remus lupin is finally at peace. (moonstricken) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2008-04-27 23:53:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! [1979-04] april, marlene lupin (née mckinnon), remus lupin |
Who: Remus Lupin & Marlene McKinnon.
What: Marlene's brother was attacked, and Remus thinks she could use some company.
When: 27 April 1979, shortly after Marlene's post.
Where: Ted & Andromeda's place, then the Shrieking Shack.
Status: Complete
Rating: PG
Remus knew it would only be a matter of time before more family members were attacked, but that did not lessen the shock of Marlene's journal entry. He didn't really know them, of course, but Marlene was a friend and someone close to her was just injured -- that was reason enough for Remus to worry. After writing to her briefly over the journals, it didn't take him long to decide that she would probably benefit better from actual company, rather than just some consoling words on a page. Closing his journal, Remus made sure he had his wand on him and placed his journal into a pocket on the inside of his robes. After leaving a note for James and Lily to let him know where he was going, he Apparated to the front of Ted and Andromeda's house (he was too polite to just Apparate to the indoors, and there were likely wards up to prevent that, anyway), he approached the door and knocked three times, then waited for someone to answer -- he didn't know if Marlene was home alone or if Ted, Andromeda, Dorcas, or Agnes were there with her, but he figured even if they were, she wouldn't mind some extra company. Marlene was going absolutely stir crazy. Her dad had been completely insistent that she stay where she was, that she not come running home or to Mungo's or anywhere that didn't have several hundred locks on the doors and wards around the surroundings, and trying to abide by his wishes was not going so well. She wasn't sure if anyone else in the house was even around; Marlene assumed that Dorcas was still off at work and Agnes was off doing her Agnes-y thing, and she'd put poor Ted and Andromeda out enough over the last few weeks, laying low in their flat and nearly jumping through the ceiling every time someone came to the front door. More than that, though, she really really did not want anyone to see her upset about this, especially due to the ever-growing feeling in her stomach that this had been her fault, that that's why they'd gone after Harlan. Why the hell would someone attack the guy who runs the elevator? As per her usual reaction, the knock on the door ripped Marlene from her thoughts and put her right back into her "oh shit, someone's trying to break in" mentality (even though she knew that Remus was going to be stopping by.) Grabbing her wand (which had been laying on the table she'd been frantically pacing around while trying to clear her head, as she figured carrying it around was going to accidentally cause her to hex something in frustration, but was close enough to dive after should the situation call for it.), Marlene peaked through the window at the doorstep, making sure to be positive that she could actually SEE someone who she recognised standing there. Yep, Remus. Unless it was someone who was polyjuiced to LOOK like Remus, but... damn, if it was, they'd worked very very quickly to whip up that potion between when he'd said he was leaving and now. And luckily working in an Apothecary had taught Marlene that there would never've been enough time for that to happen, and opened the door for Remus, grabbing his arm and practically yanking him inside before slamming the door shut again behind him. "Hi," she nodded, now that he was inside. When it took a little longer than one might expect for someone to answer the door, Remus immediately began to worry. That meant that she was likely home alone -- or Marlene had run off to do something reckless, and she was no longer here. As he waited, he was tempted to check his journal to see if there might be any clues that Marlene had left the house, but he decided to give her a few more seconds more; and just as he had been about to reach into his robes to get out his journal, the door opened and there was Marlene. He'd been about to say hello when, suddenly, she was reaching out, grabbing his arm and yanking him inside -- he nearly tripped, having been caught off guard, but managed to keep himself upright once he made it through the doorway. Remus had known, from the previous Order meeting, that Marlene had answered the door when the Death Eaters raided her flat, but he had yet to realise that people knocking on doors has come to be something that made her nervous -- and so her reaction to his arrival was surprising. "Er -- hullo," he said, a little unsure of what to do now that he was here. Somewhere between deciding that she needed company and being yanked through a doorway, Remus had forgotten that he was rubbish with consoling people. "Are you alright?" he asked, realising that was a rather silly question to ask as soon as he said it. Of course she wasn't alright. Marlene's head answered more truthfully than her voice did as she responded "oh yeah, fine fine, totally okay, everything's great!", rushing through her lie as her head shook the real answer that no, no she definitely was not okay. Better than Harlan at the moment, but that was a sarcastic quip that she couldn't quite manage to make herself say quite yet. She didn't know, her dad had said to wait where she was and they'd owl soon, but frankly, that was bullshit. Her brother had just gotten the shit beat out of him, like she was really going to be able to wait calmly at the flat of some very nice people who she barely knew and patiently hold out for further instructions. Her dad knew her better than that. However, she also knew that running out on her own and doing