James and Marlene Log Who: James and Marlene What: Talking about Lily, Snape, and a few other things When: Wednesday Afternoon Where: Marlene's Treehouse
Rating: PG13 for swearing Status: Finished log.
Marlene was torn between a sense of needing to be here for her family and wanting to be absolutely anywhere else in the world. Hell, it was probably more dangerous for her to be there anyway, wasn't it? Her being around is what got people hurt, Marlene thought sardonically. Nonetheless, her parents had been an absolute wreck since Sunday, for very obvious reasons, and were extraordinarily hesitant over letting any of their children leave the house. And their worry was justified, what with Marlene sneaking off to go on rounds with Remus on Sunday night, especially considered their, erm, minor act of vandalism at Grimmauld Place. There were so many millions of ways that things could've gone terribly wrong, and given Regulus's journal entry the night before, Marlene could just imagine how disgusted and outraged and slanty-writingish Reggie and his friends were being under privacy wards. That should have been worrying. Right then, though, Marlene didn't care. She wanted to keep going; it was about freaking time that things started turning in their favour, as childish and immature as their most recent action might've been. They'd gotten their point across, though, which was the important part. And toilet paper was always freaking hilarious, no matter how depressed a person was.
But now she was back at her parents house, ignoring the sounds of muffled sobbing that came sneaking out from under doorways and the suffocating smell of the hundreds of vivid-coloured flowers that were shoved into every room of the house. And if she wasn't allowed to leave, she was at least going to be outside. Her parents were, for the most part, leaving her alone. Felicity had basically locked herself in her bedroom pretending to study for exams, despite everyone knowing that there was no way she'd honestly be able to concentrate on schoolwork at the moment. And Harlan... well, basically wasn't going anywhere, all things morbidly considered. Grabbing a blanket and her journal, hoping that something would be happening so that she could distract herself from life and how much it bloody sucked at the moment, made her way out to the treehouse her dad had built for her and her siblings when Marlene was little. It seemed ironic almost; her brother and sisters had spent pretty much their entire summers in this thing when growing up, and now Marlene was hiding up here because she knew it was the only place on her parents' property that she could go to be alone. Her dad knew where she was in case they needed her. And as much as Marlene felt like she should have been inside with them, she sort of hoped that they would let her ignore the world for a while. So what if she wasn't dealing with everything? Ignoring it was easier.
It had been several days since James had left his parents house for anything except patrols, but after several assurances from his mum that she and Lily wanted and even needed some time to talk "girl things", he headed from the house. He could have easily gone searching for Remus, or Sirius, but the truth was, he wanted a bit of girl talk himself, or at the very least he wanted some advice on the way the female mind worked, and since this wasn't mum-type talk, and the talk was about Lily, he thought through the girls he knew.
Agnes was in jail, so she was out, and Marlene was the very next person to pop into his head. He wasn't completely sure she'd be up to all of this, but there were so many times that Marlene reminded him a lot of himself so he had the feeling she was not doing the mourning thing very well. Likely she was going bat-shit-stir-crazy if she was stuck at home, and so he found himself apparating not far from where her parents lived and heading up to knock on the door. Her father appeared quickly and pointed him to a treehouse and James could only nod and mumble an apology for all that had happened. This was all such complete shit. It seemed like the entire world was hurting.
"Mar?" James called from the bottom of the tree. "Can I come up?"
Marlene wasn't sure at first that she'd actually heard someone outside; whomever or whatever had spoken sounded very far away. Maybe it was because she was several feet up in the air. Or maybe it was because she wasn't really all there herself, zoning out and not really paying attention to what was going on outside the small wooden room. "James?" Marlene called out, probably sounding just as confused at hearing him outside as she actually was. Her immediate thought went to wondering what he was doing here, who was with Lily, did something else happen now? Of course not; James never would've left Lily by herself, not now, and if something else had happened... Well, nothing else better have happened; that was all she had to say about that.
"Yeah, sure, come on up," she nodded, tapping her wand on the doorway and letting the rope ladder fall down to the ground. "Hang on tight, okay? It'll pull you up on its own," she explained, backing away from the doorway to give James space to climb inside. They weren't as small as they used to be. It made using the tree house a bit difficult as some sort of a happening hangout spot.
