remus lupin is finally at peace. (moonstricken) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2008-06-18 10:21:00 |
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With Sirius out distracting Marlene from seeing him, Remus had quickly taken the opportunity to make his way into the loo, making sure not to be seen. He couldn't let anyone see him like this -- while he didn't know exactly how he looked, Remus was certain it wasn't pleasant. He almost didn't want to find out for himself, but he had to. He needed to. Making sure the door was shut firmly behind him, he took out his wand to lock it to make sure no one could get inside. Once that was secure, Remus moved over to the sink, finally looking at himself in the mirror. Remus could hardly recognise himself, or maybe he just didn't want to -- blood around his mouth, down his chin, staining his shirt; and not his own blood. It was enough to make him feel ill, hit hard with a wave of nausea so strong that he immediately knelt down by the toilet, promptly getting sick. Oh, Merlin, what had he done? It didn't matter that it was Marius Lestrange; he had bitten someone. He'd tasted the other man's blood -- no, he could still taste it. Remus stood up, bending over the sink and turning on the faucet to wash off his face, scrubbing hard to make sure there wasn't a trace left. He could hardly bring himself to look in the mirror again, he felt so disgusted and ashamed. How could he face anyone now? What was he becoming? Perhaps everyone was right about werewolves, after all. There were no good ones -- only those who could repress their urges for a little while. Maybe that's why he's never met another werewolf like himself. Maybe they just didn't exist, and that's why the Ministry didn't make exceptions. All that control Remus had worked so hard on all these years suddenly seemed to be completely gone. Greyback was right -- he is a monster. Was it only a matter of time until things got worse? Could he continue to control his temper as he had been near the full moons? What if, the next time, it wasn't a Death Eater -- what if he hurt someone he cared about? It was only as he was brushing his teeth, trying to get rid of the taste, that he remembered he would have to face Marlene. She would probably want to know what happened at the fight; Remus didn't know if he could be honest with her. He couldn't bare to see her look of disgust, or worse, what if she became afraid of him? It wasn't as if he ever wanted to bite someone. If he could take it back, he would, but it didn't change the fact that he did bite Marius, and nothing could change that now. There was no going back to his promises of never biting anyone, of his solid beliefs that he would never give in to his instincts like other werewolves. Could he even continue to classify them separately from himself anymore? In the end, he was just like them; perhaps not as horrible as Greyback, but who was to say that would never happen? He always said he'd never bite anyone, either, but now here he was, spitting into the sink trying to get the taste out of his mouth. It was gone now, but he could still remember it, and it made him feel sick all over again. Finally looking at himself in the mirror once more, he thought he looked clean enough -- there was still the blood on his shirt, though, and he pulled that off, bunching it up so no one would see it. Remus would probably just throw it out or try to wash it himself, but for now, he was not going to worry about it. There were more important things to deal with right now; maybe Sirius managed to convince Marlene to stay somewhere else for the night? No, probably night -- he hadn't asked Sirius to tell her that, just to distract her so he could have time to wash up. She was probably still here. There didn't seem to be anymore blood on him that he could tell, and save for the bruises he had obtained from the fight, everything else seemed okay. With a sigh, he picked up his wand and unlocked the door, lost in his own confused thoughts as he made his way to his room. He tossed the dirty shirt into a corner and pulled open a dresser drawer to dig out something clean to wear. Even if Remus had told Sirius to convince Marlene to stay the night elsewhere, Marlene never would have listened. If he didn't feel well and wanted to be by himself or something of the sort, that was one thing, but she sure as hell wasn't going home without seeing Remus, without at least talking to him first. If she would have had her way, Marlene would have stayed sitting cross-legged on her spot on the bed in Remus's room, planted there until the moment he got back. Of course, once they'd left, worry started to set in, followed quickly by watch-checking on fifteen second intervals, as well as glances through the window that were constant enough to give a person whiplash. After a few hours of waiting around nervously (or really, more like ten minutes), Lily finally had to drag Marlene out into the living room in a failing attempt to keep her distracted. Did she honestly think that Marlene was going to be able to concentrate on playing Monopoly? She didn't have the patience for this game anyway on a normal night, and her worries about Remus and Sirius meeting up against bloody Marius Lestrange when paired with her utter bloody annoyance at how she kept having to pay up after landing on Lily's Boardwalk property with four hotels on it was only serving to leave Marlene severely irate. Finally, after what felt like days and years later, Marlene heard the door to the Potter house open, and she nearly sent the game board sprawling off the table's surface, smacking her knee into the table leg and sending Chance cards avalanching into the houses decorating Marvin Gardens and Pacific Avenue. "Bye Lil," Marlene gave her friend a half-apologetic grin as she rushed towards the doorway, only to nearly run into Sirius, with Remus nowhere in sight. Sirius