something rash was not the best idea, and at least had the sense to wait around until she had someone there with her to take off after some sense of revenge or investigation or whatever the hell she had it worked out in her mind to do. Oh but look at that! Now she had a friend to come with her! "Thank you for coming. We need to go, I can't sit here," Marlene replied, still pacing back and forth around the living room fast enough to make a person dizzy. Even if Marlene hadn't been shaking her head when she spoke, Remus could deduct that she wasn't being completely honest by the way she rushed through her reply. Which was to be expected, of course -- who would be okay after a member of your family was attacked? Remus made a mental note to himself that he should write to the Order later, and suggest that if they were going to continue fighting in this war, they ought to make sure their family members either moved away or were safely protected. There had already been deaths and attacks, and if there was any way to avoid any more of that happening, they should begin taking more steps to prevent it. Fighting in this war, it would be unavoidable for the Death Eaters desiring to get revenge on their enemies, but if they could at least make it a little more difficult for them to reach friends and family, perhaps they could avoid some incidents altogether. Right now, though, Remus was not going to bring it up -- he didn't think Marlene was in the mood to discuss safety measures that the Order should take. Right now was about her and her family, nothing more. He watched her pace back and forth, calmly, a small frown on his face. "Of course, it's no problem, you don't have to thank me for that -- where did you want to go?" he asked, wondering if she wanted to go visit her brother in the hospital; which would be fine with him if that's what she needed to do right now. "Find out who did it, and find their brother and hex them until they can't walk anymore would be ideal," Marlene grumbled under her breath, knowing she'd never actually do something like that (on purpose), but sort of wishing it would happen anyway. This was not fair. It was disgusting, these people who deemed themselves above the law, thinking that it was okay for them to run around hurting and killing people simply because they didn't fit into their bullshit cookiecutter mold. Or screwing with people's families, as seemed to be their recent favourite pastime, as even poor Remus would know now even better than Marlene did. At least Harlan was still alive. At least there was that. He obviously also wasn't lounging around in St. Mungo's sipping a cocktail with a few scratches and hitting on the Healers-in-training, but he was still alive and that was what was important right now. "I don't know. I just need to not be here and sitting and not knowing what's going on and waiting for something else to happen," she explained, finally pausing in her speedy walk up and down the living room to plop down on the couch, arms folded across her chest and her foot still tapping with nervous unease. Remus could certainly understand Marlene's feelings of wanting to get revenge against the Death Eaters -- he'd had his own thoughts about it too and, in fact, still thinks about it quite often. What he wouldn't give for another chance to fight Fenrir Greyback; but he also knew Greyback was much stronger than him, so he wasn't about to go trying to seek him out. On top of that, Remus didn't want to become a monster like him, either, refusing to lower himself to the other werewolf's level. He would be the better person, but that certainly would not stop Remus from taking out his aggression on the Death Eater should their paths cross in battle again. His hated toward Greyback was so strong that he had even entertained the idea of using an Unforgivable on him, but it wasn't something Remus would ever let himself actually do. No -- he was better than that. Still, there was that dark, animalistic side that Remus kept repressed for all these years that he worried may one day break through the barriers he'd built up the next time he saw Greyback. He didn't want that to happen, either, afraid that it would consume him and soon he would be no better than all those other werewolves the Ministry were so concerned about. He followed her over to the sofa and sat down beside her, trying to think of something they could do that could hopefully distract Marlene enough to take her mind off things -- at least for a little while. Everything he could think of to do sounded to trivial compared to what just happened that he was struggling to think of something to suggest. There were jokes shops, book shops, and a large variety of other places they could go in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade, but it seemed silly to just go to a shop after one's brother has been attacked and was currently in a hospital. He'd nearly been about to suggest a trip to the Hog's Head -- drinks on him -- and at least they'd have Aberforth to speak to there as well, when an idea occurred to him. He knew this was a place, at least, she would never have been to before, and very few people knew the truth about -- in fact, it was a place that only Sirius, Peter, James, Dumbledore and himself knew very well. "Well, I don't know how interesting you would find it," Remus said, "but have you ever been inside the Shrieking Shack?" Remus trusted her enough to tell her about the place (more than he trusted Sirius with it, at least), and so he was comfortable telling her about the secrets of the Shack. He knew of the legends and stories people have made up surrounding the old looking place, and perhaps that would be enough to intrigue her at least a little. Well that certainly hadn't been what Marlene had been expecting Remus to say. (Not that she had assumed he'd be very