Severus Snape is tired of the lies. (fortiscadere) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2009-07-21 20:39:00 |
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Severus stared up at the facade of the Potter's estate. For all that he had been among the Death Eaters for a number of years, Charlus Potter's estate had never been a place he had visited. There was a tightening in his chest: a moment's worth of jealousy. For all that he might tell Astra that he preferred to have gained his standing by hard work - and truly it was a value Severus very much espoused - there was something frustrating about all of this grandeur just handed down from father to son. Undeserved, a trick of fate, if you would, that gave one man the crown and one man the rubbish pile. But he wasn't here to wax philosophical, and indeed he wasn't here to be jealous of Potter's wealth either. Severus had not been lying when he'd told Astra that he had enough. He'd never expected to gain an acre of house with gardens and pools, and a private Quidditch field, and an entire library. The cottage he'd purchased with Agatha, that granted, he would be buying for many years yet, was perfect. Quiet, away from the world, with gardens that Agatha was slowly working miracles among. It had everything he needed, and with the shelves tucked into the corner of the living quarters, he'd begun a small library of his own. No, his life might not be what he had dreamed of at the age of fourteen, but it was no longer bad. The house elf showed up only a moment after the knocker, and let Severus in, saying that he would show him to where Master Potter was staying. Severus followed, his eyes taking in the entirety of the house that he was being led through. A trained eye kept note of possible weapons, hiding places, points of entry, things that might come in handy should he decide to tell Moody and Frank that the man might be worth rescuing. Not that Severus suspected this was likely. Was it possible that he almost felt sorry for Potter right now? The man made more sense, was certainly easier to talk to, and had, if not calmed down, at least become less annoying in his opinions (for the most part) which meant that they were suddenly holding civil conversations for the first time practically ever - but he'd thrown away Lily for the honour of house elves and riches. Nagging in the back of his mind was the thought that Severus had done the same thing - but not for house elves, instead he'd thrown her away for recognition and respect and foolishly he had hoped that it would impress her. He had been so naive. He pushed that thought to the back of his head, and slid his wand up his sleeve. He couldn't quite cast Legilimens wandlessly, although he could certainly do it wordlessly, and Severus planned on getting to the bottom of this. He nodded dismissively at the House Elf as they reached Potter, the perfect Purist, despite his Father's birth. Did he go with James or Potter as a greeting these days? "Good evening, Potter," he greeted, but his tone was not remotely unfriendly. It was unnatural, he couldn't help but thinking. Unnatural. James had told the elf he could bring Severus to his room, which was really three rooms all connected. One was large and held his bed, the other held a library all of his own, and this third room, that faced over the back gardens, was where James usually took his meals and sat to write or think. It was cozy but spacious, with a fireplace and a piano and large leather chairs covered in blankets and pillows. He looked up when Severus entered and gave him a genuine smile. "Come to see for yourself if I'm off my rocker or not?" James asked, putting down his quill and his journal. A house elf appeared and handed him something fruity to drink and offered Severus one as well. For all the suspicion that James had been mistreated in the past month, he was looking better than he'd looked in years. The worry lines that war and death had imposed upon him were gone and he seemed very much at ease in his new surroundings. In the past, Snape's appearance nearly always caused a smirk or sneer but now James's face held nothing but the casual indifference that one feels speaking to a known acquaintance who isn't quite a friend. Severus didn't precisely smile genuinely at many people, but his face softened slightly and he accepted the drink with a nod and a brief "thank you", sizing up Potter's appearance as he did so. Certainly Potter was the prize pupil for the rehabilitation centre. Successfully rehabilitated, cured of his 'deviant' ways, and he looked as well cared for and happy as he had always maddeningly looked in school. Nobody could look at him and believe that he was unhappy with his new situation and Severus wondered if he truly wasn't. A life without Lily certainly didn't feel like a happy idea so far as Severus was concerned, and yet, Potter didn't look upset. "You know me, Potter," he said dryly. "I have to see in order to believe something." That had been half of the problem with the werewolf hadn't it? He'd gone down the Willow to- he shook the thought from his mind and instead turned his attention to something akin to small talk. He glanced