Crispy Ben is crispy. (dontcallmeleo) wrote in blurred_lines, @ 2009-05-29 19:08:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! crack, gawain robards, leoben yaxley |
Who: Gawain Robards and Leoben Yaxley
When: Nonspecific.
Where: Nonspecific.
What: Um. Well.
Rating: PG-13 (highly suggestive)
Status: Completed (random) log.
Leoben didn't know why he had to be the one to get the groceries this week. He was quite sure he'd gotten groceries these past several weeks and he was rather sick of it, really. Still, he had has promised, stopped at the shop after his meeting and was now on his way up the porch, carrying two paper (not plastic) bags in his arms. He unlocked the door, rolling his eyes at the music he could hear through the walls and windows. It was some sort of repetitive disco beat. Gross. He stepped through the door and then paused, peering around the corner to the living room, where one, Gawain Robards was sitting. "...What are you watching?" he demanded, taking a few steps in to look at the television. Gawain heard the door to the flat open but he ignored it, eyes glued to the telly. It was the most ridiculous thing that he'd ever seen but he could not pull his eyes away from it. The picture was grainy and the colours were muted but that was part of the package, no pun intended. "It's...a Muggle film," he said nonchalantly. He gestured to the cardboard box sitting on the side table and then finally turned his head as the scene transitioned into a pizza man with a scary bulge and crazy chest hair spilling from his polyester shirt. "Did you get beer? I put it on the list." Ben squinted at the screen and then glanced at the box. Oh, Salazar. Gawain's question caught his attention though and he sighed. "Yes. Cheap and disgusting as it is." He put one bag down on the table so he could dig out the six-pack of beer he'd gotten for the other man and set it on the table in front of him. From the screen, over the noise that they likely dared to call music, he heard: I've got a DELIVERY for you. Ben lifted a brow, glancing at the screen again. "Why does he have a delivery for her? Doesn't he have an owl? And if he's too poor for an owl, why doesn't he use the post office?" He frowned and put the second bag down as well. "Hand delivering packages is horribly improper. Her father would never approve." "My dear, dear Ben." He gave the couch cushion a pat and shook his head. "You have so much to learn. Come. Sit." He found it rather amusing that his flatmate had no idea what he was watching. Most men would walk in and immediately start in on teasing, followed by joining. Gawain wasn't watching the movie for the reason most people did. He'd found it in an old box of his brother's things and was now laughing hysterically as Ben tried to make sense of the lack of owl. Gawain plucked a beer from the six pack and cracked it open, tossing the bottle cap onto the table top. "Put the groceries away later. Come watch this with me." Ben frowned deeper and crossed his arms over his chest, looking between the groceries and Gawain. "Fine. But you have to put the groceries away," he demanded. How was it that he was always the one to get stuck doing that sort of chore anyway? But after a moment of clear hesitation, he did indeed sit down, looking bored. "What are you laughing about anyway?" he asked, looking vaguely annoyed. He hated being made fun of. Especially by Gawain. It was forgotten though, as he idly watched the screen for another moment. "...Why is she just letting him into her house? Someone in her family should be taking the food in, not some stranger who quite obviously has hygiene problems." Ben was eyeing the profuse amount of chest hair. Another beat before, "Wait, is she at home alone?" "Of course she's home alone. She's an adult, Leoben. Adult women can do whatever they want in their own homes." Gawain took a long gulp from his beer and then focused his attention to the video that was playing. The dialogue continued: I so glad that you came so quickly, sir. I'm positively starving and the only thing that will satisfy me is the sausage on that pizza you're carrying. Gawain choked on his beer and glanced over at Ben. A male voice interrupted any comments that might have been on the way. I've got your sausage and now you're the one that's going to cum. Gawain cackled. "How's that for proper, eh?" Ben furrowed his brow at Gawain's explanation. "Not if she isn't married," he reasoned and then squinted at the screen. "Oh, she is married. She's wearing a ring," he said after a beat, relaxing a bit. He supposed that gave her more leave to do as she wanted in her own house. "Although she still shouldn't be inviting strangers in." The dialogue continued and Ben blinked. "....I don't get it," he stated worriedly. "Where is she going? Is he taking her somewhere?" He looked over at Gawain, clearly confused. "And what does pepperoni have to do with anything?" Gawain doubled over and set his beer bottle down on the table with a clank. Ben's reaction to the movie was almost better than the movie itself. He felt special being the one to introduce such an...amusing genre to his pureblooded flatmate. "Sausage, Ben. He said sausage." The girl on the screen shimmied out of her skirt and placed a hand on her hip as the 'pizza man' tossed his carrying case to the side. The dialogue had come to a halt and the background music became louder, a mix of cheesy bass and brass. Her shirt had been ripped open in what could be called an animalistic fashion and now she worked on his horrendously short shorts. "You know, I'm amazed he didn't fall out the bottom of those things." "Pepperoni is a type of sausage," Leoben corrected him, rolling his eyes. "What're they doing now, she has the bloody pizza, he should be leaving." As the film progressed though, Ben's mouth dropped open, brow furrowing further if it was at all possible. "She--..but he--... SHE'S MARRIED!" he said finally, clearly appalled. "That's.... that's..." What that was exactly, Ben never could quite articulate, as the scene faded into another, both bodies now quite nude. Blood rushed to Leoben's face and he felt mildly sick. Immediately, he put a hand up to shield himself, as if the image on the screen was assaulting him. "Why... would anyone... film this?!" he demanded, desperately trying to ignore the horrendous sounds coming from the speakers on the television. Gawain tilted his head. "How do you know that isn't her husband?" He snorted and reached out to take up his beer bottle once more. "No, I think you're right. No married couple does...whatever that is. Merlin, is it even normal to bend like that?" He tucked his bottle between his legs and leaned forward to grab two more bottles from the six pack. He opened one for himself and then one for Ben, even though he was sure the other wouldn't even take it, and he held it out for his flatmate. "I think there are two reasons why movies like this exist, Ben. For people to laugh at and for people to...enjoy alone. Cheers." Reluctantly, Leoben glanced at the screen again, making another face. It was a brief second and he looked away again. "He isn't wearing a ring. At least not on his finger. Salazar." The last word almost came out as a pathetic whimper. He was feeling more and more nauseous by the second. High pitched moans were coming from the screen and Ben pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the beer. "I'm putting the groceries away. Turn this rubbish off." He was trying to hard to stifle his laughter but failing miserably. He didn't really expect any other reaction from Ben, seeing as how he was so uptight half of the time, but Gawain was enjoying himself and that was really all that mattered in the end. "Turn it off?" moan. "Why do you want to turn it off?" louder moan. "The tape's only halfway through." disconcerting squeal. "You want to miss the finale? The box said something about airplanes which are supposed to be pretty cool." Gawain glanced back at the telly and grinned. "How can you be so cold-hearted, Ben? Look, that man is having such a good time." The deilvery man was grinning like an idiot as they panned in on his unattractive face. "Aww, he's smiling." Ben picked up the bags and made several strides toward the kitchen. "Smiling gives you wrinkles," he spat back and then busied himself with restocking the refrigerator. "You do that. I'm going to go order a pizza." Ugh. Halfbloods. |