did his job of keeping Marlene busy annoyingly well, and it wasn't until after they'd heard the door of Remus's bedroom unlock that she managed to push past him, Sirius's assurances that everything had gone brilliantly not good enough for her. It wasn't that Marlene didn't trust Sirius when he said that Remus was okay -- far from it, actually -- but she needed to see first-hand. After tapping lightly on the bedroom door -- maybe she'd been too quiet; she hadn't heard a response -- Marlene ducked inside the room, closing the door behind her. Remus was at the dresser -- his shirt must've gotten ripped or something, or else he was in an awful hurry to put on pyjamas -- and Marlene slipped up behind him, wrapping her arms around his middle, relieved that he seemed to be all in once piece aside from a few bruises. "Good, I knew you'd be okay," she said, although her mood throughout the rest of the night leading up to that moment painted a very different picture. "What happened? How did it go?" Did you break his face? she held off on asking. No reason to overload him with questions all at once. Remus nearly jumped as if burned when he felt Marlene's arms encircle him, but he immediately placed a hand over hers to show that everything was okay, not wanting her to pull away from him. He didn't know how to respond, though, and he was quiet for several seconds, one hand clutching a clean shirt and the other holding her hand. He didn't want to tell her what really happened. He would have to lie -- why did everything always come back to more lies? Could he never be honest with anyone? He'd only just been opening up to Marlene and sharing everything with her, but now he would have to close up again. Remus pulled away from her, breaking the contact to pull the shirt on over his head, refusing to turn around and look at her. "It went fine. His second had to side-along apparate with him. And I did break his nose," he said, short and to the point, not wishing to elaborate any further. He was almost afraid to look at her; what if he still had that same look in his eyes, the one that had managed to scare even Marius? He didn't want her to see that. He couldn't stop thinking that maybe she was far too good for him -- monsters didn't deserve good people like Marlene, did they? She didn't even know what kind of person he was turning into, and he didn't even have the courage to tell her. Still avoiding meeting her eyes, he moved over to the bed to sit down, considering just laying down and ignoring her; it was much easier to push people away when he had things to hide than to make up more lies. He didn't, though, and instead he sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. Now that the adrenaline from the fight was beginning to wear off, he was starting to feel just a little tired. He didn't need to look at Marlene for her to be able to tell that there was definitely something wrong. She could see it in his movement; she could hear it in the flat, nearly dead tone of his speech. It didn't seem like a good moment to congratulate him on breaking his nose. Marlene brought her arms around herself as Remus pulled away, watching as he made his way over to sit on the edge of the bed, not saying a word. Had something gone wrong? It was nothing she could see physically: Remus looked exhausted but mostly unharmed, and as far as she could tell, Sirius had seemed nearly euphoric -- not at all injured either. After waiting a few more seconds, wondering if he'd say anything once he'd taken a seat, (he didn't), Marlene moved to sit next to him on the bed, instinctively putting an arm around him, simply waiting and watching for him to say something. When he didn't, Marlene finally spoke up, figuring that it would have to be on her if she was going to find out anything. "What happened, Remus?" she asked, her tone not accusing, but genuinely concerned. It was there on the tip of his tongue when she asked him again what happened, but Remus was still too afraid. He felt torn; on one hand, he felt he should push her away, to close up to her so there could be no doubt that he might hurt her, but on the other was a selfish desire to keep her close despite feeling that he was dangerous. And besides that, he didn't know if he could stand Benjy flirting with her if he managed to push her far enough away that she broke up with him. He couldn't even tell if these possessive thoughts were actually himself, or his other, more primal side. "Nothing happened." It was a blatant lie, and he knew Marlene wouldn't believe him for even a moment, but he had no other response. Remus slipped his arm around her waist and turned slightly to face her, but he still avoided her eyes and kissed her temple. "Are you staying the night?" he asked, in a poor attempt to change the subject. "I was planning on it, yeah," Marlene nodded, trying to fight back her annoyance over the fact that Remus was obviously lying to her. He wasn't even looking at her, which was hint enough beyond the fact that she knew better. She tilted her head down, continuing to look up and over at him, attempting to catch his eye, considering he seemed so keen on avoiding doing so himself. "I'll be here all night," she said again, leaving the sentence hanging, waiting a moment before continuing. "That'll give you plenty of time to actually tell me what's going on, or the entire night to keep pestering you about it. I'll leave it up to you," she finished, her jaw set determinedly. True, the choices Remus was being presented with were "tell me now" or "tell me later," and Marlene hoped that he'd choose option number one, but she was not planning on letting either of them leave the room until he told her what had happened at the fight. Remus clenched his own jaw when Marlene laid out her options for him, and he let go of her, pulling away once again. "You can try to pester me about it all night, but it's not going to happen," he