gung-ho about the idea of taking to the streets to avenge her brother's injuries.) "The haunted house in Hogsmeade?" she asked, remembering the building very clearly from her days at school and the rumours that revolved around it. "Nuh-uh, it's all... locked up and warded and shit, I assume," she shook her head no. Then again, Marlene had never really had it occur to her that breaking into the Shrieking Shack was something that she should try immediately while on Hogsmeade weekends at school, or after spending the day browsing around Hogsmeade's shops. It also briefly occurred to her that the last time she'd been in Hogsmeade, she and Elphias had been doing patrol around the Lestrange's library. She couldn't promise herself that if she and Remus ended up running into one of their sort, she'd be able to refrain from shooting some sort of hex at them. They might not've had anything to do with her brother at all, but they were the sort who ran around with those who might've, and that was enough for her. It was probably a very very good thing that she wasn't going anywhere by herself, because Marlene would have beyond a reasonable doubt gotten herself into some sort of shit. "Why?" While it didn't really occur to Remus that they might run into someone who is in the wrong crowd during their outing, he hadn't planned on taking her out to the streets of Hogsmeade, either. If anyone saw a pair of kids ducking under the fence and running up to the Shack, it was likely they would be called out on it -- the place was off limits, after all. Despite the circumstances, Remus couldn't help feeling a little excited that he was going to get to show someone else the Shack. "James, Sirius, Peter and I have been in there," he explained, standing up from his seat on the sofa. "We go there quite a lot, actually. D'you want to see what's in it? I can side-along Apparate us to a safe spot behind the shack." With that, Remus offered her his hand. "I reckon I know more about the place than most people do -- but you have to promise me you won't tell anyone else, even other people in the Order. There's more secrets to the place than people realise," he said, the mischievous side of him finding amusement in the well kept secret. Marlene couldn't help looking a bit flabbergasted at this new information; he'd actually been in there before? But no one got in there. It was locked up, there was no way that... well, no. She remembered who Remus's friends were, and suddenly the fact that he'd been inside the Shrieking Shack seemed much more logical. It wasn't quite going to help her in finding out anything else new about her brother, (or help her do anything about her brother), but it was getting her out of the house and away from her thoughts, and Marlene quite appreciated the sentiment. "I won't breathe a word of it," she nodded her promise, as well as her desire to go along with this plan. If nothing else, Marlene's curiosity would've gotten the better of her eventually. She might not get this chance again, and she really wanted to see what that impish sort of tone of Remus's was all about. Remus wish there was something he could think of to do to help her with her brother, but for now this was the only thing he could think of to do. With her hand in his, Remus concentrated on Apparating the pair of them to a place he's been many times before, and suddenly they were both standing out of view of the main road. The Shrieking Shack stood before them, old and foreboding, but Remus didn't look hesitant to enter the place at all. After all, it was because of him that so many people feared the shack. He left go of her hand and took out his wand, for even thought it was still daylight outside, it still tended to be rather dark inside the shack, what with the windows being boarded up. "Come on, let's head inside," he said, nodding his head in the direction of the entrance. "It's a bit dark inside, so you might want to have your wand out." Remus lead the way to the front door, far enough away from Hogsmeade that they wouldn't be seen if they hurried. He opened the door, which gave an eerie creak on it's hinges and stepped inside, waiting for Marlene to follow before closing it. He lit up the tip of his wand with a simple lumos! spell, light spilling over the familiar surroundings of the main room. It was no different from any other house -- except that it was old, and appeared to be generally abandoned. There was dust on nearly all the surfaces, and the place was sparsely furnished with old, worn furniture. It wasn't a very big place, and the ground floor consisted of a common room, a dining room, kitchen, and a nice sized closet in the hallway which no longer had any door. However, the inside of the shack reflected the haunting look the outside had as well -- small beams of light shone through the cracks between the planks covering the windows, causing long, eerie shadows to play over the walls. There were mysterious, dark red stains in several areas in every room that could very likely pass for blood. Claw marks littered many of the door frames between each of the rooms, and a lot of the furniture seemed to have fallen victim to the teeth and claws of stray dogs. The entire place seem to be tilted, just ever-so-slightly, as if the Shack itself were ready to collapse. There was also a stairway that led up to the top floor (one or two of the wooden planks on the steps were broken or just plain missing), and the hand-railing looked like it would break should anyone actually attempt to use it. "Ah, there's no place like home," Remus commented with a joking tone in his voice, looking at Marlene to see her reaction. While it would've been impossible for Marlene to have forgotten about everything else that was going on, the means of distraction was definitely doing its job. Right now everything was all cool and