Severus Snape is tired of the lies. (fortiscadere) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2009-08-11 22:44:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! [1980-08] august, james potter, severus snape |
RP Log; Severus Snape & James Potter.
Who: Severus Snape & James Potter
When: 11 August 1980; Late evening.
Where: Charlus Potter's back gardens
What: A bit of the dark; a bit of the light; duelling.
Rating: Low
Status: COMPLETE.
James had worried that his fire would go out as the day wore on. Uncle Charlus had been surprisingly nice during the afternoon, telling James stories about his father and offering him a pocket watch that had once belonged to Ira. It meant the world to James and still the seething anger was there, under it all. He would think about Bellatrix and his pulse would quicken and his vision would narrow and it was almost scary how much he wanted to stab her. He'd never known a hate like that before. Gaius had come and James had managed to duel him successfully but he knew that letting on to his ultimate plan would be a bad idea with Gaius and so mostly he showed off his pocket watch and promised that he wouldn't do anything stupid. He was saving the stupid for Severus. It was late, nearly 11:30pm when Snape came over. Uncle Charlus was beyond pleased that James was working on his spell casting so diligently now. Just as James suspected the man trusted him with Severus and he let them alone. James led Snape to the very back of the back yard gardens so they would have privacy for this. "Which do you want to try first?" he asked. "Light or dark?" Severus wasn't certain what he thought of James Potter casting unforgiveables. Part of him was pleased, after all it took a determination of its own to even consider the curses and a strength of focus to cast them, part of him was vindicated because Potter wasn't above unforgivables, and part of him was just not certain he wanted Potter touching them. But then again, the world had turned so crazy and Severus wondered whether even if the war ended if the Order would be able to undo what Gaius Travers had done. He'd greeted Charlus Potter politely, and followed James to the back gardens. His arm was still a bit sore from the previous Friday, but he didn't think that would mess up his ability to cast spells. He gave James a once over and considered. The Patronus wasn't necessarily something that he needed, he thought. It was something he wanted to do mostly because he wanted to be able to do the magic - and it seemed like something that might come in handy at some point or another. "The Dark," he said finally. "You've got good reasons for that one, after all. I assume you practised some with Gaius?" He pulled his wand out after setting his cloak to the side. James nodded. "I've been able to manage the Imperius for a little over a week now," he said, "so mostly we worked on that again. If he knew what I thought about Bellatrix I think it might land me back in the centre so I'm keeping it to myself-- well, and you," he said with a shrug. "I figured we might as well put those old dueling club lessons to use," he added with a smirk. "So it doesn't feel so damn weird casting things with no point. If you have no objections?" He didn't really wait for an answer before bowing. "With a few added precautions," he said, refusing to turn his back on Severus if they were doing this. He still didn't look angry though, more excited than anything. His adrenalin was pumping. "But I guess we probably ought to figure out a few ground rules. Like-- no crucio can last more than ten seconds? I've felt them before and I'm willing to feel a few tonight if I can't deflect them, but I don't want to hobble back in the house looking crippled and set my progress back," he said. Severus nodded. "That's reasonable," he said simply. "If you really want to know if you can hold it you do have to try to hold it for at least a period of time to make certain it'll stand. Ten seconds seems reasonable to me." He couldn't help the smallest of smirks at this, who would have thought he would have ever willingly put himself on the end of James Potter's wand, but then again, there was nothing to keep him from using the cruciatus on Potter either. He took a position across from Potter, his dark eyes never leaving where James was standing. He was not going to be taken off guard tonight, even if the point was to get James to the point where he could perform a cruciatus. In some ways, Severus thought, it was rather uncreative of the Death Eaters that these three spells were the pinacle of training. There were more difficult pieces of magic one could learn that had equal portions of usefulness. "I'd prefer not to have to explain to Agatha why I can't walk upright tonight," he added. "Ten seconds then." James marked off the paces and didn't wait another second, though he didn't start with a crucio, figuring he ought to work up to it. He started with a protego to block anything Severus might hit him with and then cast an expelliarmus, following it instantly