Severus Snape is tired of the lies. (fortiscadere) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2008-05-24 17:53:00 |
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Severus Snape apparated to outside the Avery residence and walked up to the house with a spring in his step that was not something people usually saw. He had actually showered that morning, and taken time to comb his hair. It was less greasy than it might normally be, although the outside of this was that it seemed to be full of more static than he was used to, and he wondered if the shower had actually been such a good idea. In truth, though, he was having a good end of the week. Pepper's advice had been... useful. Severus hadn't spent a lot of time getting to know Pepper, although they were both Slytherins, but he was finding that in general he felt the man made sense, and Severus appreciated people who made sense. Not to mention Pepper's advice in a partner being someone you were comfortable with, had mirrored Severus' own thoughts of recent. He was very comfortable with Astra. He didn't know why, whether it was simply an outcome of having spent so much time around her growing up, or that she didn't seem to be dripping in pureblood extremism, or that she made him smile, but whatever the reason, he enjoyed spending time with her. He enjoyed talking with her. And if he could not have Lily - which he could not have - he had been able to convince himself that looking for another woman might be precisely what he needed to do. And it was not difficult to look in Astra's direction. He would never dream of doing anything untoward with her, no if he was going to do this, he would do it properly, and he and Astra would be married before he would touch her in any way that might be intimate, but the idea of it had stuck in his brain, and it was hard to detach that notion. He walked up to the front door and was greeted by the house elf, who, true to Astra's statement in the journals the night before, let Severus in and motioned him in the direction of the library. That conversation was the second reason for the spring in Severus' step. Astra had said she was looking forward to him visiting today. She had mentioned it and brought it up, and he hadn't even needed to do anything but confirm. For Severus, the feeling that he might be actually wanted was intoxicating. As he climbed the stairs he worked to clear his mind of emotion. As he'd been thinking about Occlumency for most of the week, it was becoming second nature for him to stop and work on clearing his mind. As it turned out, it would be a very good thing that he had done so before going into the library, because unbeknownst to Sev - who was looking forward to another morning in the Avery library with Astra, perhaps with a bit more conversation this time around - Aquila was at home as well. The house elf opened the door to the library and Severus stepped into the room, fingering the chocolate in the pocket of his robes. He'd picked it up from Honeydukes, only the small bar, but it was something frivolous all the same, and Sev had promised Astra something frivolous the night before. At least he'd said he'd think on it, and chocolate had seemed the obvious conclusion for something frivolous, but also likely to be something that Astra would enjoy. It had completely slipped Astra's mind that she hadn't mentioned to Severus that Aquila was home. To be fair, if she had thought of it she might have assumed that her brother had told him himself, being as they were friends and all, but as he was only here for a few days and it was for a reason that she didn't particularly like to bring up in conversation - it felt too much as though she were asking people to feel sorry for her - it simply hadn't occurred to her to mention it. Even his physical presence didn't remind her of her lapse; instead, she was just pleased to be able to spend time with him, coupled with the prospect of seeing Severus as well. She honestly wasn't quite sure how she felt about her brother's friend. She knew she appreciated his friendship, and she had picked up on Georgina's not-so-subtle hints about his blood, but-- well, she liked him and admired him, and her moment of bravery or recklessness or whatever it had been the previous day in actually asking about sex, and having him speak of intimacy, had made her wonder... what it would be like. Not that it could happen. She'd marry someone more appropriate, purer, and richer. Hearing his step on the stair, she looked up from her book, noting her place as she stood to greet him with a warm, genuine smile. "Good morning! Oh-- Aquila-- I forgot to tell you Severus was coming." Her smile turned slightly rueful as she realised, quietly hoping he wouldn't make an issue of it. She was sure his odd little fit last time was only from loneliness, and she'd been spending enough time with him over the last couple of days that he must be sure she still adored him. Aquila was enjoying the quiet of the manor. It was a drastic change from his flat in London, which was quiet in a much less comfortable way. A social creature, Aquila found the emptiness of his current residence disturbing, and found that even with the tension between himself and his father, he rather enjoyed it here. Perhaps, he thought, he was mistaken in ever leaving. Solemnly, he roamed the library, with the silent, companionate presence of his sister a pleasant constant. He looked her way once or twice, admiring the focus with which Astra's eyes held the page. He withdrew a rather old and worn book from the shelf - one of his favourites. It was with intermingled sorrow and fondness that he reached out and traced the letters written on the first page. 