different and old, and it was clear from Marlene's expression of slight awe that the never-before-seen interior of the Shrieking Shack was living up to her expectations. ...Not that she'd really pondered very hard before this exact moment as to what could lay inside of the Shack, but it was fantastically interesting, seeing it from the inside for the first time. "This is so cool," Marlene replied, a slightly amazed tone to her voice as she marvelled at the inside of the house, keeping her wand out as she investigated everything with wonderment, looking a bit like a kid in a candy store. Except, well, with more slightly nervous energy than sugar-coated candy induced euphoria. It was old and kind of dirty and there were weird splotches all over the place that made Marlene momentarily take pause, but knowing that she was one of the only people who'd probably been in here for years was exciting. "What's up there?" she asked, pointing her wand towards the upward leading staircase while already on the move to investigate that part of the hovel. He smiled as he watched Marlene explore the place, glad that he'd managed to find something for her to do that would help distract her, at least for a short time, anyway. Remus knew the layout of the shack as if it were his own home. He'd often thought about cleaning up the place a little, but he knew that the shack needed to upkeep it's abandoned appearance, should some brave soul decide to break into the place, they would not find anything of interest on the inside but broken furniture. "Up there?" he repeated, looking up the staircase. "There's a couple bedrooms, an office, and a loo -- it doesn't work, though. Want to head up and check it out?" It was upstairs where Remus sat in one of the bedrooms to endure his transformations, and so they were far more damaged than any other area of the house. "Do you remember the Whomping Willow back at Hogwarts? It was planted there the year we started school... there's a secret passage way from under the willow that leads here," he said, starting to lead the way up the stairs. Marlene was already half way to the staircase when Remus asked if she wanted to look around the upper level, and learned first-hand that the railing? Definitely just there for decoration these days. "Ooookay, so didn't wanna actually use that, then. Oops?" she laughed a bit nervously, snatching her arm back as the handrail groaned in protest and cracked off the wall, clattering to the ground and down a few stairs. Good job Marlene, way to break the creepy old house after less than five minutes in it, she rolled her eyes at herself as she continued following Remus up the stairs. "Sorry about that. So um. Is that why the Whomping Willow's there? How did you not die trying to get passed that thing; it almost took out Davey Gudgeon's eye seventh year." Not that Davey hadn't almost deserved it. You don't try to hug trees that hit back. After hopping over the smashed in top step (luckily years of jumping that trick stair at Hogwarts had taught Marlene to be wary of things like that), she made her way into the upstairs hallway, peeking into the empty bedrooms and broken bathroom, just to be absolutely positive that no one else had decided this would be a cool place to hang out in too. She paused in the doorway of the bedroom that Remus stayed in during his nights of werewolfiness, not knowing that that was why the bedroom looked like a bomb had gone off inside of it. "Whoa. Looks like someone got pissed off while they were redecorating this one," she glanced back at Remus with a smirk. He heard the crash before looking back at Marlene, and Remus hoped she hadn't just fallen -- looking back, realising he'd forgotten to warn her about the shabby condition of the staircase, he was relived to see she was at least still standing. Noticing the railing had finally fallen to it's demise, he chuckled, grinning a little. "Don't worry about it. It was only a matter of time before that thing finally broke. There's been a couple of close calls in the past. And yeah, it is -- there's a little knot on the tree where, when you press on it, makes the tree freeze up for just long enough to get to the passage underneath. The passage way hadn't always been there, either," he explained, continuing up the stairs again and letting Marlene take the lead once more, following her as she explored. "Both the willow and the passage were put in at the same time -- there's a trap door under the rug down in the sitting room." He paused in the doorway of the bedroom where he spent his nights during his transformations, leaning against the door frame and grinning at her. "Pissed off is one way of putting it. James usually calls it my 'furry little problem' though -- this is where I come to stay during the full moons. Headmaster Dumbledore set everything up for me when I started school." He did not explain what Sirius, James and Peter accomplished to help him during the full moon nights, though -- that they were animagi was not his secret to tell. This room certainly was the worst out of all the others, and there were much larger red stains that didn't leave doubt in anyone's mind that they were, actually, blood stains. That was the first moment that it ever really connected in Marlene's head that Remus was actually a werewolf. Granted, she hadn't known for nearly as long as James or Sirius or Peter, and it hadn't really been something that she'd over-thought. He'd just always been Remus, who maybe needed to shave more than usual during part of the month. It'd never truly connected that he actually did go through the whole transformation bit, and that during that time he wasn't able to control what he did. Although, well, obviously Remus wouldn't tear the hell out of a bedroom just for the fun of it, or -- holy shit, those were definitely