replied sharply. "And I'm not going to tell you now, either." He stood up then, but didn't try to leave the room; he merely walked around to the opposite side of the bed so he could lay down without Marlene in the way. Pulling off his shoes, he let them drop to the floor before settling himself down on the bed with his back to Marlene. He didn't care if he was being childish, but damned if he would give in and tell her anything. Couldn't she just let him to go sleep? Not with that attitude, she wasn't! "So something did happen," she stated plainly, since Remus clearly wouldn't've gone into such an immediate pissyfit if he'd simply walked up to Lestrange, smashed him in the nose, and come back home. Marlene spun around on the bed, watching him, wondering what the best way to go about this would be. Part of her considered jumping up and down on the bed until she finally annoyed it out of him. If he was going to be childish, she sure as hell could match that, if not go above and beyond his level. "Should I go ask Sirius, then?" He felt the bed move when she turned around on it, but Remus didn't budge, half tempted to grab a pillow and hold it over his head so she would take the hint. Bugger -- he hadn't told Sirius not to tell Marlene about what happened. But he would keep that a secret, wouldn't he? Then again, it was Sirius -- and this was also Marlene, he was sure she'd be able to get the information out of him. "I don't care what you do," he muttered. If Sirius told her, then he was going to have another problem on his hands that would involve yet another argument between them. "Obviously you do, or else you'd've just told me yourself by now," Marlene retorted, ignoring the faulty logic in that, but refraining from asking if he cared if she went onto the journals asking Marius Lestrange himself what had happened. Although if he kept acting this way, the concept of doing so was beginning to feel mighty tempting. She bounced on the bed a bit on her knees, not enough to potentially damage the bed springs but still enough to be irritating. "What the hell do you think you're going to accomplish by not saying anything? We're supposed to tell each other stuff, remember?" she asked, waiting for a moment before stealing his pillow just for good measure. Oh, Merlin -- was she actually bouncing on the bed? Has she been taking lessons from Sirius and James on how to be obnoxious? Considering her first statement, she's certainly learnt the art of not making sense from Sirius already. But then the guilt hit; Remus wanted to be honest with her, but this -- how could he ever tell her? Stealing his pillow didn't help the annoyance level, though, and Remus pinched the bridge of his nose before sitting up, turning to glare at her and really looking at her for the first time that night. "Look. You wouldn't understand, alright? It's complicated, and I don't expect to get anything accomplished by not saying anything other than just not telling you. So stop asking, and for Merlin's sake, stop bouncing on the bed." His words definitely had an impact, especially considering they were the first he'd delivered while actually looking at her, letting her see that he definitely did mean what he said. Right. It was complicated. Of COURSE Marlene wouldn't be able to understand. Nice. Her bouncing on the bed halted, slowed, then stopped as the springs finished coiling and uncoiling as she sat there still, hugging the stolen pillow to herself and trying to keep her gaze with Remus steady. It'd taken this long to get him to even look at her; she wasn't going to give that that bit of leeway up already on account of him making one snippy comment. "Try me. Might help you figure out if I really wouldn't understand or not." Because as far as Marlene could tell in her presently jilted, self-focused head, she would be able to understand more than he was giving her credit for. She'd actually fought the same guy before -- granted under completely different circumstances. How was she supposed to know how hard she was going to have to go out and kick Frenchy's stupid arse for putting Remus in a state like this if Remus was going to refuse to talk to her. Remus grit his teeth, attempting to keep his temper in check before replying to Marlene. "Fine. You really want to know what happened?" he asked, making to attempt to hide the anger -- and perhaps a little bit of bitterness -- in his voice. "I bit Lestrange. I just -- I bit him, like some sort of... animal. It's like I couldn't even control myself," he said, breaking eye contact with her, clearly ashamed of what he had done and remembering what Marius had said to him before he escaped. "Do you understand that? Greyback was right about me." He couldn't stand it. He couldn't even be in the same room with her, and Remus stood up, ready to flee the room altogether. "Oh," Marlene frowned, it not clicking immediately as to why this was such a concern. Then it hit her, the reason rushing to the front of her mind with a sharp jolt, and for the first time that night Marlene found herself extraordinarily relieved that Remus wasn't looking at her, as it took her a second to get the expression of confused shock off of her face. "Oh." She moved to reach for Remus's hand, but before she could, he had stood up and started towards the door. "No, no no no no, Remus, dammit, stop!" Marlene ordered him as she scrambled off the end of the bed, trying to get in front of him to block Remus from escaping the room, grabbing for his wrists in attempts to keep him where he was. "He was not right, don't you dare even think that. This is different; this is so fucking different and you know it." Remus couldn't understand her reaction. Why was she being so accepting of this? Why wasn't she afraid of him now? He'd bitten someone, tasted blood; hell, he didn't even know what happened to a person when they were bitten by a werewolf in human form. When she grabbed for his