Severus Snape is tired of the lies. (fortiscadere) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2009-08-31 15:10:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | ! [1980-08] august, agatha snape (née chubb), severus snape |
Who: Severus Snape & Agatha Chubb
When: 30 August 1980; Sunday evening
Where: Hogwarts, Slytherin common room.
What: The night starts here.
Rating: Low.
Status: COMPLETE.
It was beyond odd to be back in the Slytherin common room. the last time he'd been in this room, he thought, he'd been a seventh year students - just sat his NEWTs and was ready to join the Death Eaters in name, if not in the actuality of having been marked. He'd been 18. It had been a full two years plus some, and he felt as if he'd been a different person then. He stood in front of the fireplace, a cup of tea in his hand, and he wondered at the silence of the room. The silence was almost painful, because he knew that he and Pepper and apparently Andromeda Tonks once Black were likely the only Slytherins in the castle tonight. Jo hadn't been at Hogwarts and Agatha had been a Hufflepuff, and it didn't particularly matter that Severus knew there were people from other houses that would be involved in the battle tomorrow, most of them had been Slytherins, and that would say something to many people about his house. Although he wasn't certain what it should say. James Potter had come out and told Severus that had Severus been sorted into Gryffindor they'd have been friends, and while Severus was fairly confident he'd have never made a good Gryffindor, the statement had stuck with him these past few weeks. How much of where they were sorted and who their families were determined where they ended up? If James Potter had been Charlus Potter's son rather than his brother's son, would he have actually been a Purist? Was it luck and chance - what your house was, who your friends are, who your family was, and what blood you were born, with very little real determination? And as a teenager, Severus looked darkly into the fireplace at the memory, he hadn't felt as if he'd had many options or much decision making power. But on the other hand, that belittled the fact that he'd made a decision, so it wasn't entirely true. It had been the obvious decision to make, and he had not been aware then the full implications of what he was determining to do, but it had still been a decision. It had been a decision to be with his closest friends, to trust their fathers, particularly Mr Avery, and he'd thought it was the right thing to do. Two years later it was easy to ask how he could have been so foolish, but he'd been drawn to the idea of the possibility of power - of being someone - and he hadn't cared that it might hurt Black or Lupin or Potter. And even now he found it difficult to care much that Black or Lupin were dead other than the very tactical reality that they could have used two extra people in the fight tomorrow. The decision had been made weeks ago when he'd determined to kill the Dark Lord, when he'd actually shot the killing curse at the back of the world's most powerful wizard and killed him, so his way forward had been clear. This month had only crystallized in his mind why the Inner Circle shouldn't have that much power, why the Death Eaters shouldn't have that much power, but in reality, he still had to make the decision. He'd still been playing at being the loyal Death Eater. Tomorrow morning early, he'd be doing away with that illusion. He'd be throwing everything in the faces of the men who had trained him, taught him, and, at least in a few cases it seemed, believed in him. He'd lose their respect - assuming he'd ever really had it - and he'd lose his friends. Aquila, Demetrius, Barty - all people who had been good friends to him at some point or another - and they'd never trust him again and why should they? He took a final sip of the teacup and placed it on the mantel but he didn't move although he knew that Agatha was waiting for him upstairs. He'd been a different person two years ago and if he could make the decisions over, he would make different ones. He'd live the rest of his life with the consequences of those decisions, but then didn't everyone do that? He knew that people's reactions would vary, and he knew many of the people he was aligning himself against wouldn't trust him, but mostly that didn't matter like it would have a year or two ago. It wasn't as if he were entirely alone. He had friends, although they might have been few, and he had no idea what the battle would be like tomorrow, but they were true friends he thought. People who had gone through deep waters with him and were still there supporting him. Lily, Pepper, Abe, & Agatha knew him as well as anyone did and they didn't seem to turn away from him. Of course they'd all be fighting tomorrow and there was nothing to say that they would make it through. He swallowed and stretched slightly. It still had to be done. And he might not make it through. He glanced at the clock and turned to make his way back to the dormitory he and Agatha were staying in. It was getting late and he would need to ward early to the Inner Circle, taunt them enough to bring this down around their heads, and push them into a fight they were not prepared for. He would need to reveal his hand, and hope that it was a winning one, and not one that was going to get them all killed. But tonight, he thought, he should spend at least a moment with Agatha, and