with a blasting spell that was more sweeping so if the first missed the second would hit. Severus cast the Protego almost instantly, which nicely took care of the disarming charm that James had cast his way, but of course was not quite enough to keep the blasting spell from hitting. And Severus decided not to wait on the unforgivable. Choosing not to mess with disarming hexes, or normal types of spells, he instead pointed his wand at James Potter and exclaimed "Crucio!" A second too late James cast another Protego and the Cruciatus hit him with full force. There wasn't much a person could do but drop like a sack of fucking rocks and convulse. It hurt like hell, and James attempted to count to ten, knowing that it should end, but it felt like it stretched out to least 60. Severus pulled the curse back at nine seconds choosing to even be generous with the limit they'd put on each other. He couldn't help the smallest of smirks, but he thought it was likely that Potter would get him back for that one - then again, if James was angry he'd gotten hit, it would only fuel the likelihood that he'd actually cast a Cruciatus that hurt, not that Severus was looking forward to that at all. He waved his wand, a protego between him and James as he waited to see what the results of his effective curse would be. James lay panting on the ground for a long moment. His wand was still in his hand but his arm felt too heavy to move, and there were only a few spells he was good at when his wandwork wasn't working. In dueling though, even the small spells could work to your advantage and James focused on a large planter behind Severus. "Accio planter!" Months ago Al had worked with him on this-- distracting with objects instead of spells they would be more difficult to deflect and in that moment, all of his own focus was on nothing else but his hatred for Bellatrix Lestrange. He didn't care about the crucio Snape had cast on him, or all the old bitterness between them, or all the times Ira Potter had spoken against the unforgivables. All he cared about was Bellatrix Lestrange and making her hurt like he hurt. Making her suffer. "Crucio!" He cast it from the ground but none-the-less the spell shot from his wand. Severus had an instant to think nice technique, before the planter came flying at him and in that instant he ducked, but of course it was not quite enough and he managed to step out of his own shield charm, and into Potter's unforgivable. The crucio hit, and it held. James hadn't been able to manage one one a squirrel but on a living, breathing human, there it was. He kept his wand trained on Severus and forced himself to count to ten, not letting any doubt creep into his mind if he could hold it long enough. He could definitely hold it long enough. If this were Bellatrix Lestrange he could hold the spell to the end of fucking eternity until her brain was a scrambled egg and the light had gone out of her eyes. It scared him how angry he was, but ten came, and he ended the spell. That was enough. He was shaking and he pushed himself up to go over to Sev. "Truce for a minute," he called, "Two crucios ought to earn some amnesty or some shit." Severus was not going to complain with that idea. The curse had hurt like hell and he realised he was pretty thankful that Potter hadn't known that particular spell when they were in Hogwarts together. The schoolboy stuff they'd come up with had been bad enough. It wasn't the first time that Severus had been hurt with cruciatus, but it still didn't make it fun, and he pushed himself off of the ground, where he'd collapsed at the end of the curse and pushed through protesting muscles to pull himself to his feet. His wand was still held in his hand, but to be honest he was grateful for the pause. "Not bad," he admitted grudgingly, a healthy amount of respect as he looked at James. It seemed odd to him that not even a year ago the two had been sitting in the kitchen at Spinner's End looking over dark wards, and James had avoided using them. But then, Severus wondered, had Potter always been more likely to use dark magic? It didn't surprise him, but it suddenly made sense - without Lily... His dark eyes took in the man in front of him. Perhaps Lily had effected James more than Severus would have admitted - certainly she effected Severus more than Severus typically admitted. It was just odd to see James Potter, self-righteous blood traitor, shaking from the reality of a very well placed cruciatus. "Your Uncle couldn't complain," he added finally. He moved an arm, trying to shake out his muscles, which were still protesting from the treatment they had so recently received. "You'll make it into his will, yet," James said, his trademark smirk in place even as he sat himself down on an ornate stone bench not far from Severus. He twirled his wand through his fingers, an old habit of the days when he would show off at Hogwarts, and yawned. "Takes a lot out of a person to do that," he complained. "Guess it probably gets easier with practice and time..." That was a morbid