around the rooms, once again swallowing away a touch of jealousy at the ridiculous grandeur of the entire thing. It was possible that Potter's rooms were as large as his and Agatha's entire house, although that might have been a touch exagerated, Severus was not certain it was greatly so. "Nice rooms," he commented casually. "I have never had the opportunity to visit your Uncle's home before. I tend to spend most of my time at the Avery's, the Mulciber's, well, before they got burned down, or the Lestrange's. He has a nice place." James watched as Severus sized up his new home. It was certainly much nicer than his parents home in Godric's Hollow had been, and the cottage near the ocean. He shuddered slightly thinking of how he could have possibly been happy there. How he'd been content with a life so completely mediocre and misguided. "I haven't really had the chance to go visit anywhere else," he said truthfully. "Though I've been to Twelve Grimmauld Place before a couple of times," he said. "M'really glad Uncle Charlus doesn't have house elf heads mounted on the walls. It's morbid," he said plainly. Just because he was a Purist didn't mean he'd lost all sense. "S'what marrying your cousins will get you," he said, sounding thoroughly amused. "And no-- in case you're curious-- that doesn't mean I'm back to my old self. I have seen the error of my ways but it doesn't mean I've got to agree with everything, and house elf heads and kissing cousins are two places my objections remain firm," he explained. "Marrying mudbloods and associating with undesirables and speaking out against the Dark Lord and his progress-- those are the places my opinions have changed." It was authentic. James wasn't lying or playing around and nothing in his voice or demeanor would show otherwise. Severus nodded and too a sip, mostly to buy himself more time. Everything about this situation was causing him to have to think on his feet more than he normally did - mostly because it was just so damn odd to have Potter of all people spewing Purist garbage at him and for Merlin's sake actually using the word 'mudblood' in regards to Lily. It was a good thing he'd learned Occlumency a long time ago, because the temptation to just stare at Potter as if he had lost his senses was great. "I didn't assume that it was," Severus said. "Every cause has an individual that you absolutely do not agree with on something but that does not invalidate the belief. It takes maturity to come to that realisation," he added. The irony of this situation was almost too much for Severus. For the Order it had been Potter and Black that had kept him from even considering the vigilante's point of view until Aberforth had come along and shown him that not every Order member had to be anti-Dark Arts, or competency, or thoughtfulness. To be saying this to validate James' refusal to accept house-elf heads mounted on walls and marrying cousins, was just... unnatural. Severus had two questions on his mind. Two things he wanted to clear up before he spoke further to Frank or to Moody, and he supposed he might as well get started on it. He wondered if the room had been bugged in anyway, but he supposed it probably hadn't been, had it. They were controlling - for the moment anyway - who James was talking to and seeing, and they had no reason to believe that Severus was anything other than a highly respected member of the Dark Lord's inner circle - he hoped. His hand gripped his wand tightly underneath his sleeve and he gave Potter a rather searching look. "How goes the divorce?" He asked aloud, the spell cast silently, his eye contact on Potter the entire time. The question would hopefully dig up feelings about Lily - give Severus a very real indicator of how much of this was an act and what Potter's feelings about his wife really were. "Not quickly enough," James said emphatically. "And it's an annulment, not a divorce, there's a difference," he insisted. "If we were divorced it would mean we were married in the first place. If I can get annulment then according to the law we won't have ever been married at all. That'd be preferable for obvious reasons, not the least of which is that her name will never, ever, ever appear on my family tree," he said with a dark chuckle. "It'll look better without the blast marks." And it was the truth. He had no feelings for her other than regret that he'd ever been stupid enough to marry a mudblood. She was a large part of his downfall, he knew. The only other feeling there was a nagging insistence that he separate himself from her as much as was possible in order to keep her from being murdered on his account. There was the child to think about, who James held no affection for, but whom he didn't truly want to see dead. "Is that why you're here?" he asked. "A favor to Lils?" James shook his head. "You ought to give up that friendship," James said firmly. "It's only going to get you in trouble, and I think as it is, you're already juggling a bit more than's a good idea to handle." "Smart," was all Severus said to the first statement. It was so Purist of Potter, that a less guarded man might have been startled by the switch, but the truth was that