wrists, he backed away from her, avoiding her hands. "I don't see how this is any different. I know it was Lestrange, but I promised myself I'd never bite anyone. Ever. I don't care who it is. I don't want anyone to have to go through what I do. I could have done something else, punched him or kicked him or... anything, but I didn't; I was out of control and I bit him. I'm just -- I'm dangerous. What if that happened with someone I cared about? If Lestrange's second hadn't blasted me off him, I don't know what would have happened." Remus ran his hand through his hair in frustration, thinking about the battle. Would he have attacked Sirius? He didn't want to think so, but he hadn't tried listening to Sirius either, instead trying to shove him away. It took nearly everything in Marlene not to glare back that Lestrange deserved everything he'd gotten and probably more. This wasn't about stupid Marius, this was about Remus, and the fact that he had gotten out of the fight safe, and that he should never have to feel like he was at that moment. "It wouldn't be someone you care about," Marlene insisted firmly, not backing down from the truth that she needed to make sure that he understood. "It was self-defence. You can't know what kind of shite he would've pulled if he'd gotten the chance, Remus; he's a death eater -- he fucking kills people, he's probably the one who killed Edgar's kids, he fucking left me there to burn to death and then he probably went home and had a smoke and a laugh about it and never gives it a second thought, and you're here beating yourself up over just biting him, and not on the full, either," she said, finally taking a breath, her words pouring out without pause. Maybe Remus wasn't going to let her touch him, but Marlene would be damned if she was going to shut up long enough to let him get lost in his head. Those werewolves who'd attacked Aberforth, one of them had bitten him and it hadn't been the full, right? And he was fine; there was no reason -- however unfortunate -- that Frenchy wouldn't be back to his... charming self eventually as well. "Maybe you crossed some invisible line that you drew for yourself, but the fact that you WANTED that line there, that you made a mistake and that you can recognise that and that you feel guilty about that... That's why you're different. You're not dangerous, Remus; you're human." Oh, he hadn't known that part. He hadn't known that Marius had left Marlene to die inside a fire, and just the thought of it made Remus wish just for a moment that he could go back and punch in Marius' face some more. However, it was too late now, but Remus was already vowing to himself that the next time he saw Marius, he would make sure he knew just how Remus felt about his actions. He had to admit that Marlene made some good points, even though they were not enough to shake the disgust he felt with himself. "I -- didn't want to tell you because I thought you would be disgusted with what I had done. I didn't want to scare you away. I'm sorry." Remus wasn't quite sure what else to say; the fact that she had reacted in a completely opposite way than he expected both caught him off guard and made him feel such a surge of affection for her that he moved closer to her, reached out to touch her arm, her shoulder, then up to tuck hair behind her ear before leaning in to kiss her. He felt terrible for underestimating her reaction; he really could tell her anything. He only hoped he could remember to never doubt her again. It apparently was a night for extremely unexpected reactions, because Marlene really hadn't predicted that they would be going from shouting to snogging in only a matter of minutes. She returned the kiss, wrapping her arms around Remus's shoulders, then pulled back after a few seconds. "You don't need to apologise. Except maybe for thinking I scare that easily," she grinned, obviously joking. It was a bit scary -- not worrying about the fact that Remus might potentially one day do something that would hurt her or one of their friends (because he wouldn't), but that they were living in a time, in a world, where things could happen that were awful enough that they'd actually be able to drive him to that point. Or that would lead Marlene herself to actually consider what Jo had been saying about the Unforgivable curses for a brief second. It was all very very confusing sometimes, how much everything had changed in the year since they'd finished school. It was so much easier not to think about it. "Would it be okay if I said 'I told you so'?" she smirked cheekily before popping up on her toes to kiss him again. "Because I told you so." Remus grinned slightly, chuckling a little as he slipped his arms around her waist. It was unlikely he would forget what had happened anytime soon, nor forgive himself so easily, but that his friends didn't think he was a monster for what he did was going to help immensely. Hopefully, Sirius would take the situation seriously (ha), but he didn't expect that much courtesy from him. In face, he was pretty sure that Sirius was pleased with how things went. He just hoped there wouldn't be any fights about it in the near future, especially considering the full moon was just tomorrow night. He was a little worried about Marius, though; what was going to happen to him? Remus was fairly sure the wound would leave behind a scar -- would he be able to figure out what Remus was from that? Would he tell anyone? Remus didn't think it was going to be an immediate concern, but he couldn't ignore the issue completely. What if Marius tried to blackmail him with the information? What would he do then? Shaking his head a little, Remus focused on Marlene again, raising an eyebrow in her direction at her enquiry, and then narrowing his eyes; the smirk was still there, though, to show he was not really angry. "What if I told you it wasn't okay? Well, I guess it's too late for you