contemplations in the Slytherin Common Room would not win the war. At this point, the only thing that would win it would be tomorrow, and tonight he wanted to spend a moment pretending that everything tomorrow would go as it was meant to. When Severus' absence had gone on for far longer than Agatha felt it should... after all a man should only brood so long. It got unhealthy after that and she'd noted that Severus was definitely the type to brood like that. Anyway, she'd eventually decided that it was time to take matters into her own hands. If things were going to come to a head tomorrow then they both needed to be rested and brooding was not what anyone would call restful. So she quietly made her way to the common room but then stopped when she saw Severus staring into the fireplace. It was a strange place, the Slytherin common rooms. She probably would have preferred to stay in the Hufflepuff dorms but Severus' obvious discomfort at the idea of staying anywhere else and her own curiosity had led to her agreeing with his suggestion. They were very... elegant dormitories. She didn't think they were as comfortable or as inviting as the Hufflepuff commons but she sort of felt they suited the Slytherins. And it was downright fascinating to be actually underneath the lake. She kind of envied them that placement. But the dorms and the common room were also rather conducive for brooding too and she wondered whether that brooding atmosphere explained a few things about Slytherins. When Severus finally turned around, Agatha was leaning against the doorway and she smiled. "Must be an awfully fascinating fireplace given how you were staring at it," she teased him quietly. An almost guilty expression coloured his face - although he had every right he supposed to be in the Common Room and to be thinking things over, still, he should be spending the time with his wife, shouldn't he? Considering that for once he actually knew things would be dangerous tomorrow and that they might not make it through. He moved away from the fireplace then and crossed the room so that he was standing in front of her. "Sorry," he said quietly. "I was actually about to come and find you." He looked back at the room, his mind's eye covering seven years worth of school experiences. In some ways he missed those days, in others he really didn't, but he'd always felt reasonably safe within these walls - ironic considering that most of the people he'd lived inside them with would be trying to kill or at the very least injure him tomorrow. He reached out and pushed a curl back from her face. "I'm not quite ready for sleep I don't think, but I think I am ready for bed - I mean, talking or something," he added with his cheeks half colouring at the realisation he'd implied sex when that wasn't necessarily what he was thinking. "I just thought it'd be nice to spend a bit of time with you before all of this," he hesitated. "You are going to be careful tomorrow? And not jump into anything unnecessarily? Remember most of the people out there are going to have been doing this for a lot longer than you." "That's alright," Agatha said with a fond smile. "I thought you might have a bit to think about. That's why I left you to it until now. I only came down because you'd been here for so long. You need some rest too." She blushed a little at his words about bed and a little mischievous smile played around her lips for a moment. "I'm sure we can think of something to do," she said mildly, remembering that last Liaisons In London article. Pity she wasn't able to do something like that right now but maybe later. If they made it to 'later'. "I'll be careful, I promise," she said, looking a little worried. She knew she wasn't as good as a lot of the others, especially the Death Eaters. She also knew that as Severus' wife and given how angry they must be at him, she would be an attractive target. But she wasn't going to turn back now. "I'm planning on doing what I can to help but I'll try not to get directly involved." She sighed then caught his hand, pulling him gently out of the common room. "Come on. Come up to bed. You can tell me exactly how careful you want me to be." Severus was possibly almost all of the time as serious as Agatha probably thought he was and much of that was not so much that he couldn't smile or laugh, but that the past year had not been conducive to doing so. And he realised that dwelling had only made him pensive and afraid, and fear was not useful tomorrow. Helpful in it's place, tomorrow he needed to be able to step forward and think clearly without worrying about Agatha, or... or Lily. He allowed her to catch at his hand and pull him back towards their bed, but then he stopped her gently, pulling her to him and kissing her. He couldn't promise that one or the other of them wouldn't die tomorrow and he couldn't promise that this would end well for the Order and therefore, for him and Agatha. If it didn't end well for the Order, even if they lived, their lives would change dramatically. And perhaps even if it did end well for the Order, their lives would change dramatically as well. But it had to be done, and he was going to see this through whatever the personal cost. He pulled back and gave her a brief smile. "Very careful, Agatha. How careful I want you to be is very. I want to kiss you again tomorrow night." And now it was his turn to tug her hand towards their bedroom and a stolen moment of peace carved from the heart of war. |