Severus was really expecting it. After their conversations in the journals he'd come to the conclusion that he was certain James' switch was genuine. That the lack of concern about Lily, was somehow, perplexingly real, and the only thing it made Severus question was how much James had actually cared for her in the first place. If he could so easily discard a woman as beautiful and intelligent as Lily because of her blood, how much had he actually loved her? "I assume you have spoken to Mr Avery about the legalities already, but if you have not I will recommend him. I have found him most useful as I have been attempting to make sense of the Wizengamot for the Minister." Well, that was one question answered at least. Severus sensed no cover-up from Potter. Not really. He wasn't saying one thing and thinking another, which was the main thing Severus had been looking to find out. At James' question, however he shook his head in return. "No. I'm not here as a favour to Lily," Severus said honestly. "She has no idea I'm here - no idea I've even been speaking with you - and may have no interest in knowing that either." He wasn't certain what to say here. Potter's feelings for the red haired witch seemed to be completely gone, and the warning he was giving him was not malicious or harmful, simply concerned? He reached for the glass of juice again and took a sip of it to try to ignore the implications of that rather unnatural event. His mind went through a couple of possible follow-up statements and finally snapped into the typical Purist mode. "I know you said I could go marry her now, but I can't. I never could have - and if I had, I certainly would not be under-secretary to the Minister for Magic right now. Some bridges are best left uncrossed, and that is most certainly one of them. I am married to a beautiful and intelligent woman and I would be a worse fool than my father if I were to risk messing that up," the statement was genuine - or at least it certainly would have sounded that way to anyone listening and in a way it was. Only a touch of bitterness crept in at the mention of his father. "Agatha is my life," he said softly, fingering the rim of the glass. James listened as Severus spoke. "That's good," he said genuinely. "Don't fuck it up. M'not in any way trying to get her in trouble, but she wrote me the other day," he said, swirling the juice in his glass. "And asked me about Remus and Sirius, and said you'd told her not to talk to me," he added quietly. "I explained that Sirius was off-limits and that I had no idea about Remus's whereabouts but that she was free to beat him as pleased if he was found. I did tell her though that if you'd asked her not to speak to me she shouldn't," he added politely. "It sounds like she really loves you." That was all. No taunting or anything, and James wasn't tempted to taunt. There would have been a time where Severus's wife disobeying him would have been vastly amusing but now James only sounded like the very picture of Purist concern. He took another sip of his juice. "And yes-- Mr. Avery was very helpful. My Uncle recommended him and Uncle Charlus has been helping as well. He'd studied law before my father went off on his own and Uncle had to give it up to run family things," he said. "He had a son-- did you know that? He died when he was eight. I never met him, but that's why he's so stuck on me. I'm it. The end." Severus raised an eyebrow, a momentary annoyance at the fact that Agatha had disobeyed a direct request crossing his mind, but just as quickly he squelched it and put it away to deal with later. Agatha was not stupid, naive occasionally, but not stupid, and under the circumstances there might soon be no real reason why she shouldn't talk to Potter, other than Severus' own jealousy. Then again, he realised, that jealousy was absurdly unfounded under the scenario where Potter was an actual Purist. He wouldn't touch Agatha, a halfblood woman, even to annoy Snape. But it was Potter's last comment on the topic that really startled Severus. The idea of Agatha loving him, while it shouldn't have been an odd one considering that she was his wife, was still startling. He tucked that piece of information away for later. Severus would not be telling Potter that the idea that he might fuck up his marriage haunted him practically every time he had the chance to think about it. "The incident at the willow may have come up in conversation after my house got burned to the ground," he admitted rather tightly. "I'm sure she meant well by contacting you. At least, well by me, I can't speak for Black or Lupin." And to be honest, Severus didn't care if Agatha meant well by Black or Lupin. Both of them could die and be wiped off the face of the earth and Severus would not be bothered to care. "It's lucky your Uncle has you. Family is important," he said finally. "If my mother had paid more attention to that, my children would have had pure blood." As it was he was at the bottom of the fucking food chain, but that was only in blood. He'd work hard, get money, respect, the name might not be pure, and it might be generations building it to purity, but it didn't mean it couldn't happen. "But