know, you've already said it," Remus said, locking his arms more firmly around her and pulling her closer to him, before lifting her right up and in the same swift movement, turning to drop her on to the bed. There, this was much better, much easier to deal with, slipping back into the same, playful familiarity he always seemed to get into when he was around Marlene. "It's just occurred to me that I don't know if you're ticklish or not. Should we find out the hard way or the easy way?" he asked, grinning and looking nearly ready to pounce -- which, honestly, he was likely to do no matter what her answer was. He was making jokes again; that was a good sign. It wasn't an extraordinary fact, and if Marlene knew Remus at all (and by now, she liked to think that she did), she was well aware that this would not be the last time Remus would be thinking about everything that had happened. If she could help delay what she was sure would turn out to be epic levels of mulling, though, or potentially assist in making it easier for him once she wasn't around to distract him, then she was happy to be able to do something. There was really nothing else that Marlene could do; they didn't exactly publish How To Deal guides on what to do when your boyfriend (who just happened to also be a werewolf once a month) bit someone who had tried to kill you, and had killed other people. (Or, at least, that was Marlene's theory and she was sticking to it.) Marlene was a little worried that Remus had gotten hurt worse in the fight than he was letting on, that he'd been focused more on what he'd done, ignoring anything that might've been done to him. Apparently Remus was feeling well enough physically to manage lifting her up off the ground, if only for a moment, and Marlene found herself plopped down onto the bed, smiling cheekily up at him. Until he mentioned tickling. There was that look of terror that Remus had probably been expecting to wash over Marlene's face when he'd been avoiding talking about biting Lestrange. "What. No, NO, no I'm not!" Marlene denied and lied to the ends of the world, already trying to slide backwards further up onto the bed, ready to roll out of the way. "Neither one, neither one; we find out no way." Most of the bruises Remus acquired during his scuffle with Marius were hidden under the clean shirt he had pulled on, but the worst of it were his bruised knuckles (punching a man in the face three times would do that to you), and the one on his back from the blasting curse that French woman had cast at him. He came out of this fight rather well off, considering, but he had chosen to overwhelm Marius with attacks as quickly as he could, so it was lucky for Remus that he went down fast -- otherwise he might have worn himself out early in the fight. The injuries still hurt, but weren't so terrible that he couldn't at least partially ignore them for more important things, such as attempting to find out with Marlene was ticklish or not. "Your protesting only makes me think that you are," Remus grinned, and noticing she was trying to scoot back on the bed away from him, he quickly climbed onto the bed after her. He grabbed her leg first, half to stop her from getting away and half so she wouldn't back up so far that she completely fell off the bed, and then crawled farther up on the bed so he could reach just above her hips, tickling her sides. Oh, this was not fair. Remus may have been slightly underweight for a fellow his size, but he was still bigger than Marlene, and he had post-fight adrenalin and pre-full moon strength on his side. She instinctively tried kicking at Remus with her free leg as he grabbed the other, barely managing to swat at him. A laughter-filled shriek escaped as Remus climbed up onto the bed and over her, anticipating what was coming and knowing that her feeble attempts of escape were forfeit. The instant that Remus's hands touched her sides, Marlene's body immediately tensed up as she tried and failed to pull away, succeeding only in falling back onto the bed, the air mixed with her fit of screams and uncontrollable giggles. Each of her hysterically amused attempts at veiled threats or pleas for the tickling to stop went unintelligible and interrupted by more squeals of laughter, and Marlene's tries to bat Remus's hands away fell flat as she wiggled about, her arms flailing and smacking at the bed against her will. "RE- REMUUUS, I ca-- you ha-- sto-ahahahaHAHAHAA" she dissolved into more laughter and screams as she squirmed about on the bed, obviously enjoying herself despite laughing hard enough to make breathing almost completely impossible. Merlin, he hadn't expected her to react so loudly -- even for Marlene! Remus couldn't help but laugh at the response, and he was relentless with tickling her, but he only did so for a few more moments as he didn't want either a) people to come running to see what all the screaming in his room was about, or b) for his girlfriend to die because she couldn't breathe from all the tickling. His hands stopped at her sides and for a brief moment wondered what she would do if he were to slip his hands underneath her shirt, but only not doing so on the account that she might not want him to do it. Instead, he placed his hands on the bed on either side of her to support himself. "Sorry," he said, grinning and still laughing, although not nearly as much as Marlene had been. "I figured you were ticklish, but not that ticklish... although that will be good information to remember in the future, just in case." One would have figured that, by now, Remus would have figured out that Marlene's reactions to nearly everything were extremely loud. At the moment, though, now that the tickling had stopped and her giggles were finally dying down, she was quiet, all her energy spent on trying to catch her breath. She glared up Remus, eyes narrowed, trying her best to look pissed off and intimidating over what had