James grabbed the rope ladder tightly and waited until it pulled him up inside the somewhat crowded treehouse. Maybe they were a little old to be having conversations this way, but it felt secure, and right somehow, and he was instantly glad he'd come.
"Sorry to barge in on you," he said, with an apologetic half smile. "Mum and Lils needed some girl time alone, and a few of the neighbors were over so I wasn't too worried to leave them," he explained. "I guess I figured you could use some company, and Sirius, Pete and Remus could use some time off from listening to me talk..."
He wasn't sure how to really approach this topic and he'd punched so many holes through so many walls that he barely trusted himself to bring it up at all without losing his temper. He tried to focus on Lily's face as she's told him all that had happened... even the parts about running into Severus since she'd been looking for something familiar when the DMLE wasn't going to let her contact James just yet.
"Why are women so--" he started to ask rather abruptly, and then realizing how insulting it may have come across he forced himself to begin again, giving Marlene the sort of apologetic smile he'd been known for back in school.
"Lily refuses to stop talking to Snape," he said quietly. "He's a fucking Death Eater and she won't see it. Is this a girl thing I'm missing, or should I start checking her every day for Imperiuses?" he asked, sounding even to his own ears every bit as pathetic as he felt.
It was a rare situation indeed for Marlene to not be able to get a word in edgewise during a conversation, but she'd discovered over the years that usually when this happened, it was when she was talking to James. She'd opened her mouth to reply when he first climbed inside, tried again after he'd began his short tirade as to what in the world was the matter with women, and again in the middle of his rant about Snape. Sure, she wasn't doing him much good in the "sympathetic agreement" department right at the moment, but even given the times and the subject matter, the familiarity of the situation was sort of nice. Not the reason behind why the conversation was happening. James ranting about Snape was so bloody normal, though, and normal was something that Marlene was trying to cling to.
"Well, clearly she's not in the right frame of mind right now, which sort of excuses her," Marlene chimed in after James paused to take a breath, finally finding her chance to break into his spiel. She knew all too well that Lily and Snape had been friends once upon a time; that wasn't the sort of thing you could miss, rooming with a person for seven years. "Do you think they'd let Snape be one? He's not pureblood; I thought that was part of the rules." She paused. "Although if they were going to start taking in people who weren't, he does sort of fit the bill, doesn't he..." Which was really the understatement of the century, given the circumstances. Not, of course, that Marlene had the slightest clue that it'd been Snape who'd killed her sister and brother-in-law.
"Maybe it's like with Sirius and Lung Boy. She knew Snape back before he was batshit, considering I doubt she would've been friends with him to begin with if he'd sprung out of the womb that way," Marlene suggested, not really able to see any other plausible reason behind it. James was typically a good judge of character, and from what Marlene could remember, he'd been right (or well, had enough of a theory built up for Marlene to believe that he was right) about the other people he'd predicted as Death Eaters. He was probably right this time too.
"He might not be," James conceded. "But he's friends with every last one of those fuckers, and if they're letting in werewolves I guess it seems to me like they'd be letting in sympathetic half-bloods as well," he said, having thought it over extensively several nights in a row. "But either way, It's--"
He could feel his temper starting to rise again and he took a deep breath to try and calm himself.
"It's dangerous," he said quietly. "Sirius would think I lost my mind if he knew, but I actually told her last week she could still talk to Snape if she made damn sure that I knew where she was and that they weren't alone. I don't want to be the sort of husband that holds her hostage even if it's for her own good. I just don't know what she even sees in him," he said, his voice growing louder again. "I know I was a bit of an arse back in school at times when he might not have deserved it, but now? He deserves every fucking thing that's coming to him and I wish I wasn't a bit too Gryffindor to hunt him down and kill him on the spot," he said angrily.
He relized his hands were clenching around the bag he'd been carrying with him and it seemed to break him out of some of his irritation because the look on his face became slightly apologetic again.
"And there go the scones mum sent for us to eat for brunch," he said, opening the bag and pulling out half a crumbled scone and handing it to her. "She was worried you haven't been eating..."