bloodstains, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. There wasn't a full moon tonight, was there? No, of course not, it'd been two weeks ago or something, right? That's why Remus had missed work. Right. So there was no reason to worry about anything. Of course. Maybe she should've left a note back at the Tonks' place before leaving, but admittedly she hadn't been in the best frame of mind when they'd left the house. Marlene, quit being a dumbarse she yelled at herself. Seeing this didn't suddenly make Remus stop being who she'd thought he was before, and she was annoyed at herself for letting herself get carried away in her inner monologue for a few seconds. If he was one of those werewolves like Greyback or something, obviously they kind of would've known that by now. "Huh. Furry little problem, that's fantastic," Marlene laughed, trying to push all of those thoughts out of her mind, and hoped that her face hadn't revealed her thought process beyond 'wow, someone kicked the hell out of this room's arse.' She didn't much want to go inside that room now, all things considered, but now felt a bit like she owed it to Remus for even thinking like she had been. And besides. She was Marlene McKinnon. She wasn't scared of anything. Right? Right. She took a few steps inside and looked around, then back at Remus, and then back at the room again. Four steps inside, this was definitely far enough for her. "I hope there wasn't anything super fragile in here before, yeah? That's awesome of Dumbledore, though, setting all this up. ...So wait, you could totally pop back in to the school if you wanted to, couldn't you?" Luckily, Remus was not aware of Marlene's inner dialogue with herself. If he had known what she was thinking, he would have realised that taking her here wasn't such a brilliant idea after all. He'd just wanted to bring her to a place that would help take her mind off things, and unfortunately, this was the first interesting place to pop into his mind. He didn't think about how creepy the bloodstains and the ruined state of the rooms may look -- after all, he was so used to it by now that he was unfazed by anything in the shack. When she didn't walk that far into the room, however, Remus realised the place was probably making her a little nervous. "Yeah, it was very kind of him. Without this place, I probably wouldn't have been able to go to Hogwarts... the Forbidden Forest wouldn't have been safe enough, but in here, it could easily be sealed up and it's far away from Hogwarts enough that there wasn't any danger." Well, almost, but Remus tried to suppress the memory of the prank Sirius had pulled on Snape and anyway, that was an isolated incident. (Nevermind all the times he's left the shack with the rest of the Marauders, but they didn't need to talk about that, either.) "I guess I could sneak back into Hogwarts, if I wanted." Merlin, thinking about secret passageways and Hogwarts made him feel nostalgic -- it was a pity the Marauder's Map had been confiscated. He'd been rather proud of that accomplishment; the spellwork involved with creating that was certainly no walk in the park, and now they didn't even have it anymore. "We can check out a different room instead, if you want -- sorry, this one's a bit... er, messy." He decided against describing the room as bloody. "Oh, dude, it's no problem. I mean, we didn't uh, exactly leave our flat in the nicest of states either," Marlene assured him, but also didn't ignore the suggestion of switching locations. She'd come, she'd seen, she didn't have to stick around any longer than need be, and there were still plenty of other less... gory rooms to see. Hopefully. She squeezed past Remus out the doorway and back out into the hall, feeling slightly relieved by the change of scenery. Spooky cool old house? That was fun. Room with blood stains and slashed up furniture? Not exactly what she wanted to hang out with at the moment, especially with her worry about her brother increasing every moment. What if he died? What if she was here, playing around in creepy old houses while her brother was in St. Mungo's spending his last few moments on Earth in pain? And what if it actually was because of the reason that Marlene was afraid of, that it'd happened because she herself kept opening her mouth and saying things she shouldn't say to the wrong sorts of people? She didn't want to think about this, not at all, but another part of her felt like if she continued trying to ignore the possibilities, she was betraying her brother. "So I guess there's not actually a ghost, then?" she asked, poking her head inside of the bathroom, even though she knew the loo didn't work. ...Did he not need to do that when he was a werewolf? Ew, not that that was something that anyone actually needed to know. "All the screaming noises and such is just you causing a ruckus up here?" Knowing all this sort of spun a new perspective on Hogsmeade weekends back during school, with everyone daring each other to see who would get closest to the shack. She wondered if the school even allowed Hogsmeade trips anymore after the village had been attacked in February. Well, she could probably ask Felicity about that later if they got her out of school to see Harlan, depressing a thought as that was. "I miss school sometimes," Marlene admitted as she walked into the other upstairs bedroom and sat down at the foot of the bed (which, thankfully, didn't turn into a repeat occurrence of the collapsing banister-incident), relieved that the other room didn't look quite as much like a crime scene. Just time-worn and dusty and slightly stale smelling, but it helped add to the atmosphere. "I seriously never ever thought that I'd say that." People she'd cared about didn't get attacked back when she'd been in school. No one broke into the Gryffindor common room setting the place