just happened, but the big stupid smile that refused to wipe off her face likely killed the effect. "So that you know never to do that again?" Marlene asked him, still slightly winded but thankfully able to speak again. She lifted her arms up, putting them around his shoulders... moved her hands down under his arms, and then -- smirking a bit -- enacted her revenge. Or tried to at least. Damn you for not being ticklish, Remus Lupin, damn you. Not that it was the best idea to try tickling someone who would likely fall on her if he had been, but that was beside the point. Although not ticklish, Remus chuckled anyway, unable to keep the look of smug amusement off his face at her futile attempt to get revenge on him. "Sorry, that's not going to work on me," he said, stating the obvious. "But no, don't think I won't use your weakness to tickling to my advantage sometime again. No one ever expects me to fight dirty, so that just makes it all the easier to catch people offguard when I do," he grinned, realising in the back of his mind that it's been a while since he's played a prank on Sirius. He would have to remedy that soon. "You'll have to figure out some other way if you want to get revenge." Remus was still smirking but there was a slight blush there he was trying to fight, too, because he was having a difficult time not thinking about things that wouldn't make him blush in the position they were both in right now. He really wished he didn't over-think things all the time -- otherwise, he was sure everything would be so much easier. Remus hesitated, but then leaned down to kiss her, bending his elbow to move in closer to her as his other hand found it's way to her waist again at the hem of her shirt. Oh, Marlene would have her revenge. Somehow, someway, someday, she would have her revenge, especially now that she knew she would have to be on the alert now that Remus knew that she was ticklish. She would just have to figure out what exactly the best way of going about doing so would be. This would take some thinking. Thinking that could be done at another time, possibly in another place, because right now snogging was proving to be both distracting and much more enjoyable. Marlene wrapped her arms around him, pulling herself up a little (or Remus in closer to her, who could tell?), resisting temptation to grab his arse. For the moment. Instead she hooked her left thumb through the belt loop of Remus's pants at his waist -- close enough to where if she got more gutsy, she would have easy access -- and continued to hold herself close to him, kissing him back, contemplating nudging the hand he had lurking at the edge of her shirt just to give him the boost he might've needed (as she could feel that it was there, but not wanting to do anything that he might misinterpret as her trying to knock him away). The hand at his waist and the arm around him pulling him down closer to her was encouraging, and Remus tried to stop thinking long enough to build up the courage to just move his hand -- really, how difficult was this supposed to be? Did other people have this much trouble? No, Remus suspected he was probably one of the only people who actually spent this much time thinking in bed as opposed to taking any action. It was also fairly difficult to muster enough courage while being so nervous, so much that he had to take a moment to break the kiss so he could take in a breath. He nearly wanted to outright ask if this was okay, but Remus was pretty sure most people just didn't ask, and hadn't Sirius told him that he'd know when it felt right? Well, it felt right to him, but what if it didn't for Marlene? Oh hell. He was making this far too complicated. It's just a shirt, just do it, Remus thought, sure that his face must be red by now and trying to hide it by kissing her again so she wouldn't be able to see his face as well. He took that moment to finally slip his hand under her shirt, sliding up over her skin. Somewhere, somehow, Sirius and James likely had an alarm going off notifying them that Remus had finally gotten some under-the-shirt action, and were already planning the celebration. Marlene was honestly the slightest bit surprised that Remus had really gone ahead with it -- the anticipation of knowing he was right there, his fingers playing just at the bottom of her shirt -- it catching her off-guard when the act finally happened. Her stomach tensed the slightest bit as Remus's fingertips grazed her skin -- bloody hell, why did she have to be so freaking ticklish?? She didn't want him to think that the movement was out of any sort of desire for him to stop (Merlin, not at all), and after a few more seconds of kissing -- her arm around his neck, fingers running through the hair at the nape -- moved that hand down his side, matching the position that Remus's own had been in seconds earlier, brushing the shirt's edge. Rather than hesitating, trapped in inner monologue as her boyfriend had been, Marlene's hands almost immediately snuck their way under his shirt and over his back. Breaking away from Remus's lips for a brief moment, both for air and to give him a cheeky sort of smile, went to work at lifting Remus's shirt over his back, attempting to pull it over his head. He didn't really need that anyway, right? He shouldn't've even bothered changing shirts in the first place when he'd gotten back. It was warm that night. The difficult part, it seemed, was trying to get things started. Remus wasn't sure how Marlene would react, and the last thing he wanted to do was do something she didn't want; although he was sure she would just tell him if he was doing something wrong, he would prefer avoiding the situation altogether so it wouldn't be something hanging over their heads. Then again, he was probably making it all out into a bigger deal than it really was. This was Marlene, and if she could still want to kiss him even after he's just bitten someone