'For Aquila, the only son, and the only son I'll ever need. Je t'aime. Maman.' He exhaled as he replaced the book, letting free a breath that had caught in his chest. He looked up when he heard someone enter, and his face broke immediately into a smile. Apparently all indiscretions were forgiven, and at this point Aquila was certain they had been imagined. "Hello, Sev." He grinned and winked at Astra. "I expected he would; libraries are his natural habitat, after all." She had been right, then - he was in a far better mood now, good enough that the slightly passionate nature they both shared wouldn't make another ill-timed appearance. Those emotions were definitely from their mother's side and she knew they sometimes left their father bemused and perplexed and not sure what to do with them, though she was perfectly capable of appreciating his stern reserve at times too. She smiled back at her brother gladly, not wishing for any fights or unnecessary jealousies. It was lucky that Severus had been practising keeping his emotions hidden, for not a hint of the surprise (or the disappointment) he felt at seeing Aquila in the library actually showed on his face. He stepped into the library and gave them both a smile. "Aquila, you're home for a bit? You don't tell me these things," Sev's tone was pleasant and open. "Are you here just for the day, or are you staying a bit?" Severus asked his friend. He was just relieved there wasn't any hostility from Aquila. And it wasn't precisely that he didn't want to see Aquila, he had just enjoyed the previous weekend's visit with Astra when it had just been the two of them. Visit, probably, was a bit too strong for what had actually happened: Mostly he'd spent time reading the books and sneaking glances at her, and they'd actually spoke together very little, but it seemed as if Aquila had been upset about that. And although Severus had been looking forward to another Saturday morning spent with Astra - and hopefully a bit more time in conversation - he wondered if perhaps it wasn't a blessing Aquila was there. It would certainly relieve any suspicions anyone had about why he was spending time in the library. Not that there should be any suspicions. He sat down the small bag he had carried with him and wondered if he should give Astra the chocolate. It had seemed obvious when he'd picked it up, but now with Aquila in the room it felt less so. Of course his intentions weren't bad, and it wasn't as if he'd never given Astra a gift before. He sat down in the seat nearest Astra, and pulled out his journal to place it on the table nearby. He still hesitated, however, because Aquila had gotten upset earlier. He gave Astra a smile. "Did you keep the House elves from reshelving those books I had out last week?" Aquila leaned against the bookshelf. "I'm here for a little while. It's better to be home around this time of year. Father gets tetchy and I don't want him taking it out on Astra." Not to mention that thinking about his mother made him feel oddly cold and alone, and it helped to have Astra nearby. But around Severus, he'd rather admit to being the older brother than the needy brother. He watched both Astra and Severus for a moment, studying them and frowning. Should he be concerned that Severus had sat so close to Astra? No, it wasn't that close, and they were friends. He let out a breath. The books Severus mentioned were still sitting in a pile on one of the low tables, and Astra moved them over for him before re-taking her seat, frowning ever so slightly at Aquila over his wording. "You make him sound awful," she chided him - though, given that the third party present was Severus, she supposed she didn't much need to worry about their father appearing bad. That wasn't a particularly pleasant thought though. "Besides, he needs to remember what it's like to live in a proper house with real food. The food especially, I'm hoping he'll form a hump of fatty reserves to last him when he goes back to his flat, like a camel." She shot Aquila a teasing sideways glance, leaning ever so slightly towards Severus with the motion. Severus gave Astra a smile as she retrieved the books for him, but then turned his attention to his friend, careful not to spend too much time smiling at Astra. Sev wasn't certain if Aquila was actually all right with him coming over to use the library with Astra being there, and he didn't want to give Aquila any reason to ask him to not use the library. He ignored the bit about Mr Avery, as Severus both knew most of the family issues on some level or another, and was also not one to talk about fathers. Whatever Mr Avery might do, or however terse Mr