thought. "A Patronus is much easier once you get the hang of it. I was a little worried after I got my first Imperius right that I wouldn't be able to cast the good spells anymore, but turns out it hasn't affected me as much as I'd've guessed. Probably should have figured that though since the Aurors could use unforgivables and I saw all the Order ones cast Patronuses," he rambled, still feeling exhilarated from their short duel. "You still up for learning?" he asked. Severus shook his head at James' worry that one would undo the other. "You know dark magic doesn't necessarily negate the use of light," he pointed out practically. "If you want to get philosophical you can't even have one without the other, and while they might have different uses, doing one doesn't mean you can't do the other," but this wasn't really a philosophy lesson was it then? "It does get easier with practise," he said thoughtfully. "But I think any person who has a conscience will find the spell tiring - particularly when you're dealing with the cruciatus curse. There's something about the fact that all you're doing is causing someone pain..." He nodded at James. "I'd like to learn, yeah. The incantation is 'expecto patronum', right?" James nodded. "Yeah, that's it. And your wand does this," he said, showing Severus what his wand should do before concentrating on the memory he always used for this. "Nudge over, arse." It was dark, and James could hardly see his best mate as he climbed over him to wedge himself up on the mattress. "He didn't mean anything by it, Sirius," he consoled. He rested comfortably against his friend, letting the silence settle for a moment. "And anyway-- he's a complete and utter twat. What do you expect? So he says he's not your brother. Fuck him." More silence. James shifts, assuming Sirius doesn't want to talk about it and is surprised when Sirius grabs his arm and speaks. "No, he's right. If anyone around here has been a brother to me, it's you" James focuses on the words. "Expecto patronum!" If anyone around here has been a brother to me, it's you. A silver streak erupts out of James's wand and he watches as it takes form, startled when the shape seems foggy at first before becoming a large silvery dog instead of the usual stag. He swishes his wand and it disappears. He doesn't know what to say for a moment and he's sure his voice will betray him at any minute. "Your turn then," James said, amazed that the words don't crack. "Think of something good. Doesn't have to be happy-- just something that makes you feel better." This was the part that Severus had been struggling with all day. Something that would work as a memory - something that made him feel better. Considering that recently he mostly felt overworked, underpaid, under appreciated, and terrified, there were very few things that he could think of that seemed happy. But if it didn't have to be precisely happy - if it could just be something that made him feel better... He thought about it for a moment, his hand almost absent mindedly repeating the motion that James had shown him, putting the entire thing to memory. Lily was such a complex set of memories and some of them made him feel better and some of them made him feel worse, but that was as likely place as any to begin, so after some thought he settled on the moment he'd met her in the park. For Severus, with no one his own age to call a friend, and a family that was miserable to spend time with, she'd been a breath of fresh air. He focused on the memory of how he'd felt that day - a sudden sort of realisation that he might belong with someone. "Expecto Patronum!" he cast it with force, attempting to keep his focus on the memory as solid as possible, and the motion as precise as James' had been. The end result was little more than the slightest of silver mist from the tip of his wand and Severus lowered it, frowning slightly. He couldn't have expected for it to work straight off he supposed. "I thought it was supposed to be happy?" "No one gets it on their first try," James said with a slight smile. "Took Marly a good while to manage hers. But-- happy-- just isn't the right word for it. Happy can be hollow. Ice cream can be a happy memory, s'not going to make a Patronus pop out of your wand." He mulled it over. "Think of Agnes," he said. "Think-- think of her smile. Think about the way she could see good in people even when it wasn't there. Find one of those memories," he said. "I know damn near everyone's got you twisted in knots, but at some point she believed in you, and try holding on to that." Severus nodded. It made sense now that he thought about it because one could be happy in a moment, but that moment wouldn't necessarily last and with a charm like this, it seemed only natural that you needed not just something in a moment, but something lasting. It was James' next suggestion though that startled him. When asked to think of a happy memory, it was Lily that had automatically come to mind, but Severus realised that James had a point. Every thought of Lily was