on fire while attempting to murder them. Remus shut the door to the bedroom as they left it, so they wouldn't have to look inside as they passed it on their way back downstairs when they decided to leave. "Yeah, all that's just me... I'm not sure where the rumours of the shack began, but I have a sneaking suspicion Dumbledore may have had a hand in that, to discourage people from coming inside." He didn't elaborate further, sparing Marlene from unnecessary gory details about just what it was like to transform into a werewolf, and why it was such a mess in the other room. She hardly need to know about that. He reached up to take down a candle lantern from on top of a high shelf, opening the glass door and lighting the candle with his wand, filling the room with more light. "Yeah, I miss it too. Well," he smiled a little, setting the lantern back up on a shelf before sitting down next to her. "Maybe not the tests so much. I think I could live without taking NEWTs again. Still, I suppose they'd be worth it if we could go back to just worrying about school work and which prank we'd do next." And back when his parents were still alive, when they weren't involved in a war. Remus understood exactly how she felt and sometimes, he even wondered what it would be like if he didn't get involved in the Order at all. Thinking back, however, Remus knew there wasn't anything he would have done differently. "Ugh, no, NEWTs can stay the hell away," Marlene groaned, which is how she usually responded whenever anyone brought up those exams. If she was having trouble sleeping lately (due to having nightmares of people storming into the Tonks' flat, or Benjy buzzing them awake doing Emergency Tests Of the Order Information Broadcast System), it hardly compared to how little sleep she got throughout the entirety of her seventh year at school. At least it had somewhat helped to prepare them to be able to function at ridiculous hours and with only caffeine helping to keep them awake, as had become somewhat of a norm for the members of the Order. She missed the pranks (if not doing them, at least observing from an amused spectator's position), lunches in the Great Hall, watching Quidditch... all of the things that hadn't helped Marlene in the slightest to prepare for all the shit they'd been facing since getting out of school. And yet somehow they'd done okay so far, even though lately it'd felt as if nothing they were doing was helping. That was the whole point: they were in this to help people, and while they had been, hopefully, considering that the losses might've been even greater had the Order not gotten involved in certain situations, there were times - especially recently, especially right at that moment - when it didn't feel like they were doing enough. Or, at least, they weren't doing it well enough. "I'm really really scared, Remus," Marlene admitted nearly inaudibly, staring at her hands in her lap and absolutely loathing herself for not be stronger than she was. It was embarrassing. In truth, Remus was actually relieved to hear Marlene say that. He'd frequently felt that way himself but, of course, it was difficult for him to admit too. He could only assume other people felt afraid too, but actually hearing someone else admit it... then it was a little easier to believe he wasn't the only one. He could hardly forget how absolutely terrified he'd been during his confrontation with Greyback (in fact, he's had a few nightmares after he's stopped taking the Dreamless Sleep potion James has been giving him). He looked at her, unsure of he should give her a pat on the back, or put an arm around her shoulders, or something, so instead he just kept his hands clasped in his lap. "Yeah," Remus said, nodding in understanding. "I'm -- I'm afraid, too, Marlene. I'm sure a lot of the others are scared too, you know? This -- this whole... war, well, of course it's going to be scary. I've even had second thoughts, sometimes," he said, feeling guilty. "I've thought about what my life might have been like if I didn't join... if I let everyone else fight in the war. My parents, they'd probably still --" he stopped before finishing the sentence, but the implication of what he was trying to say was clear enough. Remus sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, hand lingering briefly over the spot where Fenrir had nearly ripped out his throat. "But I think, remembering why we're doing this helps me keep going. I don't think it's ever going to stop being scary. I just try to think about what things will be like when it's over, and there won't be signs up in shops anymore not letting people like us inside, and no one's being attacked anymore just for being who they are. I don't know how soon that will happen, but I think it'll be like that again one day." He wasn't exactly sure how comforting that sounded, but it's what helped him when he started having doubts. "I'm really sorry -- about your brother," Remus said, quietly. "Do you know when you'll get to go visit him?" He wanted to try and reassure her that her brother would just be fine, but he had no way of knowing that himself. Marlene felt like she would've wound up getting involved in everything whether she'd decided to personally or not. She had too many beliefs that the people who started the war disagreed with, and too big of a mouth and sense of right and wrong to've not spoken up about it eventually. It was more of a relief to know that she'd been asked to join up with the Order from the start, and honestly couldn't see a situation where she wouldn't have made that same choice. They all knew it was going to be dangerous, and that they were probably going to get hurt, but hell, so was just walking down the street going to work these days. At least this way she was trying, and that's all she knew how to do. "I thought that I