Avery might be, he was an angel compared to what Tobias Snape had been like - at least so far as Severus was concerned. Sev couldn't help but smile at Astra's final comments however. "You know that she's right," he he smirked a bit at Aquila. "When you're here you won't be eating rubbish - far from it I'm sure," and with his final comment he tilted his head towards Astra. His glance was guarded, but he kept his eyes on Astra for a moment longer than he probably should have before settling into his chair. He reached for the book he'd been looking at the following week. It was a text on magics that effect the mind as well as ways to heal it. Severus had been in hopes that it would mention Occlumency & Legilimency, but the brief mention in a throwaway sentence had been all it had provided. He'd discovered, however, that the text did have quite a bit of information on mental states, and things, magical and non-, that might effect such states. Considering his Mum's current state, Severus had determined to actually read through it, and see if there was something that might help her. "It would be amusing to see you with a camel's hump," he added raising an eyebrow at Aquila, as if he were imagining a hump coming out of Aquila's back. Aquila looked quizzically over at the pair of them. "I don't believe I will be growing a camel's hump," he responded, "As all the reserve I need will be brought with me in my hands. I'm certain that Astra will be shoving pasties in my pockets as I go out the door, like Mum used to do." He smiled an uncomfortable smile and for a moment no one spoke. He cleared his throat and broke the awkward silence as he settled on a chair. "In any case, Astra's been keeping busy, obviously. You don't find it boring at home, do you?" he asked her. He was truly curious about how she could possibly stand to be here all day, gardening and cooking and reading. Even at the times when he disliked his job, he at least found it passed the time. He reclined on his chair and two of the legs lifted off of the floor. He waited for Astra to remind him not to, or he'd fall over. "Don't do that," Astra scolded him, true to form. "Of course it's not boring. Running a household is actually very challenging, you know, and if I ever do need to get out of the house I can visit someone or go to the theatre. And I'm learning about Healing." She indicated her book, a basic text on field charms to patch up wounds. Though they didn't often speak about the things the boys most likely did for the Dark Lord, she did worry about them, and this was a good way to show it, in her opinion. It was productive, and kept her busy, and if it ever actually helped either of them she'd be glad for all the time spent on it. "And reading to Severus' mother sometimes, and the garden will be needing a lot more attention soon." Severus held his thumb in his book, and turned to glance at Astra. "Mother really appreciated you coming to read to her," he said gratefully. "I know she gets so lonely sitting by herself during the day, and you know she has to get tired of seeing just me all the time." He gave a slightly self depreciating smirk and glanced at Aquila. It seemed like the two of them hadn't really talked since they'd taken care of the job for the Dark Lord, and Severus wasn't certain where that left them. He'd been frustrated when Aquila hadn't told him about the kid. Sure, what would they have done? What would Severus have done if he'd known? He'd have just been forced with knowing before they did it, that they were killing a baby, and he understood intellectually why Aquila hadn't told him. Still, it felt like since that date they hadn't hung out and they hadn't discussed anything that had happened that night. And perhaps they should have done so. "How is work?" Severus turned to Aquila to try to draw him into the conversation. He hadn't been a particularly good friend to the other boy of recent, and a slight tinge of guilt at this fact seemed to be settling in his stomach. "Work is.... well, it's a job," Aquila shrugged. "Pays the rent." His ambitions were not of the professional sort; indeed, he sought more to find a wife, establish a family, and build connections to other pureblood lines. If he were to be honest with himself, he thought he might enjoy journalism or politics, but his father disapproved of writing as a career and Aquila was much too young to be taken seriously in any political arena. Neither had stopped him, however, from examining avenues. In fact, he had plans, once he'd been at Gringotts a while, to enter the Goblin Liaison Office, and from there, International Cooperation. "I'll only be there a little while, anyway, I hope." "What sort of books does your mother like?" Aquila asked. He stood and examined the bookshelves. He had a certain fondness for Severus' mother, as he did for almost all mothers now. It seemed to him that such a woman must have been lured, somehow, by Tobias Snape. Somehow, it was his fault. "I'm sure you'll only be there a little while," Sev nodded to Aquila as his friend was talking. Severus had absolute confidence in Aquila's ability to make something of himself. They had not been mates for the past