Which was a good point. Given what most of the wizarding world thought about werewolves (and vampires and giants and hags for that matter), the fact that the Death Eaters, the most prejudice people on the bloody planet, were okay with letting a monster like Fenrir Greyback join up to kill people with them, it sort of made sense that they'd let greasy gits with skewed morals tag along to kill people with them too.
"You know Lily will kick your arse anyway you you flat out start refusing to let her see people, no matter who they are," Marlene pointed out. Maybe she wouldn't be up to the arse-kicking any time soon, but she (and she assumed James did as well) knew that Lily would never stand for a "this is my word and that is final" situation. Hell, how many times had Marlene herself been told "Marlene, don't provoke the known Death Eaters," and still gone ahead with it anyway? Maybe it'd be different if Lily had been a Hufflepuff or something, but telling a Gryffindor that they couldn't do something was like setting out free chocolate and telling them not to eat it. (Which, as Marlene, Agnes, and Sirius had learned, was also definitely not the smartest thing to do.)
"I don't see why that's such a bad situation, though," she agreed about making sure that Lily didn't run off by herself to go on any impromptu Snape visitations. Especially with Lily being as vulnerable as she probably was right now, that was the last thing any of them needed: Snape trying to screw with Lily's emotions even more. "None of us should be going off anywhere by ourselves right now, especially not to hang out with Death Eaters. Uh. "Supposed" Death Eaters," Marlene corrected herself, sarcastic air quotes and all. So maybe Marlene was a little bit susceptible to "group think" around her friends. It's not like they went around accusing people of being murderers without almost perfectly clear evidence and reason for suspicion. "I'll go with her if it needs to happen; just let him try to start shit."
Marlene shook her head with a soft smile and took the squashed scone, sliding it from one hand to the other, but not really feeling up to eating it. "Your mum's the best, James. Tell her I said thanks, yeah?" she said earnestly, sitting up straighter and hugging her knees in, hopefully giving James a little more room. He was taller than her; he needed it. "Good guess, too. Haven't really wanted to eat yet, though."
"I just don't get why she can't be more like you," James complained. "You're not falling into any of their tricks... She goes on and on about not accusing the innocent, while they're fucking slaughtering the innocent. None of them are innocent! If Severus Snape is the most innocent they've got, that's a sad fucking lot in life," he said, taking a bite out of his own scone somewhat viciously.
"And you're right, that telling Lils she can't see him would have probably been out of the question anyway, but if the situation was reversed, if I was constantly putting myself into harms way by meeting up with-- I dunno-- Bellatrix or someone-- I know that she'd want a say in it too. It's different when you're married. She's not just a friend, and I shouldn't have absolutely no say in her life," he said, talking himself around into the same circle he'd been talking himself into for the past three days.
"Never once back in school, or while we were dating, or once we were out of Hogwarts did I ever tell her, it's him or me, but I just don't know Mar... It's starting to feel like it's him or me," he said quietly. "After the DMLE came to her house, they wouldn't let her phone me, or use her journal, but they let her take a walk, and you know where she went? To find him... She went to him before me, and yeah, maybe she was just doing what they told her she could do, and she needed someone familiar to talk to, but that's just shit," he said, for the first time revealing exactly how hurt his feelings were. It was hard for James no to be expressive, everything about him was expressive, and this was why he'd come to Marlene instead of Remus or Sirius or Pete. He didn't want any of them seeing him acting like a bloody girl.
"Even if he's not -- and I'm not saying that he isn't, I believe you that he is -- the fact that he's friends with who he is should be reason enough for Lil to kind of be wary. Even if Snape doesn't do anything, if she's there, and they're there... thats not going to be good. And if you were meeting up with Bellatrix, we'd all have you shut up on the fourth floor of Mungo's so bloody fast, mate," Marlene laughed a bit in spite of everything, the suggestion alone laughable. Granted, if Snape was... and he probably WAS... a Death Eater, wasn't it really the exact same situation? Of course, the Lestrange woman was much more openly psychotic and out of her fucking mind, but who really knew with Snape? He was all quiet and... mumbley and shite.