should quit, actually. Right when our flat got attacked, I couldn't get over the fact that I'd let them in. They knocked on the door, and I let half a dozen Death Eaters in. We don't get chances to screw up like that, and if someone would've... god, if someone would've died, I don't..." she trailed off, frowning at the memory and that irksome guilty feeling that liked to screw up her stomach at inappropriate times. The knot in her stomach didn't go away when Remus started talking about his parents, as she'd definitely understood where the rest of that sentence was heading. She couldn't even imagine what she'd be like if Harlan had died. Marlene sighed and leaned closer to Remus, using his shoulder as a headrest, trying to blink back those annoying emotions that kept trying to sneak their way out. Hearing Remus actually talk about how he'd had second thoughts actually made her feel a bit better (as enthusiastic as she normally was about Order things, she'd hit a bit of a snag in her zeal), as well as that he thought they actually had a chance to win this. They would eventually; they had to. It was just... probably going to suck in the meantime. "Yeah. It will; I just... really hope that happens soon, you know?" she said, trying to think of what exactly her answer was to his question. "And I'm not sure. Dad says he'll owl and to come down when he wakes up, no use sitting around at Mungo's worrying, but..." But what if he doesn't? "...but we don't know how long that'll take," she said instead. Ah, that's right -- Remus remembered when Marlene had explained what had happened when the Death Eaters attacked her flat during the last Order meeting, but the thought that she may feel guilty about what happened hadn't really crossed Remus' mind (the thought that someone could have died, however, did). "I don't think it was your fault," Remus said, honestly. "And I hate to say it, but I don't think it would have mattered if anyone opened the door or not -- do you think that would have stopped them from coming in? I know I wasn't there, but -- from the sound of it, it seems like the situation was unavoidable." Yeah, Remus didn't think he was so good at this whole comforting thing. "The important thing is that you all did get out alive, yeah? I don't think anyone is blaming you for what happened." He didn't know that for sure, but he couldn't remember seeing anyone accuse her for being at fault -- and if he did see someone do that, he knew he wouldn't be pleased. There's been enough finger pointing in the Order already. He felt a little awkward at first when Marlene leaned on him, but after a moment, Remus lifted his arm up to put it around her shoulders, giving her a sort of half hug. "I hope it happens soon, too. It'd be nice to have more days to myself instead of having to go on patrol so much," Remus said, trying to keep his tone of voice light, but failing. "I'm -- sure he'll wake up soon. Hell, if your siblings are anything like you then he must be pretty strong. I bet you'll be getting an owl in no time." Merlin, he only hoped he was right and not just filling Marlene with false hope. "You'll keep us updated with what happens, yeah? And, if you need anyone to come with you I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding someone; I'm sure I could be available to tag along, too." See, that's what Marlene had been trying to make herself believe, and it'd been what almost everyone who she'd talked to about the raid had said, but it still didn't entirely make her guilt over being the person who'd let them in dissolve entirely. The fact that she'd also quite literally been too tied up to do anything when they'd first burst in also did little to fix her discomfiture over all that'd happened that day. "I guess not. They're persistent little buggers, aren't they?" she laughed under her breath, wishing that wasn't as true as it actually was. They seemed to stop at nothing, which was absolutely terrifying if a person thought about it. Not having to patrol nearly every night of the week, though... that was a lovely thought, especially since they were technically always "on call" in case something drastic happened. Maybe they'd actually get a chance to sleep a few hours straight through the night for once! Marlene couldn't remember the last time that had happened. "I'm sure you're right. Harlan's a tough cookie; he'll be fine in no time," Marlene agreed, wishing that saying something like that with conviction would automatically make it true. "I'll definitely keep you all posted. I dunno if I should go by myself or not, though. I mean, thank you for offering, and I might end up taking you and Benj and Agnes up on it, but I don't want to get all... cryfaced and upset around everyone. It's stupid and awkward, I dunno," Marlene shrugged, sitting back up and glancing over at Remus, feeling rather frustrated with herself for getting all emotional. She didn't like having people think she was some vulnerable twit who couldn't take care of herself. She did appreciate that Remus hadn't laughed at her, though, or made a huge deal about pointing out how dumb she was being. "We should probably get back, I guess, even though I don't want to sit around and wait for mail that might not come. We've got food there, though, and you're welcome to stay." Not that it was really her place to offer, but she had a feeling that Ted and Andromeda wouldn't mind. "This, though," she added, her tone changing, "This was cool; I want my own not-really-haunted haunted house to hang out in." Despite the grave undertones of the statement, Remus couldn't help but grin just a little. "Then it's a good thing we're all a bunch of persistent Gryffindors, isn't it? Well, some of us Gryffindors. They may be tough, but they have their work cut out for them, that's for sure. With both the Ministry and the Order, they're