there's no undoing her mistakes," he said matter-of-factly. "I can only change that which is in my control." He took another sip of the juice trying to figure out how to get at what Potter might have mentioned or might plan to mention regarding the information Severus had given the Order. It was not as if the Dark Lord was entirely unaware of the situation and Severus planned on utilizing that if anything ever came out. But he could hardly ask Potter the question directly. He needed a way to ask something that would give him Potter's feelings on the situation without necessarily being a direct question. And it was this that he was blanking on. James cocked his head at Severus and pulled up his wand before casting a silencing spell, and then a ward that he'd found in one of his Uncle's books. "Cast one," he said very seriously. It was clear he didn't want to be heard. When Sev had done so, James continued. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" James asked quietly. "I can't figure it out for the fucking life of me. You just said that family is important-- you clearly care about Agatha-- do you know what they'd do to her if they ever figured this all out? And don't give me any rubbish about being careful or having a good story or occlumancy or however it is you're doing it because you know as well as I do that the truth comes out. It always comes out. And for what? Lily? Abe? You have a chance to be someone. To do something great. And you're squandering it," James said, looking at Severus as if he truly cared about this. "Look at you. You have a home, a wife, a fancy position in the Ministry, people respect you despite your blood and your name, and you're running around helping the vigilantes. You're out of your fucking mind." None of this was coming across in James's usual derogatory tone. Though he and Snape weren't friends James had a sense of familiarity and history with him that he shared with no one anymore outside of Sirius. "In case you're curious, I'm not going to blow your cover or say a word, but I wish you would reconsider. This isn't going to end well for you." Well, that answered that question, Severus thought perplexed. He was quiet for a moment considering what the hell to tell Potter. Truthfully, there were moments he didn't know what he was doing, which made this all the more complicated. Well, then, the truth. It was simplest, at any rate -- even if it was a series of half truths. After all, it was the truth he lived. "The Dark Lord requested it," he said finally. Although only part of the picture, it was still true and it was certainly the response he would have given any other Purist in the same scenario. "He knows I have contacts among the vigilantes and he trusts me. I have given him no reason not to." It likely did not hurt that the Dark Lord was a halfblood as well. If he saw himself in Severus at all, it would work in Severus' favour - and it was a potential blind spot that Severus would absolutely exploit. "But I appreciate your discretion," he said honestly. "The knowledge is not widespread, and it would complicate things - requested task of the Dark Lord, or no. I care very little for the vigilantes beliefs. They are hypocritical at best -- Do you know how many Muggles they endangered to burn down my house?" He sat back now, passing a hand over his forehead. "I care only for one or two people, one of whom is being rehabilitated, and if they are half so successful as with you, then I will be at ease." He hesitated for a moment. "But you're right," it actually physically hurt to say that, even if it was only an outcome of Potter having turned sensible. He touched the rim of the glass with his fingers once more, and he turned his dark eyes to Potter. When he spoke his words were quietly convincing, the result of years of having listened to Atticus Avery and Rodolphus Lestrange. He might have been one of the First Generation from the belief that was evident in his voice. "The order, the traditions, the importance of family are absolutely essential pillars of our society. The dilution of our culture with things from the Muggle world is dangerous. I saw the negative effects of that world upon my family, and I will not have that for my children. Family. My Mother's well being is part of why I sought to fight in the first place. I am a trusted member of the Dark Lord's Inner Circle, because I know these traditions are what will protect us in the future even if it means there are certain things I personally will never be able to achieve. Time will achieve those things for my descendants, but it is up to me to give them the foundation and the good name to build upon. Pureblooded or no it is up to all of us to do that - our responsibility to those who came before us, as well as our responsibility to those who come after." "I want the war to end. Who doesn't? But in the meantime, I will do what I must to keep myself and Agatha safe whatever happens. Her happiness and safety is my responsibility now." The lightest of emphasis on the word 'whatever', would be enough Severus hoped. James listened to Severus and his confusion didn't fade as he considered his words for more than a minute. "What