All of her cynical laughter stopped flat when James confessed the next part, that he felt like Lily was choosing Severus over him. That was pretty freaking heavy, wasn't it. "She chose you. She married you, and I'm sure that if she was forced into making that choice, there's no question about it," Marlene replied, believing beyond any question of a doubt that she knew that to be the truth. It wouldn't make sense any other way. James and Lily made sense. Lily and Snape? Not in the slightest. "I don't know why those arsewipes wouldn't let her get ahold of you; you know that if she could have, she would have."
Putting down her scone, Marlene scooted around to the other side of the tree house so that she was sitting next to James rather than across from him. "That is shit," she agreed, nodding. "The only thing I can think of is... Merlin, I don't even know. Maybe it's like... basically everything she had when she was growing up was suddenly gone, you know? And as much of a wanker as Snape is, that was the last bit of her past that she could get to. Which... is really fucking depressing; I don't know what I'd do if the only thing I had left from growing up was fucking Snape," Marlene stated bluntly, wrinkling up her nose at the thought. "But you know she would've come to you first if she could've, James. Don't even question it."
"I thought I knew," he said, shuffling just a little closer to Marlene. James had always been about the most touch-craving person around Gryffindor so it wasn't anything but friendship that drew him more into her space. "But... you made a good point I guess," he conceded. "He really is about the last thing she's got from them. Her sister is a bitch, the worst kind of narrow-minded muggle you could find, and she was stuck in her old neighborhood all alone," he said, feeling that the reasoning made more sense once he heard Marlene say it and it wasn't just him trying to justify things in his head.
"If it was anyone but him," he said, shaking his head. "Fuck, to tell you the truth I think I'd feel less upset about it if it was Regulus," he said honestly. "At least Regulus isn't in love with her..."
He took another bite of his scone but this time he managed to chew it without grinding his teeth together in anger.
"Thanks Mar," he said, sliding his other arm around her and pulling her in for a half hug. "I didn't say anything about any of this to Lily obviously. She's had enough on her mind without petty shit from me upsetting her... though maybe it wasn't fair to you since you've got more than enough going on too... I hope this wasn't the most stupid-arse thing I've ever done and you don't mind that I came begging at your treehouse for advice," he said, with just the slightest tease in his voice. They'd been friends for long enough that James didn't really think Marlene would ever have been mad over his seeking her out, but it seemed like she was owed some sort of apology anyway.
"Ew," was all Marlene said at the idea of Snape being in love with anyone. Especially Lily. "If he's in love with her, he has a really fucked up way of showing it." Typically -- not, of course, that Marlene would know from personal experience -- you didn't make a point to make friends with people who wanted the person you were in love with dead simply because of who her parents were.
She returned James's hug, shaking her head that no, it was absolutely fine that he was here. "Come begging for treehouse advice whenever you need it, it's better than dealing with all the shit going on in there," she shrugged, chancing a quick glance down towards her house. "Don't apologize, this is what I'm here for. Slightly crappy, curse-word filled advice," she snickered, making a grab for that scone again, deciding that watching James eat was sort of making her hungry. Maybe. "I'd probably uh, hold off on bringing things up to Lily for a few more days if you were planning on it," she added, figuring that this probably wasn't the sort of conversation Lily needed to deal with when she was still working through everything with her parents.
"So uh, speaking of Regulus," Marlene brought up, fiddling with the scone in her hand and giving James a sideways glance. "Did Remus tell you that we were those horrible terrible vandals who maliciously did awful, highly uncalled for things to his house?"
James laughed as he shook he head.
"No, he didn't mention it," he said, giving her the first genuine smile of the day. "There's hope for him yet. Apparently he just needed a girl to push along his mean streak instead of one of us."
They sat in silence for a few minutes, James content to have some peace and quiet in the company of someone whose job it wasn't his to take care of.
"I should really get going," he sighed. "If your parents will let you away, why don't you come stay the night at the house some night? We can have a few people over and try to just... have a little bit of normal for an hour or two," he said. "If that's anything you'd want."
He squeezed her shoulder tightly and pulled her closer again, as much to comfort himself as her.