tainted right now with a deep seated fear of what would happen if Bellatrix Lestrange got a hold of her before the Order could actually fight the battle - or what would happen if they lost. He frowned for a moment, thinking back on the evenings he'd spent with Agnes. Her smile and the way her eyes had danced particularly in the early days when she hadn't known that he was a Death Eater, but even later, the last afternoon they'd spent together when they'd fed pigeons in the park and she'd laughed and she'd been forgiving him. The night they'd played chess at the Hog's Head, the night they'd - his cheeks warmed slightly at that memory and his lips quirked slightly. "Yeah, she did," he said finally. "I think even later she did - I don't how she did it, cause nobody else did, but she did." And James was right that the memory of what that had felt like was powerful - not necessarily happy, but powerful. "Expecto Patronum!" The wand moved with the words, and he kept that memory in his mind. The mist was hardly with form, but it was thicker, he thought to himself. It was definitely thicker. "That's it," James said, nodding. "You've got the wandwork and the right memory, just takes some focus and practice now. Watch again." He cast the spell again, and instead of the stag a large silver dog came springing from his wand. It made James smile, less taken back by the change now. "Just like with the crucio, you've got to hold the focus. You sort of have to pin the mist into something real. M'not explaining it well, but it's something you've just got to try a bunch of times to really get it right." Severus nodded, watching as the mist dissolved and James cast the spell again. The dog was different than Longbottom's had been, but the fact that it was a dog at all sent a pang of regret through Severus. It had been a calculated risk, he supposed, but it didn't stop him from wishing it could have turned out differently than it did. "The key to any magic is the focus and intention," Severus said quietly. "Well, and ability, but one could be quite able and without focus you're not going to be able to control what you're doing," all things Potter knew, and he didn't need to teach him that. It wasn't quite the same thing as when he'd been helping him with runes. There was something distinctly bizarre about the way he related to James Potter these days. If you'd asked him at Hogwarts if he'd someday consider James Potter a friend, he'd have laughed, but recently - well, perhaps Severus just didn't have enough friends, but Potter had turned out to be not half bad. He refocused, although he still wasn't certain about the memories. Memories of Agnes felt more solidly good than memories of Lily did, but then she frequently had been willing to allow Severus more of a chance hadn't she? And that chance had brought him here, to this moment where he at least felt as if all other things considered, he was fighting on the right side. "Expecto Patronum!" And the third try produced more, although Severus couldn't have told you precisely what the form was it slipped away so quickly. The idea was right though - he could feel that. More practise. He needed more practise and to solidify, perhaps, a memory, rather than depending so much on the feeling of Agnes' support. "Now it'll just take some practice," James said. "You've got the basics of it, and that you've even put together that much is good. Takes some people weeks," he said. "Must be that I'm a brilliant teacher," he added, with a smirk. "Not at all that you might have some talent in there." He was joking and there was none of the rudeness that someone might expect during an exchange between the two. The moon was rising and James pulled out the pocketwatch to see it was after one. "We really should be heading in," he said. "You tell me though when you make it work, yeah?" he asked. "Unless you want to give it one last shot and see if you can produce something recognizable." Severus did actually want to make a last shot to see if he could produce something recognizable - it was entirely in his nature to keep trying until he succeeded - but he realised that it was late and Agatha would wonder where he was, and to be honest he wasn't entirely confident in his memory. He realised it was unlikely he would be able to get a fully formed patronus while he felt so uncertain of it. "Practice will be a good thing," he said finally. "But I think we should probably head in now before you get past your bedtime," the final statement was dry, and only partially mocking, more at Charlus Potter than at James himself. It was somewhat absurd to Severus that they had determined James needed to be treated like a small child. "But I will tell you, yeah. I should get going, but, thanks." It was the only acknowledgement he was going to give to James' teaching skills which, while not the most spectacular he'd ever seen were certainly not horrible either. There certainly was a day he would have never attempted the Patronus charm in front of James Potter, but times had changed, hadn't they? |