I don't understand," he started slowly, "is if you believe all of that-- why you would be helping. You can't tell me it's all for the cause because if it were you're smart enough to set up scenarios to feed false but accurate information. You're helping the Order," he stated plainly. "And you can wax poetic about how much you believe in the Dark Lord's cause as you want but when it comes down to it, I-- I get the feeling that it was more than that," he said with a shrug. "It doesn't matter to me," he said, finishing off his glass. "You'll do what you do. But I think it's a shame that you're willing to risk so much for so little in return, and when you're only helping to prolong the inevitable at that. I don't think it's wise. I think that though you may think that the orders requesting that you do this will protect you and Agatha, and maybe they will, there's a chance that they won't. If it comes out your a traitor and the wrong person believes it there are always going to be... vigilantes... even within your own ranks. She could get hurt--" James stopped himself. "It's not any of my business," he corrected. "None at all. I wish you the best," he added. He sounded doubtful, but not rude. For all the world he could have been talking to a friend in that moment. "You assume that I am helping," Severus said thoughtfully. "No offence, Potter, but you have seen only what the Order has seen, and you and they were meant to believe that I was helping them. If you are yet convinced of that, it means I have done my job very well." "It is not my Orders from the Dark Lord that will protect me or Agatha, it is my service to the Dark Lord that will. His judgement is considered law among our society." He hesitated here for he knew Potter had a point about vigilantes within the Dark Lord's ranks. "You are right of course, that there is always the possibility that someone might choose to do something on their own. It is simply a risk that I take and I cannot request that someone else be assigned the task now that I am married and my wife might be harmed by the outcome. Others have sacrificed and lost more for the Cause than I have and that the task might be distasteful or full of risks is something I must accept for the good of our society." "I do care for Agatha a great deal, and I want her to be happy and while you raise a valid point that was, necessarily a lesser risk when it was only me involved, I will not shirk my duties, or back out from cowardice. So you understand why I appreciate you having not mentioned this to anyone, and that you have no plans to do so. I only hope that peace can be re-established soon so that I may cease the charade for good." James had always been one to trust his instincts and a good portion of what Severus was saying sounded like utter bullshit to him but he only gave him a polite smile and waved his wand to bring down the wards. "Best of luck then," he said, lifting his glass toward Sev in a mock toast, but remembering there was nothing in it and snapping his fingers to alert an elf who popped in immediately. "I'm assuming this was all you wanted to discuss?" he asked, sounding preoccupied now, though not necessarily dismissive. He had some things to think about and he wasn't going to get any thinking done with Severus Snape in his bedroom. The thing that was bothering him the most was Abeforth, he was sure of it. The man had many wrong ideas, as had his brother, but James would never doubt their sound judgement in whom they found to be trustworthy. He wished very much that Sirius had been reformed already so he'd have someone to bounce these things off of. Severus considered James for a moment. He could sense the other man's skeptism but he'd said all of the right things should anyone traipse through Potter's memory. Severus placed the glass down, ready to take his leave when a thought occurred to him. It was a curious thought to suggest perhaps considering, but Severus had long ago learned to compartmentalise and this idea was - well, entirely too good to not at least suggest. At that he leaned back in his chair after the action rather than sitting forward as if he were ready to go. "Just a thought. It is perhaps none of my business," he said with a genuinely friendly look at James. "After all, these things must be decided by our elders, and they will no doubt have their say, but I imagine your Uncle would be amenable to your input on the matter. The annulment will no doubt take some time after all, but it is good to think ahead. "I know the other day I mentioned that most of the pureblood women our age have been picked over and while that is true, it occurs to me that I had overlooked someone who might be a very good match for you and she is out of Hogwarts - although just barely. Still you would be able to marry right away rather than waiting for someone who is sixteen," he stopped and with the smallest of smirks added. "Having just gotten married myself, I can speak for the fact that I would miss certain elements rather a lot should I suddenly not be married any more." "The girl in question is Lavinia Travers, Gaius' younger sister." Severus did lean forward here, his voice taking a note of