then he didn't think putting a hand underneath her shirt would be that much of an issue. But it was her reactions to him that really helped to relax him the most; the fingers in his hair, then under his own shirt, and the cute smile (in his opinion) she gave him that was impossible not to return with a smile of his own. Remus sat up just enough to help with the removal of his shirt, and instead of leaning back down again his hands went back to Marlene's shirt with more courage this time to remove hers as well. There was still that small worry in the back of his head that he didn't completely know what he was doing, wondering if Marlene had ever done something like this before, and hoped that he wouldn't screw something up -- he just had to trust his instincts on this one and hope they didn't lead him wrong. Marlene definitely hadn't done this before, nor did she have the slightest idea as to what she was supposed to be doing either. Part of her wished that she had some sort of telepathic way to contact Agnes, to ask her what she was supposed to do, if she was doing it right, where she was supposed to go from here... but another part of her had a feeling that if that psychic link existed, that Agnes would be laughing at her. Well, first things first: she rocked forward a little, giving Remus access to removing her top up and over her head before laying back down on top of the blankets, not quite sure of where to go from this point. Why did she not know these things? Remus, at least, probably knew more than enough as to what he was supposed to do, given that Sirius and James weren't exactly the most private people in the world, even though Remus always seemed to get extraordinarily embarrassed whenever it would get brought up. Maybe he didn't know. Oh good lord, he was seeing her shirtless for the first time too. What if he was grossed out by the fact that she wasn't totally stick thin, or that she looked better with her awesome boob shirt on rather than off? Was she supposed to be thinking this much about everything? Because Marlene had much more preferred things the way they were seconds earlier when she'd been running on automatic. Maybe if she could remember to keep breathing things would work out like they were supposed to, and she wouldn't bloody pass out or anything. Because that wouldn't be awkward, not at all. Okay. Breathing. She could do this. Breathing and snogging, she was good at that. (Or, at least, she hoped she was, because otherwise she was really in trouble.) There were other things that she wanted to do, or try, or at least work out as to where to start. Maybe she should take her socks off. Why the hell was she worrying about her socks? Giggling a bit, partially at herself, partially from nerves, she put her arms around Remus's neck again, gently pulling him down to her -- that was a bit different feeling without shirts on in a lovely sort of way -- hoping that if she kissed him again that would somehow miraculously give her some sort of clue as to what to do next, or that he would jump in. Maybe she should say something. It had been entirely too long since she'd said anything; not that she had been thinking much about that. "This is nice," she said softly, brushing some of Remus's hair off his forehead, her hand returning to his shoulders and she leaned in to kiss him again. Nice? Was nice a good word? Should she have said fun? Or stupendous or something? Bloody hell. If they could read each other's thoughts, this whole thing would probably go a lot smoother than it was -- not to mention realising they were having similar thoughts. Remus wished he had listened to every time James and Sirius decided to talk about their sex lives so he would have more of an idea how to proceed with this, but he also thought that they would suggest things that were a little too much for a first time (for example, Sirius and his handcuffs). Still, something would be better than nothing, right? What if she expected him to know what he was doing? Or worse, what if she didn't enjoy it? Remus was pretty sure he would, because it would be fairly simple for him, but he knew enough that women were a bit more complicated, weren't they? He also didn't know how far she actually wanted to go with this, and was torn between asking her if she had a potion or waiting until she had more than just her shirt off. Jumping to conclusions would be a pretty bad idea, in his mind, and he didn't want to assume and offend her. Maybe he should just concentrate on the fact that Marlene didn't have a shirt on right now, which was a pretty easy task to do as he thought she was very lovely to look at. Oh -- but he should probably tell her she looked nice, shouldn't he? Remus wasn't really sure what words he should use; calling her sexy just sounded awkward, even if he thought she was, but just calling her pretty seemed like not enough in this situation. Of course, just sitting there staring wasn't exactly productive, either. Remus thought he'd like to touch her again, but he wasn't sure of the best way to go about that -- it was one thing for a quick grope, but what were you supposed to do after that? Give them a squeeze? That hardly seemed like it would be enjoyable. At least he didn't have to think about that too long, though, as Marlene was pulling him back down again, and -- oh, that was rather nice. It was amazing to him how much more intimate this felt after just discarding their shirts, enjoying the feel of her skin against his, wanting to be as close to her as possible. "Yeah, it's really nice," Remus agreed, quietly, somehow having not even noticed that Marlene had been quiet for so long. "You look really -- I mean, you're so..." he felt at a loss for words, struggling for the right compliment; there were many to pick from. "You're really pretty," he finally settled on, even though it seemed like the default compliment he always called her. Right, kissing her was much easier; he concentrated on that instead, and moved his hands underneath her between the bed and her back to try and unclasp her bra -- except that he couldn't seem to get the hooks undone. Marlene was not having any easier of a time with this, not knowing quite what to say or what to do, and every idea that crossed her mind feeling like a million degrees of awkward. Her cheeks flushed a little at the compliment, it still feeling strange to hear someone say that she was pretty (and even more so to think that they probably actually meant it, even without the fact that they were getting some action.) At least this time she knew well enough not to open her mouth and say anything about his manly ruggedness or any shite like that. How did you even compliment guys? 