Marlene Lupin is plotting her revenge (on_the_wall) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2008-05-11 23:13:00 |
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Dorcas actually felt nauseated at the present moment, and after she closed her journal she had to take a minute to compose herself before she got up to meet Marly. Dorcas got herself a tissue, wiped away the accumulating tears in her eyes, and took a few deep breaths. Marlene had talked so much about Sophie, Cameron, and Holly that Dorcas almost felt as if she had known them. She had seen pictures of them, they always looked so happy and lively, and now they were just..gone. Dead. Dorcas couldn't even imagine what Marlene was going through, and thinking about these things made Dorcas feel sick. She didn't want her friends to suffer and she didn't want their families to either, and yet now especially, Dorcas felt as if there was nothing she could really do to stop any of this shite from happening. Releasing a deep sigh, Dorcas ran a hand through her hair and left her room. Dorcas walked over to the bathroom and knocked gently on the door, despite the fact that she knew it was unlocked. "Marly..it's me.." Dorcas said quietly and then lightly pushed the door open. Dorcas lingered in the doorway for a moment and bit down on her lip as she regarded Marlene in the bathtub. "Oh Marly.." Dorcas said, her voice barely rising above a whisper. Dorcas's face was wrought with not just sympathy, but actually grief. What she felt right now was so much more than just simplistic pity for her friend, she felt real, legitimate grief of her own for what Marlene was going through. Marlene's emotions kept flipflopping between rabid anger and complete utter devastation. She'd worked past the "denial" portion of dealing extremely quickly, knowing from the expression on her father's face when he'd told her -- or from the echoing of her mother's sobbing in the other room -- that there was no way that this could possibly be the most horrific joke ever. She wished that it was. God, did she wish that it was, but after seeing what the Death Eaters had done to Harlan not even two weeks earlier, or what they'd done to her and her friends during the attack on Diagon, that they were horrific and monstrous enough to turn a nightmare like this into a reality. She needed to do something. Marlene knew that a lot of the time she could be a lot of talk and a lot less follow-through, but this? This had definitely pushed her over the edge of wanting to make those bastards pay for what they'd done. She still couldn't believe that they'd done that. Her older sister, the girl she'd shared a bedroom with for twelve years until Sophie had revolted and gotten her own room and stuck Marlene with Felicity, the girl who'd snickered with her at the dinner table during holidays while Uncle Max fell asleep in the potato salad year after year, the only person in their family to ever get Prefect... she was gone. She was gone, and Cameron was gone, and Holly... god, Holly. Marlene couldn't even bring herself to think about her yet, the fact that someone had done that to her adorable little niece, that they'd left her like that to die... Marlene sniffed back the tears that were obnoxiously threatening to well over, rubbing her eyes on her shirt as Dorcas knocked on the door. "Hey," Marlene greeted her friend quietly as she hugged her knees to herself, curling up in the bathtub and continuing the staring contest she'd been having with the hot and cold water tap. The faucet was winning, the bastard. From the time Dorcas left school and fully entered this really rather fucked up world, which only seemed to be getting progressively more fucked up by the minute, she found herself in numerous situations in which words simply failed her. This most certainly was one of them. Dorcas didn't need to ask Marlene if she was ok, she already knew the answer to that one. Dorcas couldn't really think of any comforting words to say, what happened to Marlene's sister and her family was just so terrible. There was no silver lining to be found and no bright side to be revealed. It was all just shite. Dorcas walked over to Marlene, hovered over where she was sitting inside the tub for a moment before announcing "I'm coming in." Dorcas slipped into the tub, and then wrapped her arms around Marlene. It was the only thing Dorcas could think to do for Marlene right now, and if she were in Marlene's place on the opposite end of the tub, it's really the only thing she would want someone to do for her. At times like these, Dorcas really did believe actions spoke louder than words. Words were too wishy-washy, and she truly did believe there was no expression in the English language that was appropriate for times like these. 'I'm sorry' just never seemed to cover it. After all, Dorcas shouldn't be the one who was sorry. Those sick Death Eater fucks should be the sorry ones, and Dorcas really wished right now that she had the means to make them regret the day they decided to mess with Marlene's family, and anyone else's for that matter. Marlene scooted over as much as possible to allow some room for Dorcas to get in, not that bathtubs really did much in the way of giving for extra space. She considered suggesting that maybe they should relocate; that'd probably be more comfortable, but Marlene was having an incredibly difficult time getting her body to cooperate with things the things that her brain was thinking. Every time she opened her mouth to say something she closed it again almost immediately, not sure of what to say. She didn't want people to be worried about her, especially considering what she'd just heard had happened to Lily, or... where the hell was Agnes? She hadn't seen her all day; that was extraordinarily worrisome. Marlene