sincerity. "Unfortunately she has an older sister, so that might be a bit of a problem, but surely something could be arranged. It just occurs to me that Lavinia might be an excellent match for you. And you would certainly be an excellent one for her. She is a beautiful young woman, dark hair, puppy dog eyes, a nice figure - and I can speak from experience that she is an excellent cook: particularly at pies -- Gaius may have mentioned. It just, with your recent less favourable activities - I do not want to say people will not be forgiving, but you know how society can be. But your blood, your money, and your name speak very well for you... She could do far worse and Gaius knows as well as any one that you have realised the errors of your ways." He took a pause and glanced down at his hands. "As I say, it really is none of my business, but Agatha has been good for me. I know now just how important the support of the proper wife can be, and you should be married, Potter. You deserve that." James choked on a laugh. If Gaius didn't have a slight crush on his sister than James Fucking Potter knew nothing at all about love. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I've seen how Gaius regards Lavinia, and I think he might have my balls served to me in a pie if I brought it up. You bring it up to him and see what he says. If he's allright with it then I'd ask Uncle Charlus what he thought. Wouldn't mind having Gaius as a brother-in-law, that much works," he said, taking a long sip of the juice again. "I remember her from school though. She was fit definitely. It makes me wonder why I never bothered much with the Slytherin girls honestly. And she has dark hair. That's important," he said. "Look at the Malfoys. You know there little ones going to look just like his dad, yeah? Can you imagine a ginger Potter? It'd be Weasley looking," he said, sounding not just a little scandalized at the thought. "You really think we'd work out?" he asked curiously. Severus actually laughed at that. "No Potter, if you're interested gird up your brave Gryffindor loins and talk to him yourself. Just because marriages are arranged does not mean that they're meant to be easy!" he shook his head amused. "She'd be well worth the risk though. At least, in my opinion." There really was something delicious about the idea of Potter and Lavinia Travers really. She was like the anti-Lily and Severus happened to think that idea WAS a brilliant match for Potter. Plus who knew? This new purist Potter might actually quite get along with her. "Well," Severus considered. "There is her older sister as well and Gaius is not so protective of her, but perhaps for good reason." He shrugged. "Personally I think Lavinia would suit you more, but it was just a thought. There are a few others as well. Julianne is yet in mourning, I believe but she is lovely as well." James listened intently, yawning as the clock struck ten. "I'll think about it," he promised. "Lavinia has been very nice to me over our journals. But until the annulment has gone through there's nothing to discuss. If you can in any way convince Lils it isn't worth it for her to fight this, I'd appreciate it. Maybe it'll speed things along," he sighed. "I hate to be a rude host and run you off but I doubt there is much left for us to discuss and you've given me a lot to think about," he said, standing in as polite a goodbye as he could manage considering he was all but asking Severus to leave. There had been a time when James enjoyed company all the time but he'd found that since he'd started doing more thinking he liked to spend more of his time alone. He was safe with himself. Severus nodded amiably. In truth, he'd discovered precisely what he'd came to discover and he needed to think about the responses James had given him to ensure things would be smooth. There might be difficulty should Potter be required to have an audience with the Dark Lord, but perhaps less difficulty than Severus was expecting there might be. Either way, worrying about it would not help, and it did not seem that Potter had any desire to actually betray Severus or make his life difficulty. He stood with a half smile - not something he gave his friends, but certainly more friendly than most of the looks he directed towards James Potter. It still felt unnatural to hold polite conversation with the man, whatever the reason. "I doubt I'll be speaking with her much," he said slowly. "But if I do I will certainly urge her to make it as easy and painless as possible. There is no point dragging it out so that you are both miserable." Never mind, Severus thought irritably, that Lily would likely be miserable whether it was quick or drug out. Why she cared for this arrogant bastard was beyond Severus and always had been, but at this point he didn't know how to make it easier for Lily at all. "I can see myself out, but thank you for the juice, Potter. And no doubt I will be seeing you again." Polite. Amiable. Anyone looking in would have had no idea the two had been mortal enemies at Hogwarts and indeed Severus would look back on the encounter that evening and wonder at his ability to compartmentalize quite so easily. "Good evening." |