moment longer was probably dangerous. A house elf, a servant, one of the Lestranges themselves might pass by at any moment, and he couldn't allow them to be caught here. It would be better if nobody but the servant knew they spoke at all. His eyes rested on her face, dropping for a moment to her lips - no, that would be too bold, and he stepped back, reluctantly beginning to walk in the direction they'd been going. The moment had to be broken, for both of their safety. There would be time, he could only pray there would be time for both of them. "It's important I master it," he said thoughtfully, returning to the safety of the conversation he'd interrupted. "Perhaps more important than I originally realised." Her heart still beat hard, seeming reluctant to turn back to safer territory as they started moving back down the hallway towards Marius' rooms. Marius who was so determined to protect her - from everything, no doubt, not just attack from external sources, and she wondered whether Corbina or Aquila would have talked to him. "Oh?" Without knowing what brand of magic in particular it was that he was studying she couldn't make much comment, but she supposed it must have been important, to draw him away from the responsibilities he already had. They, alone, took up so much of his time already that anything that was added over and above them clearly had to be very useful indeed. He hesitated, uncertain how much to tell her, but then he trusted Astra. Trusted her more than he trusted most people. "Magic of the mind," he explained, keeping the explanation truthful, but simple. "It should assist with resisting such curses as Imperius," he wanted to reach for her hand, and he shoved the one closest to her into his pocket to keep himself from reaching out to touch hers. They were alone, probably, but he couldn't risk it. Particularly not when he was afraid the reason he was talking to Marius was regarding exactly this very thing. "Which could be very useful now that the Aurors have been authorized to use Unforgivables," he frowned slightly. Unforgiveables had their place, perhaps, although he personally preferred to keep their use to a minimum, but the ministry authorising the use had still seemed wrong to him. It was the sort of thing that made him not trust the Ministry that much more, and he wondered what Mister Crouch would say if he knew his son were one of the group he was fighting against. He turned to look at her, admiring her hair and the line of her chin. "And you," he queried. "How do they keep you busy?" That did sound useful, amazingly so, and also difficult - she could see why he would need to train with Bellatrix to learn it. It didn't seem the sort of thing you could just pick up a book about, or just anyone would know all about it, whereas she couldn't even put a name to the skill off the top of her head. Compared to that, she hadn't been doing very much at all interesting, though perhaps it was always that way - certainly she'd seen some of the lower class rabble claiming women of her class did nothing with their time, no matter how incorrect it was. "Frivolous things, mostly. I think Druella and Narcissa are determined to spoil me particularly, though even here it's been a matter of filling my time with light-hearted things. Even now... I think everyone has decided that if Corbina and I are just sufficiently distracted, we won't have time to feel depressed. The funny thing is, it does work, a little." She smiled a little ruefully; this was going further than simply holding herself with dignity in public, it was much closer to method acting and pretending that everything was fine in order to convince themselves of the fact. Severus watched her as she spoke, nodding slightly. He worried some about Druella and Narcissa, about the Lestranges: frankly, he worried. He had no reason to, he realised. If Astra was to be pulled away from him, it would have happened before now. She had made up her mind, and she loved him - something that he still couldn't quite wrap his mind around - and nothing was likely to change that fact. It was right she should spend time with Narcissa, right she should spend time with Corbina. Corbina and Astra and Georgina had been such close friends after all - who else would better understand the loss Astra felt than Corbina? "A little," he spoke softly. "It's all right to grieve her, Astra," he did reach out and touch her hand now, allowing his fingertips to linger just for a moment on the back of her hand. "I know she was one of your closest friends, and I cannot imagine," he frowned. "Allow yourself the time to grieve. It will heal, with time." He knew they couldn't have much longer until they would be outside Marius' door, and his walk slowed marginally as he dropped her hand. "If I were to send you an owl," he said softly. "Would you be able to take the contents privately or will they have questions?" By they he meant all of them. The entire world whom he couldn't help but feel was conspiring to keep the two of them apart. Astra considered the question, pace slowing even further as she realised that the entrance to Marius' chambers was only around the next corner. They had walked far too quickly, though she could hardly see that going much slower could have bought them more than a scant few seconds. "I don't know," she admitted, wishing she could give a better answer. "I'm not alone very often. It would probably come when I was in company, and I don't have so many acquaintances that I'd have anything that couldn't be shown." Especially if they were already suspicious - which Georgina had been - which Corbina probably still was - and, it seemed, possibly Marius now as well. The weight of all of that seemed impossibly heavy, especially when there was no telling how long her father would have to remain in France, and Druella seemed far too interested in her prospects. And then they were in the hallway, and she halted with a small, inaudible sigh. "It's here," she said, indicating Marius' door with a gesture. "I suppose he'll be waiting for you." Yes, Severus supposed Marius would be waiting for him. He knew Astra had probably not intended the sentence to be ominous, but Severus could not help but feel that it was so. He stopped and gave her an encouraging smile. "Then I shall find some other way," he said softly so their voices would not carry through the door. "You should go," he added. "It would not be beneficial for you to be here when Marius opens the door," Severus didn't know for certain it was what Marius wished to discuss, but intuition told him it was. He reached out and ran a finger across her cheek, dropping it more swiftly than he should have liked to have done. "I shall miss you, but I shall see you soon. Now go," he urged her, motioning down the corridor. She summoned another smile, though perhaps it was a little shakier than her last as she prepared now to leave Severus - not for ever, of course, or hopefully not even long, but still. They hadn't had so long together, and she missed the freedom of her own house and when they'd had hours together, just sitting quietly in the library. "I love you," she whispered again, backing away just so that she could look at him for a moment longer before turning to go back to Corbina. |