few years without Severus feeling that Aquila would go places. Severus had tended to not mess with Slytherins that he didn't feel would help him in some way. "I think Mum just enjoys the company," Severus admitted. "Or at least she seemed to appreciate it when Astra visited." He'd hated that Astra had seen his house now and knew precisely how poorly he and his mother lived, but she had offered, and Severus couldn't refuse his mother the opportunity to have visitors. In his mind, he couldn't help but believe that if Eileen had company besides him from time to time, she might recover slightly. "But she's always enjoyed histories and biographies. You know she could play Gobstones brilliantly when she was younger. I have very distinct memories of her beating me several times over," he shrugged. "I never did get the hang of it." Mrs Avery might no longer be alive, but Mrs Snape, although she was, certainly did not always act it. "What did you read to her, Astra?" "Plutarch, actually. It's interesting because it's a social history, focusing on people rather than events, and I think it's always easier to get involved in a single person than the idea of a group of them." Also there were plenty of books on Greek and Roman history and so she had actually had some education in the period, and it was always easier to talk about something you actually knew a little about. The context, and all. The discussion did remind her of how dismal the place was, but she couldn't be sure if Aquila had ever been there - given how proud Severus could be at times, she wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't. Certainly she wouldn't bring it up around him until she knew for sure; anything she might have to say about bringing flowers or bright needlework was hardly vitally important. Glancing at Aquila, she tilted her head a little, curiously. "Isn't it odd, working around goblins so much?" "You get used to them," Aquila said, with some distraction. He was busy standing on his tiptoes, peering at the shelves of books. Occasionally, he would grab one (with some carelessness that he was sure Mr Lestrange would shudder at), read the title, shake his head, and shove it back where it belonged. "They're odd, really. Miserly, keep to themselves. Don't like me much, and they eyeball me like I might take something. But they realise they need us, so-" he shrugged. He stuck his tongue out slightly as he went for another book. He had almost disappeared behind the shelf by this point, having strolled further toward the end of the shelf, but he continued speaking through the gaps in the books. "And really, how best to understand them than by being in their environment? It's rather like field work, don't you think? If I'm going to go into the Goblin Liaison Office-- OW!" The sound of tumbling books came soon after. "Father shoves these in much too tightly!" Severus laughed as the books came tumbling down. "You all right there mate?" He gave Astra a grin. "I think you shouldn't take up a career as a librarian, in case you were wondering. Do you need assistance?" He wondered if he should actually get up and go see if Aquila was still in one piece. He decided that it was more entertaining to watch him struggle a bit. He tapped his finger on the book he was looking through wondering if there would be something to help his Mum. Astra had done studying, and he wondered if she'd stumbled across anything during her studies. He looked over at Astra and working up his courage, he reached into his pocket while Aquila was otherwise occupied. "Oh, Astra, I nearly forgot," he said, hoping he sounded perfectly casual. "I said I would think on something frivolous, and here you go, something frivolous." He handed over the small chocolate bar he'd had in his pocket. Astra was slightly more tempted than Severus to get up - doting on her male relatives was in here genes, after all - but when he addressed her she unconsciously settled back into her seat, keeping an ear out in case he really did need help. She could hear one of the books that had fallen open faintly crying, but the fact that Aquila was able to complain seemed to suggest he was quite alright himself. She accepted the chocolate with a soft laugh. "Thank you. You didn't have to, but thank you." Severus' smile was genuine, cause she seemed happy with the gift - however small it might be. He nodded, "I know I didn't have to," he shook his head. "But you did ask for something frivolous and I had this - it seemed appropriate." He gave a glance in Aquila's direction, to see if his friend had uncovered himself yet, and then looked back at Astra. She was absolutely lovely and even if she wasn't Lily - but Severus felt he needed to clear his head of thoughts. She might not be Lily, but what was so wonderful about Lily? Severus knew what was so wonderful about Lily, but he had been trying to put her from his mind, and Astra did seem to help that. When he was around Astra, he generally seemed to think about Lily less. "I think I was able to come up with something that would help block Fletcher from your journal as well," Severus noted. "I did some looking. Remind me, and we'll try it before I leave today." |