just needed to deal with this. And not start crying. If she started up with that, she wasn't going to stop. ...Yeah, so much for that. "She was going to be four next month," Marlene said, biting her lower lip and resting her head on Dorcas's shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut. "I think this is my fault again, Dorcas. Like what happened to Harlan, it's because I pissed them off, I... they wouldn't've even bothered them... why didn't they have better wards up?" she asked, despite the fact that Dorcas had absolutely no way of knowing, and knowing that having more wards up wouldn't've done shit if they really wanted in there. It didn't matter to these people. If they wanted you dead, that was pretty much it. And as far as Marlene could tell, aside from the fact that Cameron was a muggleborn, there never would've been any other reason for them to bother her sister's family had she learned to keep her mouth shut. Dorcas bit down on her own lip as she choked back tears. Dorcas couldn't understand how they could kill someone so young. Holly didn't even get the chance to grow up. Dorcas squeezed her eyes shut as she rested her hand on the back of Marlene's head. No. She couldn't think about that because then she would cry and she absolutely was not allowed to cry. Not unless Marlene started to anyway, because Dorcas was positive that if Marlene started to cry she could not hope to control herself. "No," Dorcas said once she could find her voice again. "You can't blame yourself," she said. "It's not your fault, it's their fault," Dorcas said. "They're the ones who...who did it," she said vaguely. "Whatever you said they were still the ones who did it, those fucking Death Eaters are to blame, not you," Dorcas said. "Nothing you have to say should give them reason to kill anyone. They should have to tolerate other opinions just like everyone else and not go so batshit crazy about it," Dorcas explained and then fell silent. She of course couldn't say why they didn't have stronger wards up, though it was probably because they never thought something like this would happen to them. After all, who would think something like that? Well, Marlene certainly hadn't thought that it would happen, that was for sure. Even after Harlan had been attacked, the thought that something else would happen too... and so soon, and like this... it was too much. It was too much all at once and too violent and she didn't have the slightest idea as to what to do about it. After what had happened at Diagon she'd helped her parents put up wards around their house, especially with Harlan staying there now, but it had never even begun to occur to her that something could've happened to Sophie's family. They were separate from this. She had a freaking different last name now, she should've been okay. And this... well, "the opposite of okay" was putting it lightly. "I know, but..." Marlene trailed off, the millions of different "buts" and "what ifs" all right there on the surface, although she was unable to vocalize any of them. Most of the things she was thinking could be quite easily guessed. "I'm so fucking sick of people I love getting hurt, Dorie. It keeps happening and I don't know how to make it stop," she admitted, wiping at her nose and hugging hard to Dorcas. "God, I'm fucking getting your shirt wet, I'm sorry," she laughed in spite of herself, which quickly turned into full-on sobbing. It really did seem as if they were being bombarded. The Death Eaters just didn't stop, they didn't allow them anytime to catch their breath, they just kept going. Dorcas could only wonder how they could bring themselves to do these things. She knew now, however, that trying to rationalize these murders was pointless and when all was said and done it only gave Dorcas a headache. There was nothing rational about the things that were happening. It was all totally, and in all other ways, irrational. It was all too much, Dorcas decided, but what could they do? Hide under their beds? No, that wouldn't work. They had to face this battle head on because running away never did anyone any good. "I know, me too.." Dorcas said, her voice beginning to crack a bit. Dorcas let out a weak laugh when Marlene did "It's ok, I don't care," she told her. Once Marlene began sobbing, Dorcas could no longer hold back her own tears. "Oh bloody hell, now I'm going to cry," she said as tears began to stream freely down on her face. She hated to see Marlene cry, she hated to see any of her friends cry, really, and seeing Marlene like this was her breaking point. Dorcas was capable of holding back her emotions pretty well, but not at times like these. "Now I'm getting your hair wet," Dorcas pointed out with a watery, halfhearted chuckle. "Convenient that we're in something designed to hold water then, eh?" Marlene replied, letting out some sort of highly attractive mix between a snort and a sob. She sat back finally, resting her head against the tiled wall of the bathtub, staring at the ceiling and trying to calm down her breathing, which had gone all gaspy and jerky during her sobbing session. "Things weren't supposed to be like this, Dorie," she said quietly. Marlene had been so excited to finish school, to get her flat with Dorcas, to get a job, to live out on her own... And then when she'd been asked to join the Order, to do something that might help with things that had been happening with the war, she'd been ecstatic. She hated herself for having second thoughts now that she needed to be a part of this more than ever. She didn't want anyone else to get hurt, but stopping now, backing out after everything that had happened, felt like an even worse idea. People needed her, as much as it felt like she just always ended up making things worse than they already were. |