not going to have an easy time of it." Even if it did seem like they were stronger than most of the Order, and that the Ministry didn't seem to be making much progress with arresting any of those bastards. It would be so much easier if they could all just work together on this -- they all had the same goal, didn't they? "No problem -- don't feel like you have to invite all of us. Just don't forget that we're here for you, and no one would blame you for being upset," he said, but understood exactly how she felt. Remus certainly felt awkward when he had cried around James (and later again with Sirius) with the news of his parents' murders. He was just glad they didn't make any cracks about it, although he wouldn't put it past them to bring it up again later once more time had past (or, in Sirius' case, maybe tomorrow). He still had his arm around her by the time she sat back up, and it was then when Remus let his arm drop back down, hands back on his lap. "Alright. I can stick around for a while, so long as you don't mind." Truthfully, he was still just a little bit worried Agnes might convince Marlene to go out and do something brash, so he didn't exactly want to leave them alone -- but on top of that, he was just concerned about her in general. Remus smiled and said, "well... you're welcome to come out here whenever you want. Except for during the full moons, of course. I don't really want a lot of people knowing the truth about this place, considering what I use it for, so the fewer people who know the better. That's why I asked that you not tell anyone about it. I trust you." He stood up, taking out his wand again and lighting up the end of it, walking over to the lantern and blowing the candle out (can't have the place burning down, after all). "Um. You know, Marlene --" he began, but as soon as he looked back at her, Remus faltered and stopped. There was enough hesitation there to make it seem like he may have been about to say something else than what he continued with. "We ought to get going. I'm sure Agnes and Benjy are there by now, wondering where you've run off to," Remus said, smiling. "It's probably better if someone's still there when I go back anyway," Marlene nodded as she rose to her feet, it rather obvious why this was the case. If she was left alone to her own devices, it was more than likely that she would talk herself back into doing something idiotic on her own, and that wouldn't turn out well for anyone. (When Dorcas and Agnes got back, though, that was a whole different story...) Talk as she might, not actually having a concrete idea of who it was that had attacked her brother was the only thing holding her back, because brash and impatient as Marlene might've been, she was well aware that kicking puppies and running the streets calling for the head of the person who'd smashed up Harlan (which is likely what her Reign of Terror would be reduced to) wouldn't do her any good. She smoothed down the blankets at the foot of the bed where they'd been sitting (might as well leave this room looking untouched, considering the mess she'd made with the collapsing staircase railing) and cast Lumos as Remus blew out the rest of the light in the room. He'd done so himself, but even though she knew the basic layout of the house now, she didn't want to chance toppling down the stairs due to darkness. "Yeah, you're going to have to excuse me for maybe not stopping by for tea those nights," Marlene grinned, pushing her hair back behind her ears and out of her face, not even able to imagine how terribly that would go over. "I won't say anything about it, promise," she assured him. All the drama about keeping secrets within the Order aside, this was not her story to tell, nor was it anything vital enough that the world was going to spin off its axis if someone didn't know the truth behind the Shrieking Shack. It was nice to know that Remus trusted her enough to let her on it, though. "Hmm?" was all she replied with when Remus began speaking again, only to stop himself short. Marlene waited for him to continue, curious as to what he was going to say, but then nodded when he agreed that it was time to take off back to Ted and Andromeda's as she started toward the bedroom's doorway. Maybe that was all he'd meant to say in the first place. "Yeah. Agnes is going to hit me for leaving before she got home. I was just thinking I wasn't nearly bruisey enough today." "I can't say werewolves make for very good company during tea time, no," Remus grinned -- after spending so many years around the Marauders, it was easy to joke about his condition. He almost took the joke further and made a comment about werewolves having people over for dinner but decided it would be in rather poor taste at the moment. "Well, feel free to blame me, if you need. You can just tell her that I kidnapped you and made you come to Hogsmeade with me, so I could buy you some chocolate -- which I suppose would require evidence, so we ought to pop by Honeydukes for a tick. What do you say?" Remus asked as he followed Marlene down the steps, nearly forgetting about the missing one at the top, but managing to step on the edge in the last moment. Once the pair of them reached the front door, Remus put out his wand and slid it back into his robes, pulling open the door and holding it for Marlene to step through. "We'll go back to the back of the shack, and Apparate to an Apparation point in Hogsmeade from there -- less suspicious that way," he suggested, not wanting to be seen walking away from the Shrieking Shack into the village. He walked around the side of the house to the back until they were no longer in view of the main road, pausing there to offer his hand again for side-along Apparation. After a quick stop to Honeydukes, Remus Apparated the both of them back to Ted and Andromeda's house. |