'Hot' worked, although felt really really inappropriate, and she'd always heard that guys aren't 'pretty,' they're 'handsome,' but that felt disgustingly foppish and hoity-toity, and she felt like any use of the term 'raging biceps' would completely kill the moment, which she definitely wanted to avoid if she could. "You're not so bad yourself," Marlene finally decided on. There. That worked. That was a completely playful Marleney sort of thing to say, while also complimentary. Now if only she wasn't having such trouble messing around with Remus's belt, she would be able to feel extremely pleased with how well she was handling this! As it was, though, whether it be due to nerves (because Merlin, she'd seen him without a shirt before, but certainly not without pants), the fact that boys wore them in opposite directions than girls, or being a ridiculously clumsy ignoramus, said belt did not want to cooperate with her. Too bad she didn't have her wand on her, she could just zap it -- although that might be more forward than either of them was prepared for, and Marlene had a feeling that Remus might not appreciate having spells fired off in that region. If nothing else, her unsuccessful fiddling would likely clue Remus in that she was okay with what was going on, or at least that she was under the impression that if he was going in to take off her bra, it was only fair that he lose some article of clothing he was not used to being seen without. After a moment she realised that Remus was having a tough time getting at what he was trying to do as well, and dropping her hands to her side, grinned and suggested, "I think I can help with that," not wanting to go so far as to suggest that they trade. She arched her back up a little more to give Remus a better go at it, bending her left arm behind her, sneaking around his hands to unclasp it with one hand. She wasn't quite bold enough to go tossing it across the room and onto a lamp or anything by her own accord... or maybe she was. Maybe. If she could just get past thinking about it and would just go ahead and do it... And she went for it, trying to move quick enough to where there wouldn't be a chance to backtrack if she had second (or third, or fourth) thoughts, and removed her bra, tossing it to the other side of the room, hoping it would look as cool as she wanted it to if she managed to land one of the straps circled around the lamp on the table. She managed to hit the lamp, yes, but also succeeded in knocking it over, it landing with a crash that, while it didn't smash it, knocked the light out with the force of impact as it rolled to the floor, and was still loud enough to be ungodly embarrassing. Right -- now it was Remus' turn to have difficulty breathing, as soon as he realised Marlene's hands were at his belt, trying to remove it. He had to stop his attempts at unhooking the back of her bra for a moment, breaking the kiss but not away, moving his head down a little to press his lips against her throat, right where he could feel her pulse. When she dropped her hands to her sides away from his belt, Remus pushed himself up to look down at her, wondering why she stopped, if he might have done something she hadn't liked. He'd nearly been about to apologise when she offered to help him, and he smiled nervously. "Thanks. Can't say I've ever had to, er, unhook one before... we can trade, then," he offered, sitting up some more so he could unbuckle his belt, all the while keeping his eyes on her. How the hell had she managed to do that with just one hand? It had certainly felt complicated to him. Well, this was going well so far. Hopefully he could managed not to make an arse of himself for the rest of the night -- after all, it's not as if he didn't know where everything went; it was just a matter of doing it well. He might have been completely distracted by her as soon as the bra actually came off, if it weren't for the fact that she flung it across the room and actually managed to knock the lamp over. The loud noise was enough to startle Remus and break the tension of the moment, a look of surprise on his face that she had just knocked the lamp off the table. He knew Marlene must be embarrassed, but he couldn't help but laugh a little. It figured that their first time would be like this -- everything with Marlene always seemed to happen outside of the norm, but Remus thought he rather liked it that way. "Sorry," he said, quickly apologising and feeling guilty -- oh, nice going, Lupin. You're not supposed to laugh when your girlfriend is taking off her bra for you; he knew that much, at least. "You're really beautiful," he said, the compliment coming a little easier this time, finally actually looking at her and sounding a little breathless. Belt and trousers both undone now, Remus used his feet to kick off both of his shoes to make sliding off his trousers easier (making sure not to toss them, as knowing his luck, he would break something too). He kissed her again, helping her out of the rest of her clothing once his own were discarded -- and it turned out it was a good thing Sirius had stolen that potion from Lily for them, after all. |